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MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE: 


OR, 


(Element hi illiur, 


ELEVjI 'ION AND HAPPINESS. 



AS A MEANS TO HIS 



IENXIY C. WRIGIIT. 



BOSTON: 

PUBLISHED BY BELA MARSH, 

No. 14 BEOMFIELD STREET. 

1 8 G 6 . 


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Entered according to Act of Congress, in th6 year 1S54, 

13 y nENRY C. WRIGHT, ( 

In the Clerk’s Office of the District Court for the District of Massachusetts. 

P‘ 



i 


/ 


PREFACE. 


Man has power to understand and appreciate 
whatever is essential to his welfare. The Repro¬ 
ductive Element is that to which the author of 
the following pages looks as the Heaven-ap¬ 
pointed means, not only to perpetuate, hut to 
refine, to elevate and perfect the race. To 
ascertain the nature of that element, its action 
on the body and soul, when retained in the sys¬ 
tem ; the only natural and justifiable object of 
its expenditure; the natural laws that are de¬ 
signed to govern it; how it can be made most 
conducive to the improvement of the organiza¬ 
tion, character and destiny of man, and most 
helpful to his individual progress ; —• these are 
subjects which must ere long command the atten¬ 
tion and respect of every true man and woman. 

( 3 ) 






4 


PREFACE. 


The author has considered this element, not 
as a means of sensual enjoyment, hut solely as 
an instrumentality through which Human Nature 
may he redeemed from its diseases and its mise¬ 
ries. To those who regard and use it as a means 

♦ 

of mere sensual pleasure, he can only say, they 
have their reward. 'Nature will he true to her¬ 
self, and, in due time, vindicate her violated 
laws. There is no peace to those who disregard 
her behests ; there can he none. But to those 
who seek to know her laws, especially in regard 
to the government of their sexual nature, and 
who conscientiously aim to obey them, she will 
manifest her richest favors and her purest de¬ 
lights. 

To create a conscience in men and women, as 
to the use of their sexual nature and relations, 
is the great end at which the ensuing work aims. 
This is the want, in every class of society. Men 
and women have tender consciences about the 
use of other organs and elements of their natures. 


PREFACE. 


5 


Iii the family, in the school, and from the pul¬ 
pit, the appeal is ever being made to the child, 
the youth and the man,' to bring them under the 
control of reason and conscience. But what is 
done by these sources of instruction to bring the 
sexual element under the government of an en¬ 
lightened reason and a tender conscience ? No 
other element in our nature has so much to do 
in deciding our birthright conditions of soul and 
body, and in forming our character and shaping 
our destiny; yet in regard to no one are children 
and youth, and men and women, left in such 
bewildering ignorance as in reference to this, or 
so much at the mercy of blind, reckless, animal 
passion. 

In the first part of the following work, the 
author has endeavored to give the scientific facts 
in regard to the function of Reproduction in the 
human being, and to show that parents, alone, 
are responsible for the existence, the organiza- 


6 


PREFACE. 


tion and constitutional tendencies of the bodies 
and souls of their children. 

The second part — the Correspondence be¬ 
tween a Husband and a Wife — considers the 
laws by which the sexual element should be 
governed in the marriage relation, and how it 
may be made subservient to life, health, and 
happiness, or productive of disease and wretch¬ 
edness, to parents and children. 

This work must speak for itsqlf. So far as it 
belongs to the Present, it will be found on the 
tables, in the hands and in the hearts of all who 
are able to appreciate and to obtain it; so far as 
it belongs to the ages of the Future, it will be 
found on the tables, in the hands and in the 
hearts of those who, in the “good time coming,” 
shall be able rightly to value and use it. Calmly 
it goes forth, earnestly to do its work, without 
anxiety as to its ultimate effect. 


HENRY C. WRIGHT. 


CONTENTS. 


PART I. 

LETTER I. Introduction .9 

LETTER II. Distinction of Sex. In what it consists — 

Its extent — Its object.21 

LETTER III. Tiie Reproductive System. Office of the 
Male — Office of the Female — Spermatic Secretion — 
Spermatozoa — Ovaries—Periodical function of the Fe¬ 
male ; its relation to her health and happiness ... 28 

LETTER IV. Development of the Fetus. Nutrition be¬ 


fore Birth — Fetal Circulation — Connection between 
Nutrition and Reproduction.40 

LETTER V. The Human Soul. Its origin, nature, and 
relations to the body — Science of Society — Communion 
of Soul with Soul.54 


LETTER VI. Transmission of Disease. Hereditary con¬ 
ditions —Acquired conditions — Conditions of the Mother 
during Gestation and Lactation — Illustrative Facts . . 6G 

LETTER VII. The "Welcome Child. Parentage the result 
of conscientious Forethought, not of reckless Passion . . 90 

LETTER VIII. The Unwelcome Child. Questions to bo 
asked and answered in the Future of this World—Re¬ 
sults of Sexual Abuse to Parents and Children . . . 101 

LETTER IX. Existence of Children. To whose agency 
is it to be attributed? — Who is responsible for it? — 

A fatal popular Error.115 








8 


CONTENTS. 


i 

PART II. 

CORRESPONDENCE BETWEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE. 


LETTER I. Fidelity to our Nature .137 

LETTER II. The Mission of toe Sexes .142 

LETTER III. "What is Marriage? .165 

LETTER IV. Perpetuity of Marriage .175 

LETTER V. Variety in Love, or Polygamy . . . 182 

LETTER VI. Divorce .188 

LETTER VII. Tiie Transient and Permanent in Marriage 204 

LETTER VIII. Harmony of Development .211 

LETTER IX. Love and Passion .219 

LETTER X. The Reproductive Element. Its Expend¬ 
iture governed by fixed laws.225 

LETTER XI. The Reproductive Element. Its Expendi¬ 
ture governed by Mutual Love.234 


LETTER XII. The Reproductive Element. Its Expend¬ 
iture to be governed by the conditions of the Wife . . 242 

LETTER XIII. The Reproductive Element. Is Offspring 

the only justifiable end of its Expenditure ? .... 25G 

LETTER XIV. Gestation and Lactation. Treatment 
of the Wife by the Husband during these periods . . 275 

LETTER XV. Home and its Influence .289 

APPENDIX. 

The Sexual Element. Its natural use — Its abuse . . . 321 








PART I. 



INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 


Lenawee, June, 1852. 

Dear Friend : 

Op all men, my spirit turns to you, when I would 
deliberate and act for the improvement of mankind. 
We have so long acted in harmony, in our practical 
efforts to remove the evils that afflict the race, by the 
introduction of truer and more elevated views of human 
beings, and their relations and ultimate destiny, that I 
feel impelled to address the following series of letters 
to you. I arrange my thoughts in the form of letters 
to a living friend, because I can express myself more 
freely when I am thus speaking, than when I am 
speaking to mankind in general. 

Wiiat shall we do to re saved ? The past 
has given one answer to this question; the future will 
give another. I will endeavor to anticipate the answer 
which the future of this world will give to this 
important question. What can we do to raise the 
entire human being to the highest point of perfection 

( 9 ) 





10 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


which it is capable of attaining? Man has certain 
capabilities. He is designed to be, and should be, as 
wise, good, beautiful and happy, as he is capable of 
being. What can w r e do to make him what he w T as de- 
signed to be ? — to enable him to work out for himself 
perfect salvation? 

I spe^c not happing in the next state, but in 
tins. When we filter themext then it will be 

our bunn%s* to inquire imo the^ conditions of life, 
health and happiness there, and to comply with them. 
But while w T e are here, our sole business is to acquaint 
ourselves with the laws or conditions of present life 
and health, and to comply with them. Then shall we 
be, now, all we are capable of being. Fidelity to 
ourselves, in this w r orld, is the only true preparation 
for the next. A religion that promises all things in 
the future, but does nothing to improve and elevate 
our nature and condition in the present, is not adapted 
to our present necessities. To know the fixed, natural 
conditions of present life and health, to our whole 
nature, and to be true to them, is “ the chief end of 
man,” while in this state. Our prayer to the great 
Father should be, “Thy kingdom come,”— now , not 
in the indefinite future; “Thy will be done ,”—on 
earth , not in some unknown future state. This prayer 
is truly answered only in those who understand and 
obey the laws of being under which they now exist. 
The kingdom of heaven is within those, and only those, 
who understand and comply with the conditions of pres¬ 
ent life and health to body and soul. This is salvation; 
nothing else is. 


INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 


11 


To save our bodies from being victimized by disease, 
it is thought to be essential that doctors should have a 
certain knowledge of the human physical organism, 
and of the laws and conditions of its life and health. 
So, to save the soul, it is deemed important that priests 
should have a certain amount of knowledge of the laws 
and conditions of life and health under which it exists. 
Whatever knowledge is necessary to enable a man to be 
a doctor or a priest, is necessary for each' and every 
human being, to enable them to be healthy and true 
men and women. If a man needs a certain amount of 
knowledge concerning the physical organism, to enable 
him to cure disease, much more does each one need 
that same knowledge, to enable him to prevent disease. 
Whatever it is necessary for priests to know to cure 
crime, each one should know to enable him to prevent 
it. The prevention of disease and crime is more import¬ 
ant to human welfare than their cure. Violations of Na¬ 
ture’s laws constitute man’s only source of disease to 
body and soul. Where there is no violation of natural 
law, there is no disease, no sin. It is, therefore, as 
necessary that each human being should have a perfect 
knowledge of the anatomy and physiology of the 
human system, and all the laws and conditions of 
physical life and health, as it is that a few should have 
it, to enable them to be doctors. It is as necessary 
that each one should perfectly understand the laws and 
conditions of health and happiness to the soul, as it is 
that a few should understand them, to qualify them to 
be priests. Those who attain to a knowledge of the 
laws o,f life and health to body and soul, and live 


12 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


accordingly, have become reconciled to themselves, 
have found the true comforter, and entered into rest. 
They are saved. 

We live for the race, in all coming time. We cannot 



live only for ourselves, or for the present state, nation, 
or age. The principles we adopt, and the practices we 
pursue, must bear on the race, for good or evil, while 
man exists. There is no isolation for an individual 
man or woman. Our nature identifies our existence 
and happiness with that of the human family. What¬ 
ever principle or maxim of life it would benefit the 
race to adopt and carry out, it is the duty of each 
individual to adopt and carry out, as soon as he under¬ 
stands it. Whatever would be injurious to the race, 
if all were to adopt and practise it, it is the duty of each 
to shun. Would it be for the security and happiness 
of the whole human family, if all were Non-Resistants 
in spirit and practice? Then is each one bound, at 
once, to cease from all violence, to put away wrath, 
revenge, and all deadly weapons, and to be gentle and 
kind, loving and forgiving, and learn war no more. 
Would it be better for till race, if Alcohol, as a bev¬ 
erage, were never more to be used ? Then should each 
and every one abstain, at once and forever, from its 
use. Would it have been better for the human family 
had there never been a slave? Then is it the duty of 
each and every one to be Abolitionists, and to seek the 
immediate overthrow of slavery, and of whatever, in 
Church or State, sanctions or sustains it. In all 
things, the true man will regard himself as the repre¬ 
sentative of the race, and will be sternly just and true 


13 


INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 

to himself, because only in so doing can he be just and 
true to all of human kind. 

It is certain that all human improvement must result 
from human effort. This maxim is recognized and 
acted on by all, in reference to our outward surround¬ 
ings; but as to internal, organic soundness and vigor, 
men think but little of it. Practically, it is denied 
that man has any control over his constitutional tend¬ 
encies of body or soul, and affirmed that these are 
determined by a power with which he has no strength 
to contend, and which is beyond the reach of all human 
agency. 

Man recognizes his power to beautify, strengthen and 
improve the nature and quality of all animated and veg¬ 
etable beings and things beneath himself. There is not 
a grass, a flower, or a fruit, whose nature he cannot 
elevate, when lie attempts to do so. There is not a 
domestic animal whose nature and qualities he does not 
successfully attempt to improve. Man, alone, is neg¬ 
lected. . Human nature, it is thought, can be regene¬ 
rated by God alone. Human efforts are thought to be 
unavailing, when directed to develop and strengthen 
the tendencies of the human body and soul to per¬ 
fection of health and happiness, and to assimilate the 
human to the divine. 

It is admitted that the conduct, character and des¬ 
tiny of the human being depend on his organization 
and development. A healthy organization may be 
placed in a situation in which it cannot be perfectly 
developed. A diseased organization, on the contrary, 
may be placed in circumstances in which the organic or 
2 


14 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


constitutional imperfection may be, in a measure, rem¬ 
edied by circumstantial influences. But how can this 
world ever be peopled by true and perfect men and 
women, so long as the organization and the development 
are both wrong? 

A perfect organization and a perfect development 
are the right of every child. This is what future gen¬ 
erations have a right to demand of the present. This 
right of the child, of all other natural rights of their 
children, parents are bound most sacredly to respect. 
This demand of the future, the present is bound to 
heed, as the most sacred and imperative. 

What can we do to secure to future generations a 
more perfect organization and a more perfect develop¬ 
ment? All systems of philosophy, morals and reli¬ 
gion, thus far, have given essentially the same answer 
to this question. They have directed man to a power 
outside of himself. They have failed to acquaint man 
with the laws of life and health, and to induce him to 
obey them. Another, and a more appropriate and 
potent remedy, must be had. It is the work of the 
present age to discover and apply it. 

My appeal is to those who are born, in behalf of the 
unborn. Those who now exist are beyond the reach 
of the power to which I would call attention, as the 
means through which the human being is to be re¬ 
deemed. They have their birthright inheritance, be it 
for weal or woe. So far as it can be directly influenced 
by the conditions of the parents, their organization is 
accomplished. All that can be done further for them, 
is to give them as fair a chance for healthful growth as 


INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 


15 


may be, and to do what can be done to remedy the evils 
of a bad organization by a healthful development. But 
the present can do much for the future; the living, for 
those who are to live. There are many ways in which 
they can do it. Every generation is more or less affected 
by the external conditions entailed upon it by its prede¬ 
cessors. The sun, the atmosphere, the earth, water, and 
electricity, are the common inheritance of each success¬ 
ive age; but in skill to apply these to the use of man, 
generations differ. Great improvements have been made, 
in making these physical elements conducive to human 
welfare. We shall bequeath to those who succeed us, 
all our improvements in the use of water, in the shape 
of steam, to propel machinery in the manufacture of food 
and clothing, and in transporting ourselves and goods on 
railways and steamships. Our improvements in erecting 
houses, and in education, in short, all that gives us 
control over the elements in and on which we live, we 
shall transmit to the future. In this respect, our rela¬ 
tion to posterity is very important, inasmuch as human 
happiness, in every respect, is so materially affected by 
outward surroundings. Every improvement of each age, 
in agriculture, in mechanics, in manufactures, in the arts, 
in facilities for procuring the necessaries, comforts, and 
elegances of life, is so much gain to the next age. 

But the present sustains a more direct and powerful 
relation to the future than that which is felt through 
these external arrangements. Children inherit not only 
the farms, the roads, the houses and barns, the orchards 
and gardens, the flowers and fruits, the social, political 
and religious maxims and institutions of their parents, 


16 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


but also their bodies and souls. It 13 certainly for this 
generation to say what kind of outward conditons the 
next shall receive from them. It is as certain that this 
age must determine what conditions of body and soul are 
to be the birthright portion of the next. To improve 
the human being — to beautify and ennoble the nature 
we bear, and present a more perfect and exalted type of 
manhood and womanhood — is the one great object at 
which philanthropy and all true religion will aim. 
Exterior surroundings are useless, except as they con¬ 
duce to this end. What power have parents over the 
organization of their child ? What influence have organ- 
ization and constitutional tendencies on the character and 
destiny? In proportion as character and destiny are 
affected by organization, and in proportion a3 organiza¬ 
tion is affected by parental conditions, so is the control 
of parents over the destiny of their child, so is the 
power of the present over the happiness of the future. 
This power, and the responsibility involved in its use* 
cannot be over-estimated. It is direct, it is intimate, it 
is absolute, and all but omnipotent. 

This direct and intimate connection between the condi¬ 
tions of the bodies and souls of the father and mother, 
and the health, character, and destiny of their child, in 
all its future being, is little understood, and, of course, 
not appreciated. The child is born, and if its condi¬ 
tions of body and soul arc deformed and unnatural, 
the parents have no thought of looking to themselves 
as the cause, but attribute it to some mysterious provi¬ 
dence, or agency beyond their control. I would take up 
these deformed, suffering specimens of Humanity, lay 


INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 


IT 


them in the arms of their parents, and say to them, 
“Behold, this is your work! These deformities, and 
the sufferings that must ensue, are all to he traced to 
you.” The cry of anguish comes up from the future of 
this world, earnestly appealing to the present, saying, 
“Give us healthy, vigorous bodies and souls ; give us per¬ 
fect, harmonious organizations and constitutional tenden- 
cies, and we will take care of all external arrangements.” 

What kind of bodies shall the present give to the 
future ? — healthy or diseased, symmetrical or deformed, 
harmonious or discordant ? What kind of souls shall 
the present give to the future ? — true or false, loving or 
hating, forgiving or revengeful, noble or ignoble ? In a 
word, shall their organization be healthful or diseased ? 
It seems impossible that this question can be overlooked, 
or merged in tlfose of minor importance. But it often 
is; and it is more frequently asked by parents, What 
property, what social position, what title or station shall 
I leave to my children ? This, too, when they know, by 
the experience of every day and hour, how utterly worth¬ 
less are these to give beauty to deformity, health to the 
diseased body, or purity and elevation to an impure and 
grovelling soul. 

o o 

But the practical question is, By what agency is this 
advancement to be effected ? It is certain, no medical 
prescriptions can give to the body health for disease, 
strength for weakness, beauty for deformity; nor can 
theological prescriptions give to the soul high and holy 
thoughts, and noble aims, for thoughts that are low and 
vicious, and aims that are ignoble. These means have 
been tried long and faithfully- Humanity has been 
2 * 


18 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


drugged to repletion with medical, political, and reli¬ 
gious prescriptions. What has been the result ? As the 
ages pass, is the nature we bear becoming more free from 
disease ? As exterior surroundings are improved, as the 
means of physical comfort and luxury are multiplied, as 
the sources of intellectual and social enjoyment become 
more abundant and accessible, and as political, educa¬ 
tional, and religious institutions become more perfect, do 
the bodies of men and women become more beautiful, 
more healthful, and more vigorous and active, and their 
souls more pure and noble ? The result has demonstrated 
that no system of arbitrary arrangements, by whatever 
name called, can avail to eradicate the diseases which 
transgression of the fixed laws of life and health has 
introduced. The human body and soul have been but 
little improved under this regimen. Means more natural, 
and more efficient and available, are at hand. 

To the Law of Reproduction will human beings, 
in the future of this world, look as the one great means 
to expel disease from the body and soul. It needs no 
direct communication from Heaven to inform us that 
human nature is fearfully diseased. The fact is stamped 
on nearly every human being that lives and moves around 
us. We see it in the countenance, in the gait, in the 
whole body; we hear it in the voice; in every form in 
which human nature can express itself, its diseases are 
made manifest. To relieve human nature, as repre¬ 
sented in individual man, of its deformities, to regenerate 
and exalt it, will be the object of all who respect them¬ 
selves or wish well to the race. 

Much is said about a reorganization of society It is 


INTRODUCTORY LETTER. 


19 


well; too much cannot bo thought and said about it, 
provided a due regard be had for individual man. It 
should ever be kept in mind, by all who would reor¬ 
ganize society, that Man is above society, and that the 
former should never be sacrificed to the latter. All forms 
of social combination are transient; the individual alone 
lives, and must live, forever. No social institution 
based on the assumption that the physical, intellectual, 
or spiritual life and health of one individual, however 
poor, ignorant, depraved and outcast, may be sacrificed 
on the altar of society, can permanently benefit the race, 
or those who create and sustain it; for all such social 
arrangements tend to depreciate Man, as Man. In all 
human combinations, the purity, vigor and happiness of 
society depend on the purity, energy and happiness of 
the individuals composing it. Society cannot be health¬ 
ful, physically or spiritually, -while it is composed of dis¬ 
eased individuals. The only natural and true end of 
society is, to perfect and ennoble individual man. A 
society that tends to destroy respect for the rights of 
individuals, has in it the element of destruction, and sooner 
or later must be destroyed. All such churches, states 
and kingdoms must be dashed in pieces and consumed for¬ 
ever. A social disease can never be cured, so long as it 
exists in individuals. It is with man as it is with min¬ 
erals. A mass of gold or silver will be pure in propor¬ 
tion to the purity of the particles of which it is composed. 
So society will be pure, intelligent, energetic, and noble, 
in proportion to the purity, intelligence, energy, and 
nobleness of the men and women who compose it. To 
sacrifice an individual man, "woman,, or child to the good 


20 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


of society, is to tear down a house to save the windows, 
or to kill a child to save its toys. Man cannot forfeit 
his rights to society, for his rights, as an individual, arc 
above the rights of social combinations, Remove disease 
from the bodies and souls of individuals, and the evils of 
society will cease. Elevate man, and society is neces¬ 
sarily elevated. 

Society must express the individuals that compose it. 
It can rise no higher, and sink no lower. Social mani¬ 
festations are but the manifestations of its individual 
members. The reorganization of man and woman must 
precede the reorganization of society. A new type of 
Manhood and Womanhood must precede the new type of 
Society. How can health, beauty and strength of body 
be substituted for disease, feebleness and deformity ? 
How can the Love-nature be substituted for the Wrath- 
nature, nobleness for meanness, truth for falsehood, in 
the human soul ? I will proceed to give what seems to 
me the true answer. 


HENRY C. WRIGHT. 


DISTINCTION OF SEX. 


21 


LETTER II. 

Sistiwtijoftt 0f 

IN IVILIT IT CONSISTS—ITS EXTENT — ITS OBJECT. 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

My Feiend : 

To secure to man a more perfect organization is the 
first direct object to be sought; to secure to that organ¬ 
ization a more natural and healthful development is the 
second. The former stands connected with marriage 
and parentage, and all that pertains to those relations ; 
the latter, with all the outward physical, social, literary, 
governmental and religious surroundings that bear upon 
human life and happiness. 

My object now is, to consider organization, and those 
functions and relations of human beings that bear most 
directly upon it. This must lead to a consideration of 
the distinction of sex, and of the rights, privileges, 
relations and duties that are based upon it. To no one 
who knows how directly they bear on human character 
and destiny, is an apology needed. I shall make none 
to any one, except to say to all readers of these pages, 
distinctly understand and appreciate the one great object 
which the writer has in view, and then judge his thoughts 
and words in the light of that object, and I have no fear 
of being greatly misunderstood, or that any reader will 
be greatly shocked. 


22 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Distinction of Sex. — In what does it consist ? It 
is not pertinent to my purpose to go into a detail of all 
the particulars. It is sufficient to notice the one great 
distinctive feature. The human family is divided into 
two parts. What constitutes the dividing line ? What 
makes a man a man, and a woman a woman ? In the 
number, nature and uses of the bones, muscles, veins, 
arteries and nerves, they are alike. In the number, 
nature and use of the intellectual, social and moral 
powers, they are alike. Both are qualified to perforin 
each its respective part in the perpetuation and perfec¬ 
tion of the race. But they differ essentially in the 
part each is to perform. The distinctive characteristic 
of a man is that which qualifies him to be a father; 
that of a woman, the qualification to be a mother . The 
male organism, including body and soul, is adapted to 
elaborate, secrete and impart the primary element, or 
germ, of a new being; the female is adapted to receive, 
nourish and develop that germ into a living human form. 
In the masculine organism, the life-germ is formed; 
in the feminine, it must be nourished. The office of 
each is distinct, yet both are essential. Neither can 
reproduce without the other: and the physical, social, 
intellectual and passional organization of each, per¬ 
fectly fits them for the parts they are to perform in the 
economy of human life. Though perfectly distinct, 
neither can be perfected without the other. In the con¬ 
tinuance and elevation of the race, one is just as neces¬ 
sary as the other. They differ, yet one has no superi¬ 
ority over the other; and the part assigned by Nature 
to one is no more important than that which she assigns 


DISTINCTION OF SEX. 


23 


to the other. Man is just as dependent on woman as 
woman is on man.* Man, by himself, is powerless; 
so is woman; but, united, both are perfected, and alike 
potent. 

Universality of this Distinction. — It extends to 
the animal and vegetable kingdoms. Every animal and 
every vegetable that reproduces is marked by it, having 
two elements, which correspond to the male and female 
principles in the human species. Every flower, fruit, 
grain, tree, weed and grass, as well as every animated 
existence, is produced by the commingling of the male 
and female elements. Take away the fecundating power 
of the one, or the nutritive power of the other, in 
any species of animal or vegetable, and that species must 

Two great principles pervade universal being, so far 
as it is subject to human scrutiny — the Masculine 
and the Feminine. The blending of these two ele¬ 
ments constitutes the creative power of the universe. 
This sexual or reproductive power is embodied in every 
species of animal and vegetable life, according to its 
kind. In each species, there are fixed natural laws to 
regulate the blending of these two elements, in order to 
produce healthy and perfect offspring. These laws must 
be known and observed, or man strives in vain to perfect 
any species of flower, grass, fruit, grain, or animal. 
This fact is recognized, in all attempts to improve any 
animal or vegetable existence beneath man. The first 
inquiry is, By what laws must the blending of the mas¬ 
culine and feminine elements be governed, in order tc 
produce a more beautiful, healthy and noble type of any 



24 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


particular species of plant or animal ? Universal nature 
returns one answer, — Like begets like. Whatever 
conditions belong to the elements before they are united, 
must reappear in the offspring of such union. This law 
is fixed and known, and acted upon by all who would 
improve any species of existence. 

The distinction, as it seems to me, exists not merely 
in the body, but also in the soul; and the bodily forms 
are but organs, through which the souls of each sex 
express their sexual peculiarities. This distinction ex¬ 
tends also to the great primeval Intelligence, or Life- 
Principle of the universe. In God, the union of the 
two is complete. He is feminine as well as masculine. 
It is true and natural to pray to the God-Mother as to 
the God-Father; to say “ Our Mother,” as well as 

Our Father, which art in heaven.” A woman is the 
female element of the Divine Being manifested in human 
form; a man is the masculine element of the same 
being, thus manifested. The perfect combination of 
these two makes the true God visible and tangible, so far 
as he can be. The more perfect the oneness of the hus¬ 
band and wife, the more like God. That which consti¬ 
tutes the distinction between male and female, and 
divides all animals and vegetables into two classes, is 
also the bond that binds all things together, that gives to 
every being a companion, leaving nothing to solitude and 
isolation. It is the harmonizing principle of the uni¬ 
verse, to bring each man and woman into harmony with 
self and with God. If the relation in which we orim- 
natc be unnatural and inharmonious, the offspring must 


DISTINCTION OF SEX. 


25 


be at war with itself and with all around. Discord 
would be its birthright inheritance. 

The objects of the Distinction. —They are two: the 
continuation of the race , and its perfection. That the 
perpetuation of the race is one great object, needs no 
argument to prove. Blot out the distinction, and the 
human race ceases. So of every other species of animal 
and vegetable existence. Or, blot out either sex, and 
the same result follows. Neither can reproduce by itself.. 
The union of the two elements, alone, constitutes the 
creative power. Or, let both sexes exist, if there were 
no sexual union between them, the extinction of the race 
would follow. That the perfection of the race is another 
great object, will be made apparent in the following 
pages. 

So far as the human race is concerned, the object of 
the sexual distinction is to reproduce human beings, with 
all the physical, intellectual, social and moral attributes 
natural to that class of existences. Whatever qualities 
and conditions arc natural to men and women were de¬ 
signed to be perpetuated. It is a violation of the law of 
sex to perpetuate any others. How it may be made to 
conduce to the perfection of our nature or to its degrada¬ 
tion, will in due time be fully considered. To this I 
shall call special attention. 

The question naturally arises, What is it that makes 
man a man, and woman a woman ? Can any one attri¬ 
bute be pointed out that constitutes the dividing line? 
Whatever it be, it is that which gives to man a power 
over woman, and to woman a power over man, which 
neither has over their own sex. Man is attracted to 


26 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


woman as lie is not to man, and woman is attracted to 
man as she is not to woman. The fact exists, as every 
man and woman knows by experience. The feeling is 
different; its effects are different, on the entire being; 
and this difference extends to every department of life. 
Wherever, and under whatever circumstances, the sexes 
meet, a different spirit pervades the heart of each, and a 
different tone and air are manifest in their deportment, 
from that which is felt and witnessed when man meets 
man, or woman meets woman. This difference cannot be 
the result of an educational process, for it appears in all 
classes and conditions of society. The world over, where 
men are associated, and the female element is entirely 
excluded, there a degenerating process goes on; rough¬ 
ness and brutality of manner ensue, and depravity of 
heart. Men degenerate in every particular, when left 
for a long time without the refining and elevating influ¬ 
ence of females. If the character of the latter be such 
as to make their influence bad, the degradation becomes 
complete. A woman, whether her influence be for good 
or evil, always has more control over men than man has. 
So with man in regard to woman. The reciprocal influ¬ 
ence of the sexes must be direct and powerful, and one 
of life unto life or of death unto death to each. 

__ | ( Wl -^* f " ' 1 ” 11 1 HMlln 1 >|,| f _ ...... 

That which marks the distinction of sex is not only 
the secret of the great power each has over the other, 
but it is, also, the unseen, yet ever-present bond which 
binds them together. It constitutes the attractive force 
of each over the other; the power by which each attracts 
and is attracted to the other. Man, as the embodiment 
of tho masculine element, has no significance to man; 



DISTINCTION OF SEX. 


27 


/ 


nor lias woman to woman, as the incarnation of the 
feminine element. The sexuality of each has significance 
only to the other. Each needs the influe nce and aid of 
the other, not only toHFeproduce, but also to prepare in 
each such healthful conditions of body and soul as they 
may rightly and proudly transmit to their offspring. 
Take away this sexual element, and a woman is no more 
drawn to man than she is to woman. In the general 
economy of human existence, this reciprocal tendency 
of the sexes each to the other, is the basis of our most 
perfect and exalted relations, without which, complete 
isolation might be tolerable. Now, it is neither tolerable 
nor possible, without certain ruin. A man and woman 
may be happy together, and completely satisfy each 
other’s social wants. Isolated pairs may exist and be per¬ 
fected in happiness; but individuals cannot be; neither 
can pairs of the same sex be. 

Parentage, then, and a preparation for parentage, con¬ 
stitute the great object of the sexual distinction. This 
clement is not only essential to parentage, but it is as 
essential to qualify men and women for this high rela¬ 
tion. This alone can bring them into that state of one¬ 
ness, which is essential rightly to give existence to new 
beings in human likeness. 


IT. C. W. 





28 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER III. 

®Iu Sptnn. 

OFFICE OF TIIE MALE — OFFICE OF THE FEMALE — SrERMATIC SECRE¬ 
TION, SPERMATOZOA, OVARIES, ETC. • 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

My Friend : 

I have remarked, tliat, in the economy of Nature in 
the distinction of sex, the organism of each is adapted 
to perform the part assigned to it in the continuance and 
perfection of the race. To prepare the germ of a new 
man or woman, is the noblest function of the male; to 
provide it sustenance and develop it into a human form, 
is the most perfect work of the female. 

As I shall have frequent occasion to refer to “Prin¬ 
ciples of Human Physiology , by William B. Car¬ 
penter,” I shall, as I quote him, only refer to the 
section , without quoting the title at each time. 

The life-germ of the human being is, with other 
ingredients, contained in what is called the spermatic 
fluid. This is secreted in the appropriate organs. 
Thence it is transmitted to the female. Of the process 
of reproduction, Carpenter thus speaks: — 

“ The mysterious process of reproduction evidently consists, in 
flowering plants, of nothing else than the implantation of a 
cell-germ, prepared by male organs, in a nidus, or receptacle, 
adapted to aid its early development; which nidus constitutes 
the essential part of the female system. 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


29 


u There is now good reason to believe, that, in no animals, is 
the reproductive apparatus less simple than it is in the higher 
plants ; — that is to say, in every instance, two sets of organs, 
a germ-preparing and a germ-nourishing , are present. These 
organs differ much in form and complexity of structure in tho 
various tribes of animals; but their essential function is tho 
same in all. Those which are termed male organs, prepare and 
set free certain bodies, which, having an inherent power of 
motion, have been supposed to be independent animalcules, and 
have been termed Spermatozoa; there is but little reason, how¬ 
ever,- to regard them in this light, since ciliated, epithelium-cells 
may exhibit as much activity; and there is no evidence that 
their function is any higher than that of the pollen-tube of 
plants, which conveys into the Ovulum the germ of tho first 
cells of the embryo. This view of the character of the Sperm¬ 
atozoa rests alike upon the nature of their movements, and 
the mode of their production. Dr. Barry’s observations on tho 
history of the Ovum, and pn the nature of the act of fecunda¬ 
tion, have left scarcely any doubt that this act consists in tho 
introduction of some new element into the Ovule, through tho 
medium of the Spermatozoa ; the arrival of which at the sur¬ 
face of the Ovary had been more than once previously seen, and 
the penetration of which to the Ovum there was good reason to 
suspect; and these have been confirmed by the observations of 
Dr. A. 'Farre on the Ovum of the earth-worm, which he has dis¬ 
tinctly seen to be penetrated by Spermatozoa. The act of fecun¬ 
dation is evidently analogous, therefore, in animals, to tho 
process which is described as taking place in flowering plants.” 
(Secs. 899, 900.) 

Thus, the origin of the human being, as the offspring 
of human beings, is similar to that of all other exist¬ 
ences. The reproductive system consists of two sets of 
organs, whose functions are essentially distinct, each per¬ 
forming its office entirely independent of the other. 
Fully to understand how the organization and conse- 


80 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


quent character and destiny of the child are to be 
affected by the conditions of the parents, it is important 
to know what part each performs in the act of reproduc¬ 
tion. Is the part performed by each such, that the con¬ 
dition of the different organisms must, of necessity, affect 
the child for good or evil ? 

Office of the Male Organism. — It is to prepare, 
from the various substances taken into it, the life-germ 
of a new creation in human form. On the u action of 
the male ” in reproduction, Carpenter says : — 

“ The spermatic fluid secreted "by the testes of the male, differs 
from all other secretions, in containing a large number of very 
minute bodies, only discernible with a high power of micro¬ 
scope, and these, in ordinary cases, remain in active motion for 
some time after they have quitted the living body. The human 
Spermatozoon consists of a little oval flattened body, from the 
l.G00 th to 1.800 th of a line in length, from which proceeds a long 
filiform tail, gradually tapering to the finest point, of one- 
fiftieth, or, at most, one-fortieth of a line in length. The whole 
is perfectly transparent, and nothing that can be termed struc¬ 
ture can be satisfactorily distinguished within it. The move¬ 
ments are principally executed by the tail, which has a kind of 
vibratile, undulating motion. . . . Their presence may be readily 
detected by a microscope of sufficient power, even when they 
have long ceased to move, and are broken into fragments. . . • 
That the Spermatozoa are the essential elements of the sperm¬ 
atic fluid, has been reasonably inferred from several circum¬ 
stances, such as their absence or imperfect development in 
hybrid animals, which are nearly or entirely sterile; and the 
fact that fecundation essentially consists in the direct communi¬ 
cation of one of them with a certain point in the Ovum, appears 
too well established to admit of further doubt. Reffardino- the 

O O 

uses of the other constituents of the Semen, no sufficient account 
can be given.” (Secs. 901, 902.) 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


31 


At what time of life does he begin to prepare and 
secrete the Spermatozoa ., or life-germ of human 
beings ? — The period during ‘which his nature is capa¬ 
ble of this office is limited. His system may secrete an 
element that is called the spermatic fluid; but the living 
germs, the Spermatozoa, may be wanting. As to the 
time when the human male begins to be capable of repro¬ 
duction, and when he loses that power, by a natural 
process, Carpenter says : — 

“ The power of procreation does not usually exist in the 
human male until the age of from fourteen to sixteen years ; 
and it may be considered probable that no Spermatozoa are pro¬ 
duced until that period, although a fluid is secreted, by the 
testes. At this epoch, which is ordinarily designated as that of 
puberty, a considerable change takes place in the bodily con¬ 
stitution.Instances, however, are by no means rare, in 

which these changes take place at a much earlier period ; the 
full development of the generative organs, with manifestations 
of the sexual passion, having been observed in children of but a 
few years old.* The procreative power may last, if not abused, 
during a very prolonged period. Undoubted instances of virility 
at the age of more than one hundred years are on record ; but 
in these cases, the general bodily vigor was preserved in a very 
remarkable degree. The ordinary rule soems to be, that sexual 
power is not retained by the male, in any considerable degree, 
after the age of sixty or sixty-five years. (Sec. 903.) 

Office of the Human Female in continuing and 
perfecting the race. — My sole object being to show bow, 
and to what extent, the organization and subsequent 
character and destiny of the child are directly influenced 

* This is ever a certain indication of a diseased s*. ite, and that the 
child’s nature has been outraged by its parents, before birth, or after¬ 
wards. — II. C. W. 



32 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


by the mother, it would not be pertinent to notice her 
connection with the germ, till it comes into the position 
in which its existence and growth depend on nourishment 
derived through her system. This period commences 
when the Spermatozoon enters the germ-receiving cell, or 
vessel. The male, having prepared and imparted the 
living germ, can have no more direct influence over it, 
for good or evil, till it is developed into the living child 
and born. A knowledge of two or three organs seems 
to be important, and connected with my purpose. I 
quote from those whose profession leads them into such 
researches. I w T ould remark, however, that every man 
and 'woman should have this knowledge, as w T ell as the 
physician or physiologist. Embryology, and the sci¬ 
ence of Reproduction, should be known to every human 
being. The entire process by which the germ is prepared 
and imparted by the male, and by which it is received 
and nourished and developed by the female, and all the 
organs, and their functions, in this most responsible of 
human acts, should be perfectly understood by every 
human being, as far as possible. This knowledge belongs 
not merely to the surgeon, the doctor, or the midwife, 
but to all who take part in the perpetuation and progress 
of the human race. Without it, they cannot comprehend 
and appreciate the power which the conditions of the 
parents exercise over the character and destiny of their 
children. I say to every man and woman entering into 
marriage relations, by all that is pure and noble in Man¬ 
hood and Womanhood, let nothing deter you from a 
familiar knowledge of all the organs and facts connected 
with reproduction. 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


33 


“ Ovaries. —These are two oval-shaped bodies, about the size 
of an almond-nut, placed on each side, nearly in the groin. 
They contain a number of small, round grains, or granules, 
called Ovcb, or eggs; which are the germs of future human 
beings, as the eggs of birds are of their particular kind. They 
are connected with the Uterus by two short arms, or prolonga¬ 
tions, and are enclosed in the folds of the broad ligaments.” 

“ Fallopian Tubes. — These are two tubes, one on each side, 
beneath the Ovaries, and extending further. Each of them has 
a small passage, which opens into the Uterus at one end, and 
opposite the Ovaries at the other. Their use is to convey the 
impregnating principle to the Ovaries at the time of conception, 
and to convey the Ovae, when impregnated, to the interior of the 
Womb.” 

“The Uterus, or Womb. — This is a hollow organ, placed 
between the bladder, which is in front, and the rectum, which 
is behind. It is connected with the Vagina, and opens into it 
by the small orifice, called the mouth of the Womb. The Uterus 
is the organ which receives the impregnated Ovum, and in which 
it is developed into the human being. It is connected with the 
Ovaries by the Fallopian Tubes, and with the Vagina by the Os 
Tincse, and is retained in its situation partly by its connections 
with other organs, and partly by the round and broad liga¬ 
ments.” --- Hollick. 

Carpenter says: — 

“ The essential part of the female generative system is that 
in which the Ova are prepared ; the other organs are merely 
accessory, and are not to be found in a large proportion of the 
animal kingdom. ... In the lower animals, the Ovarium con¬ 
sists of a loose tissue, containing many cells, in which the Ova 
are formed, and from which they escape by the rupture of the 
cell-walls ; in the higher animals, as in the human female, the 
tissue of the Ovarium is more compact, forming what is known 
as the Stroma , and the Ova, except when they are approaching 
maturity, can only be distinguished in the interstices of this by 
the aid of a high magnifying power.” (Sec. 905.) “ According 


34 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to the most valuable inquiries of Dr. Ritchie, it appears that 
even during the period of childhood, there is a continual rupture 
of Ovisacs, and discharge of Ova, at the surface of the Ovarium. 
... At the period of puberty, the stroma (or tissue) of the 
Ovarium is crowded with Ovisacs, which are still so minute that 
in the ox (according to Dr. Barry’s computation) a cubic inch 
would contain two hundred millions of them.” (Sec. 907.) 

Reproductive jieriod of the Female. — This com¬ 
mences at about the age of fourteen years, and extends 
to the forty-fifth year, but it is sometimes extended ten 
or fifteen years longer; but the cases are rare in which 
women above fifty years of age have borne children. 
Carpenter says : — 

“ In the human female, the period of puberty, or of commencing 
aptitude for procreation, is usually between the thirteenth and 
sixteenth years ; it is earlier in warm climates than in cold; and 
in densely-populated manufacturing towns,than in thinly-peopled 
agricultural districts. The mental and bodily habits of the 
individual have also a considerable influence upon the time of its 
occurrence ; girls brought up in the midst of luxury or sensual 
indulgence, undergoing this change earlier than those reared in 
hardihood and self-denial. The changes in which puberty con¬ 
sists are for the most part connected with the reproductive sys- 
tem. The external and internal organs of generation undergo 
considerable increase of size ; the mammary glands enlarge ; and 
a deposition of fat takes place in the mammae and on the pubes, 
as well as over the whole surface of the body, — giving to the 
person that roundness and fulness which are so attractive to the 
opposite sex, at the period of commencing Womanhood.” 
(Sec. 908.) 

As to the conditions of the female organism, during its 
periodical functions, Carpenter says : — 

“ The state of the female generative system, during its con¬ 
tinuance,” is such that “ there is good reason to believe that, in 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


35 


women, the sexual feeling becomes stronger (it that epoch ; and 
it is quite certain that there is a greater aptitude for conception, 
immediately before and after menstruation, than there is at any 
intermediate period. Observations to this effect were made by 
Hippocrates, and were confirmed by Boerhaavo and Haller; 
indeed, coitus immediately after menstruation, appears to have 
been frequently recommended as a cure for sterility, and to have 
proved successful.” (Sec. 909.) 

It is to this periodical function of her system, — 
which, by some strange hallucination, females often 
regard with shame, or sadness, —• that woman owes 
health, life, and all that can make her attractive, as 
woman, to the opposite sex. It cannot be that it was 
designed to be a period of suffering. It is as essential 
a function of her organism as is breathing. On the 
regular, healthful recurrence of no function of her nature 
do her beauty, her energy, her health and happiness 
more essentially depend. Yet, feebly organized and de¬ 
veloped as women, in civilized life, now are, it is gene¬ 
rally a period of physical and mental prostration, and 
often of deepest suffering to the body and anguish to the 
soul. It is then her nature calls for the tenderest love 
and sympathy from the opposite sex; but it is the very 
time w r hen, often, even from him who holds to her the 
relation of husband, she gets the least. But, if men 
were taught in early life to understand this function of 
the female system, and its relations to her beauty, health 
and happiness, and to all the dearest relations of life, 
they would accord to her, during this period, their 
purest, tenderest, and manliest sympathy. Do men con¬ 
sider that this is essential to qualify woman for the 
relations of wife and mother ? Do they know bow her 


36 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


health, her character, her joys, her very life, as a wife, 
a mother, a sister and daughter, from the fourteenth to 
the forty-fifth year of her life, depend on the healthful, 
regular recurrence of this period ? Every husband, 
father, son, brother, and lover should know it; and if 
they did, I believe that women w r ould seldom, at such 
times, be without the tenderest, holiest and most efficient 
sympathy of those of the opposite sex who stand in 
intimate relations to them. Such knowledge would save 
woman from great suffering; it would add grace and 
dignity to Manhood and Womanhood; it would ennoble 
the intercourse between the sexes; it would bind man to 
woman in a tenderer and holier union ; it would conse¬ 
crate woman in the estimation of man, and endear man to 
■woman as a truer, nobler being, in all relations. Every 
one should, therefore, bo early taught to honor and 
respect this function of the female organism, in all its 
causes and purposes, as far as possible. Let there he 
light! There will then be lire. 

Function of the Female in the Reproductive act. —• 
Of this, Carpenter says : — 

“ The function of the female, during coitus, is entirely of a 

passive character.It is a fact well established, that 

fruitful intercourse may take place, when the female is in a state 
of narcotism, of somnambulism, or even of profound ordinary 

sleep.The introduction of a small quantity of the fluid 

iust within the Vagina, appears to bo all that is absolutely 

necessary for conception.That the Spermatozoa make 

their way towards the Ovarium, and fecundate the Ovum either 
before it entirely quits the Ovisac or very shortly afterwards, 
appears to bo the general rule in regard to the mammalia.” 
(Sec. 911.) 




THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


o 7 
O ( 

The following extract from Carpenter (Sec. 94G), 
gives his views of the distinct function of the male and 
female in reproduction, and also, of the influence of the 
kind of nourishment taken by the mother, and of the 
mental condition of the mother, during pregnancy ; on 
the health and character of the child. He says : — 

“ The most important of all the facts that have come under 
our review, is that which has been stated as in the hi«;hest decree 
probable, if not yet absolutely proved, in regard to the relative 
offices of the male and female in this hitherto mysterious process. 
According to the view here given, the maleTurnishes the germ, 
and the female supplies it with nutriment, during the whole 
period of its early development. There is no difficulty in recon¬ 
ciling such a doctrine with the well-known fact, that the off¬ 
spring, commonly bears a resemblance to both parents (of which 
the production of a hybrid between distinct species is the most 
striking example) ; since numerous phenomena prove that, in 
this earliest and simplest condition of the organism, the form it 
will ultimately assume very much depends upon circumstances 
external to it; among which circumstances, the kind of nutri¬ 
ment supplied will be one of the most important. Upon the 
same principle, we may account for the influence of the mental 
condition of the mother upon her offspring, during a later period 
of pregnancy. That such influence may occur, there can be no 
reasonable doubt. ‘ We have demonstrative evidence,’ says Dr. 
A. Combe, ‘ that a fit of passion in a nurse vitiates the quality 
of the milk to such a degree, as to cause colic and indigestion 
[or even death] in the suckling infant. If, in the child already 
born, and in so far independent of its parent, the relation 
between the two is thus strong, is it unreasonable to suppose 
that it should be yet stronger, when the infant lies in its 
mother’s womb, is nourished indirectly by its mother’s blood, 
and is, to all intents and purposes, a part of her own body? If 
a sudden and powerful emotion of her own mind exerts such an 
influence upon her stomach as to excite immediate vomiting, and 
4 


38 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


upon her heart as almost to arrest its motion and induce faint¬ 
ing, can we believe that it will have no effect on her womb and 
the fragile being contained within it? Facts and reason, then, 
alike demonstrate the reality of the influence: and much prac¬ 
tical advantage would result to both parent and child, were the 
conditions and extent of its operations better understood.’ 
Among facts of this class, there is, perhaps, none more 
striking than that quoted by the same author from Baron 
Percy, as having occurred after the siege of Landau, in 1793. 
In addition to a violent cannonading, which kept the women for 
some time in a constant state of alarm, the arsenal blowup with 
a terrific explosion, which few could hear with unshaken nerves. 
Out of 92 children born in that district within a few months 
afterwards, Baron Percy states that 1G died at the instant of 
birth ; 33 languished for from 8 to 10 months, and then died; 
8 became idiotic, and died before the age of five years; and 2 
came into the world with numerous fractures of the bones of 
the limbs, caused by the cannonading and explosion. Here, 
then, is a total of 59 children out of 92, or within a trifle of 2 
out of every 3, actually killed through the medium of the 
mother’s alarm and the natural consequences upon her own 
organization, — an experiment (for such it is to the Physiolo¬ 
gist) upon too large a scale for its results to be set down as mere 
‘ coincidences.’ No soundly-judging Physiologist of the present 
day is likely to fall into the popular error, of supposing that 
marks upon the infant are to be referred to some transient though 
strong impression upon the imagination of the mother; but 
there appears to be a sufficient number of facts on record, to 
prove that habitual mental conditions on the part of the mother 
may have influence enough, at an early period of gestation, to 
produce evident bodily deformity, or peculiar tendencies of the 
mind. But whatever bo the nature and degree of the influence 
thus transmitted, it must be such as can act by modifying the 
character of the nutritive materials supplied by the mother to 
the fetus ; since there is no other channel by which any influ¬ 
ence can be propagated. The absurdity of .the vulgar notion 
»ust alluded to, is sufficiently evident from this fact alone ; as it 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


39 


is impossible to suppose that a sudden fright, speedily forgotten, 
can exert such a continued influence on the nutrition of the 
embryo, as to occasion any personal peculiarity. The view hero 
stated is one which ought to have great weight, in making mani¬ 
fest the importance of careful management of the health of the 
mother, both corporeal and mental, during the period of preg¬ 
nancy ; since the constitution of the offspring so much depends 
upon the impressions then made upon its most impressible 
structure.” 

Of all knowledge, that which pertains to the nature 
and functions of the reproductive organs, to the diseases 
to which they arc liable, to what constitutes an abuse 
of them, to their relations to the general physical sys¬ 
tem, and how they are affected by the general health, is 
the most important, but yet, the least regarded. Indeed, 
a thorough knowledge, among the people, of the scien¬ 
tific facts connected with the origin, fetal-development, 
and birth of children, it is generally supposed, would be 
dangerous to their morals. Especially is it thought that 
it would be dangerous to communicate this knowledge to 
youth and children. Hence parents and teachers sup¬ 
press all inquiries on this subject; and school-books on 
Physiology carefully avoid all allusions to it. This is a 
mistake, alike fatal to the physical and spiritual develop¬ 
ment of sons and daughters. Ignorance on no subject 
has caused so much pollution, crime and wretchedness, as 
on this. The children of the present are to be the fathers 
and mothers of the children of the future. IIow can they 
nobly fill the office to which they are born, if ignorant 
of its nature and duties ? Again I say, Let there be 
LIGHT ! II. C. W. 


40 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER IV. 

0f tIr iC JfUtts, 

NUTRITION BEFORE BIRTH — FETAL CIRCULATION — CONNECTION 
BETWEEN NUTRITION AND REPRODUCTION. 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

My Eriend : 

To the facts and statements in the following letter, I 
would call particular attention, as they are closely con¬ 
nected with all rational hopes of improving the organiza¬ 
tion of the human being. The Present is the offspring 
of the Past , and the Parent of the Future. 

The impregnated Ovum, being transmitted into the 
Womb, is there placed in its natural position for develop¬ 
ment. There, being nourished by appropriate means, it 
is, within the space of nine months, developed into a 
human being, with all the organs, physical and mental, 
in an embryo state, of a man or a woman. With a good 
degree of accuracy, the appearance, size and weight of 
the fetus can be determined, at various stages of its 
growth. 

The following description of the process of fetal de¬ 
velopment is taken from 11 Midwifery Illustrated ', by 
J. G. Maygrier, M. D.,” — a French work, £{ trans-- 
lated by A. Sydney Doane, A. M., M. D.” 

“DEVELOPMENT OP THE FETUS. 

“ Wo sco nothing in the Uterus, previous to the seventh day. 
to indicate the existence of a new being. 


DEVELOPMENT OF THE FETUS. 


41 




“ At the eighth day, there is a mucilaginous him, and soon 
transparent filaments. 

“ At the tenth day, a grayish semi-transparent floccula, the 
form of which cannot bo determined. 

‘ ‘ From the twelfth to 
the thirteenth day, there 
is a vesicle as large as a 
pea, containing a thick 
fluid, in the midst of 
which swims an opaquo 
point (punctum saliens ). 
It is thought that the 
heart alone exists at 
this period, and this 
l 2 also is the first linea¬ 

ment of the child, which is now termed the embryo. It is 
enveloped by the chorion and the amnios. Its weight is esti¬ 
mated at one grain. (See Figs. 1,2.) 

“ At the twenty-first day, the embryo appears 
in the form of a large ant (Aristotle ), of a grain 
of wheat (Burton), of the malleus (Beaude- 
loque) : it weighs from three to four grains, and 
is from four to five lines long. At this time, 
the different portions of the embryo are rather 
more consistent: and those parts which after¬ 
wards become bones, now pass to the state of 
cartilage. (See Fig. 3.) 

“ At the thirtieth day, the embryo resembles a worm which is 
curled up. We observe at this period some very faint traces of 
the principal organs, and of the situation of tho upper extrem¬ 
ities. It weighs from nine to ten grains, and its length is from 
ten to twelve lines. 

“ At the forty-fifth day, the form of the child is very distinct, 
and it is now termed a fetus. The clavicles and the scapula}, 
hitherto cartilaginous, now begin to ossify : the limbs appear in 
tho form of tubercles, resembling tho sprouts of vegetables 
4* 




42 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


The body lengthens, but preserves its oval figure : the head, 
which is larger, constitutes one of its extremities: the base of 
the trunk, which is pointed and elongated, forms the other. 
The eyes, mouth and nose, are marked by blackish points and 
lines. Similar and parallel points correspond to the places of 
t!io vertebrae. Its weight is one drachm, its length two inches. 
(See Fig. 4.) 

“ At two months.—All the parts of the fetus are present: the 
dark points which represent the eyes, enlarge : the eyelids may 
be traced, and appear very transparent: the nose begins to bo 
prominent: the mouth enlarges and opens: the brain is soft 
and pulpy: the neck shows itself: the heart is very much 

developed, and opaque lines are 
seen to proceed from it, which are 
the first traces of the large vessels. 
The fingers and toes are distinct. 
Its weight is five drachms, and its 
length four inches. ( See Fig. 5.) 

“ At ninety days (three months).—All the essential parts of 
the fetus are perfectly formed and developed. The eyelids, 
although enlarged, are exactly closed: a small hole shows the 
place of the external ear : the back and the aim of the 
nose are prominent: the lips are very distinct, and are in 
close contact, and the mouth is shut. The genital organs of 
both sexes, also, are now very much increased in size: the 
penis is very long, the scrotum empty ; sometimes, however, 
it is filled and distended with a little water. The vulva is very 
apparent, and the clitoris is prominent. The brain, although 
still pulpy, is very much developed, as is also the spinal 
marrow. The heart pulsates strongly, and the principal vessels 
carry red blood. The lungs are empty, and hardly visible: 
the liver is very large, but soft and pulpy ; it secretes but little 
bile. The whole of the upper and lower extremities are 
developed : the long bones of these limbs are evidently ossified, 
as are also the ribs and the flat bones of the skull: finally, the 
muscular system begins to be marked. Weight, two and a half 



DEVELOPMENT OP TIIE FETUS. 


43 


ounces; length, six inches. Intellectual functions undeveloped. 
(See Fig. 6.) 




“At one hundred and twenty days (four months).— This 
period is remarkable for the great development, and the marked 
character of all the parts of the fetus. The head and the liver 
alone increase no longer, and constantly become less and less in 
proportion to the other parts. The brain and the spinal marrow 
become more consistent: a little meconium collects in the com- 
^nencement of the intestinal canal: the muscular system is dis¬ 
tinct, and the fetus moves slightly, but almost imperceptibly. 
We here and there find some cellular tissue. Length, eight 
inches ; weight, from seven to eight ounces. Intellectual func¬ 
tions undeveloped. (See Fig. 7.) 

“ At one hundred and fifty days (five months).— The develop¬ 
ment of all the parts of the fetus is not only greater, but, at 
this period, individual differences appear : the muscular system 
is very well marked, and the motions of the child are no longer 
equivocal: the lungs increase, and are capable of being dilated 
to a certain extent. The envelope of skin, although existing 








44 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


for a long time, becomes, especially at this period, very consist¬ 
ent : the epidermis is stronger and thicker : the meconium is 
more abundant, and descends in the intestinal canal: the places 
for the nails are marked out. Length, ten inches ; weight, one 
pound. Intellectual functions, none. (See Fig. 8.) 



s 


“Atone hundred and eighty days (six months). — At this 
period, the child may be strictly said to be in a measure viable : 
the nails may bo distinguished: a little of down, the first indi¬ 
cation of the hair, is seen on the head; the thymus gland 













t 














f 




























Js T o. 10. 

























































DEVELOPMENT OF TIIE FETUS. 


45 


exists, the meconium passes through a great portion of tho 
intestinal canal, the testicles appear in the abdomen, and begin 
to move towards the inguinal ring : the cellular tissue is abun¬ 
dant, and a little adipose tissue is deposited in its cellules : the 
form of the whole child is distinct. Length, twelve inches ; 
weight, two pounds. Intellectual functions undeveloped. 

“ At two hundred and ten days (seven months). —Every part 
of the fetus is enlarged : the child is perfectly viable : the nails 
are formed : tho hairs of the head appear : the testicles descend 
into the scrotum. The child, if born at this period, can breathe, 
cry, and suck. The meconium descends into the large intestine, 
and the whole osseous system of the skull, the ribs, and the 
limbs, is complete ; the extremities of the long bones alone 
remain as epiphyses : the arterial canal enlarges : the pulmo¬ 
nary arteries, on the contrary, remain small. Length, fourteen 
inches ; weight, three pounds. Intellectual functions unde¬ 
veloped : the senses are alone susceptible of some impressions. 
(See Fig. 9.) 

“ At two hundred and forty days (eight months). —Viability, 
growth of the fetus nearly terminated; each part assuming 
separately its strength and volume : the muscular system is 
very well marked. Length, sixteen inches; weight, four 
pounds. Intellectual functions undeveloped : the senses suscep¬ 
tible of impressions. 

“At two hundred and seventy da} T s (nine months). — The 
common and natural period of the birth of the child : the 
organs have then acquired all that is necessary to support life. 
( See Fig. 10.) 

“ The whole osseous system rapidly gains that degree of 
solidity proper for the functions which devolve upon it. The 
muscular system is very well marked, and the motions of tin 
child are lively and quick : the heart pulsates rapidly the cir¬ 
culation is very active, the blood is abundant and rich in nutri¬ 
tious principles, the nervous sj^stem is very apparent: the lungs 
perform their functions, and respiration is established: great 
changes take place in the manner of tho circulation : the whole 
alimentary canal, which hitherto had no special action, can 


4v> 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


immediately become active : the intestinal canal contracts upon 
the meconium, which tends to escape through the anus : the 
urine is excreted, the arterial capillaries of the skin become 
very active, the skin is colored, and transpiration is established. 
Length, eighteen to twenty inches; weight, five to six pounds. 
Intellectual functions are undeveloped, but the senses (particu¬ 
larly the taste) are very much developed. The child is sensible 
to pain, it cries from hunger and cold, it is appeased by warmth 
and nursing, and gentle rocking puts it to sleep.” 

Thus, the embryo man or woman, which, when twelve 
days old, weighed only one grain, is, within the space 
of nine months, increased in weight more than twenty- 
eight thousand times. In this organization and develop¬ 
ment, there are no privileged classes. So far as the 
mere physical nature is concerned, all come into being 
by exactly the same process. 

There is, however, as great a difference in the condi¬ 
tion of the natural organisms in which we are developed, 
as there is in the soil in- which the seed is cast. Some 
are developed in a healthy organism; others suffer, and 
must ever suffer, in this life, the horrors of a living 
martyrdom, as the unhappy victims of an unhealthy 
maternal organism. When suffering from inherited dis¬ 
ease, their bitter reflection is upon the parents, in whose 
diseased systems they originated, and who, recklessly 
and wantonly, it may he, disqualified themselves to 
bestow on their child the blessing of a healthy constitu¬ 
tion. How will such parents feel, when their children 
shall come to understand this matter, and sternly upbraid 
them for sacrificing the happiness of the entire lives of 
their offspring to their vanity, their ambition, their 


DEVELOPMENT OF TIIE FETUS.* 


47 


ignorance, their love of pleasure, or their unnatural and 
excessive toil ? 

Of all man’s birthright treasures, to be born of 
healthy parents is the richest. An heir to a perfect 
organization of body and soul is richer in all that makes 
life a blessing, than the heir of millions of gold and 
silver. 

Whence does the fetus derive its nourishment ? — 
A constant and regular succession of new materials, from 
a source without itself, is essential to its development. 
Accordingly, the living germ, from the moment it 
arrives in the Womb, has the power of attracting and 
assimilating to itself, from the substances surrounding 
it, those particles of matter which are adapted and 
essential to its healthful development. But the fetus is 
surrounded by, and enclosed within, the organism of 
another being, and all that reaches it, as nourishment, 
must come through that organism, and must, of neces¬ 
sity, partake of the conditions of the medium through 
which it comes, be they healthful or diseased. Speak¬ 
ing of the nutrition of the fetus, Maygrier says: — 

“Nutrition. — It is an incontestable fact, that the fetus it 
nourished by the fluids derived from the mother ; but it is not 
equally easy to demonstrate by what mode it is nourished, and 
in what manner these fluids come to it. Physicians differ much 
upon this great physiological question. In fact, some assert, 
that the infant is nourished by sucking the waters in which it is 
enclosed, and that these fluids, on entering the stomach, are sub¬ 
jected to the common laws of digestion, and thus become the 
elements of the nutrition of the fetus. But experiments made 
on the waters of the amnios have demonstrated that they contain 
but little, or rather, no nutritious substance; that at the end of 


48 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


pregnancy, particularly, they are often turbid, blackish, puru¬ 
lent, &c. ; it has also been observed, that the membranes are 
.sometimes ruptured for several days, a month, even, before the 
commencement of real labor, which would necessarily cause the 
premature -discharge of the waters of the amnios, long before 
that of the child: finally, it is certain that some children have 
been born with the mouth imperforate, and consequently, it was 
physically impossible for them to receive any of the amniotic 
fiuid. 

“The reasons adduced in support of the opinion we have 
mentioned, also deserve to be answered. It is asserted, that the 
child, by sucking the waters of the amnios, prepares for the 
more complex and more difficult operation of sucking the mother. 
We must admit, that this propensity of the new-born child, and 
the power of exercising it at birth, arc phenomena as astonish¬ 
ing as they are inexplicable ; but how is it that the young 
duck, when hatched out by a hen, as soon as it emerges from 
the shell, plunges into the water, regardless of the cries of its 
mother, while the chicken of the sapie brood avoids this ele¬ 
ment? Besides, there is nothing on the inside of the amnios 
resembling the nipple, which might be sucked by the fetus, and 
therefore its propensity at the moment of birth is innate, and 
not an acquired faculty. 

“ On the other hand, the opinion that the fetus is nourished 
by intussusception, or by absorption, cannot be admitted. The 
cutaneous system of the fetus is inactive so long as it continues 
in the Uterus, and the waters have neither the properties nor the 
qualities proper for absorption. 

“ Those physiologists who have attempted to explain the nutri¬ 
tion of the fetus, may have erred by confounding this nutrition 
with proper digestion, wishing to establish an analogy between 
this imaginary digestion of tho fetus and that of the adult; 
they have maintained that the nutritious juices should follow 
the same course, and pass through the same passages in both ; 
not thinking that one lives in a light, elastic, aeriform fluid, 
that it fully enjoys an active respiration, and all tho advantages 
ol a rich and abundant circulation, while the other rests in the 


DEVELOPMENT OF TIIE FETUS. 


49 


midst of tho Uterus, surrounded by a thick and incompressible 
liquid, lias no respiration, and only as it were a vegetable life 
and an imperfect existence. All these reasons, and as many 
more, which are superfluous, should lead us to reject both the 
theory of deglutition, and that of absorption, as the only modes 
in which tho fetus is nourished. The fetus, then, must be con¬ 
sidered, during the "whole of pregnancy, as a new part, added 
for a time to the female, which part is nourished through tho 
common and known medium of the circulation. The child then 
receives the fluids necessary for its growth through the umbilical 
cord, and does not subsist upon the waters of the amnios.” 

Fetal Circulation. — Materials for nutrition arc 
carried to every part of the system in the blood. Every 
particle of nourishment received by the child, which 
goes to make its growth, from the moment the germ 
enters the Womb, till the time of birth, must be con¬ 
veyed to it through the blood of the mother. The 
manner in which the maternal blood reaches the fetus, 
conveying to it the means of growth, and how the nutri¬ 
tion is distributed to various parts of the fetus, is thus 
described by Maygrier: — 

“ Circulation of the Fetus. —If tho circulation in the fetus 
were the same as in the adult, we should omit it; but it differs 
in several respects, and therefore requires a particular descrip¬ 
tion. 

“ As the fetus has no organs to perform the hematosis, since 
the lungs are inactive till the moment of birth, it is necessary 
for tho mother to furnish, already prepared, tho fluids, which, 
as soon even as they are carried into tho circulation, become tho 
elements of its nutrition. This function belongs to the umbili¬ 
cal vein. 

“ This vein arises in the placenta, goes towards the umbilicus 
of the child, and, without communicating with tho umbilical 


50 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


arteries, penetrates into tlio abdomen. Being sustained bj a 
fold of the peritoneum, it is directed from before backward, and 
from below upward, toward the upper part of the great fissure 
of the liver. There it gives off a large and short twig, a kind 
of sinus destined for the liver, into which it penetrates, after 
dividing into two branches, one for the right lobe, the other for 
the left. 

“ The umbilical vein then becomes very small, and goes, 
under the name of the venous canal , towards the right auricle of 
the heart, into which it penetrates, blending with the ascending 
vena-cava. The blood which comes to the heart through this 
latter is separated by the Eustachian valve from the current 
formed by the descending vena-cava. Being sent forth in a 
different direction, it strikes against the septum of the auricles, 
passes through the foramen ovale or the foramen of Botal, and 
raises its valve, which, being on the side of the left auricle, does 
not permit the blood to repass into the right auricle. 

“ Arrived in the left auricle, the blood is transmitted into the 
loft ventricle, and from thence into the ascending aorta, at least 
in great part: after passing through the head and the thoracic 
extremities, it is carried by the descending vena-cava into the 
right auricle, which sends it into the right ventricle, and from 
thence it passes into the trunk of the pulmonary artery. A 
small portion of the blood which is transmitted through this 
artery goes to the lungs, which, being collapsed and inactive, 
cannot receive more of it. Most of it passes into the descend¬ 
ing aorta, by the arterial canal, and after proceeding through 
the whole extent of this latter, returns to the mother through 
the umbilical arteries.” 

The connection between Nutrition and Reproduc¬ 
tion. — This connection is most intimate. Nothing is 
more certain than the fact, that the kind and quantity 
of the food on which the mother lives, during gestation, 
deeply affect the organic condition of the child’s body 
and soul, and of course its future character and destiny, 


DEVELOPMENT OF THE FETUS. 


51 


The materials which are conveyed to the fetus, through 
the maternal blood, and which must be attracted and 
assimilated to it to produce its growth, must be affected, 
not only by the physical diseases of the mother, but also 
by her mental conditions. Any powerful excitement of 
anger, revenge, or of any unpleasant emotion, must 
injuriously affect the materials that are passing through 
her blood to nourish her child. Carpenter gives the fol¬ 
lowing account of the connection between nutrition and 
reproduction: — 

“ The process of reproduction, like that of nutrition, has been, 
until recently, involved in great obscurity; and although it 
cannot be said to be yet fully elucidated, it has been brought, by 
late investigations, far more within our comprehension, than was 
formerly deemed possible. The close connection between the 
reproductive and nutritive operations, both as regards their 
respective characters, and their dependence upon one another, 
has long been recognized ; and it is now rendered still more evi¬ 
dent. Nutrition has been not unaptly designated ‘ a perpetual 
reproduction ; ’ and the expression is strictly correct. In the 
fully-formed organism, the supply of alimentary material to 
every part of the fabric, enables it to produce a tissue resembling 
itself; thus, we only find true bone produced in continuity with 
bone, nerve with nerve, muscle with muscle, and so on. Hence 
it would appear that, when a group of cells has once taken on a 
particular kind of development, it continues to reproduce itself 
on the same plan. But in the reproductive process, it is differ¬ 
ent. A single cell is generated by certain preliminary actions, 
— from which single cell, all those which subsequently composo 
the embryonic structures take their origin ; and it is not until a 
later period that any distinction of parts can be traced, in the 
mass of vesicles which spring from it. Hence, the essential 
character of the process of reproduction consists in the formation 
of a cell, which can givo origin to others, from which again 


52 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


others spring ; — and, in the capability of these last to undergo 
several kinds of transformation, so as ultimately to produce a 
fabric, in which the number of different parts is equal to that of 
the functions to be performed, every separate part having a pur¬ 
pose distinct from that of the rest. Such a fabric is considered 
as a very heterogeneous one ; and is eminently distinguished from 
those homogeneous organisms, in which every part is but a repe¬ 
tition of the rest. Of all animals, man possesses, as already 
shown, the greatest variety of endowments, —the greatest num¬ 
ber of distinct organs; and yet man, in common with the 
simplest animal or plant, takes his origin in a single cell. It is 
in the almost homogeneous fabrics of the cellular plants, that we 
find the closest connection between the function of nutrition and 
that of reproduction ; for every one of the vesicles which compose 
their fabric is endowed with the power of generating others sim¬ 
ilar to itself; and these may either extend the parent structure, 
or separate into new and distinct organisms. Ilence it is scarcely 
possible to draw a line, in these cases, between the nutrition of 
the individual and the reproduction of the species. 

“ But, it will be inquired, how and where in the human body 
(and in the higher animals in general) is this embryonic vesicle 
produced, and what arc the relative offices of the two sexes in its 
formation? This is a question which must still be answered 
with some degree of doubt; and yet, observed phenomena, if 
explained by the aid of analogy, seem to lead to a very direct 
conclusion. The embryonic vesicle itself, like other cells, must 
arise from a germ ; and reasons will be hereafter given for the 
belief that the germ is supplied by the male parent, and that 
the female supplies only the materials for its development. 
Here, as in Mie nutritive processes, we find that the operations 
immediately concerned in this function, — namely, the act of 
fecundation and the development of the ovum, — are not directly 
influenced in any way by the nervous system; and that the 
functions of animal life are called into play, only in the prelim¬ 
inary and concluding stops of the process. In many of the 
lower animals, there is no sexual congress, even where the con¬ 
currence of two sets of organs (as in the phanerogamic plants) 


DEVELOPMENT OF THE FETUS. 


53 


is necessary for the process ; the ova are liberated by one, and 
the spermatozoa by the other ; and the accidental meeting of 
the two produces the desired result. In many animals higher 
in the scale, the impulse which brings the sexes together is of a 
purely instinctive kind. But in man, it is of a very compound 
nature. The instinctive propensity, unless unduly strong, is con¬ 
trolled and guided by the will, and serves (like the feelings of 
hunger and thirst) as a stimulus to the reasoning processes, by 
which the means of gratifying it are obtained ; and a moral sen¬ 
timent or affection of a much higher kind is closely connected 
with it, which acts as an additional incitement. Those move¬ 
ments, however, which are most closely connected with the 
essential parts of the process, are, like those of deglutition, res¬ 
piration, &c., simply reflex and involuntary in their character ; 
and thus we have another proof of the constancy of the prin¬ 
ciple, that, where the action of the apparatus of animal life is 
brought into near connection with the organic functions, it is 
not such as requires the operation of the purely animal powers, 
— sensation and volition. Thus, then, as it has been lucidly 
remarked, ‘ the nervous system lives and grows within an animal, 
as a parasitic plant does in a vegetable ; with its life and 
growth, certain sensations and mental acts, varying in the differ¬ 
ent classes of animals, are connected by nature in a manner 
altogether inscrutable to man ; but the objects of the existence 
of animals require that these mental acts should exert a power¬ 
ful controlling influence over all the textures and organs of 
which they are composed.’ ” (Secs. 281, 282,) 


6 * 


II. c. w. 


54 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER Y. 

fuman %fml. 

ITS ORIGIN, NATURE, AND RELATIONS TO THE BODY-SCIENCE OF 

SOCIETY — COMMUNION OF SOUL WITH SOUL. 


Lenawee, June, 1852. 

Dear Friend: 

Fully to understand the influence of parents over 
the organization and destiny of the child, it is important 
to show whence the soul, as well as the body, originates. 
It is well understood that the latter is derived directly 
from the mother. The germ, — whatever that mysteri¬ 
ous essence or substance may be, — has, in itself, a 
power to attract and assimilate to itself the particles of 
matter conveyed from the maternal blood to the fetus, 
necessary for its physical development into a human 
body. The process by which the body is formed seems 
very plain and simple. The operation is one which, to a 
good extent, can be made visible, and the connection of 
the parent with this process is direct and certain. But, 
whence is the soul, the vital force, or life-principle? 
Does the germ, before it is received into the female 
organism, contain the elements of a human soul, as well 
as of a human body? Is the soul, or vital force, derived 
from the parents, as is the body ? What part does the 
father take in forming the soul, and what part does the 
mother take ? Is the soul, in its nature and constitu. 


THE HUMAN SOUL. 


55 


tional tendencies, directly or indirectly under the control 
of the will of either parent, or of both ? 

These questions cannot be satisfactorily answered, at 
present. The Science of Reproduction is, as yet, in an 
imperfect state; especially as it relates to the nature and 
origin of the Life-Principle. The following seems the 
most rational and philosophical account of the origin of 
the soul of the child. 

The soul is a substance , as well as the body, so refined 
as to be susceptible of thought and feeling, and all the 
phenomena of mind. If our sense of seeing were suffi¬ 
ciently refined, might not electricity, air, or magnetism, 
be visible ? So, to the eye of the soul, might not the soul 
be visible, as iron now is to the eye of the body ? This 
vital force, or soul-substance, is under the same law of 
attraction that governs all other substances. 

It seems most rational to conclude, that all the min¬ 
eral, vegetable and animal existences that are on this 
globe originate in forces that are innate in the earth and 
its surroundings. There is, inherent in the earth and its 
surroundings, a soul-substance , — a substance of which 
souls are made, as well as a substance of which rocks, 
earth, trees, flowers, fruits and human bodies are made. 
It matters not what name is given to that substance; 
whether it be soul-substance, life-principle, or vital force. 
Let it be understood that it is this essence, or substance, 
that goes to form the living, thinking, feeling, motive 
power of human existence. 

In the germ, there is a power to attract and assimi¬ 
late to itself, not only the substance necessary to make a 
body, but also, a soul. Whence that substance is derived, 


56 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


we know not, as we know not whence comes the sub¬ 
stance that forms the body. We know there is a sub¬ 
stance connected with the earth, of which the body is 
made. May we not know, as certainly, that there is a 
substance or element connected with this planet, from 
which the Life-Principle of all animated beings on it is 
derived, and from which the human soul originates? To 
conclude that there is, seems natural and reasonable. 
Prom the moment the germ is received into the Womb, 
this process of absorption and assimilation of the mate¬ 
rials necessary to form the human soul, as well as‘the 
human body, begins, and goes on, till the child is pre¬ 
pared to commence an existence independent of the 
mother. The substance necessary to form the soul of the 
child must come to it through the blood and life of the 
mother, as well as the material necessary to form the 
body. 

The arguments adduced to prove that the body of the 
child originates with the parents, prove, also, that the 
soul does. The intellectual, social and spiritual con¬ 
ditions of the parents descend to the children, as well as 
the physical. Functional derangements of souls, as well 
as of bodies, are transmitted. It is true of the soul, as 
w r ell as of the body, that parents reproduce in their own 
likeness. 

If these facts be so, it follows that souls are formed by 
nutrition, by absorption and assimilation, as well as 
bodies. That the soul will exist after the dissolution of 
the body, I do not doubt. As little do I doubt that, as 
a thinking, feeling, conscious being or substance, in 
human form, its existence will be eternal. And this idea 


THE HUMAN SOUL. 


57 


of the soul’s immortality, with all its present attributes 
of will, thought, feeling, volition, &c., seems consistent 
with the fact, that it is derived from forces in and 
around the earth, operating through the parental organ¬ 
isms. 

It may not be amiss to quote the remarks of Carpen¬ 
ter on the vital forces and functions. They go to show 
that there is a power, a vital force or soul, in man, 
whose existence depends not on any such physical or 
chemical forces as are observed in the body. They also 
show, that all acts of the mind depend upon material 
changes in the nervous system; that the action of the 
soul is essentially and necessarily affected by the bodily 
conditions; that every physical derangement produces a 
corresponding derangement in the soul, or vital force, 
lie says (Sec. 254), u The idea of Life , in its simplest 
arid most correct acceptation, is that of Vital Action , 
and obviously, therefore, involves that of change. We 
do not consider any being as alive, which is not under¬ 
going some continued alteration, that may be rendered 
perceptible to the senses.” Carpenter thus continues: — 

“ There can be no doubt whatever, that, of the many changes 
which take place during the life, or state of vital activity, of an 
organized being, and which intervene between its first develop¬ 
ment and its final decay, a large proportion are affected by the 
direct agency of those forces which operate in the inorganic 
world; and there is no necessity whatever for the supposition, 
that these forces have any other operation in the living body, 
than they would have out of it, under similar circumstances. 
But, after every possible allowance has been made for tho ope 
ration of physical and chemical forces in the living <jrganism, 
there still remain a large number of phenomena, which cannot 


58 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


be in the least explained by them ; and which we can only 
investigate with success, when we regard them as resulting from 
the agency of forces as distinct from those of Physics and Chem¬ 
istry, as these are from each other. It is to such phenomena 
that the name of Vital is properly restricted; the forces from 
whose operation we assume them to result are termed vital 
forces; and the properties, which we must attribute to the sub¬ 
stances exerting those forces, are termed vital properties. Thus, 
we say that the contraction of Muscle is a Vital phenomenon ; 
because its character and conditions appear to be totally distinct 
from those of Chemical or Physical phenomena. The act is the 
manifestation of a certain Force, the possession of which is 
peculiar to the muscular structure, and which is named the 
Contractile force. Further, that force may remain dormant (as 
it were) in the muscular structure ; not manifesting itself for a 
great length of time, and yet resting capable of being called into 
operation at any moment. This dormant force is termed a 
Property ; thus we regard it as the essential peculiarity of liv¬ 
ing muscular tissue, that it possesses the vital property of Con¬ 
tractility. Or, to reverse the order, the Muscle is said to 
possess the property of Contractility ; the property, called into 
operation by the appropriate stimulus, gives rise to the Con¬ 
tractile force ; and the force produces, if its operation be unop¬ 
posed, the act of Contraction. 

“These distinctions, though apparently verbal only, are of 
importance in leading us to the correct method of investigating 
Vital Phenomena, and of comparing them with those of the In¬ 
organic world. It is now almost universally admitted by intel¬ 
ligent Physiologists, that we gain nothing by the assumption of 
some general controlling agency, or Vital Principle, distinct 
from the organized structure itself; and that the Laws of Life 
are nothing else than general expressions of the conditions under 
which Vital operations take place, — expressions analogous to 
those which constitute the laws of Physics or Chemistry, and to 
be arrived at in the same manner, namely, by the collection and 
comparison of phenomena. The difficulty of thus generalizing 
in Physiology results merely from the complex nature of the 


TIIE HUMAN SOUL. 


59 


phenomena, and the consequent difficulty of precisely determin¬ 
ing their conditions. We have as much ground for believing in 
the fixity and constancy of Physiological phenomena, when the 
causes and conditions arc the same, as we have in those of any 
other department of science; and the apparent uncertainty of 
the actions of the living body, results merely from the influence 
of differences in those conditions, so trivial in appearance as fre¬ 
quently to elude observation, and yet sufficiently powerful in 
reality to produce an entire change in the result. 

“ All Vital phenomena are dependent upon at least two sets 
of conditions;—an Organized structure, possessed of peculiar 
properties; and certain Stimuli, by which these properties aro 
called into action. Thus, to revert to the example just cited, 
the Contraction of a Muscle is due to the inherent Contractility 
of the Muscular tissue, called into operation by the stimulus of 
innervation ; other conditions, as a certain elevated tempera¬ 
ture, a supply of oxygen, &c., being at the same time requisite. 
The Microscopical and Chemical researches of recent years 
have given increased stability to the position, that the peculiar 
properties, which we term Vital, aro dependent upon those 
peculiar modes of combination and aggregation of the element¬ 
ary particles, which are characteristic of Organized structures. 
We have no evidence of the existence of Vital properties in any 
other form of matter than that which wo term Organized; 
whilst, on the other hand, we have no reason to believe that 
Organized matter can possess its normal constitution, and bo 
placed in the requisite conditions, without exhibiting Vital 
Actions. The advance of Pathological science renders it every 
day more probable (indeed, the probability may now be said to 
amount almost to positive certainty), that derangement \n func¬ 
tion, — in other words, an imperfect or irregular action, — always 
results, either from some change of structure or composition in 
the tissue itself, or from some corresponding change in the ex¬ 
ternal conditions under which the properties of the organ are 
called into action.” (Secs. 25G, 257, 258.) 


]?hen again, lie says : — 


60 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


“ By tlie study of the various forms of Elementary Tissue, of 
which the Human fabric (or any other of similar complexity) 
is made up, we are led to the very same conclusion with that 
which we should derive from the observation of the simplest 
forms of organized being, or from the scrutiny into the earliest 
condition of the most complex ; namely, that the simple Cell 
may be regarded as the type of Organization; and that its actions 
constitute the simplest idea of Life.’’'’ (Sec. 259.) 

It is easy to see why a constant and liberal supply of 
nutriment should be required for the development of the 
human being, before and after birth, till full growth is 
attained; for, during that period, a process of integra¬ 
tion, as well as of disintegration, is ever going on; the 
human organism is constantly receiving accessions, that 
continue as permanent parts of it. It receives more than 
it throws off. But after the full growth is attained, why 
is so large an amount of food still necessary? What 
necessity for the continued activity of the organic func¬ 
tions in obtaining and taking food into the system, and 
in converting it into blood, and distributing it to every 
part of the body? To this question, Carpenter an¬ 
swers : — 

“ The answer to this question lies in the fact, that the exercise 
of the Animal functions is essentially destructive of their instru¬ 
ments; every operation of the Nervous and Muscular S 3 T stcms 
requiring, as its necessary condition, a disintegration of a cer¬ 
tain part of their tissues, probably by their elements being 
caused to unite with oxygen. The duration of the existence of 
those tissues varies inversely to the uso that is made of them; 
being less as their functional activity is greater, lienee, when 
an Animal is very inactive, it requires but little nutrition ; if 
in moderate activity, there is a moderate demand for food ; but 


THE HUMAN SOUL. 


G1 


if its Nervous and Muscular energy be frequently and power¬ 
fully aroused, the supply must be increased, in order to main¬ 
tain the vigor of the system. In like manner, the amount of 
certain products of excretion, which result from the disintegra¬ 
tion of the Nervous and Muscular tissues, increases with their 
activity, and diminishes in proportion to their freedom from 
exertion. We are not to measure the activity of the Nervous 
system, however, like that of the Muscular, only by the amount 
of movement to which it gives origin. For there is equal evi¬ 
dence, that tho demand for blood in the brain, the amount of 
nutrition it receives, and the degree of disintegration it under¬ 
goes, are proportional likewise to the energy of the purely 'psy¬ 
chical operations; so that the vigorous exercise of the intellect¬ 
ual powers, or a long-continued state of agitation of the feel¬ 
ings, produces as great a waste of Nervous matter, as is occa¬ 
sioned by active bodily exercise. From this and other consid¬ 
erations, we are almost irresistibly led to the belief, that every 
act of Mind is inseparably connected, in our present state of 
being, with material changes in the Nervous System ; a doctrine 
not in the least inconsistent with the belief in the separate im¬ 
material existence of the Mind itself, nor with the expectation 
of a future state, in which the communion of Mind with Mind 
shall be more direct and unfettered.” (Sec. 2G3.) 

As to the comparative influence of Organic life and 
Animal life in the economy of human existence and hap¬ 
piness; as to the dependence of the soul on the Nervous 
condition for its intellectual and aflectional action; and 
as to the manner in which soul generally communi¬ 
cates with soul in the present state, and probably in the 
future, Carpenter says : — 

“ So far from his organic life exhibiting a predominance, it 
appears entirely subordinate to his animal functions, and seems 
destined only to afford the conditions for their performance. If 
we could imagine his nervous and muscular systems to be iso- 

G 


62 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


lated from the remainder of his corporeal structure, and endowed 
in themselves with the power of retaining their integrity and 
activity, we should have all that is essential to our idea of Man. 
But, as at present constituted, these organs are dependent, for 
the maintenance of their integrity and functional activity, upon 
the nutritive apparatus ; and the whole object of the latter 
appears to be the supply of those conditions which are neces¬ 
sary to the exercise of the peculiarly animal functions. That 
his mental activity should be thus made dependent upon the due 
supply of his bodily wants, is a part of the general scheme of 
his probationary existence; and the first excitement of his 
intellectual powers is in a great degree dependent upon this 
arrangement. 

“ The ministration of the Nervous system to purely Animal 
life, obviously consists in its rendering the mind cognizant of 
that which is taking place around, and in enabling it to act 
upon the material world, by the instruments with which the 
body is provided for the purpose. It is important to observe, 
that every method at present known, by which Mind can act 
upon Mind, requires muscular contraction as its medium, and 
sensation as its recipient. This is the case, for example, not 
only in that communication which takes place by language, 
whether written or spoken, but in the look , the touch , the ges¬ 
ture , which are so frequently more expressive than any words can be; 
and thus we trace the limitation, which, even in communica¬ 
tion that appears so far removed from the material world, con¬ 
stantly bounds the operations of the most powerful intellect, 
and the highest flights of the imagination. That in a future 
state of being, the communion of mind with mind will be more 
intimate, and that Man will be admitted into more immediate 
converse with his Maker, appears to be alike the teaching of the 
most comprehensive philosophical inquiries, and of the most 
direct Revelation of the Divinity.” (Secs. 284, 285.) 

The Science of Society, of the action of soul upon 
soul, is, as yet, but little understood. Does this require 


THE HUMAN SOUL. 


63 


1 muscular contraction as its medium, and sensation as 
its recipient? May not mind act upon mind, intellect¬ 
ually, affectionally, and sympathetically, by direct con¬ 
tact, and independent of the bodily senses, muscles or 
nerves? The facts of clairvoyance seem to show that it 
can and does. Words, written and spoken, do, indeed, 
transfer the action of mind to mind, in this state. But 
this action, especially the affectional, when transmitted 
from soul to soul by the look , the touch , the gesture, is 
much more expressive, vitalizing, endearing and con¬ 
trolling, in the more intimate relations of life, than 
when communicated in words. But may not soul com¬ 
mune with soul without any of these means? Facts 
demonstrate that each human being gives out himself 
into the atmosphere, and stamps his own individuality on 
the material objects around him. May not that essence 
or substance, thus emanating from him, as it comes in 
contact with the nervous system of others, transmit to 
their souk a consciousness of his presence and identity ? 
There is reason to think it may and docs ; and that the 
individual Aura by which each human being is sur¬ 
rounded, will ere long form a direct medium of the most 
intimate communion of soul with soul. To some extent, 
it is already actualized; it will be far more so, when the 
human being shall have become more perfectly and har¬ 
moniously organized and developed. 

In what sense are the social and moral feelings, the 
intellectual powers, volition, love, sympathy, & c., func¬ 
tions the Nervous system? Has the soul itself any 
existence, independent of the material organism ? The 
(juestion is often proposed and earnestly discussed; but 


64 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


that it has, seems as self-evident a truth as conscious 
existence. Immortality seems as fixed and natural a 
want or necessity of the soul, as air or food is of the 
body. The soul itself, it seems most rational to con¬ 
clude, is a material organism, so refined in its texture as 
to be susceptible of the phenomena of thought and feel¬ 
ing ; its present action, to some extent, dependent on the 
grosser material organism of the body, yet distinct from 
and independent of it, and destined to live and be sus¬ 
ceptible of unending improvement and enjoyment. Re¬ 
ferring to this, Carpenter says : — 

“ It is well to explain, that though the Physiologist speaks of 
the intellectual powers, moral feelings, &c., as functions of the 
Nervous System, they are not so in the sense in which the term 
is employed in regard to other operations of the bodily frame. 
In general, by the function of an organ, we understand some 
change which may be made evident to the senses ; as well in our 
own system, as in the body of another. Sensation, Thought, 
Emotion, and Volition, however, are changes imperceptible to 
our senses, by any means of observation we at present possess. 
We are cognizant of them in ourselves, without the intervention 
of fliose processes by which we observe material changes external 
to our minds; but we judge of them in others, only by infer¬ 
ences founded on the actions to which they give rise, when 
compared with our own. When we speak of sensation, thought, 
emotion, or volition, therefore, as functions of the Nervous Sys¬ 
tem, we mean only, that this system furnishes the conditions 
under which they take place in the living body, and we leave 
the quostion entirely open, whether the soul has or has not ar 
existence independent of that of the material organism, by which 
it operates in Man, as he is at present constituted.” (Sec. 308.) 

The fact is obvious, that the manifestations of the soul 
are, in this state, dependent on the conditions of the 


THE HUMAN SOUL. 


65 


nervous system. As are those conditions, so will the 
demonstrations of the soul be perfect or imperfect. 
Whatever tends to derange that system, must necessa¬ 
rily tend to distort the soul in all its operations. The 
soul cannot manifest itself purely and truthfully through 
a diseased medium. True and loving souls would fain 
give to one another a true and loving utterance; but 
they cannot, by reason of the distorted conditions of the 
nerves through which they must speak. 

Who controls the organization and development of the 
nervous system, previous to birth ? The parents, abso¬ 
lutely; the mother, directly, the hither, indirectly. The 
manifestations of the soul and the nervous conditions 
must correspond. Religions, which, ignoring this fact, 
seek to beautify and adorn the soul, have proved, and 
must prove, failures. The first business of all religions 
should be to secure to the human being healthy nervous 
conditions. This can never be done while existing 
abuses of the sexual nature remain, and till men and 
women better understand, and more perfectly obey, the 
laws which should govern the sexual relations. 

H. C. W 
G* 



06 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER IV. 

frawsmissifftt of Siistast: 

HEREDITARY CONDITIONS — ACQUIRED CONDITIONS — TRANSIENT CONDI¬ 
TIONS— CONDITIONS OR MOTHER DURING GESTATION AND LACTA¬ 
TION— ILLUSTRATIVE PACTS. 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

Dear Friend: 

In the preceding Letters, I have endeavored to give 
the leading scientific facts respecting the process of 
reproduction, the part performed by each parent in this 
mysterious act, and the relations of each to the organiza¬ 
tion, character, and destiny of the child. It is conceded, 
that the influence of parents is great after birth. If it 
is so direct and potent after, how much more so before ? 
In preparing the germ, the physical, intellectual and 
moral conditions of the father must necessarily affect 
more or less its conditions in similar directions; and in 
nourishing and developing that germ, the mother must, 
necessarily, impart to it her conditions. A healthy 
mother might, before birth, impart to a diseased and 
deformed germ of a weak and sickly father, some degree 
of health, strength, and beauty; or a weakly and sickly 
mother may impart disease and deformity to a healthy 
germ of a healthy father. 

Man may easily trace his history back to the period of 
his birth. With considerable accuracy, he may trace 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


67 


himself to the period, when, in the germ state, he was 
received into the womb of his mother. Still further, 
he may trace himself, a living substance, secreted, as a 
Spermatozoon, in the paternal organ. Further, he finds 
no distinct trace of his existence ; yet he knows that the 
life-germ of his body and soul, in some form, had an 
existence before it was secreted there. He knows it was 
elaborated in the paternal system, from substances taken 
into it from without, in the form of food, air, and other 
elements. But the great question Ave are most concerned 
to solve is, Does the father, in preparing the germ, so 
impress on it his own conditions of body and soul, that 
these must necessarily be developed in the future child, 
so as essentially to affect his character and destiny? 
That he does, is certain. Whatever diseases affect the 
father, must also affect all -the secretions of his system, 
and none more so than the germs of future human 
beings. What an obligation, then, rests on every man, 
to see to it, so far as he can, that the system in which 
the life-germs of human existence are prepared, should 
be replete with manly beauty, tenderness, and power ! 

No less important is the maternal relation to -the 
child before birth. She consents to receive the germ 
into her organism. It is placed in its only proper posi¬ 
tion for growth. It has an inherent power to attract to 
itself, from the organism in wl\ich it is placed, materials 
for growth to body and soul. These elements, which 
constitute that growth, are prepared in her system, from 
the various substances received into it from without. 
That nourishment must be affected by the conditions of 
the organisms in which it is prepared and administered. 


68 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


The energies of her nature are taxed to prepare and 
administer to the growth of the new being, and should 
be left free as possible to do well the work assigned 
them. She has taken into herself the germ of a new 
life, in human form, gladly and thankfully, it may be, 
(would it were never otherwise!) and by so doing, has 
pledged herself to the future man or woman to confer on 
him or her, health, strength, and beauty, to body and 
soul. 

Does that woman know the intimacy and power of 
the relation which she, voluntarily , it is to be hoped, 
assumes to that germ, which, under her forming hand, 
is soon to appear among us as a living child? Does 
she know that, from all she takes into her system, 
in the shape of food, drink, air, &c., the living germ is 
to extract the substances that must go to form the body 
and soul of the future living being ? When she con¬ 
sented to receive that life-germ of an immortal spirit 
into herself, did she ask the question, whether she was 
prepared to forego all practices and indulgences that 
could conflict with the health and perfection of her new 
charge ? Did she ask whether her own organism, 
including body and soul, was in a fit state to receive 
such a charge, and perform to it the services of a just 
and loving mother? How few women ever think of 
these things, when they consent to receive into them¬ 
selves the elements of a new existence ? 

Every son and daughter, as early as they can be 
taught anything, should be taught to know and respect 
the part which he or she is to perform in the deep, 
mysterious process of perpetuating and perfecting the 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


69 


human race. How can parents excuse themselves for 
allowing their children to grow up in ignorance on this 
subject? They can comprehend their relations to the 
future existence of the race, and the duties growing out 
of those relations. Every male child should be taught 
to know himself as a germ-preparing being, every 
female, as a germ-nourishing being; and the meaning 
of these terms should be made plain to them, that they 
may be prepared to discharge naturally and truly the 
duties of the office assigned to them, respectively, for 
the highest interest of those who may derive existence 
from them. No appetites, no pleasures, no occupations, 
should be allowed to interfere to disqualify them to pre¬ 
pare and develop the most perfect germs of the most 
perfect men and women. 

Inherited conditions of Parents. — That these enter 
into the organic structure and constitutional tendencies 
of children, facts abundantly prove; and that, too, often 
in most marked and extraordinary -ways. Bad condi¬ 
tions are no less likely to be transmitted than good'tend¬ 
encies. Scrofula, consumption, insanity, and idiocy 
are everywhere recognized as capable of being trans¬ 
mitted. This fact is acted upon, the world over, by all 
who are interested in improving the quality and elevat¬ 
ing the conditions of all animated existences beneath 

o 

man, and no pains are spared to get healthy progenitors. 
Encouragements are given by religions and governments 
to improve the lower animals. But what encouragement 
do they offer for the production of the most beautiful, 
healthy and perfect specimen of the human being ? 
What religion or government offers a bounty for the 


TO 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


most healthy and perfect child? Why should they not ? 
Men have certainly more control over the beauty and 
health of their own offspring, than over the offspring of 
the lower animals. The subject is of infinitely more 
importance to mankind than the improvement of the 
lower animals. Prizes are liberally offered for the best 
plough, cart, or machine of any kind. Religions offer 
prizes for the best tracts, pamphlets, and books. Why 
should they not, by similar encouragements, seek to 
perfect the human being in beauty and strength ? What 
tract, pamphlet, or book can be so important as the 
record stamped upon the body and soul of a perfect 
child? The child is the true family Bible, in which 
every parent should read a chapter ever hour. Why 
should not Religion offer a premium for the highest and 
noblest type of a human being? Would it not do more 
to regenerate and redeem the race, than it could by spend¬ 
ing all its energies in efforts to strengthen inherited weak¬ 
ness, to beautify inherited deformity, or to regenerate 
that which had been badly generated ? Had the money 
that is now spent in war, in government, in ritual God- 
worship, and in sustaining penal establishments, been 
used to induce husbands and wives to prepare and 
present to the world more healthy, beautiful, and per¬ 
fect specimens of human beings, how different had been 
the result! What object more deserving the attention 
of government and religion, than that of offering appro¬ 
priate inducements to men and women living in marriage 
to give existence to children that shall be healthy in 
body and soul ? The reward should be, not to those 
who have the greatest number of children, but to those 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


71 


tvIio give existence to children that are, physically and 
spiritually, most healthy and perfect. 

If man were rightly and truly born of woman, he 
would not need afterwards to be born of God; for to be 
rightly born of woman is, in the truest and highest 
sense, to be born of God. Those who receive a healthful 
and noble creation at first, need no second creation, 
provided that the first be not deformed by abuse. So¬ 
ciety, Religion, Government, and all individuals who 
would improve and elevate human nature, should aim to 
procure for every human being, as the richest and most 
valuable of all boons, a pure and perfect creation of 
body and soul, at the beginning of life. If Religion 
would bend her energies to procure for future genera¬ 
tions a pure, healthy, natural birth, it would do more to 
save human kind from torment to body and soul, than it 
could by spending its energies, as it now does, to heal 
those who are born diseased. Man should not be “ con¬ 
ceived in sin” nor u shapen in iniquity and then he 
would not u (jo astray from his birth , speaking lies” 
It is well for Church and State, and all Reformers, to do 
all that can be done to redeem those thus conceived and 
thus born from straying into wild and devious paths oi 
transgression; but it will be a much more wisely-directed 
effort which should seek to procure for every child a 
just and healthy conception, and a true and propitious 
birth. 

Ponder the following facts. A woman, known in the 
circle of my friends as healthy, beautiful, and highly 
accomplished, married a man entirely diseased. She had 
four children. One died in infancy, a mass of disease ; 


72 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


one at seven, and one at eleven, each greatly diseased 
from birth, and having known no cessation from suffering 
during their brief existence. The one that died at 
seven, had more the countenance of one of seventy, 
caused solely by intense sufferings. One is now living, 
but her appearance bears the marks of the diseased 
state that swept away the others. The father died fear¬ 
fully diseased; the health of the wife and mother was 
nearly ruined by the diseases of her husband being com¬ 
municated to her. 

I know a man and woman who have five children. 
The mother has a cancer in her breast, which sorely 
afflicts her; the father has scrofula, that is developed in 
running sores. She nursed three of her children, and 
they drew in the cancer with their food from the mother's 
breast. His scrofula and her cancer are mingled in 
them all. They are thoroughly diseased with salt 
rheum, cancer and scrofula. She now has an infant two 
months old — full of painful disease, the head and body 
covered with sores. They both belong to the church, 
but their religion has never taught them that it is a 
sin against God thus to inflict disease upon their chil¬ 
dren. 

What greater outrage against Nature could a woman 
commit, than to consent to become a mother by such a 
man ? None. Let every man and woman, as they 
would live in the love and respect of their offspring, con¬ 
sider well the physical, mental and moral conditions of 
those with whom they unite, to become the fathers or 
mothers of their children. It is computed that more 
human beings die from diseased tendencies, inherited from 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


>7 0 
( o 


parents, who, themselves, had inherited them, than from 
war, intemperance, slavery, cholera, fevers, and all con¬ 
tagious, adventitious diseases put together. 

Acquired Tastes and Tendencies. — Many diseases 
of body and soul are acquired, and inherited diseases 
are made more malignant by abuse. Those 'whose 
organizations were originally quite sound, acquire, by 
unnatural indulgences, diseased conditions. There are 
few whose natural tastes do not reject tobacco, alcohol, 
tea, opium, and various other articles of common use, 
but of great injury, when first they are taken. These 
acquired conditions, both of body and soul, are trans¬ 
mitted. 

Illustrations. — I know of a man and woman, who, 
as to riches, move in the wealthiest ranks of fashion. 
The woman, though naturally healthy and good-tem¬ 
pered, became by indulgence exceedingly passionate, 
and addicted to strong drinks. Had four children. 
The eldest, greatly deformed by a fall of her mother, 
in a fit of intoxication, previous to birth. She died of 
consumption, at eighteen. The second, a dwarf, a mild 
and gentle one, died at twenty, of consumption. The 
third was deaf and dumb, and of a malignant temper. 
The fourth, a demon in temper, and a drunkard. The 
mother’s conditions were transmitted to her children. 
She had several miscarriages, caused by her intemperate 
habits. 

I am acquainted with the following fact. A man and 
woman, both healthy at marriage, became diseased by 
abuse of their sexual nature after marriage, he in the 
lungs, she became deranged in the nervous system and 


74 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


by scrofula. Had five births. The first an abortion, 
produced by sexual abuse during pregnancy. The living 
children all diseased with scrofula, or consumption, or 
both. The parents go on, reproducing, in their own like¬ 
ness, scrofula and consumption. 

Transmitted Insanity. — The following came under 
my observation. A woman, who had given birth to 
several children, became hopelessly insane, through the 
constant abuse of her nature by her husband. The chil¬ 
dren were most of them puny and sickly. During her 
insanity, she became the mother of a living child. It 
was developed previous to birth, and nursed under the 
influence of an insanity in the mother so deep, that she 
seems to have had no consciousness of the period through 
which she had passed, and had no recognition of the 
child as hers. The child betrayed the evidence of 
insanity from its birth. What should be said of such 
a man? Can man perpetrate a deeper wrong against 
humanity, and against parentage and marriage ? Yet 
he is counted a Christian, is a member of a church, 
and in good repute in the community in which he 
lives ! 

Conditions at the time of Sexual Intercourse. — 
These, too, may, and often do, have a marked influence 
on the child. The soul should be in its happiest and 
most perfect state, free from care; the Love clement in 
the entire ascendant; every element in the soul of each 
concentrated in love upon the other, and penetrated 
with a pure, intense desire for offspring. The body, 
in all its powers and functions, should be in full vigor, 
free from all weariness or lassitude, not excited by 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


75 


artificial stimulants of any kind. Conjugal love, when 
true, is attracted to purity, to beauty, to all that is 
sweet, tender, pure, delicate. It can have no affinity to 
coarseness, vulgarity, uncleanness, or meanness. Mar¬ 
riage love can do nothing but refine, elevate, beautify 
and adorn all who come under its influence. Passion, 
existing and seeking indulgence without love, as it 
generally does, is coarse, selfish, polluted, and neces r 
sarily tends to degrade and profane both body and soul. 

The following cases illustrate the influence of parental 
conditions, at the time of sexual congress, on the off¬ 
spring. The wife was a healthy woman, in body and 
soul,—refined and accomplished in heart and intellect, 
and of great personal grace and beauty. Her husband 
was a sober, respectable man when she married. He 
became a sot. Under the influence and excitement of 
intoxicating drinks, he sought and obtained passional 
intercourse with his wife. An idiotic child was the 
result — hopelessly and helplessly idiotic. The mother 
attributed the idiocy to the drunkenness of the father; 
and justly, without doubt. 

I know two young sisters, opposite as the poles in 
their tendencies; one being fretful, impatient, revenge¬ 
ful, and seldom satisfied or in harmony with any thing or 
person around her; the other is exactly the reverse. 
Both have the same father and mother. What makes 
the difference ? The difference in the conditions of the 
parents at the time of reproduction. The union from 
which the former derived existence was had when the 
parents were laboring under pecuniary anxieties and 
trials, that kept them in constant irritation and im- 



76 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


patience, and suffering under a sense of wrongs received; 
— that from which the other sprang, occurred under 
circumstances directly the reverse. One will suffer, and 
the other he happy, as the result of the different con¬ 
ditions of their parents at the time of conception. 

The following is the testimony of the mother of five 
children. A stranger asked her one day how it hap¬ 
pened that her children manifested such marked differ¬ 
ences in their characters. She replied, “ I am aware of 
the difference. It has existed from their birth. They 
are as different as so many nations. But I know the 
cause. I can see and feel, in each, my own mental, 
affectional and physical conditions at the time of their 
conception and their birth.” 

Effects of Artificial Stimulants on the Reproduc¬ 
tive Element. — No woman, instigated by pure love, 
can be attracted to a man of filthy, disgusting habits, 
such as frequently belong to those who use tobacco, 
alcoholic drinks, opium caters, and those who live under 
the influence of any artificial stimulants. No man, 
influenced by pure love, can be attracted to a woman, 
as a husband, who lives on artificial excitements. All 
such, whether men or women, become impure, ugly, 
and necessarily repulsive to true love. The sexual ele¬ 
ment becomes diseased, and, in proportion to their use 
of such stimulants, unfitted for the sacred function of 
reproduction. 

How can a woman consent to become a mother by a 
man physically and spiritually polluted by tobacco, 
alcohol, or any foul, unnatural appetite and practice ? 
How can a man receive as a wife, and become a father 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


7T 


by, a woman whose body and soul arc filled with enfee¬ 
bling, polluting disease ? Passion, gross sensualism, 
may bring such together, and enable them to propagate; 
but pure love, never. Such love cannot be attracted to 
uncleanness and meanness, of body or soul. The off¬ 
spring of impure, unclean souls and bodies, must, of 
necessity, be defiled. Insanity, idiocy, anger, revenge, 
and diseases of various kinds and degrees, appear in the 
children born of such unions. 

Drunkenness a cause of Divorce .—No woman, 
who respects herself or her child, will ever yield to 
sexual intercourse with a man when he is excited by 
alcohol, or who habitually or occasionally comes under 
its influence. She may entail disease and deformity on 
its body, and idiocy or insanity on its soul, if she does. 
Drunkenness, in any degree, should exclude a man or 
woman from marriage, and parental relations. The 
use of alcoholic drinks should be a sufficient cause of 
divorce. Drunkenness, of necessity, dissolves the mar¬ 
riage relation; for no man or woman can love a drunk¬ 
ard as a husband or wife. Tea and coffee, alcohol, 
tobacco, opium, and all artificial stimulants, necessarily 
derange the sexual, secretions; and the day will come, 
when men and women will so respect the function of 
reproduction, that they will shun all food, drink, and 
pursuits, of gain or pleasure, that tend to injure it, and 
disqualify them to be healthy parents of healthy children, 
and never connect themselves in marriage with those who 
thus abuse their nature. Those are unfit to be fathers 
or mothers, who indulge their appetite at the expense of 
health. They cannot make a happy home, and those 


78 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


■who wish for this priceless boon, will never knowingly 
enter into conjugal relations with them. 

Solitary Indulgence. — Men are often advised by 
doctors to marry, as a cure for solitary indulgence. vJJ r °e 
to that woman and to her children who marries a man to 
cure him of such a vice ! If he would not control his 
sexual passion before marriage, he will not after it. lie 
gets a wife, not to restrain him from pollution, but that 
he may indulge his sensuality under legalized and social 
sanctions. /In solitary indulgence, he ruined only him¬ 
self ; now, he victimizes wife and children to his passion. 
Heath, to a pure-minded woman, were preferable to such 
a doom. Yet multitudes are sought, in legal marriage, 
by men whose aim is, to save themselves from what they 
have come to consider an indulgence which they must 
and will have alone, if they cannot get legal control over 
the person of a woman. Such men had better be left to 
die as solitary sensualists, than to enter into relations by 
which others must be destroyed with them 

Let the following extract from a letter illustrate the 
effects of sexual abuse on the entire man: — 

“ Sir : 

“Having noticed that you are in Boston for a few weeks, 
I have concluded to address you, to get some advice from you. 
I am suffering as the victim of a solitary abuse of my sexual 
nature. My anguish is often great. The vice has gained upon 
me for several years, and has worn out my vital powers of body 
and mind. The essence of life has left me. I live only in 
name. My spiritual life has left me. I have spent a great deal 
on doctors. Their prescriptions have done me no good. Can von 
restore me to life? Can you rouse up the dormant energies of 
my mind? I have a soul to save from this lowest hell. My 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


T9 


digestive organs are out of order ; my memory is very bad; I 
cannot keep my mind on what I read ; I am incapable of study¬ 
ing ; I have no relish for society, or for any of the charms of 
the world. My age is twenty-one. If there is any medicine 
that will raise my mind from this low condition, and make mo 
myself again, you shall be well rewarded, if you will point it 
out to me. Yours, truly, 

a _J’ 

Here is a living picture of the natural and necessary- 
results of sexual abuse, whether perpetrated socially or 
in solitude. The laws of Nature heed not the existence 
of human enactments, or conventional usages. They 
are self-executing; ever true in their decisions, and in¬ 
flexible in their penalties. Those who expend the repro¬ 
ductive element of their nature for sensual gratification, 
whether in solitude or otherwise, must receive their 
reward. Human laws and customs may and do author¬ 
ize men to do so; but outraged Nature, sooner or later, 
vindicates herself, and metes out to the transgressor a 
righteous retribution. And men and women who thus 
prostitute themselves till they are utterly diseased in 
body and soul, become fathers and mothers! How 
idiotic, insane, or imbecile, must be their children ! The 
only cure for such persons is, 11 Cease to do evil, learn 
to do wellA God cannot serve them in any other way. 

Sexual Abuse during Gestation. — The following 
cases illustrate the abuse often practised by men upon 
women, during gestation, under legal and conventional 
sanctions, and the consequence of such abuses : — 

“ Dear Friend : 

“I send yon the following fact; use it as you please. I 
knew a yoifhg woman, who was healthy and bright when she 




80 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


married. She had one child, two years old, and another, a few 
months. While she was developing this child, previous to 
birth, her husband forced her to yield to his passion very often, 
regardless of her tears and entreaties to spare her for her own 
sake and her child’s. Her distress would be so great under his 
abuse of her during gestation, that she could with difficulty 
suppress her screams. He would threaten to remove her living 
child from her, if she did not submit. Within a week after her 
child was born, he insisted on his legal right to sexual inter¬ 
course, and threatened to abandon her and take her children 
from her if she refused him. The child lived a few months, 
and died. The man soon died of consumption. The woman 
soon after fell a victim to the same disease, brought on, proba¬ 
bly, or hastened, by the abuse of the man, under the sanctions 
of law and religion. 

“ These things were told me by the woman, who often sought 
refuge with neighbors, to free herself, for a brief space, from 
legalized and consecrated sensuality. 

“ Your friend and well-wisher, 

5 5 


Mr. L. and his wife, when they were married, had 
healthy and vigorous constitutions. They had four 
living children. She destroyed the fifth conception, 
procuring abortion at four months. Then she had two 
other conceptions within fifteen months, and destroyed 
the fetus at about three or four months. Then she con¬ 
ceived again, and could not procure abortion. The child 
was born fearfully diseased; it lived four months, and 
then died. The mother died two weeks after the child 
was born—Uhe victim of sexual abuse, mainly during 
gestation. He then got another woman, who, in due 
time, became pregnant. At about eight months, she had 
a fit, which lasted twenty-four hours. To br?ng her out 



TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


81 


of it, two doctors concluded to take the child from her. 
She died under the operation. The fit was thought to 
have been induced by sexual abuse during pregnancy, 
lie took another according to law, — a feeble, consump¬ 
tive woman. Within about eighteen months, she had 
two abortions; one at three months and one at six, and 
both, as it was thought, caused by sexual abuse during 
gestation. This w r oman is victimized to her husband’s 
sensuality. He has caused the death of two women, 
and of several children, and is killing his third wife. 
This man is counted a just, pure, and Christian man; 
yet, on this subject, his reason is utterly dark, and his 
conscience fearfully obtuse. 

Mental Conditions during Gestation. — Tho 
following extract illustrates the power of the mental 
and affectional conditions of the mother over the child 
previous to birth : — 

“ I know a child, ten years old, who has a great fondness and 
faculty for telling stories. I have been often surprised at her 
talent and propensity, they are so marked. The mother in¬ 
formed me that, previous to her birth, she very often gathered 
around her a group of children, and amused them and herself 
by telling them stories, which she usually made up as she went 
along. She became exceedingly interested in her own stories, 
and excited by her own creations of fancy, and by the absorbed 
attention of the children. Her daughter has, from the earliest 
development of her intellectual and affectional nature, shown a 
decided propensity and talent for reading and telling stories. I 
have often heard her when she lost all consciousness of her sur¬ 
roundings, in her rapt interest in her own inventions.” 

Another case. The eye of a young lady of S. has a 


82 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


protuberance of the size of a pea, just below the pupil, 
and it rests on the under eyelid. There is no cure for it. 
It was there at her birth, and does not occasion her any 
suffering. No surgeon dare attempt to remove it, lest 
her eye be ruined. In the early period of gestation, 
her mother met a woman, and was a day in her society, 
whose eye was similarly affected, which gave to her a 
very repulsive look. She was deeply impressed with 
fear lest her child should come into being with an eye 
thus deformed. Her mind dwelt upon it anxiously, and 
this fact probably produced the very result she so much 
dreaded. Her child was born with a similar affection of 
the same eye. 

Yet another. S. W. has no left hand. His arm is 
developed to the wrist, and there is a little bit of flesh 
at the end of it, without bones or fingers. The cause: 
Some months previous to his birth, his mother, whose 
dread of rats amounted to a fixed terror, came in con¬ 
tact with one, as follows. She went down cellar to 
get some milk that stood in an arch. As she was open¬ 
ing the door into the arch, she was deeply impressed 
with terror lest a rat should suddenly spring up before 
her. With this feeling, she entered, put her hand up 
to get at the milk, when suddenly a large rat jumped 
upon the back of her hand. She dropped her milk, ran 
in terror up stairs, and, in a state of faintness, dropped 
into a chair. Her husband came in, saw her condition, 
and concluded she had met with some sudden terror, 
but said nothing, lest he should increase it. She recov¬ 
ered, and told him the whole story. He treated it 
lightly, and tried to divert her attention and to dissi- 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


83 


pate the consciousness of the sensation caused by the 
touch of the rat; hut she often recurred to it. Her 
child was born. Her first, anxious inquiry was, “Is it 
a perfect child ? ” “ Yes,” was the answer, no one hav¬ 

ing seen the defect. Her attention was at once directed 
to the left hand. She discovered that it was not de¬ 
veloped, and fainted. That was her ever-present fore¬ 
boding, lest her child should be born without the left 
hand. This protracted terror and anxiety probably 
produced the dreaded result. 

Lactation. — Facts show that nursing infants are not 
unfrequently greatly injured, and exposed to the keenest 
sufferings, and sometimes to death, through the effects 
produced on the Mammary secretions by the mental and 
physical conditions of the mother. 

A woman of a reckless, ungovernable temper, had a 
child six months old. She was excited to anger by some 
unguarded words from her husband. She rushed to her 
chamber, where the child was sleeping, others being 
present. She was so vociferous and boisterous as to 
awaken the child. It began to scream in terror at the 
mother’s furious and angry look and manner. The 
mother took it up and nursed it to still its crying, and 
then laid it on the bed again. In a short time, it was in 
violent convulsions. A physician was called, who at 
once concluded that the convulsions resulted from some 
hurtful substance in the stomach. The mother told him 
of the child’s nursing, and of her own mental condition 
at the time. The convulsions were attributed, by the 
doctor, to the effect of the mother’s anger on the Mam- 


84 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


mary secretions. She was directed not to nurse the 
child at the breast again for twelve hours, and never to 
do it when she was angry, or in any unnatural excite¬ 
ment. 

The following was told me by the mother of a child 
with whom I am intimate. The child is now twelve 
years old, and from infancy has had a kind of instinctive 
longing for tea. Her nervous excitability and restless¬ 
ness have been a source of great suffering to the child 
from its birth, and of anxiety and weariness to all who 
have had charge of her, and have made her an object of 
dislike to her playmates. The mother assigns as the 
cause of this derangement of her daughter’s nervous sys¬ 
tem, the fact, that she (the mother), during the period 
of Lactation, and a part of Gestation, drank strong tea, 
by direction of her medical adviser, in order to increase 
the quantity of the Mammary secretions. The result 
was, a diseased nervous system, which must entail a life 
of bodily and mental suffering on the daughter. She 
will be repelled from the companionship of those whose 
society will be most essential to her development and 
happiness. 

The above facts, and the following extract from Car¬ 
penter (Sec. 62T and the note), should be deeply pon¬ 
dered by every mother and father : — 

“ No secretion so evidently exhibits the influence of the depress¬ 
ing emotions, as that of the Mammae ; but this may bo partly 
due to the fact, that the digestive system of the infant is a moro 
delicate apparatus for testing the qualities of that secretion, than 
any which the Chemist can devise ; affording proof, by disorder 
of its function, of changes in the character of the Milk, which no 
examination of its physical properties could detect. The follow- 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


85 


In g remarks on this subject are abridged from Sir A. Cooper's 
valuable work on the Breast. ‘ The secretion of milk proceeds 
best in a tranquil state of mind, and with a cheerful temper : then 
the milk is regularly abundant, and agrees well with the child. 
On the contrary, a fretful temper lessens the quantity of milk, 
makes it thin and serous, and causes it to disturb the child’s 
bowels, producing intestinal fever and much griping. Fits of 
anger produce a very irritating milk, followed by griping in the 
infant, with green stools. Grief has a great influence on lacta¬ 
tion, and consequently upon the child. The loss of a near and 
dear relation, or a change of fortune, will often so much dimin¬ 
ish the secretion of milk, as to render adventitious aid necessary 
for the support of the child. Anxiety of mind diminishes the 
quantity, and alters the quality of the milk. The reception of a 
letter which leaves the mind in anxious suspense, lessens the 
draught, and the breast becomes empty. If the child be ill, and 
the mother is anxious respecting it, she complains to her medi¬ 
cal attendant that she has little milk, and that her infant is 
gulped, and has frequent green and frothy motions. Fear has a 
powerful influence on the secretion of milk. I am informed by 
a medical man, who practises much among the poor, that the 
apprehension of the brutal conduct of a drunken husband -will 
put a stop, fora time, to the secretion of milk. When this hap¬ 
pens, the breast feels knotted and hard, flaccid from the absence 
of milk, and that wdiich is secreted is highly irritating, and 
some time elapses before a healthy secretion returns. Terror , 
which is sudden, and greafr fear, instantly stops this secretion.’ 
Of this, two striking instances, in which the secretion, although 
previously abundant, was completely arrested by this emotion, 
are detailed by Sir A. G. ‘ Those passions which are generally 
sources of pleasure, and which, when moderately indulged, are 
conducive to health, will, when carried to excess, alter, and even 
entirely check, the secretion of milk.’ 

“ The following is perhaps the most remarkable instance on 
record of the effect of strong mental excitement on the Mammary 
secretion. ‘ A carpenter fell into a quarrel with a soldier bil¬ 
leted in his house, and was set upon by the latter with his drawn 
8 


86 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 

/ 

sword. The wife of the carpenter at first trembled from fear 
and terror, and then suddenly threw herself furiously between 
the combatants, wrested the sword from the soldier’s hand, broke 
it in pieces, and threw it away. During the tumult, some 
neighbors came in and separated the men. While in this state 
of strong excitement, the mother took up the child from the 
cradle, where it lay playing, and in the most perfect health, 
never having had a moment’s illness ; she gave it the breast, 
and in so doing, sealed its fate. In a few minutes, the infant 
left off sucking, became restless, panted, and sank dead upon its 
mothor’s bosom. The physician, who was instantly called in, 
found the child lying in the cradle, as if asleep, and with its 
features undisturbed ; but all his resources were fruitless. It 
was irrecoverably gone.’ In this interesting case, the milk must 
have undergone a change, which gave it a powerful sedative 
action upon the susceptible nervous system of the infant. 

“ The following, which occurred within the author’s own 
knowledge, is perhaps equally valuable to the Physiologist, as an 
example of the similarly-fatal influence of undue emotion of a 
different character ; and both should serve as a salutary warn¬ 
ing to mothers, not to indulge either in the exciting or depress¬ 
ing passions. A lady having several children, of whom none 
had manifested any particular tendency to cerebral disease, and 
of which the youngest was a healthy infant of a few months old, 
heard of the death (from acute hydrocephalus) of the infant 
child of a friend residing at a distance, with whom she had beer?, 
on terms of close intimacy, and whose family had increased 
almost contemporaneously with her own. The circumstance, 
naturally made a strong impression on her mind; and she dwelt 
;pon it the more, perhaps, as she happened, at that period, to 
fie separated from the rest of her family, and to bo much alone 
with her babe. One morning, shortly after having nursed it, she 
laid the infant in its cradle, asleep, and apparently in perfect 
health ; her attention was shortly attracted to it by a noise ; and, 
on going to the cradle, she found her infant in a convulsion, 
which lasted for a few minutes, and then left it dead. 

“ Another instance, in which the maternal influence was less 


TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


S7 

certain, but in which it was not improbably the immediate 
cause of the fatal termination, occurred in a family nearly 
related to the author’s. The mother had lost several children in 
early infancy, from a convulsive disorder ; one infant, however, 
burvived the visually fatal period ; but, whilst nursing him, one 
morning, she had been strongly dwelling on the fear of losing 
him, also, although he appeared a very healthy child. In a few 
minutes after the infant had been transferred to the arms of the 
nurse, and whilst she was urging her mistress to take a more 
cneerful view, directing her attention to his thriving appearance, 
he was seized with a convulsion-fit, and died almost instantly. 
This case offers a valuable suggestion,-—which, indeed, would 
be afforded by other considerations, — that an infant, under such 
circumstances, should not be nursed by its mother, but by 
another woman, of placid temperament, who had roared healthy 
children of her own.” 

To the above facts, I would add the following extract 
from a letter, to show that a tendency to suicide , as 
well as to insanity , may be transmitted from parents tc 
children : — 

“Dear Friend: 

“It is now several years since I became acquainted with 

Mrs.-. She was young and beautiful, possessing a fine 

intellect, which was well cultivated. She, with one sister, were 
the only surviving members of her family. Her father, brother, 
and, I think, one sister, had been afflicted with partial insanity, 
and had terminated their lives by committing suicide. A few 
years after, Mrs.-’s health began to decline, and her inti¬ 

mate friends saw indications of aberration of mind. She was 
put under the care of a skilful hydropathic physician. While 
under his care, I spent a few days with her, and helped to ad¬ 
minister the treatment; and had I not been well acquainted with 
her, I should have seen no jar in her mind. Soon after I loft , 
the attempted to jump from a two-story window, and thus tr* 
tako her life; and again, by jumping into a deep pond. Hei 




88 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


husband’s life was hazarded in rescuing her. Having thus wvice 
eluded the strict watch that was kept over her, her husband 
thought best to carry her to another Water-Cure Establishment. 
On their way, they stopped at a friend's, to make a short visit, 
and while there, she made a third attempt to destroy her life, and 
succeeded. Thus ended the life of the third, and, I think, of the 
fourth member of that family, by suicide. 

“1 also know a family in-, where the father and two 

sons, in good circumstances, took their own lives, through fear 
that they should come to want. 

“ If the above facts will help you in demonstrating the truth, 
that mental, as well as physical, qualities are transmissible, they 
arc at your service.” 

Society abounds with facts to show that the psycho¬ 
logical, no less than the physiological conditions of the 
mother during Gestation, may and do affect the child ; 
often producing deformities, in the shape of marks on the 
skin, the absence of a hand, or arm, or foot, or an in¬ 
complete or unnatural development of some part of the 
body. To avoid this, women should be trained to habits 
of calmness and self-possession, and presence of mind 
under all circumstances of sudden emotion, and in the 
presence of deformed objects and startling scenes. These 
qualities are nowhere so necessary as in a woman in the 
presence of her undeveloped, unborn babe, whose hap 
piness for life may depend on her calmness and sell 
possession. It is not the sudden, transient emotion, that 
is likely to prove injurious to her babe, but a longing, a 
terror, an anxiety, or any emotion that is prolonged for 
weeks or months. The deep, abiding, all-controlling 
psychological condition should be one of sweet serenity, a 
holy love and reverence for the new life that is being 
Jeveloped within her own ; a tender love and yearning 



TRANSMISSION OF DISEASE. 


89 


desire for the presence, love and sympathizing caress and 
support of the father of her babe, and perfect trust in his 
manhood, and self-abandonment of herself and babe to 
his manly tenderness and protection. The true husband 
Avill show himself worthy such loving trust and self- 
abandonment, on the part of his wife, while-slie is pre¬ 
paring to crown him with the dignity and glory of a 
father. Let all husbands and wives deeply ponder the 
fact, that their homes, and the happiness of themselves 
and their children, may be affected for life by the mental 
conditions of the mother during the period of Gesta¬ 
tion and Lactation. Let the mother, for her child’s sake, 
be guarded from all unnatural and unhappy emotions and 
excitements, as she, with her husband, would stand in 
innocence and honor in the presence of their child. 

II. C. W. 


90 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER VII. 


<§Iu ®tlt»nu € It i Ur. 


PARENTAGE THE RESULT OF CONSCIENTIOUS FORETHOUGHT, AND NOT OF 

RECKLESS PASSION. 


Lenawee, June, 1852. 


Dear Friend : 

For no office in life do men and women need a more 
careful and thorough training, than for that of parentage, 
— for on none hang such mighty results. Yet, for this 
alone they have the least thought of preparation. They 
submit to years of severe discipline to become boxers, 
wrestlers, warriors, or statesmen ; milliners, blacksmiths, 
or farmers. But how few seek wisely and conscien¬ 
tiously to discipline their bodies and souls, with a view 
to become healthy parents of healthy children, and to 
fill the station of fathers or mothers with honor and 
fidelity to themselves and their offspring! Men and 
'women are more diligent to get a healthy crop of 
wheat, potatoes, or apples, and to grow beautiful and 
fragrant flowers, than to give existence to healthy chil¬ 
dren, with beautiful souls, fragrant with love and spiritual 


life. 


How often men and women, even in legal marriage, 
arc brought into the parental relation, not only without 
any design or desire on their part, but in opposition to 
their wishes ! ow often conception takes place against 



THE WELCOME CHILD. 


91 


the most earnest prayer of the woman’s heart! The 
husband demands the gratification of his sensual pas¬ 
sion. In her heart, the wife repels him, yet, for the 
sake of peace, and to retain her husband with her, 
yields. He cares not for the child that may result. 
Passional indulgence is all he seeks; and even in the 
sexual embrace, the wife prays in her heart that there 
may be no conception. But there is, and the unwished- 
for child is born, conceived and developed in the organ¬ 
ism of one, whose heart throbs only with anguish, 
struggling against the very existence of the tender life 
that is being formed within her own. What must be 
the character of human beings thus generated and 
developed ? 

When will men and women show a rational, conscien¬ 
tious, loving forethought, in giving existence to their 
children ? In growing grain, fruit, and cattle, in com¬ 
merce, politics, and religion, they are considerate, and 
show great deliberation, and skill, and forethought; but 
how utterly thoughtless and reckless are they in entering 
into the relation of parentage ! Their children are the 
offspring of chance, of mere reckless, selfish passion. ' A 
child of fierce, ungoverned passion, and the child of love, 
controlled by a conscientious forethought, and acting in 
harmony with Nature, — how different their charac¬ 
ters ! — how dissimilar their destiny ! 

Let every father and mother, and all who hope to 
become such, ponder well the two following letters. 
The first is from a physician and his wife, and the 
second from an enlightened farmer and his wife. I give 
them, in substance, as they were written. Every friend 


92 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


of Humanity must rejoice to see such cases multiplied. 
By this loving and 'wise forethought alone, can the repro¬ 
ductive element in man be rescued from the pollution, 
shame and disgust, now so often associated with it in 
the minds of wives and mothers, and made conducive, 
not only to the perpetuity, but also to the purity and 
dignity of human nature. 

“ Dear Friend : 

<c I sit down with my wife to say a word to you on the import¬ 
ance of attending to our conditions of body and soul, in taking 
the initiatory step in the process of creating a new being in 
human form. We have three children; two of them having 
been born since our conversation with you, and since you urged 
upon us the duty to have in view the health and happiness of 
our child, rather than our own sensual gratification, in perform¬ 
ing the act in which that child was to originate. You justly 
dwelt upon the fact, that the child must be more or less affected 
for life by the physical, mental and spiritual conditions of the 
parents at the time of sexual congress. It must be so ; and 
the most sacred obligations rest on those who would assume the 
holy and exalted relation of parents, to attend to their condi¬ 
tions, of body and soul, when they take that first step in the 
process of Nature which is to give existence to a rational being, 
to call them father or mother, and whose happiness is to be 
deeply affected by their conditions. As you say, ‘ Let tiiere 
be light, ’ on this point, as well as on others relating to this 
purest and most potent, for good or evil, of all human acts 
Let the most fitting conditions, in both husband and wife, bo 
clearly understood, and then let them be sacredly regarded. 
None but the unjust and impure can knowingly disregard the 
fiat of God in this matter, and, for merely sensual gratification, 
do the deed which is to place them in the relation of parents, 
without any thought for the welfare of their child. When the 
desire for a child, and for its health and happiness, rather than 


THE WELCOME CHILD. 


93 


sensual pleasure, shall prompt to the act, then, and never before, 
may we hope to see the earth peopled by a nobler type of human 
kind. 

“ We would say a few words respecting our conditions at the 
time of the act of reproduction, in the creation of each of our 
children ; and if we say the same things, it is because our 
thoughts, as well as our affections, run in the same channel. 
W e are able to give some particulars in reference to each child ; 
for we have kept a record, — to us a dear and sacred record,— 
of our physical, intellectual, and spiritual conditions, and of our 
external material and social surroundings, when each was con¬ 
ceived, developed, and born. No written or printed record can 
ever speak to our hearts as does that; none can ever awaken 
memories so sweet and precious, for in it are noted the condi¬ 
tions and circumstances that stand connected, in our minds, 
with tho purest and most intense joys of our wedded and parental 
hearts. 

“ The conditions under which we gave existence to our first¬ 
born, a son, were far from what they should have been. It was 
before we had turned attention to the subject. We had no 
thought that our conditions at the time would affect our child. 
Indeed, the act was not performed with reference to offspring. 
We had no wish fur a child, and, of course, cared not for its 
welfare, should one ensue. Our own gratification was the sole 
motive by which we were influenced. It was in August. 
Physically, mentally, and spiritually, we were greatly prostrated 
by the heat of the weather and by toil. Our bodies and souls 
were without life or energy. Our conjugal affection was inac¬ 
tive. We were in a state of wounded pride and hostility 
towards some of our neighbors. Our vital forces were dor¬ 
mant, or, if exerted, had been for several days in a state of 
hateful activity. The act was performed. A child was the 
result. That boy is sluggish, and has a feeble, inactive body 
and soul. The life-principle of his nature has no buoyancy. 
He is listless; he has no energy of will, and little resolution ; 
io sullen on trifling occasions, and it is very difficult to divert 
him from a sense of injury Life seems dark and gloomy to 


94 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


him. We think we can trace much of his imbecility and suffer¬ 
ing, of body and soul, to our conditions at the time he was 
originated. We made no preparation for the act that was to 
ultimate in parentage. 

“ For some time previous to the creation of our second child, 
a daughter, we had the subject under consideration. We 
studied to know what conditions in us would most conduce to 
the well-being of our child. We were both in better physical 
health than we had been since our marriage. Animal life was 
active and buoyant. Conscious life seemed but another nanio 
for conscious bliss. We were happy in each other, in our 
friends, and in our surroundings. Our first-born was three 
years old. Intelligent, genial, happy friends were around us, 
and daily with us. We sought to turn our thoughts and feel¬ 
ings as much as possible to the one great end we had in view, — 
a perfect child. On this, our souls were concentrated. We 
felt deeply impressed with the fact, as we never had done 
before, that each depended on the other for this happy consum¬ 
mation. That each might prepare the other to bestow this 
blessing, I was led to give all the tender, loving and devoted 
attentions to the physical and spiritual comfort of my wife, of 
which my manhood, penetrated by deep, concentrated love, was 
capable. She did the same by me; and thus, in seeking each 
to prepare the other for this function, the best possible prepara¬ 
tion was secured to ourselves. In proportion as I sought to 
prepare my wife to become a mother, I prepared myself to be a 
i father. The act in which the two elements were blended, and 
in which our daughter originated, was consummated in Septem¬ 
ber. Our child was born in June. The hearts of a proud 
and happy father and mother need not assure you respecting 
the physical, intellectual, social and spiritual organization and 
conditions of our child. In her perfect health, beauty, energy, 
activity, and love-nature, we find our reward for our Aviso and 
considerate course in the process of giving her existence. With 
her, as Avith her parents at the time of her conception, conscious 
life is conscious heaven. You knoAV and appreciate her, and wa 
need add no more about her. 


THE WELCOME CHILE. 


95 


\ 


“ When our second child was in her fifth year, our third was 
born. For one year previous to the blending of our two ele¬ 
ments, in which this object of our love originated, we sought to 
bring our bodies and souls into that state which, in our view, 
would be most favorable to give existence to a type of Humanity 
as superior to ourselves as possible. We abstained from all 
artificial stimulants, drank only cold water, and used mostly a 
vegetable diet. We abandoned all late social parties, kept aloof 
from all occasions and scenes calculated to produce unnatural 
excitement of the intellect or the heart. We avoided all crowded 
or excited gatherings. We took special pains to keep ourselves 
in a pure, fresh air. Wc were often together, and with a 
few intimate friends, in the fields and the woods, and amid 
the beautiful, calm, bright scenes of Nature. We were to¬ 
gether nearly every hour for about one year, and by all the offices 
and endearments which our love prompted each to crave from, 
and render to, the other, we sought to perfect the oneness of 
our souls, and to call into activity and to blend all the purest, 
most refined and ennobling elements of our natures. Wo 
made our lives subservient to the welfare of the child whom wi 
intended to bring into existence. Our child, for whose welfare 
we prayed, even before its conception, came to us, — the child 
of our Love, our Reason, and our Conscience, and not of mere 
sensual Passion. She is now about two years old ; the child of 
the day, and not of the night; of light, and not of darkness; 
of a calm, tender, loving forethought, and not of reckless sen¬ 
suality. 

“ By me, at this moment, sits the happy mother of my child, 
with our daughter, laughing and delighting in her smiles and 
caresses. We think that no such child could come into being 
as the offspring of passion, that takes note of nothing but 
its own gratification. Such a child could not be begotten by 
accident. No woman could conceive and develop such a child, 
while her soul was crushed in her struggles against its existence, 
from the initiatory act to its birth. We wanted a healthy, 
happy child, to be the joy and glory of our home, to represent 
us in the race, and to be an ornament to the nature we beat. 


96 


MARRIAGE AJSI) PARENTAGE. 


We practically and deliberately sought such a child. There, 
before mo, with its arms in ecstasy twined lovingly around her 
mother’s neck, is our reward. 

“ As physicians, — for we are both in that profession, m fact, 
and have much to do in midwifery, — we are prepared to 
endorse all you have said to us on Marriage and Parentage, and 
on the transmission of parental conditions to children. Too 
much attention cannot be given to the conditions of parents at 
the time of the reproductive act, and during gestation. In 
blending the masculine and feminine elements, should sensual 
gratification, or offspring, be the ruling motive? Should mere 
sensual passion rule, or should the union be consummated under 
the guidance of Love, of Reason, and of Conscience? Should the 
gratification of the sexual instinct rule in that relation, or the 
perfection and happiness of the child ? 

“ During the period of gestation, let the mother be surrounded 
by the tenderest care, and guarded from all harm. Let her 
take heed to what she eats and dilnks, and to her temper and 
disposition. Unnatural stimulants, to body or soul, are always 
hurtful to the unborn child. The mother should shun them, 
if she regards her child. L et husbands beware how they t reat 
their wives during gestation, and do all they can to save them 
from excessive toil and fatigue, and from all depression, anxiety, 
and gloom of spirits. Let them do all they can to surround 
their wives with comfort, and with all bright, quiet, cheerful, 
happy influences. A bove all, let them abstain from all sexual 
commerce with them, or excitement of the sexual instinct. Let 
the life and energies of both bo consecrated to the perfection 
and happiness of the new immortal for whose existence they are 
responsible. 

“ But I forbear. We both bid you God-speed in your efforts 
to discover and publish the true, natural laws that were 
designed to govern the masculine and feminine elements, as 
they are embodied in human form, and to call men and women 
to obedience to those laws. Evermore be true to your favorite 
text, r Like erode cfs like,’ till the sexual instinct shall be 
brought under the con*'A of Conscience, and become, jpracti- 




THE WELCOME CHILD. 


97 


cally, the purest and noblest attribute of our nature, and tho 
means of our highest elevation, and truest aud most ennobling 
joys. Yours, -.” 


“ Dear Friend : 

“We are in the humble walks of life, — without fame, and 
without property, except the dear little farm on whose fruits wo 
live, and on which is the homo of our love. Your views on Mar¬ 
riage and Parentage are known to us, and we welcome them as 
truths direct from God to all who are living, or expect to live, in 
conjugal relations. Your teachings on the expenditure of the 
Reproductive Element and the government of the Sexual In¬ 
stinct, we accept, and, in our united life, seek to live out. You 
say, the existence of children is under the control of parents. 
We know it is true. You seek to bring the sexual instinct and 
the reproductive element in men under the control of Reason and 
Conscience. We know it can be done. The following is the 
history and result of our experience, since we entered into the 
relation of husband and wife. 

“We have lived together in this relation seven years. We 
have one child, now two years old. We had one hundred acres 
of land to begin with, and nothing else. About one half of it 
was covered with a dense forest, with little fencing on tho 
cleared part, and on it a log cabin and barn. Before we began 
to live together as husband and wife, we often conversed on the 
subjects presented to us by you, especially on the laws that 
should govern passional intercourse and the expenditure of tho 
Reproductive Element. It was settled in our minds, that the 
conditions and wishes of the wife should ever govern that rela¬ 
tion ; and thus we determined it should be with us. We also 
settled, that we should have no child until we had prepared for 
it a comfortable home, in which to give it a suitable welcome. 

“ Our union was publicly recognized. We at once moved to 
our log-cabin home. We cleared and fenced our homestead. 
We toiled steadily and happily together three years. We had 
9 





98 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


nothing of this world’s goods, except what we raised on our 
farm. We were happy in our rude home. Love made labor 
light and pleasant. We both labored for an object, that now 
rose to our vision, tender, bright and beautiful. Each labored 
for the other, and for the child that each was to receive from the 
other. The hope of having a home of love and comfort for my 
wife, and the child she was to bestow ou me, nerved my heart 
and my arm. We toiled together ; we grew together. Daily 
and hourly was the oneness between us made more perfect. 

“But we had no child. Our neighbors began to ask us, 
jokingly, why. We assured them the child would come when 
we were ready for it, and wished for it. Meantime, we put up 
a pleasant cottage house, furnished it comfortably, and sur¬ 
rounded it with flowers and fruits, such as we could command. 
Our cottage home seemed to us an Eden of God, for in it, in 
anticipation, we blended our souls, our very existence, to form a 
new being; and in it, we hoped to welcome the angel embodi¬ 
ment of our love. As robins prepare their nest, exerting all 
their skill to make it comfortable and beautiful to welcome their 
tender young, so we planned and built ours, with a view to give 
our hoped-for nestling a tender, joyous welcome. 

“ On the fourth year, we raised wheat and corn to supply us 
for two years. We sold off our stock, and so arranged our 
affairs that we could devote the fifth year to one of the great 
ends of our united existence, — the creation of a child, to bless 
us, and be blessed by us. To the best of our knowledge, we did 
what we could to secure to our child a healthy organization of 
body and soul. Before the sexual union was consummated in 
which our child originated, we endeavored, for some months, to 
get our bodies and souls into as healthful, happy conditions as 
possible. We both longed for a child. Our home seemed 
lonely and desolate without one. We needed the sweet smiles 
and prattle of a child to perfect our natures. We wanted to 
hear the pattering of the little feet of our child on our floor. I 
wished to see my child nestling in the bosom of my wife ; she, to 
see hers resting on the bosom of her husband. Each looked to 
the other for this great consummation. This feeling of mutual 


THE WELCOME CHILD. 


99 


dependence, consecrated by love, found expression in all loving 
and anxious efforts in each to surround the other with material 
comforts, and an atmosphere of sweet repose and heavenly 
beauty. 

“ On the first day of May, in the fifth year of our united life, 
our daughter came to us, bearing, in the health and beauty of 
her person, in the soundness and vigor of her intellect, and in 
the purity, gentleness, sweetness and power of her affections, 
Heaven’s holiest, noblest boon to her parents’ hearts. Our 
forethought, our self-control, our tender solicitude and anxious 
preparation, are rewarded a thousand-fold. 

“ This child is our family Bible, whose pages we have studied 
hourly and devoutly. This angel babe comes to purify and 
ennoble our natures, to beautify and perfect our oneness, to 
make earth a paradise, to take us by the hand and lead us to a 
bright and glorious future, by a pathway adorned with all fra¬ 
grant and beautiful flowers. Where can man find Eden, where 
can he commune with God, if not b^ the side of his loved and 
loving wife, contemplating his babe, as it nestles in her bosom? 
In the face of that babe and of its mother, God and Nature 
reflect all their concentrated beauty, sweetness and brightness to 
his heart. 

“But I must stop. Our hearts’ prayer is, that every man 
and woman may be blessed with a home of love, where they may 
find rest and peace to their souls. 

“ Yours, truly, 

__? 5 

Is the child the result of a voluntary act on the part 
of its parents ? Are its organization, character, and 
destiny greatly controlled by the physical, intellectual 
and spiritual conditions of parents at the time of the sex¬ 
ual union in which it originated, and during its develop¬ 
ment previous to birth ? These questions can admit of 
but one answer. Then did those parents who penned the 
above letters act rationally, justly and nobly, in thus 




100 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


. 

seeking„the welfare of their offspring. Their conduct is 
worthy of all commendation. * Are the wives of those 
two men happy ? Who can doubt it ? They fear not 
the passion of their husbands. That very passion, which 
is often a source of anxiety, of deep terror, of sickness 
and death, to wives and their children, is to them an 
ever-present stimulus to tender and manly sympathy and 
respect. An ennobling love, and a tender anxiety for 
the health and happiness of their wives and the mother 
of their children, control all their passional expressions. 
Their wives and children are never sacrificed to sexual 
gratification. 


II. c. w. 


THE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


101 



LETTER VIII. 


QUESTIONS TO BE ASKED AND ANSWERED IN THE FUTURE OF THIS 

WORLD-RESULTS OF SEXUAL ABUSE TO PARENTS AND CHILDREN. 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

Dear Friend : 

Undesired and unwelcome children! Are such 
ever born ? It would seem impossible; so unnatural, so 
unjust, and so monstrous does it seem, to impart the 
life-germ, to develop it into a human form, and give 
birth to a living child, and then frown coldly on the 
helpless, tender being you have forced into existence, 
without any choice or will of its own. Of all the 
victims of human ignorance and crime, none so deserve 
tender, pitying sympathy, as an unwished babe ! Of all 
the wrongs that can be done to it in after life, none 
can ever equal that done by its parents before it w T as 
born, and at its birth. Those who give existence to a 
child, wdien they do not wish one, and when they arc 
not prepared joyfully and proudly to welcome its birth, 
whether in legal marriage or out of it, deserve to be, and 
will ere Ions: be, deemed the most criminal of human 
kind. 

Yet, such unwelcome children are not uncommon ; 
and the authors of their being, who dreaded and exe¬ 
crated their appearance in life, as a burden and an 
9 * 


102 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


encroachment on tllKr pleasures, are^ hel<^.in respect, as 
just, k&ac^fide aufljChaifctiyn men^and we^nen. What 
language can adequately portray the hardened depravity 
of that mother’s heart, who could give the following 
answer to the question, — “ IIow did you feel towards 
your first child when it was born ? ” — “ I felt as if I 
wanted to slap it in its face ! ” What a welcome for a 
mother’s heart to accord to her unconscious, innocent 
babe ! Yet that woman is highly cultivated and highly 
associated ! What must that child, now a woman, think 
of the mother who could consent to receive into herself 
the germ of a new life, and develop it under a heart 
pulsating with repugnance to its existence, so bitter, 
and so monstrous ? What can the daughter think of the 
man who could be so lost to justice and self-respect, as 
to become a father by a woman so heartless and so 
debased ? 

A father and son, in my hearing, thus addressed each 
other. The father was angry with his son, and said, — 
“ You have been the plague of my life ; I repelled you 
and cursed you, before you were born, and at your 
birth ! ” — “ Father,” said the lad of eighteen, —a sad 
scapegrace, — “ am I your son ? ” — “ You are,” said 
he, “ to my shame and disgrace be it spoken. You 
have dishonored me, and will bring my head to the grave 
in sorrow.” — “And,” said the son, “you hated and 
cursed me before I was born, and my mother tells me 
she would have killed me in the womb, if she could have 
done so without endangering her own life.” — “ Yes,” 
said the father, “ from your conception to your birth, we 
both struggled against your existence, and when you 


THE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


103 


were born, our first feeling was that of deep regret 
that you had come, and, % on my< part, a* wish that 
your stay with us might he a short one. You have 
been violent, headstrong, revengeful, and vicious, from 
your childhood.” — “ Where is the fault ?” asked the son. 
“ How could I be otherwise, ushered into life, as you say 
I was? Little love and respect do I owe you for a 
life you have cursed from the beginning. If my 
existence was such an offence to you, why did you give 
it to me ? ” 

Are such parents deserving pity or condemnation ? 
They gave birth to a child when they did not wish one, 
and they suffer the natural and necessary retribution. 
The momentary gratification of their sexual passion, 
w hen they were averse to having a child, lias been fear¬ 
fully avenged. That umvelcome child, whose existence 
w T as so offensive to them, has made even their w r ealth, 
their elegantly-furnished home, and their social, political, 
and religious position, the source of ever-present morti¬ 
fication and anguish. 

Not unfrequently have I heard parents, among the 
rich and the poor, especially mothers, bewail the con¬ 
ception and birth of their children. This lament is not 
uncommon in the heart, if not expressed in w r ords, and 
it is felt and heard among all classes. What does it 
mean ? The robber, the slaveholder, the pirate, the 
drunkard, the w r arrior, bewail the wounds and diseases, 
the moral indignation, obloquy, and sufferings, that 
result to themselves, as the natural consequences of 
their vices and crimes; yet they go on doing the same 
deeds. So these parents lament the undesired concep- 


104 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


tions and births that necessarily, result from their sen¬ 
sual indulgence; yet persist in their right to the indul¬ 
gence, and in the repetition of it. The husband demands 
sexual intercourse as his right, and as the great end 
of marriage; the wife yields, both knowing that a 
child may and probably will be the result, yet the 
hearts of both pray earnestly against it. The babe 
is born, — the unwelcome offspring of mere sensual¬ 
ity ; but born only to bring shame and sorrow to 
those who cursed its life with the curse of an unde¬ 
sired existence. The only apology that can be offered 
for such parents is that which Jesus offered for his mur¬ 
derers, — “ They know not what they do! ” This is 
true, and no wonder it is true, for what has the family, 
the school, the church or state, done to give them 
light ? They have, for the most part, been dumb as 
death. 

For many years, I have been accustomed to free con¬ 
versation with men on this subject. In regard to the 
intent and the result of passional intercourse with their 
wives, I have put the following questions to many hus¬ 
bands, solely with a view to get the testimony of their 
experience as to the manner in which children are 
begotten, developed, and born; and few have repulsed 
my inquiries, when they have understood why they were 
made. Man would be true and noble to his wife and his 
child, if he knew how to be. 

1. What proportion of the acts of passional inter¬ 
course was held with an earnest desire to have chil¬ 
dren ? 

2. What proportion has issued in conception ? 


TIIE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


105 


3. What proportion of conceptions has issued in the 
birth of living children ? 

4. What proportion of conceptions was joyfully and 
thankfully welcomed by your wives ? 

5. What proportion of living births has been longed 
for and welcomed by both parents? 

6. What proportion* of those who were born alive died 
in infancy ? 

7. Have your wives suffered much during gestation 
and child-birth ? 

8. Have you been accustomed to sexual indulgence 
during gestation and lactation ? 

9. What has been the effect of such indulgence on the 
mother and child? 

10. Are your wives diseased in the symbols of worn 
anhood? 

11. What influence has your passional relations to 
them had in producing these diseases, and the consequent 
sufferings both to them and your children ? 

To hundreds, in different conditions and classes of 
society, have I put some or all of these questions; and 
from many received written answers, and from nearly 
all to whom they have been put, sincere and kindly 
ones. They bear on all that is beautiful, noble, and 
lovable in manhood and womanhood; to all that is sweet 
and dear and holy in home; to all that can make 
home an Eden, where alone the sweet flowers of affec¬ 
tion, and the golden fruits of a concentrated, vitalizing 
love, can blossom and ripen. They involve the charac¬ 
ter and destiny of individual man, and of states and 
kingdoms. 


106 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Man is not designed to be a brutal sensualist, but a 
gentle, generous, loving, just and noble being, and such 
* he may and will be, in the future of this world. When 
he comes to understand his true relation to woman, 
and the true mission of woman to him, and how to 
make that relation conduce most effectually to his eleva¬ 
tion and happiness, he will not receive her, when she 
comes to him as a wife, and the mother of his children, 
as he now r does. An unselfish, wise, and tender love, 
not selfish, reckless passion, will watch over and guard 
from all harm, the wife that trustingly nestles in his 
bosom, as in the bosom of her God, there to receive 
and impart eternal life and peace. Woman, then, will 
not fear the passion of man, but as it is controlled by 
wisdom, by love, and a tender, manly regard to her life 
and happiness, for whom it exists, she will find in it the 
fulfilment of her wants and the completion of her des¬ 
tiny, as a woman. 

Let all husbands and wives, and fathers and mothers, 
and all who hope to become such, ponder well the fol¬ 
lowing cases. They are reported by one who, as a phy¬ 
sician, has earned, by observation and experience, the 
right to speak on the subject of which he treats. If 
physicians would note down, and report, as this man 
has done, cases of sexual abuse, and their results, 
they might give life to many a crushed and despairing 
heart; and to many a home, light for darkness, beauty 
for ashes, and transports of joy for the spirit of heavi¬ 
ness, by teaching men the fixed, just laws of God, that 
were designed to control the expenditure of the Repro¬ 
ductive Element; they might forestall most diseases, by 


THE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


107 


removing their causes, make the earth to be peopled by 
nobler and more beautiful types of manhood and worn-* 
anliood ; and thus become ministers of grace and 
angels of mercy to a corrupt and bewildered world. 
Like Jesus, their mission would then be, “ to save, 

AND NOT TO DESTROY.” 

“ My dear Sir : 

Your letter was duly received. You have made an important 
inquiry of me, which I will here insert, and to which I will 
attempt a brief answer : 

“ ‘ In your practice as a physician, have any facts come under 
you notice, illustrative of the diseases resulting to the bodies 
and souls of parents and children from sexual abuse ? ’ 

“ I can assure you, that, from a somewhat lengthy and exten¬ 
sive practice in two of the New England States, especially in 
the diseases concerning which you ask information, I could 
furnish numerous cases in answer to your inquiry. Rheuma¬ 
tism, neuralgia, dyspepsia, loss of appetite, universal debility, 
imbecility, loss of memory, of speech, and of all self-respect, 
are some of the physical, intellectual, social and moral conse¬ 
quences of an abuse of the sexual element, whether in solitude 
or in legal marriage. And in regard to children, I have seen 
idiocy, insanity, physical and spiritual deformity, to my full 
satisfaction, resulting directly from such abuse. Only two or 
three specific cases, upon which your question bears, can I givo 
you, for want of time ; these must suffice. 

“ Tiie Case of a Clergyman and iiis Wife. — He, a fine, 
bright young man, was educated in one of the New England 
colleges, and graduated with high honors, and after a course of 
theological studies, entered the ministry, was ordained and 
settled. She, the daughter of a wealthy merchant of a New 
England city, had received a polished education, and was the 
pride of her father’s family. They married. Ho was beloved 
for his cordiality, and admired for his soul-stirring eloquenco 
in his public addresses to God and man. But not many years 


108 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


had passed before some of his people discovered irregularities 
in his appearance and conduct. Something seemed to be going 
wrong with him, which was attributed to his devotion to the 
duties of his profession. It was finally decided that he was 
insane. lie was sent to an Asylum, remained four months, was 
no better, and was taken out by his friends; remained out a 
few months, grew worse, was again sent to the same Asylum, 
stayed another term, was adjudged incurable, and again taken 
to his friends. 

“ As for the wife, soon after he was carried to the Asylum the 
.first time, she became insane, and was sent to an Asylum in 
another State. After a few months of separation from her hus¬ 
band and of kindly care, she became so much improved that she 
was dismissed, and returned to her father’s house. 

“ It was at this time and place that I first became accpiainted 
with her, while attending a sister, who had long been an invalid 
from female weakness and disease, supposed to have been caused 
by injuries received by a fall. From her I learned the history 
of her sister and husband. It had been decided by the friends 
of each, that it would be unsafe for them ever to live together 
again, even should ho recover, as it was thought he had so 
long and so fearfully abused his manhood, that he had forever 
lost the power of self-control, and it was not safe for them to 
see each other. The wife felt the same necessity, and had thus 
determined. 

“ But she loved him still, and all the more for her two chil¬ 
dren’s sako : and she knew that he loved her and them, though, 
through ignorance, he had so fatally abused himself and her, as 
well as her children. The son was a perfect picture of him, 
and the daughter of her. Both were in feeble health, and the 
most perfect specimens of nervous excitability; — the natural 
and necessary result of the great wrong done by their father to 
himself and their mother. 

“ ‘ Do you think, doctor, there is any hope that any moans 
can be used to restore my husband to health, to society, to me, 
and our children again ? ’ Questions like this the wife often 
asked me. My reply was, ‘ I fear not; yet it may not be 


TIIE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


109 


impossible.’ After much importunity, I consented to make a 
trial, having had experience in cases of insanity, especially 
those produced by causes similar to such as, I had no doubt, 
had produced it in him and in her. lie was accordingly brought 
to my house, and remained under my special care and treat¬ 
ment for the period of six or eight weeks; in which time, he 
had so much improved in health, both of body and mind, that I 
dismissed him to go and visit his friends in different parts, and 
to return after a specified time, which he did, much improved 
every way, — in good spirits, buoyant with hope of a reunion 
(as he called it) with his wife and children, and of starting 
again in life, a wiser man. 

“ I advised him to spend the winter in some employment 
suited to his capacity, and in the spring, if his health remained 
firm, it would doubtless be safe and proper for him to live again 
with his wife and children. He did so ; spent the winter in 
teaching, and when spring came, he again united with his wife, 
and soon resumed his profession as a minister. lie is now 
settled over a parish in New England, living prosperously and 
happily with his family, loving and beloved. 

“ Now for the causes of this insanity and unhappiness. I 
will give you the substance of his course of conduct, as nearly 
as I can remember, as he related it to me. When quite young, 
he entered a college, in one of the New England States, and 
soon, in common with many of the students, acquired the habit, 
and nightly pursued the practice, of solitary sensual indulgence. 
This habit he continued through his whole collegiate course. 
Several times his health became so much impaired, and his ner¬ 
vous system so irritable (as his family were made to believe, 
by hard study), that he had to suspend his studies at various 
times; but his aptness to learn carried him through, and he 
received the honors of the college at the end of the term, lie 
continued this habit through his theological studies and his 
preparation for the ministry, and up to the time of his mar¬ 
riage ; after which, he indulged in sexual intercourse excessively, 
until his insanity became complete, and his wife, pure and 
healthful when he took her, became the victim of his lust, and 

10 


110 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


shared the same fate, — that of a maniac; and his children, 
begotten under these circumstances, are irritable, nervous, 
physically and mentally diseased,— monuments of sexual abuse, 
and victims of the violated laws of reproduction in their 
paronts. 

“When this man first came under my charge, he was pale, 
feeble, emaciated, dyspeptic ; all the symbols of manhood were 
diseased by nightly and daily abuse. Mornings, he was stupid 
and imbecile, almost an idiot. I had to pull him out of bed, 
and shake him about, as I would a man drunk with some nar¬ 
cotic, to arouse any energy or action in him. At times, he 
would be lively and eloquent, and then gloomy and disconsolate ; 
sometimes entirely avoiding society, unwilling to sit at my 
table, lest the cause of his condition might be discovered; 
ashamed of himself, — as well he might be. Such are some of 
the natural and necessary consequences of sexual abuse. 

“ At their request, I gave them directions in regard to their 
future conduct in the marriage relation, which I have no doubt 
they religiously obeyed. 

“ Now, my dear sir, if these cases, very hastily, and conse¬ 
quently, very imperfectly, reported, will be of any service to 
you or the world, 3m u are at liberty to make such use of them 
as you choose. I have no doubt that similar abuses are the true 
sources of many of the cases of loss of voice, of dyspepsia, of 
consumption, and premature prostration of the physical, intel¬ 
lectual and moral powers, so often occurring among ministers 
and professional men. Their sedentary, studious habits, and 
want of physical labor in the open air, tend powerfully to 
strengthen and excite the sexual instinct, and, in their igno¬ 
rance, they exhaust the very life of their manhood. They are 
versed in what is called the science of God, the science of Law, 
and the science of Medicine, but arc fatally ignorant of the laws 
of physical life and health, especially of those designed to gov¬ 
ern the expenditure of the reproductive element. They, by in¬ 
dulgence, lose the power of self-control, and their overmastering 
sensuality hurries them swiftly to destruction. 

“ Another case was that of a woman who had been married 


THE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


Ill 


ten or twelve years. She was small and rather delicate, but 
was well when she married. She had several children in quick 
succession, her health gradually failing from the first to the 
last child; after which, she continued to grow worse and 
worse, until she became a maniac, at the age of thirty-two. 
She was carried, by advice of physicians, to an ‘ Insane 
lie treat,’ and remained three or four months, when she was 
either dismissed or taken from the Institution, no better than 
when she entered. On her return, she fell into my hands. 
I immediately searched into her past history, especially since 
her marriage, and beeame satisfied that she came to her then 
wretched condition through sexual abuse. I endeavored to 
inspire her with sufficient confidence in me to make her willing 
to yield to my treatment. I found the vagina much diseased, 
the womb prolapsed and retro verted, and the whole surface of 
the cervix uteri covered with ulcers and red granulations, and 
other parts entirely diseased, of which I will not here speak. I 
immediately commenced doctoring the cause, and the result 
was, perfect sanity in less than four weeks ; and it is now more 
than four years since there has been any appearance of the 
disorder. But her constitution is broken, her health destroyed, 
and she must drag out the remainder of her days an invalid. 
A flower was blighted by the cruel demands of unbridled 
passion. It cannot bloom again, until it shall be unfolded, in 
immortal beauty, in the spirit land. The kind, but misguided, 
husband, learned a lesson too late, and all the regrets he ex¬ 
pressed, and the bitter tears he shed, can never-avail to restore 
his once healthful and blooming companion to his bosom again. 
He demanded indulgence continually, without regard to her 
conditions or wishes, — through ignorance, I believe,—and she 
yielded (during gestation and lactation, as well as at all other 
times), through the same ignorance of the direful consequences 
to herself and children, and through the too general belief, that 
the wife must submit to the demands of the husband, nolens 
volcns. How gross, how fatal, yet how general, the error, that 
woman comes to man as a wife, only as a means of his sensual 
indulgence ! How few men have any other or higher ideal of 


112 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Marriage than that of a licensed, uncontrolled gratification of 
sensual passion ! 

“ One more case. Quite lately, I was conversing with a 
young married woman on Marriage and Parentage. 1 had been 
the accoucher in her first and only confinement, which was very 
painful, and I felt quite confident that a double tax had been 
levied on her constitution during the period of gestation. I 
said to her — (You ask me, madam, why so many women, 
being healthy when married, in the course of a few years run 
down, look pale, and become sickly, and wholly inadequate to 
the cares of a family ; I will tell you. In the first place, their 
energies are constantly taxed to gratify the sensuality of their 
husbands, until they become pregnant, and then doubly taxed 
by the same indulgence and the support of the fetus ; and this 
is continued nearly up to the time of the birth of the child ; and 
then, soon as the child is born, they claim and obtain the same 
indulgence, while the infant is drawing the life of its mother 
from her breast, for its support and growt]^ Even more than 
this is laid upon the wife and mother, for, in a few months, 
women sometimes become pregnant again, while nursing their 
babes; and thus they are taxed with the three-fold burden 
of administering to the sexual indulgence of their husbands, 
the support of the infant at the breast, and of the fetus in the 
womb. Do you now wonder so many fade early, pine and 
die? ’—‘ 0 ! ’ said she, with tears and sobs, ‘ you have exactly 
described my case. I don't wonder now why I, who was once 
so healthy and strong, am now so poor and feeble. What 
would I give if it could be otherwise ! ’—‘ It can and must be 
otherwise,’ said I.— ‘0!’ said she, \I should not dare refuse 
my husband, for the sako of peace. He would be offended with 
me; for he has often been, and has threatened to go where ho 
could be gratified, if I refused him.)—‘Tell him to go, if ho 
will,’ said I. ‘ If he has no more regard for his wife and cliil 
drcn than that, he is unworthy of you and them, and fit only to 
dwell among prostitutes. The time will come when the wife 
will assert and maintain her rights as a wife, and the husband 
will feel that he is as much under the control of his wife as sho 


THE UNWELCOME CHILD. 


113 


is of him ; and I shall do all in my power to hasten the day.’ 
— ‘ I thank you, sincerely,’ was her grateful reply ; ‘ and I can 
only pray God to hasten that time when men will be more mind¬ 
ful of the health and happiness of their wives and children, and 
less intent on the gratification of passion. It will bring joy and 
gladness to tho crushed and bleeding heart of many a wife and 
mother, and tho restoration and assurance of life and happiness 
to many homes, which now are overcast with gloom and desola¬ 
tion.’ 

“ I might add many more cases, going to illustrate tho fear¬ 
ful results to the bodies and souls of men, women and children, 
of sexual abuse, under the impious sanctions of human law and 
custom ; but I forbear. Human legislation may sanction tho 
use of alcoholic drinks, but drunkenness, with its train of pov¬ 
erty, misery and death, must result none the less. So it may 
license the expenditure of the Reproductive Element, as a means 
of sensual gratification, and without regard to the wife or 
child ; but sooner or later, Nature will demand a strict account 
for such an abuse of her purest and noblest function, and 
award the terrible retribution of painful disease, insanity and 
idiocy to the transgressors and their innocent, helpless offspring, 
who are cruelly victimized to the husband's sensuality. 

“Yours,-•” 


Mark the contrast between the cases reported in this 
and in the preceding letters; between the welcome and 
unwelcome child! The one came in answer to the 
earnest prayer of two united, loving, longing hearts; 
the other against the wishes of the parents, who were 
intent only on sensual indulgence, unmindful of the 
child that might ensue ! The one comes into being as a 
joy unspeakable and full of glory, around whose birth all 
pure and loving spirits gather to 'welcome it into life; 
the other, as an offence, an object of shame and repul- 
10 * 




114 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


sion, over whose birth hover disappointment and dis¬ 
content. 

A welcome or an unwelcome child! How sweet, 
how fragrant, how noble, how beautiful, is life, conferred 
under the auspices of a loving, welcoming smile ! How 
dark and bitter is a life bestowed under the withering 
influence of a frown ! To the one, earth is a garden of 
sweet flowers and delicious fruits; to the other, a dreary, 
barren waste! 


II. c. w. 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


115 


LETTER IX. 

jorf ClnRnit. 

o 

I’O WHOSE AGENCY IS IT TO BE ATTRIBUTED ?-WIIO IS RESPONSIBLE 

FOR IT? — A FATAL POPULAR ERROR. 

Lenawee, June, 1852. 

Dear Friend: 

Three topics present themselves in all inquiries into 
human life and destiny, that is, Existence, Organiza¬ 
tion, Development. Whose agency controls these in 
regard to children ? The preceding pages show that the 
responsibility for their organization and development, 
previous to birth, rests on the parents. The question 
arises, Who is responsible for the child’s existence ? 
To ask the question, is to answer it. The agency that 
gives existence to a child is as obvious as that which 
ploughs the field, plants the seed, tends the crop, and 
gathers in the harvest. We know the child is the result 
of an act of the parents. 

Yet, through some strange perversion of their moral 
nature, parents feel no more responsibility for the ex¬ 
istence of their children, than for that of the sun. The 
first earnest inquiry of the child is, u Who made me? ” 
Over nothing do children ponder with more seriousness 
and wonderment. The answer is generally evasive and 
untrue. A direct answer is given in children’s Cate¬ 
chisms. The first question is, “ Child, who made you? ” 
— “ God,” is the answer. 


116 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


This is usually regarded as the first element of a 
religious education. Those who have not been taught 


this are counted Heathen and Atheists. Why? Hot 
because they have not been taught to tell the truth, to 
be sincere, honest, faithful, loving and kind, but because 
they are not taught to utter what every man and woman 
may know to be untrue. Parents who have not taught 
their children this untruth are considered cruel to their 
offspring. Many an exclamation of surprise and pity 
have I heard over children who, when asked who made 
them, have answered, “ I don’t know.” 

I heard a little boy hold the following conversation 
with his school-teacher : — 

Teacher. Do you know anything about God ? 

Child. No. Who is he ? 

T. Did your father and mother never tell you about 
God? 

C. No ; they don’t know him. I never saw him at 
our house. 

T. Poor child ! Did they never tell you who made 
you? • 

C. Yes, many times. They say I grew in the gar¬ 
den, and that they found me there. 

T. I must tell you that God made you. 

The child was puzzled at this solution of the mystery 
of his being, no less than by that of his parents, and 


asked — 

Child. Who is God ? Where is he ? I want to see 
him, if he made me. 

Teacher. What do you want to see him for ? 

C. Did God make little sister, too ? 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


117 


T. Yes; God made all children. Why do you want 
to see him ? 

C. I want to ask him why he didn’t give her eyes 
like mine. She never could see anything. Did God 
make her blind ? 

T. Yes; God never gave her eyes, as he did you, to 
see all the pretty things. 

C. Then I don’t like him. Where is he ? I want to 
see him, and tell him I don’t like him. 

T. Poor, lost child ! How neglected ! 

In the same school was a little girl, some three years 
old, of whom the teacher asked — “Jane, who made 
you ? 57 

Child. I grew on a rose-hush. 

Teacher. Ho, my child, you did not grow on a rose¬ 
bush. Rose-bushes bear roses, not children. 

C. Yes, I did ; for mother calls me her rose-bud, and 
says she found me on a rose-bush. 

T. Poor child ! God made you. 

C. Ho, he didn’t; mother says I grew on a rose¬ 
bush. 

T. Dreadful! Shocking cruelty ! 

“ Why,” said a visitor, “ what have they done ? ” 

T. Hothing; not even taught her who made her. 

Visitor. They feed and clothe her well, and evidently 
inculcate kind and loving feelings and principles; and 
the child looks very happy and contented. 

T. Rut they have not even taught her that God made 
her ! She has no idea whence she came. 

V. Rut she has; she thinks she came from a rose¬ 
bush. 


118 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


T. But all know that is not true. 

V. What would you tell her ? 

T. The truth at once : that God made her. 

V. (j>ut do you not know that is not the truth, and 
that God had no more to do in the creation of that child 
than he would have in its death, if its parents were to 
give it poison > 

T. I admit that what you say is according to the 
facts of Reproduction. Children do derive existence 
from their parents. 

F. Why not tell them so ? When you say to that 
child, “ God made you,” your words convey to her 
mind an untruth, as really as do the words of her 
mother, when she says she grew on a rose-bush. 

Thus, in the first step of what is called a religious 
education, children, instead of being directed to know 
facts , are led off into the regions of romance ; and a 
fiction is presented to them as a fact. Instead of direct¬ 
ing their minds to realities, which would, generally, 
satisfy their curiosity, and set them at rest on the rock 
of truth, they are sent off into the world of fancy, in 
search of one to whom they owe existence. From this 
false starting-point, they are led on, step by step, into 
the dark, intricate ways of an infinite romance, until 
they lose sight of the facts of their being, and are pre¬ 
pared to receive as literal truth, the most absurd and 
monstrous fictions. It is cruel thus to abuse the minds 
of children, when they so much more readily apprehend 
facts than fiction, and appreciate truth than falsehood. 
An untruth is ever hurtful to the human soul. 


EXISTENCE OE CHILDREN. 


119 


The following conversation took place, in my presence, 
between a Minister and a Layman : — 

Layman. What do you regard as the essential ele¬ 
ment of a pious education ? 

Minister. To know whence we came, what we are, 
and whither we go. 

L. I like that. But a child asks you, u Who made 
him ? ” What would you say ? 

M. That God made him, of course. 

L. A friend of mine had a child three months old. It 
had some pain in the stomach. The mother gave it some 
paregoric. It went to sleep, and never awoke. Who 
killed the child? 

M. The mother. 

L. True; but what difference in the agency of God 
in the creation of that child and its death ? God estab¬ 
lished a law, by which life resulted, in one case, by an 
act on the part of both parents; and death, in the other, 
by an act of the mother. 

M. True ; but God did not give the poison. 

L. Nor was it the act of God from which that child 
originated. Are men and -women responsible for the 
intended results of their own acts ? 

M. Certainly. If a man strikes another, intending 
the result to be death, he is responsible for that result, 
and ought to be so regarded and treated. 

L. Is not the existence of this child the result of a 
human act, as truly as the death of him who was struck 
on the head ?• 

M. It is. 

L. Why, then, deceive the child, by teaching him 


120 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to hold God responsible for his existence? Why not 
refer him to the visible authors of his being, and teach 
him to hold his father and mother solely responsible ? 
In all common things, you refer natural results to natural 
causes; but here, you introduce an unseen, fictitious 
cause, to account for a most common phenomenon, the 
result of human agency. 

M. But God connected the existence of the child with 
an act on the part of the parents. 

L. In the same sense he has connected death with the 
use of poison ; yet, you say, the mother killed the child, 
— ignorantly , to be sure, — but she killed it. When 
you teach a child to cast on God the consequence of a 
human act, your teachings are untrue and most injuri¬ 
ous. Better teach nothing, than a falsehood. There 
is more piety in leaving a child in ignorance of the 
authors of his being, till his own soul shall render tfie 
true answer, than to tell him God is responsible for his 
existence. 

M. But would you have parents explain to their chil¬ 
dren tne laws of reproduction ? 

L. If you tell them anything, tell them the truth. 

M. But would they understand it ? 

L. As well as they do the laws of reproduction among 
animals and flowers; as well as adults can. 

M. But adults can understand the distinction of sex, 
and its use. 

L. Children can understand this as soon and as well 
as they can any facts respecting their physical nature. 
The process of reproduction is ever going on in their 
presence. It is much more satisfactory and beneficial to 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


121 


children to be instructed in the facts of this process, 
than to cast a mist about this most important but most 
common of human functions, and attempt to satisfy their 
curiosity by falsehood. 

M. But, in doing this, we must call their attention 
to the distinction between male and female, and its 
object. 

L. True. What then? This distinction is known 
to children early in life. All animated nature teaches 
then on this subject. Unconscious of impropriety, they 
freely and innocently speak of it, till chided by parents 
and others, and made to feel and think this most 
common of all Nature’s works, and more intimately 
connected with the elevation or destruction of the 
human race than any other, must never be spoken of 
by parents, or by brothers and sisters, except in secret, 
and then, only in a wliisper; and even then, only by 
males to males and females to females. They are told 
it is something to be ashamed of, to be able to think, 
speak or write about it, as they do about other natural 
phenomena. So the distinction of sex, with its uses and 
abuses, must be 'wrapt in mystery, whose deep secrets it 
were a shame to disclose. On no subject might children 
more easily be taught to feel and think with purity 
and respect than on this, were true and elevating 
influences brought to bear upon them. But now, the 
manner in which parents, and others, generally think 
and speak on this subject, is so false and debasing, that 
it seems a miracle that any child can escape the wreck 
of his moral nature in reference to this distinction and 

its natural and ennobling use. Of all relations, this is 
11 


122 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


the most absorbing, and designed to be the most happy 
and ennobling; yet it is looked upon as almost the only 
forbidden topic between parents and children. How 
many children are taught by parents to know the nature 
of the sexual distinction and its object ? Not one in a 
hundred. 

M. But would it not tend to excite the passions of 
children, and to ruin the moral purity of their hearts and 
lives ? Even without' such instruction, we see how soon 
they take to practices, both solitary and social, that ruin 
their bodies as well as their minds. How ruinous, then, 
to teach them on these matters ! 

L. Precisely in- proportion to their ignorance on 
this matter will be their sensualism. It is certain 
they will, early in life, have their attention called to 
this distinction, and they will ask what it means. 
They will, generally, from some source, early learn 
how to make it a fruitful source of sensual gratifi¬ 
cation. The question is not, then, shall they know of 
it ? but, from whom shall they get their knowledge ? 
— from those who would keep their hearts pure, and 
have them associate the distinction of sex and its great 
purposes with all that is pure and noble in manhood, 
or from those who will teach them to associate it with 
all that is mean, shameful and degrading ? There is 
no other alternative. The knowledge they will have. 
Shall it be of that kind which shall purify and elevate, 
or pollute and degrade them ? The only w r ay to save 
human beings from solitary and social abuses of the 
sexual nature is, to instruct them as early and fully as 
possible, as soon as they are capable of learning any 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


123 


thing respecting their physical and social nature, what 
is the nature and true design of this distinction of sex. 
Let them be taught, openly and promiscuously, in a 
way that shall beget in thetrf^Tecling of respect for an 
attribute so identified with the perpetuity and perfec¬ 
tion of the race, and with all reasonable hopes of the 
triumph of truth" over error, of right over wrong. 
My only hope of salvation from the physical, mental, 
and moral diseases and pollutions that now afflict human 
beings, is in the distinction of sex, and the endearing 
relations, the purifying and elevating influences, that 
grow out of them. From the outset of life, let chil¬ 
dren be taught, in the family, in the school, in the 
church, and through the press, to regard the marriage 
and parental relations that are based on this element 
as the most sacred, potential and enduring of all human 
relations. Let them be taught to reverence the natural 
laws that govern it, as the most sacred and binding of 
all the laws of God, inasmuch as on obedience to them 
depend the organization, character and destiny of man 
now, and in the great future. Let boys and girls 
understand their natures, as males and females, and the 
relations which, by reason of the distinction, they are 
in after life to assume to each other, as husbands and 
wfives, and to all future generations, as fathers and 
mothers. Then their curiosity is measurably gratified. 
They will understand the process by which they are 
created, so far as it can be known. Their thoughts 
will not dwell upon it anxiously; they will feel little 
excitement about it; they will be accustomed to hear it 
spoken of openly, and as associated with truth, with 


124 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


purity and delicacy, with all manly and womanly feel¬ 
ing, and never with shame and pollution. Then, when 
prompted by Nature to become husbands and wives, 
fathers and mothers, they will do so naturally, knowing 
and appreciating the beauty and sublimity of these rela¬ 
tions, -and prepared lovingly .and nobly to meet the 
responsibilities and discharge the duties imposed by them. 
Ignorance in regard to the sexual element in human 
nature, and its great objects and abuses, has been the 
source of more crime and misery, and a greater hin¬ 
drance to the progress and elevation of mankind, than 
ignorance on any other subject. 

No act of human life is replete with consequences so 
important, as that which gives existence to a human 
being. No act is vested with so much from which we 
should suppose the human soul would naturally shrink : 
the exercise of creative power, not to give existence to 
a flower or a plant, without the capacity to enjoy or 
suffer, nor yet to an insect, to live a few days and then 
go into unconscious dust, but to a human being, capable 
of happiness and misery, and with a soul destined to 
conscious, eternal existence. The embryo immortal, 
once started in its process of development, cannot be 
arrested in its career, but by a crime against Nature. 
On it must go, in a journey of unending duration, sub¬ 
jected to all the known and unknown vicissitudes of 
this state and the next. It is a fearful act, and fearful 
and eternal must be the consequences, for good or evil, 
to all who do it, and to all who result from it. 

Parents ! look on your children. See their nature, 
and all their boundless relations and liabilities. Look 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


125 


on all they are to do and suffer — on all they are to 
struggle with as they pass from their birth onward, in 
eternal progression. Look on them, and contemplate all 
the certainties and probabilities that are before them, 
and then fold them to your bosoms, as if to shelter them 
from all possible harm; and remember, they are your 
own work, and that existence, with all its relations and 
duties, and the organization that must, in a degree, con¬ 
trol their character and destiny, must be traced to your 
agency. 

How can men and women help regarding reproduc¬ 
tive intercourse between them but with profound respect ? 
How can they resort to it for purposes of mere sensual 
gratification ? As a divine act, they speak of the crea¬ 
tion of human beings with reverence; as a human act, 
it is spoken of as what may be done without a thought 
of the consequences, but as a momentary gratification 
of a mere animal instinct. In all the round of human 
life, I do not believe that any one act is more unnaturally 
and more thoughtlessly done than this, the most import¬ 
ant of all. Of none do men and women generally feel 
more ashamed; in doing none, do they more often feel 
the consciousness of degradation and of a loss of self- 
respect. No wonder; for in nothing do they more 
abuse and debase their nature. The momentary gratifi¬ 
cation of a mere sensual appetite is their main object in 
seeking sexual intercourse, and to talk to them about 
placing the sexual instinct and the Reproductive Ele¬ 
ment under the control of reason, conscience, and a wise 
and tender forethought, seems to them mere foolishness. 

Carpenter justly says: 

11 * ' 


126 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


“ The instinct, when once aroused (even though very ob¬ 
scurely felt), acts upon the mental faculties and moral feelings, 
and thus becomes the source, though almost unconsciously so to 
the individual, of the tendency to form that kind of attachment 
towards one of the opposite sex, which is known as love. This 
tendency cannot be regarded as a simple passion or emotion, 
since it is the result of the combined operations of the reason, 
the imagination, and the moral feelings ; and it is in the engraft- 
ment, so to speak, of the psychical attachment upon the mere 
corporeal instinct, that a difference exists between the sexual 
relations of man and those of the lower animals. In proportion 
as the human being makes the temporary gratification of the mere 
sensual appetite his great object, and overlooks the happiness arising 
from spiritual communion , which is not only purer but more per¬ 
manent, and of which a renewal may be anticipated in another 
world , does he degrade himself to the level of the brutes that perish. 
Yet iiow lamentably frequent is this degradation! ” 


The question arises, is it right for parents to bring 
into existence more than they can rightly care for? 
The answer is obvious. It is a flagrant violation of 
the law of parentage, for a man and woman to give 
existence to children whom they cannot or will not care 
for, and leave them to the care of strangers and asylums. 
All such parents deserve, and will ere long receive, 
the reprobation of their neglected children, and of all 
who respect humanity. A house full of children is 
counted as the poor man’s blessing ; but it oftener 
proves a curse to the children, for the poor man 
and woman have given existence to more than they 
can sustain and educate properly. They have brought 
them into being, only that they may live and die neg¬ 
lected, ignorant and outcasts, to prey upon society. 
I hey are born and reared in a state antagonistic to the 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


127 


wealth, comfort, and happiness that surround them. 
They are made criminal by their parents, to be punished 
by society. 

Nature directs each pair to nurse and provide for 
their own offspring; and it is clearly a violation of 
Nature for them to create more than they can properly 
nurse and care for. But most people think they may 
rightfully have all they have the power to create, and 
then leave them to be cared for by others or by no 
one. To a mother of eight children it was said, 11 You 
have enough — all you can rightly care for; it is time 
to stop.” — “0 ! ” said she, with resignation, “(I must 
have all God sendsj’— “JBut your husband, not God, 
is the father of your children, and it rests solely with 
you and him, and not with God, to say whether you 
have any more?}’ No more children were born in that 
family. The husband and wife were sensible people. 
But suppose a man or woman, through imbecility of 
body or mind, or of both, to be incapable of rightly 
rearing any, — is it right for them to become parents ? 
The desire for children exists, where there is no ability 
to rear them after they are,.-born. What ought such to 
do ? My answer is, each pair should be held responsible 
for the nursing and rearing of their own children. 
What greater crime can a man commit, than to give 
existence to a child that he cannot or will not care for ? 
If any act should consign a man to infamy, this should. 
Yet men who become parents, abandon their offspring 
to starvation and wretchedness, and to the doom of slav¬ 
ery, are received into religious and political society, 
and made welcome to domestic circles, and their com- 


128 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


party and alliance courted, as though they were true 
and honorable men. They are often counted the highest 
ornaments of the church and of society, and elevated to 
the highest offices; while their children, and the mothers 
who bore them, are suffering in poverty and neglect. Of 
all earthly criminals, such are the most deserving con¬ 
demnation. 

Who can help but approve the conduct of the woman 
in the following instance ? The account came from 
the woman, who, for a time, was an object of general 
censure:— 

Ca. leading man in a church married, and had one child. 
He was greatly diseased with erysipelas and salt rheum, all 
inclining to concentrate in a cancer. The mother was healthy, 
and knew not of his diseases when she married him. The 
diseases of the father appeared in the child in about one year 
after birth. The man wished for more children ; the woman 
objected. He insisted ; she refused. He threatened a divorce, 
and to get another woman ; she was firm. Finally, he called 
a Council of his fellow church-members. He told his story ; 
she hers, pleading as her reason for refusing to comply, the 
fact that he was so diseased, and that he would entail his dis¬ 
eases on her children ; that she owed it to herself and to her 
children, not to inflict on them such suffering. She presented 
her living child as a specimen of what, in all probability, future 
children from such a parentage must be. His plea to the Coun¬ 
cil was, that ‘ she violated a command of the Bible, which 
requires wives to “submit to their husbands in all things^ ’ 
‘ But,’ said she, ‘ does this require me to aid you to inflict on 
my children your diseases ? My maternal nature teaches me a 
different lesson, and my living child is an ever-present remon¬ 
strance against my having any more.’ — ‘ But,’ said one of the 
Councillors, ‘ wo are commanded to multiply and fill the eartlp) 
‘ Does that require me to aid in multiplying diseases, and to fill 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


129 • 


tlie earth with suffering? I have aided to multiply cancers, and 
my innocent child must ever suffer for my act. As the mother 
of children of healthy bodies and minds, I should feel proud 
and happy, for thus I should help to fill the earth with beauty, 
health and happiness; but I cannot aid further to fill it with 
disease and suffering. >(Tho man left her and her child, went to 
a distant settlement, took a new name, and found a woman whe 
was willing to submit to him in all things, and aid him to £ mul¬ 
tiply cancers, and fill the earth with suffering^ ” 


(That woman had been saved from much sorrow, had 
she known the physical conditions of the man who 
sought her as a wife, before she consented to live with 
him as such. No man or woman should ever enter into 
the conjugal relation, till they are acquainted with the 
mental as well as the physical conditions of the person 
with whom he or she is to be united/ Let the man ask 
respecting the woman he seeks as a wife, Is hers a soul 
such as I would wish to be blended with mine in my 
child? — for the souls of both parents, as a general 
thing, in their leading constitutional tendencies, will 
pass into the souls of their children. Why, then, shut 
our eyes to the constitutional bias of those chosen to 
mingle their spirits with ours in our children? Men 
often seek those in marriage whose souls cannot min¬ 
gle with theirs in their children, because they cannot with 
them in their own persons. They might have known 
that spirits which are at war with theirs, in their own 
persons, cannot harmonize with them in their children. 

What do men and women know of the mental, social, 
moral or physical conditions of those whom they are 
selecting as husbands or wives, and to be the fathers or 


130 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


mothers of those who are, in all coming time, to repre¬ 
sent them in the race? ^Nothing, absolutely nothing, 
often. Nor dare they seek to know. It would be 
counted an insult to inquire into this matter., Man! 
does your nature prompt you to enter into the relations 
of marriage and parentage ? Shun the society of wom¬ 
en whose souls are deformed with selfish, envious, 
revengeful passion; shun the company of the vain, the 
gossiping, the envious souls, though dwelling in forms 
of apparent grace and beauty; shun women of poor 
souls , though they have purses of untold wealth, and 
faces and forms of surpassing beauty ; shun such spirits 
as you would some fatal malady, lest your posterity 
have.cause to curse your memory. If your own soul 
be pure in its tastes and instincts, it will shrink away 
from intimacy with such. You could not be drawn 
even into a law alliance with them, for purposes of 
reproduction. The silent, but all-powerful monitions of 
your own hearts, combined with the voice that would 
come up to you out of the future, would save you from 
such a connection. 

To woman I would' say, if your nature seeks the 
love and companionship of a man, as a husband, beware 
how you ally yourself to one whose soul is sordid, 
mean, cowardly, ambitious, avaricious, and whose ap¬ 
petites are unnatural, and whose aspirations extend 
only to the gratification of an animal nature. Such a 
man, as a husband, will crush your heart, will crucify 
your moral nature, and will entail on your children 
souls which it will take an eternity to cleanse and 
save. But, alas ! for the generations to come, in mar- 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


131 


rying and giving in marriage, little or no account is 
taken of the constitutional tendencies, the tastes, appe¬ 
tites, or instincts of the soul, or of bodily diseases. 
There is one continued effort, on the part of men and 
women, to conceal from each other all mental and 
social, as well as physical defects, till, by law, the alli¬ 
ance is made, and the bargain sealed; then, when the 
law has put it out of their power to repent, all cause 
for concealment is removed, and the soul to which they 
are tied comes out in all its deformity. Now, woe to 
your memory, in the estimation of posterity! The 
world is full of facts to warn all against such alliances. 
The human family, itself, is but one great remonstrance 
against them. 

Of all the periods of our existence, probably none is 
so important in giving tone and direction to our charac¬ 
ter and destiny, as that which precedes our birth into 
this state. It is brief; but its every moment leaves its 
indelible impress for good or evil. Then and there, 
the elements of the human being are developed, and 
prepared to enter upon an independent existence in 
this state. There the question of organic laws, of con¬ 
stitutional and natural tendencies, as to body and soul, 
is settled, and these must be the supreme laws of life 
to all. The great future of our being is wrapt up in 
that brief period. Yet this is the very period of which 
no account is taken in estimating the causes of human 
character. The child is little thought of, or cared for, 
till after its birth. It is thought that human agency 
begins to act on it after birth, and not before. Govern- 


132 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ments and Religions do little or nothing for the child in 
the first brief stage of its being; whereas, that is the 
very time when it needs all possible care and attention. 
True, the child can be influenced only through the 
mother; but through her, its character and destiny 
may be materially affected by the action of society and 
its institutions. Let all be taught the facts relating to 
the child’s development during that period, and the 
direct influence of the mother on it. Let all know how' 
much whatever the mother drinks or eats affects the 
child; how much everything which affects the mother’s 
feelings, or mental and bodily conditions, influences the 
child; and let all mothers be placed in situations where 
their unborn children may have as good a chance as 
possible for natural and healthful development, and an 
auspicious start in life. 

Numerous are the cases in which children struggle 

uu 

into life against the wishes of their parents. The 
moment the mother is assured that she is about to give 
birth to a child, for various reasons, her soul rebels 
against it, and she hesitates not to use any means by 
which she may destroy it, without injury to herself. 
To prevent, not to promote, the development of her 
child, to mutilate, not to perfect it, to kill, not to warm 
and cherish it into life, is her intent and effort. At 
every step of its progress, the unconscious babe en¬ 
counters the spirit of murder; and that, too, in the 
person of its mother. Innumerable would be the cases 
of abortion, or, in other words, of child-murder before 
birth, were it not attended with danger to the mother. 


XX 


EXISTENCE OE CHILDREN. 133 

Doctors, instead of urging men to control their pas¬ 
sions, direct their attention to discover means to prevent 
conception and procure abortion. To kill her babe, 
the mother endangers herself, and she resorts to medi¬ 
cal advisers to help her destroy her children, with 
safety to herself. Disguise it as we may, to kill a 
child before it is born, to prevent its birth, even 
though it can be done without injury to the mother, is 
no less a violation of the laws of life, than to kill it after 
it is born. Those doctors who aid women to destroy 
their unborn children, instead of urging men to control 
their sensuality, ought to be treated as among the vilest 
of men. Can a state of mind be conceived more utterly 
devoid of self-respect, than that which leads a woman 
to seek the destruction of her unborn child, and which 
prompts others to assist her ? 

What must necessarily be the character and disposi¬ 
tion of that child, whose pathway into life is beset by a 
lurking enemy, ever watching to extinguish the first 
glimmering of the spark of life ? He is likely to be, in 
spirit, what his mother was, and inclined to inflict on 
her, and on all around, the doom she sought to inflict on 
him. 

It was designed that Love, and only Love, should 
watch over the growth of the child in every stage; but 
especially in that preceding birth. Nature provides 
that every step of its progress, from the first act, 
should be hailed with joy, hope and faith; that it 
should be welcomed to, and cherished in the very heart 
of Humanity, the moment it enters this state; and 
12 


134 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


fondly and reverently cherished, as the sweetest and 
most beautiful flower of earth, — as God manifest in 
the flesh. To every child thus born it may be said, by 
parents, and by all, “He comes to us as a Saviour, and 
we will call his name Jesus.” But, Wasting and De¬ 
struction are stamped on the brows of many, before 
they enter into this life. How different the spirit, the 
character and destiny of that child, whose every step of 
development, previous to birth, was welcomed with 
tender love in the mother, compared with that whose 
steps were watched by deadly hate and murderous re¬ 
sistance ! What a state of society is that which prompts 
woman to hate her unborn babe, and to seek its destruc¬ 
tion ! Most unnatural and brutal, though called Chris¬ 
tian and civilized. 

A perfectly healthy, beautiful Love-Child, is a joy 
unspeakable and full of glory to the parents. It is a 
consummation of our being earnestly to be desired and 
eagerly and resolutely sought. Who would not be in 
earnest to perfect his or her nature, if thereby such a 
priceless boon might be theirs ? What a Saviour is such 
a child to the parents! What a God manifest in the 
flesh to their hearts! In the face of their child, as in 
a bright mirror, they see a reflection of all that is 
lovely and great in themselves. If the hope of becom¬ 
ing parents of such children cannot restrain men and 
women from mean and wicked feelings and acts, and 
incite them to all that is pure and ennobling, then can 
no theological motives move them. It is vain to lay 
before them heaven and hell in the next state; they 
will not be true to their nature to gain a heaven here. 


EXISTENCE OF CHILDREN. 


135 


What is heaven, here or there, if it be not one for a 
man and woman, united by love, to press a child to their 
hearts, seeing in it all that is good and noble in them¬ 
selves, and hearing it say, “My father — my mother”? 
How must such a child regard its parents! By sup¬ 
pressing all evil, and cherishing all good, in themselves, 
they were prepared to transmit to their child an inher¬ 
itance of health, of love, of truth, of justice, of true 
nobility; an inheritance above all riches, and which not 
all the treasures of the earth could purchase for him. 
What a relation is this! How exalting! how divine ! 
And such are the parents and children whom God 
designed to inhabit the earth. 

But how many men and women not only pay no heed 
to themselves, for the sake of their posterity, but, to gain 
a little wealth for them, sacrifice all that is healthy and 
beautiful in their bodies, all that is pure and noble in 
their souls ; and thus, while preparing riches for their 
children, prepare for them all that is deformed, mean, 
low and execrable, in body and spirit. No amount.of 
gold and silver can compensate for the inheritance of 
such a poor soul. If future generations could speak, one 
deep, earnest voice would come up from the future to the 
present, saying, “Give us health and beauty of body; 
give us rich souls; endow us with all noble and gener¬ 
ous intellectual, social and moral qualities, and we will 
take care of the rest ! ” 

How infinitely is a Love-origin to be desired ! How 
above all price is a Love-ancestry ! Talk not of an 
ancestry of princely titles, of knightly deeds in war and 
slaughter ! Talk not of a parentage of wealth, of station 


136 MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 

and dignity, in Church or State ! More to be valued is 
a lineage of Love, than an ancestry of untold wealth, or 
of the most honorable titles and standing. This Love- 
lineage is a foundation on which the soul may build for 
Eternity ! 

H. C. W. 


END OF PART I. 


PART II. 


®,ormp\)Mnte Mown u Jmsfirafo anfc Mtft. 


LETTER I. 


FIDELITY TO OUR NATURE. 


Nina : 


Tiiou art my wife; I am thy husband. That the 
relation may work out for us and our children perfection 
and happiness, we must know ourselves, and, knowing, 
be true to ourselves. In accordance with the demands 
of our nature, and strengthened and exalted by the 
relation in which we stand to each other, we meet and 
hold communion daily and hourly; not in words only, 
but in a language much more expressive. Yet I wish to 
record, in the form of letters addressed to thee, my views 
of Marriage; and I a'sk thy views on the same subject, 
in a series of letters addressed to me. 

Love for thee, and the desire to secure the highest 
welfare and happiness of my wife and children, prompt 
my request. I would record my 'present views and 

feelings in reference to thee. I ask thee to do the same 
12* (137) 




188 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


in reference to me and to our relation, that, in the future 
of our being, we may be able to call to mind what we 
were to each other, in the commencement of our united 
existence. We know what each is to the other now ; of 
the future, we are ignorant. I am thy husband, thou 
art my wife, now. That is all we know at present. It 
is enough. Sweetest hopes and holiest aspirations spring 
up in my heart, from the ever-present consciousness that 
■we hold this relation to each other. 

I am not about to record my feelings, wants and 
intentions, as a human being, a citizen, or a religionist; 
but as a husband. I would record what, in my opinion, 
I, as thy husband, owe to thee. Wilt thou not respond 
to my call ? It is the call of Love; and love must 
respond'to love. 

As-'preliminary to what we have to say on the subject 
.of our relation as husband and wife, I have this request 
to make of thee; that, in thy answers, thou wilt not be 
influenced by any reluctance to differ from me. Be 
simply tlue to thyself, and thus give the most conclusive 
evidence of thy love and respect for me. No wife can 
be true to her husband who is false to herself. 

Obedience to the laws of thy being, as a woman and 
a wife, can alone insure the happiness of thy husband 
and our home. Give to him whatever thy nature 
prompts thee to give, as a wife ; but yield nothing to 
him, however earnest may be his demand, merely to 
gratify him, and when, at the time the call is made, thy 
nature cannot happily respond. So will I be true to 
my nature as a man. Let the deep love with which each 
has inspired the other be not only the power that blends 


139 



FIDELITY TO OUR NATURE. 

our souls, but also the law by which all our outward 
relations and intimacies in the sanctuary of home shall be 
regulated. Joyfully yield to me all the love I have the 
power to awaken, as I will, without restraint, give to 
thee all thou hast power to call out. If at any time thy 
wifely love shall grow inactive, and thy nature call not 
for my caresses as a husband, be openly and frankly true 
to thyself. Wound not thine own soul! Fidelity to thy 
reason, thy conscience, and thy womanly instincts, is, in 
the noblest sense, fidelity to thy husband. Even the 
fear of wounding thee shall not tempt me to be untrue to 
myself. On this foundation of perfect fidelity to our 
own souls, in our intercourse as husband and wife, let all 
our hopes of the future rest, and then they never will be 
doomed to disappointment. 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. J 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

Tiiou hast called me thy wife; thyself, my husband. 
There are no other words by which we can express the 
fact, that two separate existences are henceforth merged 
in one; that a tie stronger than that of kindred blood 
has bound two souls together; and that this bond i3 
inseparable, not from the force of human laws and enact¬ 
ments, but from its very nature and essence. 

It is not the work of human hands or tongues which 
has made us husband and wife, but a law of attraction 
superior to our wills, and which we have no power to 




140 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


create or destroy. When we first met, I did not at once 
recognize in thee the consummation of my happiness. I 
met thee with indifference, and gave out sparingly the 
thoughts which lie deepest in my heart. A chance word, 
which struck upon an answering chord in thee (which I 
perceived with surprise and curiosity), led me on to test 
still further the points in common between us. The 
result of this investigation is all told in that I am now 
writing to thee, as my husband, on questions which can 
only be truly presented by those who sustain a relation 
to each other for which there is no other comprehensive 
W’ord but Marriage, — a relation which those who sus¬ 
tain truly, nobly, fearlessly, will grant is the only one in 
which the whole nature of man and woman can find a full 
development. 

Some women find their life in intellectual culture ; but 
in such, it is almost a universal fact, that they have 
powerful natures, which demand an all-engrossing object, 
and they turn to books for the development which is 
denied them in the actual relations of life; but books do 
not meet the fulfilment of their demands. Their stand¬ 
ard of manly excellence is high. They are too noble to 
stoop for marriage, too courageous to fear the stigma of 
leading a single life; and they give to the silent heroes 
of the past, the heart-worship which might bring sunshine 
to the domestic circle of any who could truly estimate its 
worth. And I say nothing against marriage when I 
say, they do well. Nothing, in heaven or on earth, can 
equal a true marriage, as a means of growth and hap¬ 
piness ; nothing in the regions of despair can compare 
with the effects of the legal bond, wherein the heart has 


FIDELITY TO OUR NATURE. 


141 


no part, for cramping and crushing the noblest powers 
of the human soul. 

From this dark picture, how joyfully does my heart 
recur to the sense of life, freedom and peace, that flows 
from my relations with thee, my chosen one ! I cannot 
hut be true to thee; for if I differ from thee, I know that 
thou dost accord to my whole nature the right to its 
independent thought and action; and therefore, I fear 
not the loss of thy love, even in a difference of opinion. 

How much more am I bound to fidelity to myself, 
when I know that by this alone can I retain thy respect 
and love ! Thou hast placed before me the highest of 
womanly excellence. Thou hast said, Strive for that; 
not for irty approbation, though this follows as a neces¬ 
sary result. Thus it is between us, as it is between all 
who place the truth higher than the individual, that in 
striving for my own highest development, I secure thy 
noblest affection, and in my attainments are the reflec¬ 
tions of thy nobility of soul. 


I am, thy loving wife, 


NIN. 



142 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER LI. 

THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 

Nina : 

In this letter, I will take a general view of the mission 
of woman to man, hoping that thou wilt, in answer, 
define the mission of man to woman. 

In all ages and nations, the fact has been recognized, 
that woman was made for man. Religion, Science, His¬ 
tory, Poetry, Music, and the Drama, in their allusions 
to woman, base their reasonings and conclusions on this 
assumption. So with Governments; in their legislative, 
judicial, and executive proceedings, they assume this as 
one of the self-evident truths, or fixed facts, of human 
existence. In Christendom, as well as in Heathendom, 
woman is supposed to have no rights apart from man; 
and it is asserted that the sole end of her being, as 
woman , is to develop and perfect man. It is supposed 
that her own instincts assure her that to this end was 
she created, and that, so far as she comes short of this, 
she fails to answer the one great purpose of her ex¬ 
istence. 

Is this a fact, or has the entire race ever been in error 
on this subject, both in theory and in practice ? The 
masculine element or portion of the race, in all its mani¬ 
festations, has asserted and steadily maintained this posi¬ 
tion. But is it not possible that man may have erred ? 
May not ambition, pride and passion have blinded him 
to the truth, in this as in other matters, and thus biased 


THE MISSION OE WOMAN. 


143 


him in favor of this doctrine ? In the social, civil, edu¬ 
cational and religious institutions with which he has 
encircled her, man has clearly expressed his opinion of 
the great end of woman’s existence. 

But w T hat has woman to say for herself in this matter ? 
The feminine element or portion of the race has generally 
acquiesced in this decision of the masculine. There 
have been individual cases of strong and persevering 
protest among women, wherein they have asserted rights, 
duties, and a destiny, disconnected with, and independ¬ 
ent of, man. They claim that woman has a direct 
relation to the Creative Mind, without reference to man 
as a medium through which she is to come at the Divine; 
that she can be perfectly developed without his aid, and 
that the utmost limit of progress and happiness which she 
has power to reach and enjoy, can be attained as well 
without as with him. 

Man has decided that he is the door through which 
woman must enter the kingdom of heaven; and the 
jealousy with which he regards these claims of hers, 
■would indicate that he considers all who strive to enter 
by any other door as thieves and robbers. 

On which side is truth in this diversity of opinion ? 
Many questions of grave import are suggested to my 
mind in connection with this subject. Why is the femi¬ 
nine element embodied in human form ? How can its 
great object be most perfectly accomplished ? In what 
relations, and in w T hat modes of expression, can woman’s 
nature be most happily developed ? Do existing social 
and domestic arrangements, and religious, educational 


144 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and governmental institutions, truly define the object of 
her being, and aid in its accomplishment ? 

There are those who believe that woman alone is com¬ 
petent to answer these questions; that she alone has the 
right to answer them; and that her decision should be 
received and implicitly obeyed by men. I believe that 
each sex can alone interpret the other ; therefore, leav¬ 
ing to thee the work of defining the mission of the mas¬ 
culine element of Humanity, and of showing how that 
may be best accomplished, I will jwoceed to state the 
nature and design of woman’s mission, and how it can be 
most successfully fulfilled. 

The question may arise, — “Has man a right to 
speak for woman? Can he define her mission, and 
point to the means of its successful completion?” I 
answer, that man alone has the ability and the right 
to explain the great object of woman's existence, and 
to show how she can most perfectly answer that end. 
The embodiment of the masculine and feminine elements 
has no significance, except as each answers to the 
wants of the other; the organization of each having 
no object but in reference to the wants of the other. 
The being who is conscious of a want can alone under¬ 
stand and truly estimate the nature and value of that 
which is essential to its supply. Man needs refinement, 
purity, elevation. In vain he looks to man for this 
consummation. Whatever power man may have to 
beautify and ennoble woman, — and over her it is 
almost omnipotent, as is hers over him, — he has little 
power over his own sex. Woman alone possesses the 
power to impart to man an influence, without which 


THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


145 


his nature must deteriorate, and his life be an unex¬ 
plained mystery. Man has a record which woman 
alone can read. Manhood is a sealed book, which 
woman alone can open. The holy mysteries, the deep, 
eternal truths therein contained, can be interpreted and 
appreciated only by woman. Woman does not feel the 
want of the refining,, elevating influence of woman, 
as man does; and therefore she cannot understand 
and appreciate her own nature and power, as man 
can, in whom that want is ever present. Man without 
woman is like a plant without light; he must wither 
and die. But as the plant inclines to the smallest ray 
of light, and begins to revive under its influence, so 
man, whatever be his surroundings, turns to woman, 
when she is revealed to him, yields to her power, and 
thereby grows purer, brighter and stronger. His 
longing for her purifying influence and companionship 
is the one overpowering want of his existence. She 
alone can fully meet and satisfy that deep, concentrated 
want. Who, then, but man, can have the right and 
the power to speak with authority as to the mission of 
woman ? 

The starving man can alone estimate the value of 
bread. lie only who is perishing with thirst can fully 
realize the worth of water. In like manner, man alone 
can define and appreciate the power of woman. To 
him, she holds the relation of supply to an essential 
natural want; to her own sex, she holds no such rela¬ 
tion. From her point of view, she could never take in 
the full scope of her influence, or realize her respons¬ 
ibility. 


13 


146 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Such is the original design of woman, when viewed 
in reference to man. What influence she is to have oil 
his character and destiny is not for her to determine. 
Man must decide that, and she will be to him exactly 
what he makes her. 

Instead of cautioning men against the arts and fasci¬ 
nations of woman, it were better to instruct them in the 
capabilities of their own nature, and teach them how she 
can be made most conducive to their true development. 
I repeat it, woman will be to man just what he makes 
her. If he chooses to make her sex a besom of destruc¬ 
tion to his manhood, her power will lay waste all that is 
noble and manly in his nature. If he seeks in woman a 
savior, he will find one. 

How can woman be made a redeeming power to 
man ? 

To a diseased system, even wholesome food may be 
destructive; but then, the fault is not in the food. A 
bracing atmosphere will infuse life and strength into 
healthy lungs, while to those debilitated by disease, it 
would bring speedy destruction. Woman is an essen¬ 
tial element of perfect health and happiness to the soul 
of man. The feminine element, in itself, is pure, and 
can no more be corrupted than any other attribute of the 
Divine nature. Other and corrupting incidents, such 
as a bad organization or false education, may be con¬ 
nected with it, and pervert it; but the element itself, 
as embodied in human form, is never impure. Nor 
can its manifestations to man ever be hurtful, unless 
they are rendered so by adventitious circumstances. 
The feminine element, in itself, is natural and perfect, 


TIIE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


147 


and a true, natural manifestation of it to its correspond¬ 
ing element in any department of life, can never be 
hurtful to itself or to man, its natural, vitalizing coun¬ 
terpart. The causes of its destructive power must be 
sought in its attendant circumstances, as in the case of 
pure air or wholesome food. 

As the feminine element is embodied only as a coun¬ 
terpart to the masculine, and has otherwise no signifi¬ 
cance, and only by the union of' these elements can a 
perfect manifestation of the human soul be obtained, if 
ever this feminine attribute becomes hurtful to man, the 
cause must be sought in the conditions of him whose 
want it comes to supply. Woman has powder to meet 
the holiest, deepest w T ants of man’s soul. An instinct 
directs him to her to supply those wants, as another 
instinct directs him to food to appease hunger. lie 
attracts her to himself in the relation of a wife. But 
shortly he begins to rail against her, finding in her the 
bane of his life, instead of the completion of his man¬ 
hood, laying all the blame upon her, and warning all 
men against her, as their deadliest foe. Whereas, had 
he looked more narrowdy into his own soul, he would 
have found something wrong in his own conditions, 
which prevented the healthful and natural action of the 
woman’s nature upon his own. lie whose physical 
and spiritual nature is prepared to receive w r oman, and 
to blend harmoniously with her, will find her the “bread 
of life ;r but he whose nature is perverted, and whoso 
wants are therefore unnatural, may find her a deadly 
poison. Man being diseased, w r oman cannot be to him 
what she was designed, and what she yearns to be 


148 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and instead of being a refining, ennobling influence, 
slie becomes, without fault of her own, an agent of his 
ruin. 

Man will find among women whatever he seeks. 
Whether he desires her as a means of mere sensual 
gratification, or as a household drudge, or as a mother 
and nurse for his children, or to add grace and dignity 
to his social position, or a sentimental dependant, to 
pamper his love of power, he will find among women 
those who will assume either of these attitudes to him. 
But if he seeks her as the life-principle of his soul, to 
add dignity and elevation to his manhood, he will find 
also, in woman, the satisfaction of his purest aspirations, 
the noblest fulfilment of his destiny. If he wants a 
ivife, in all the deep and consecrated import of that 
word, she will come to him as the home and heaven of 
his manhood. Therefore, if man would know what 
effect woman is to have on his character and destiny, let 
him look well to the conditions of his own manhood, for 
she will bear to him, as a general rule, exactly that 
relation into which he has power to attract her. Let 
him possess all pure and noble qualities, and he will 
attract such a woman as can meet and strengthen these 
conditions. But if he has a gross and impure nature, 
the woman he will attract will be of a quality corre¬ 
sponding to his own. Woman will embody to him that, 
and only that, which his soul is capable of comprehend¬ 
ing and appreciating. To an impure man, the symbols 
of womanhood will necessarily have an impure signifi¬ 
cance. He will find in them only the Certainty of sen¬ 
sual gratification. To him, the presence of w r oman, 


THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


149 


however pure and perfect she may be, will excite only 
impure thoughts and feelings; while to the pure, true 
heart of manhood, her presence, however low and de¬ 
graded she may be, will excite only tender commisera¬ 
tion and generous sympathy. 

Thus, man alone can truly estimate the mission of 
woman, inasmuch as he alone can be the object at whose 
elevation and happiness that mission aims. The -woman 
who has done nothing to purify and elevate the opposite 
sex, in any relation, has embodied the female element in 
vain. So far as man himself is the cause of this failure, 
woman may truly, but sadly say, “ I came to my own, 
but my own received me not; ” or, if man lias welcomed 
her, it was to make her the agent of his ruin. 

The mission of woman ! — how beautiful, how deli¬ 
cate, how potent, how sublime! To reveal to man the 
-wealth of his own spirit; to separate the pure gold of 
his nature from the coarse earth which surrounds it; 
to give repose to his restless soul; to lead him to his 
home and everlasting rest in Love — in God ! It is a 
mission of which she may well be proud. In the con¬ 
scious dignity and divinity of her calling should she go 
forth to save; for only in her love, her purity and power, 
can man find his true salvation. 

But woe to man when he abuses this holy mission ! 
In proportion as woman has power to save, she has 
power to destroy. She must bring life or death to his 
soul. How rich the nature of that man who can fully 
comprehend and appreciate her mission of love ! — to 
accord to her the welcome she deserves and wishes, and 

to open his heart to her only as a redeeming influence ! 

13 * 


150 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Many Lave eyes, but they see not her true beauty; ears 
have they, but they hear not the true melody of her 
voice; they have hearts, but they feel not the true heal¬ 
ing power of her presence and her love. 

Woman, like God, is practically, to each man, just 
what he conceives her to be. Let not woman be startled 
at the assertion, that every element of her physical, 
intellectual, social and spiritual nature, demonstrates 
that she received her present organization for the devel¬ 
opment and perfecting of man. Nor let man be startled 
by the assertion that he is a helpless dependant on 
woman. His soul can no more be perfected without her 
vitalizing and sustaining power, than his body can with¬ 
out food and air. Woman was constituted with the 
power to beautify and perfect manhood, solely with ref¬ 
erence to the want in him which she thus supplies, and 
he is a dependant on her love and power. He cannot 
develop and perfect himself without her. He who fails 
in attracting a woman as a wife, who shall claim his 
entire manhood, and appropriate it to beautify and enno¬ 
ble her womanhood, is, among men, like a Sahara on 
the earth’s green surface; and he is but a shallow, piti¬ 
ful embodiment of manhood, destitute of the first ele¬ 
ments of true nobility, who can feel insulted or degraded 
by this assertion. Every man who has a soul of suffi¬ 
cient power, purity and tenderness to render his nature 
attractive to the true woman, will recognize this as a 
fixed fact of his interior and exterior existence. As 
well might the earth feel degraded by its dependence on 
the sun, as man by his dependence on woman. Deep 
and ever-present in the heart of manhood will be the 


THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


151 


proud and happy consciousness, that without woman he 
can do nothing. 

How can woman most perfectly develop and inter¬ 
pret man ? She can never truly develop man except 
in a true relation. Religion, government, and social 
custom, may sanction the surrender of a particular 
woman to a particular man, and though they do it in 
order to make him a nobler and purer being, yet she 
cannot vitalize and elevate his manhood, unless each is 
attracted to the other by a concentrated, exclusive love. 
Though the man may love the woman deeply and ten¬ 
derly, yet the manifestations of her womanhood cannot 
refine or exalt or satisfy his nature, unless he is fully 
assured that they are prompted by love. As a friend, 
a sister, a daughter, and a mother, woman may con¬ 
tribute to man’s development and happiness; but she is 
powerless in these relations, compared to her influence 
as a wife, for man’s wants as a friend, brother, son or 
father, are feeble, compared to his wants as a husband. 

If this be a true delineation of the natural relation of 
the feminine to the masculine element of Nature, embod¬ 
ied in human form, — if woman exists to contribute to 
his growth in all high and noble qualities,—why is it 
that man should ever be cautioned against her influence? 
Special efforts are made to fortify men against the bland¬ 
ishments and fascinations of woman. She is held up to 
him by Priest and Parent, Church and Government, as 
the most insidious and dangerous enemy to his peace. 
This is all unnatural, and no true, noble man can ever 
feel or assert it. Was woman made for man ? Is she a 
necessity of his being ? Can he be what he was designed 



152 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to be without her presence and influence ? Is man 
drawn to her by an ever-present and irresistible fascina¬ 
tion, as the needle to the pole? Why, then, should he 
be taught that she is, or can be, his destroyer ? Why 
should he be instructed to guard his heart against her 
approach and her power ? As well tell the needle to 
guard against the polar attraction, or warn the green 
meadow against the falling dew. It is monstrous ! 

Is woman “ Heaven’s last, best gift to man” ? Hoes 
she come as 1£ the power of God and the wisdom of 
God,” to develop and ennoble his manhood? Why not, 
then, hail her advent with a u Gloria in Ex cels is ” ? 
Ilather let man go forth to meet her with thanksgiving 
and the voice of melody ; let him open wide his heart to 
her influence, as one “that bringeth glad tidings of 
great joy,” — tidings of “ peace and good-w T ill to men.” 

But w T oman sometimes approaches man as a blighting 
mildew' to his best affections and the richest fruits of his 
manhood. Whose is the fault? Woman embodies a 
saving power essential to man. She may err in her 
modes of manifestation, through ignorance or a bad 
organization. She may coarsely and clumsily fulfil her 
holy and delicate mission. But that she so often comes 
as the harbinger of death, is in a great degree owing to 
the unnatural conditions of him to whom she comes, and 
to his erroneous views of the purposes of her mis¬ 
sion. So the advocates of Peace, Anti-Slavery and 
Non-Resistance, may imperfectly present the truth; 
but the source of the vexation, unrest, and self-con¬ 
demnation they arouse, is mainly in the conditions 
of those whom they seek to bless. The prophets and 


TIIE MISSION OE WOMAN. 


153 


apostles of old, though they came as harbingers of 
peace and good-will, were denounced and stoned to death. 
The outcry against Jesus was, — “ Blasphemer against 
Moses and the prophets,” “Infidel,” “a despiser of 
God,” “ Friend of publicans and sinners,” — “Crucify 
him! crucify him ! ” Yet he came “ to seek and to 
save the lost.” Why was the world which he came to 
save thrown into such confusion and misery by his 
presence and his power ? He brought them a “ savor of 
life unto life,” but they turned it into a “ savor of 
death unto death.” So woman, though she comes as 
“Heaven's last, best gift to man,” having power con¬ 
ferred by God to regenerate and redeem; yet man, by 
his manner of receiving her, and his perverted views 
of her mission, growing out of his abnormal conditions, 
makes her a source of degradation and misery. Man 
may say, “ Woman, as a law of life to me, is holy, just, 
and good, but I am carnal,—sold under sin: there¬ 
fore, that which was ordained to life, I find to be unto 
death.” 

Instead, then, of railing against woman, and guarding 
his heart against her influence, let man accuse himself, 
and guard his heart and life against himself. Let him 
resolutely set to work to correct his own tendencies to 
unnatural, sensual indulgences ; let him perfect his man¬ 
hood in all pure and attractive qualities, and woman 
will come to him only as a purifying and ennobling influ¬ 
ence. She could not present herself in any other light 
to man, thus appealing to her for help; or, if she did, 
his refined intuitions would instantly unmask her, and 
she would stand before him powerless for evil. 


154 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Nina, —I have thus endeavored to define the mission 
of woman, and to show how it can be most perfectly 
accomplished. I have spoken from an experience which 
has been enriched and crowned with joy by the presence 
and power of woman. My heart turns fondly and 
proudly to thee for the fulfilment of its deepest wants 
and aspirations. I look to thee to explain the mysteries 
of my being, for the development of my manhood, to 
place me in my true position in the universe, and to help 
me to work out happily the problem of my destiny. 
Thy mission to me has thus far been successfully accom¬ 
plished. Guided by thy love, protected by thy tender 
care, I can confidently traverse the entire course of my 
endless being. 

In the language of one of America’s most noble and 
gifted daughters and wives, who thus addressed her hus¬ 
band in his hour of stern conflict with his material and 
social surroundings, I would say, — “ The first great 
end of our being is answered. We have met and 
interpreted each other. This most intense and potent 
desire of each having found full satisfaction in the other, 
we will wait for the fulfilment of our destiny in all other 
directions with firm and patient hearts. We may well 
rest and be happy in each other, since we are conscious 
of being loved as our hearts crave to be.” 

In answer to the above, the husband replied, — “ My 
entire manhood responds to thy remark. We have met 
and interpreted each other, and thus the great end of 
our being is answered; for a true and perfect develop¬ 
ment of our whole nature is the great end of our exist¬ 
ence. I had remained a sealed book, even to myself, 


THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


155 


bad not woman, as a wife, appeared to open that seal 
and interpret that book. To do this for me was thy 
mission. Perfectly hast thou performed thy work. 
The mysterious, holy record, stamped upon my being by 
the hand of my Creator, thou hast read to me. The 
ever-present inquiry of my heart was, 1 Who will read 
for me this record, and explain to me the deep mysteries 
of my manhood ? Who will tell me why I am a man ? ’ 
Thou didst come to me and say, ‘ Give me that record ! 
I can and will read it to thee, and in so doing find my 
own life. 5 As thy work of reading and explaining has 
progressed, the call of my heart has ever been for another 
chapter, and yet another, for thy words have been words 
of hope, of faith and consolation.” 

This answer of the husband, I accept as a true expres¬ 
sion of my feelings as to what thou hast done for me. 
Why am I a man ? Thou hast answered this inquiry 
of my manhood truly and nobly, and the desire of my 
heart is satisfied. 

Man is Heaven’s best gift to woman, in the same sense 
that woman is to man, and he has a mission to her. 
Wilt thou define it, and show how it can be successfully 
accomplished? Has not woman alone the right and 
power to answer this question ? As a woman and a wife, 
freely express thy convictions to 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. * 


15G 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ANSWER. 

MISSION OF MAN TO WOMAN. 


Ernest : 

Tiiou hast made two statements in thy last letter which 
will rouse the prejudices of most who read them. First, 
u that man can best define the mission of woman.” I 
believe the distinction of sex is not limited to the physi¬ 
cal organization, but extends to the spiritual nature; 
and that each sex can best define its own wants, and 
point to the means of its most perfect development. I 
believe that w T oman can best define what she requires 
from man, because she best knows what lie can be to her. 
Therefore, I endeavor to comply with thy request. In 
answering the questions proposed by thee, I shall not 
claim superiority for either sex; the two natures are 
equally beautiful and noble, but they are unlike. 

In thy second statement, “ that woman is made for 
the perfect development of man,” a phrase is used'which 
has so long covered a low and degrading idea, that even 
thy definition will perhaps fail to banish the associations 
already connected with it. But I think candor will 
confess that thou hast but stated a general law. running 
through all orders of animal and vegetable life. An 
inextricable confusion has resulted from a misapprehen¬ 
sion and disobedience of this law. Human legislation 
has done its best to restore order, but in vain. We shall 
• sin and suffer, until we turn a reverent attention to the 
Voice of Nature, and implicitly obey her teachings. I 


THE MISSION OF WOMAN. 


15 ? 


believe it, in the sense in which thou hast used these 
words, but in no other or different sense than that in 
which man is made for the perfection of woman. They 
are made for each other, without an implied moral, 
intellectual or physical inferiority in either. In a true 
relation between the sexes, there can be no question 
of superiority. Mutual help and dependence will bo 
freely offered and recognized, and harmony and true 
growth will result to both. 

What is the instinct in woman’s nature which seels 
manhood ? To what relation does her instinct point ? 
These are questions that lie at the threshold. 

Companionship is the first demand of the child’s 
nature. Its claims are strong, but not discriminating. 
It must love, and be loved, or its young life is crushed. 
In young boys and girls, there is no recognition of the 
distinction of sex; there is the same free, unconscious 
enjoyment with each other, as when each is restricted to 
its own sex. As they grow older, the attraction of each 
to its counterpart becomes more decided; yet Nature, 
true to herself, leaves them both pure and' happy, yet 
giving and receiving an influence peculiar to each. Still 
further on, when the girl becomes the maiden, with her 
character more mature, her nature more positively de¬ 
fined, her need of sympathy and true companionship 
keeps pace with her development, and among her asso¬ 
ciates, her intuitions select those most in harmony with 
her own cast of character. It is the relation of brother 
and sister into which this want of her nature leads, and 
it is fruitful of most beautiful results to both. 

Eut she is not yet fully satisfied. In all these 
14 


158 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


friends, she finds something to love and respect, nor 
would she mar the existing relations by the slightest 
word or deed. Yet there is still a void unfilled, a want 
unsatisfied, a clamoring voice that will not be still. It 
comes from the very centre of her life. She longs to 
be claimed, possessed; to feel the very fibres of her 
heart grasped in a mighty hand; to hear the solemn 
assurance which shall fill her soul with rapture, “ Thou 
art mine , for time and eternity. ”y From that hour of 
transfiguration, she walks in “ robes of golden light.” 
“I have loved , I have lived ,” is the unceasing music 
of her soul; and, borne on the mighty wings of this 
new life, she mounts to heights of heroism that her eye 
could never reach before. For the first time, she learns 
the true object of her creation. All previous life, all 
attainments, all efforts, which have hindered or failed to 
aid her to this true life, are viewed as time and labor 
lost. Time itself is obliterated, and existence seems to 
date from the entrance into this new life. This is the 
consummation to which all her instincts have hitherto 
pointed, and in it does she find, for the first time, true 
■/'cst. 

To man she looks for the power to still these troubled 
waters. To him her heart utters its earnest, undying 
call. Her ideal is noble, pure, and lovely. She‘seeks 
such, as the worthy recipient of all she has to give. 
To him she rushes, without question or misgiving, in 
her eager self-abandonment. She knows that men are 
bad and false; but her chosen one is a world above them 
all. Her love invests him with all goodness, strength, 
and beauty. He stands in glittering robes, bearing in 


TIIE MISSION OF MAN. 


159 


his right hand the destiny of the heart of Love. In her 
self-abandonment, she calmly bears reproach, poverty, 
pain and death, if she may but preserve in her heart the 
faith that her chosen one is worthy of the sacrifice. She 
asks only that he may be worthy, and her brave heart 
will face the darkest fate. 

It is true, innocence is sometimes betrayed, confidence 
misplaced. But even when love sees its idol turned to 
clay, the heart is slow to believe that it is dead. I 
believe that a true woman would rather love, even if 
it were rejected, than live without knowing the depths 
of her own heart. Bitter tears may mingle in the 
draught, but she knows, at last, what it is to live ; and 
before the solemn beauty of that experience, all former 
life dwindles into nothingness. 

Man ! couldst thou^but believe in the mighty power 
that rests in thy noble nature to save her who waits and 
longs to come to thee, thou wouldst rather die than do 
aught to mar the glory with which a woman’s love in¬ 
vests thee! 

Such is the attitude in which Nature places the heart 
of the true woman towards man. Can her life be per¬ 
fected without him ? She may attain to great intellect¬ 
ual cultivation; she may, in isolation from man, extend 
a general benevolence which will do much good, and 
bring much happiness ; she may, by constant activity 
and exertion, save herself from ennui and discontent; 
but she will never fully comprehend the extent or beauty 
of her relations to God or man, till she is regenerated. 
She must experience the new birth into the heaven of 
Love, before she can see with unclouded eyes. Life 


160 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


will then receive a new significance, and, under tins 
influence of this new spiritual sense, the most ordinary 
life becomes heroic. 

Woman can never take the attitude of independence 
towards man, unless in utter ignorance of her own na¬ 
ture, or under the sting of personal wrong. She would 
never do such violence to the mighty instincts of her 
nature. Manhood has abused his trust, else woman 
never would seek defences against him, or vindicate her 
“ rights.” She freely puts herself into his power, in a 
way that cannot be paralleled by any amount of self- 
devotion on his part. In marriage, she gives him wealth, 
without reserve, blushing at the thought of legal 'protec¬ 
tion against him whom she honors with her love. With 
a trusting heart, she confides her destiny to the strong 
arm that she believes will nevqj fail. It is for man to 
answer whether he has deserved and nobly used such 
trust. It is for those who jeer at the claims of what 
they call “ strong-minded women,” to ask themselves 
whether the wrongs these women seek to remedy are 
self-inflicted, or whether man himself does not scoff at 
those he has betrayed. Nature must be bitterly out¬ 
raged, when woman suspects and fears the power of . 
man. 

The most superficial observer must perceive, that 
here, as in all cases where powers conflict that were 
designed to be harmonious, the wrong is generally to be 
traced to both. It "were hardly possible for one to be 
entirely passive and aggrieved, while the other is uni¬ 
formly oppressive and unjust. 

Are we the beings thou hast described, whose advent 


THE MISSION OE MAN. 


161 


should bo bailed with open heart and arms? Does the 
true soul of womanhood shine in the women of our day ? 
The relations between man and woman cannot be regu¬ 
lated by law or plan. lie will feel towards her just 
those emotions which her character is calculated to 
awaken ; and in proportion to the depth and earnestness 
of her own nature will be the sincerity and permanence 
of her attractions to him. 

It is our painted ball-room dolls, the shallow beauties 
that parade our streets,—whose estimate of manhood is 
measured by his dress, moustache, gloves and boots,— 
who complain most loudly of the fickleness of men. 
What need has manhood of such toys as these ? Are 
these the beings that deserve the name of women ? 
Shall man look to such as these for true companionship, 
for intelligent sympathy, and can he lavish on a toy the 
wealth of love that waits to meet a living soul ? Rather 
let our young men die in exile, or on the plains of polar 
ice, than meet a living death in a life-long companion¬ 
ship with these bodies without souls. 

My sisters ! we must be noble women, if we ever hope 
to find true men. We must live for higher aims than 
the superficial shows of life, if we hope to share the 
highest life of manhood. Until a wiser appreciation of 
our own capabilities and true destiny can be put into 
the head and heart of woman, man will toy and trifle 
and betray. A close observer of the defects of woman 
has lately said of them, — “We have no better reason 
for denying intellect to our women of society, than the 
entire want of evidence to prove its existence. In their 
empty career of show and frivolous occupation, a pros- 
14 * 


162 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


pect never opens to the better life of thought and of 
earnest purpose. Hour succeeds hour in languid suc¬ 
cession, while the wearied pursuer of exhausting pleas¬ 
ure sinks in a mortal lethargy, cheered by no spark of 
heavenly flame, and enlivened by no vital current of 
intelligence. Our young ladies have been to school, but 
their intellectual culture is as scant as their knowledge 
of the wicked world is abounding.” 

Until man finds in woman a character strengthened by 
obedience to the demands of the inner life, unbiased 
by worldly aims, expressing itself in a life which regards 
the- interests of an endless existence, we need hope for 
nothing great or noble in the relations of the sexes. If 
woman descends, man will follow. If she remains where 
she was born to dwell, 

“ Breaking to him the heavenly bread 
Of hopes which, all too high for earth, 

Have yet in her their mortal birth,” 

/ 

lie will ascend to meet her, and she will then Reserve 
the w'elcome of a u Gloria in Excelsis .” At present, 
woman has lost the ideal of what she should be to man. 
She decks her person, and displays her graces, to w r in — 
a husband ; not love, nor the abiding realities of a sin¬ 
cere and noble heart, but wealth, position, fame. So 
long as woman holds herself so cheap, she will be cheaply 
bought. 

Shall we blame men for offering the coin that w'oman 
seeks? While v'oman sells herself for gold, she need 
not expect a more precious medium of exchange. Can 
men be blamed for offering sugar-sw’eets to the puny, 


THE MISSION OF MAN. 


163 


fawning dependants on their favors? When she waits 
for manhood , we may look for better specimens than 
society now affords. ) 

It were perhaps to be expected, from a sex so nobly 
endowed as manhood is, that the strong should raise the 
weak; that there should be found wisdom of head and 
heart to point out and pity the follies of their bewildered 
sisters. But the misfortune is, that woman cannot sink 
alone. She has drawn after her the head and heart of 
man, so that, among the conflicting claims of ambition, 
passion, and a lust for gain, he has lost the ideal of what 
woman should be. We must look to ourselves for sal¬ 
vation. Virtue will never find protection in human 
laws. It must put on the armor of self-respect, it must 
be unfaltering in allegiance to truth and purity, in or¬ 
der to paralyze the arm or tongue that would assail it. 
Woman must guard well her heart, for out of it are the 
issues of life. Let her keep her intuitions clear, and be 
implicitly obedient to their warnings. In the bestowal 
of her love, let her be deaf to the claims of ambition, 
or any worldly interest. “ For if the young heart be 
dried up in its fountains of love; if the ways of pleas¬ 
antness and peace which should lead to the shrine of 
her affections, where all would worship, be thronged 
with money-changers, and the temple itself desecrated 
with unholy barter, then truly is life but a frightful 
reality of woe. * * * * Fathers and mothers 

lead their daughters to the sacrifice. The young vic¬ 
tims, decked in flowers of fashion, gayly dance to the 
altar, where they willingly offer up heart and affec¬ 
tions to avarice, while the parent sanctions, and the 


164 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


priest, in the name of religion, blesses the unholy cere¬ 
mony. The young heart is entombed in gold with all 
the honors, and the youthful affections hang in withered 
drapery over the tomb, upon which we may inscribe, 

1 Sacred to the memory of the lost Heart, dead ere its 
prime.’ ” 

If in early life, the blessing of a noble love, the sat¬ 
isfaction of her heart, the fulfilment of her destiny, be 
vouchsafed to woman, let her thank God on bended 
knees. But if not,/rather than yield to the fear of 
reproach, or the force of opinion, which sets so fiercely 
for worldly advantages, the true heart of woman will 
wait and w r ait, even though, with weary heart and far- 
searching eyes, she turn from one after another who may 
seek her love. She will say to them, — j‘ Pass on, pass 
on, I wait for my Messiah.” Even if she wait until her 
eyes grow dim, and her unblessed brow be crowned with 
silver hair, — nay, even when she lies down to rest in 
her last sleep, her unbowed soul will still say, “I wait 
for my Messiah.”./ 

When such is the general type of womanhood, when 
her fair form is but the fitting temple for her noble soul, 
when her earnest eyes glow with the holy light of pur¬ 
ity, and her lips are eloquent with truth, when dignity 
is not a studied grace, but the unconscious expression of 
nobleness of soul, man will learn to honor what he can¬ 
not corrupt, he will be compelled to love what he cannot 
flatter. Man should be to woman an aid to just this 
level of attainment. (In his highly-endowed nature abides 
all that a woman’s heart demands. She must love and 
honor him, and merge her life in his. He must be 


WIIAT IS MARRIAGE? 


165 


great, and pure, and true, or this impulse of her nature 
will lead her to her ruin. 

Man has a right to look to woman for the completion 
of his destiny, by her power to refine and elevate his 
nature, to share his intellectual life, to develop his affec¬ 
tions in the most endearing domestic relations; woman 
has a right to look to man for a type of greatness which 
shall fill her ideal of manhood. She expects from him 
a generous appreciation of her whole nature, moral, in¬ 
tellectual and physical, and his help in its development. 
She should awaken in him a wise, tender love, which 
seeketh not its own. She should come to him as a com¬ 
panion, protector, friend, and lover. 

When will man accept this holy mission, and be 
blessed ? 

NINA. 


LET TEN III. 



WHAT IS MARRIAGE? 

Nina : 


What is Marriage? In what consists the relation 
of husband and wife, in which we now stand to each 
other ? It is not in the fact that we have a license from 
the Church or State to live in this relation, for no such 
license has ever been asked or desired, and by our 


16G 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


mutual understanding of the matter never will be ; nor 
in the fact that a priest or magistrate, as the mouth-piece 
of society, has assured us, before others, that God hath 
joined us together, and that vre must remain so, till 
Death or Divorce makes us otherwise, for no such cere¬ 
mony has been performed on us, and never will be. 
Nor does our marriage consist in the fact that we live 
together as husband and wife; for all these things are 
done by men and women between whom no true marriage 
exists, fit is not in the power of Church or State, priest 
or magistrate, to make thee my wife; that can be done 
only by a power infinitely above them all.J And yet, 
how many, with and without a license, are living 
together as husband and wife, between whom there is 
no marriage ! No human law, or license, or authority, 
or social custom can make that right which w T ould 
otherwise be wrong, nor that wrong which would other¬ 
wise be right. 

What, then, is marriage? No logical definition, of 
universal application, can be given, for the heart alone 
can truly apprehend it. Words are nothing; marriage 
may express all that is good — it often stands for all that 
is evil. It may be the most vitalizing, improving, happy 
relation into which human beings can be attracted; and 
it is often the most debasing and blighting. What, then, 
are the facts with regard to this relation? I must speak 
for myself; yet I am assured that, in speaking for my¬ 
self, I speak for thee; and that thou, in like manner,' 
wilt speak for me. 

These, then, are the facts touching my relation to 
thee. My nature has a certain want, and the power to 


WIIAT IS MARRIAGE? 


1G7 


attract and assimilate to itself a natural and healthful 
supply. That want pertains to my physical, social, 
intellectual and spiritual nature, and it is fulfilled in 
thee. A restless and ever-present longing pervaded my 
entire being. That restlessness has given place to abso¬ 
lute repose; that intense longing has found a satisfac¬ 
tion still more intense. My ideal of beauty, purity, 
truth, justice and love, I longed to see embodied; I found 
them so in thee, as I found them in no other being. I 
longed to find my highest object of love and adoration 
incarnate in a living, visible, tangible, actualized rela¬ 
tion. That incarnation I found most beautifully pre¬ 
sented in my relation to thee. 

Love invests its object with light and beauty, with a 
holy consecration, seen and felt only by the husband.* 
To him, the w T ife is the embodiment of the feminine 
element, and this will seem to his loving heart to bo 
the most exalted, most sacred and attractive attribute of 
the Divine nature. She comes to him to meet his high¬ 
est aspirations for true development, — as the vitalizing, 
consecrating power of his soul. Impelled by my experi¬ 
ence, in my relation to thee, my heart renders this defi¬ 
nition of a wife — the most perfect and attractive 
INCARNATION OF GOD TO THE HUSBAND. The great 
Invisible and Intangible is made more beautifully and 
attractively visible and tangible in this, than in any other 
relation. 

In thee, Love and Wisdom are manifested in the flesh 
to me, as they are in no other being of the past or of the 
present. I go no more, in spirit, into the regions of ab- 


168 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


straction, to wander, in thought, through the boundless 
void, to find an object on which to expend the energies 
of my soul in love and devotion. I find that object in 
thee, my wife, as I do in nothing else. 

Worship is a necessity of my being. I must worship 
something ; so must every man and every woman. My 
soul cannot stoop to worship times and places, stations 
and titles. I see no God in them. They are all the 
work of men’s hands. But I worship the true and the 
beautiful in thee, without one shrinking doubt as to my 
right to do so, or as to whether God will accept this devo¬ 
tion to the most attractive embodiment of my conception 
of his attributes as being paid to him. 

Our souls, I believe, are substance, as truly as are 
r air, light, electricity and magnetism. The same law of 
attraction governs souls that governs all material bodies. 
Human souls are attracted to one another in four dis¬ 
tinct relations; there may be others, but those are 
marked. The broadest relation is that which exists be¬ 
tween human beings, in contradistinction from the brute 
creation. This I w T ould call the Human Attraction. 
This attraction individualizes itself in 'particular friend¬ 
ships, in a dearer and stronger sense than in the human. 
Then man is attracted to woman by a force stronger and 
dearer than that which draws him to his own sex. This 
I would call the Sexual Attraction. This attractive 
force individualizes itself in marriage; and this is the 
Connubial Attraction. A masculine soul and a femi¬ 
nine soul, in marriage, are absorbed each into the other. 
The essence of each enters into the other; permeates, 
fills and thrills it, leaving to neither an isolated, sep- 


WHAT IS MARRIAGE? 


1G9 


arate existence. Thought responds to thought, xvill to 
will, heart to heart. The advent of man and woman 
to each other, as husband and wife, is the advent of the 
true and natural Saviour to the soul of each. The en¬ 
trance of two souls, each into the other, thus making of 
two one perfect being, — the blending of the masculine 
and feminine elements , according to natural law ,— 
this is Marriage, as my heart defines it. 

This is true of our relation. I cannot feel that, as a 
man, I have an existence apart from thee. It seems to 
me that, as an embodiment of the masculine element,* 
without thee I am nothing; and that in thee, as the life- 
principle of my manhood, I live, move, and have my 
being. To dwell in thee is to dwell in Love. As my 
soul rests in thy love, it rests in God. My hopes, my 
longings, my aspirations, as a man, look to thee for ful¬ 
filment. In the bright mirror of our mutual love, I see 
heaven and earth; and the fair stars and the sweet 
flowers, as therein reflected, appear brighter and more 
beautiful. Thy love illumines what is dark, and beautifies 
what is deformed. Thou hast revealed to me the depth 
and power of my manhood, interpreting it truly, being 
to it daily the way, the truth, and the life. My God, 
my heaven, my eternity, arc associated with thee; and 
as seen and felt in my relation to thee, they have their 
deepest and most ennobling significance. 

Such are my present feelings towards thee; so near 
and dear, so priceless, so beautiful and gracious, art thou 
now to me. Wilt thou ever thus continue ? My soul 
turns to thee, now, a3 necessarily as the needle to the 
pole. Other forces may draw it away for a moment, but 
15 


170 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


they have no permanent influence. Their power is soon 
exhausted, and then my soul turns to its great central 
attraction, and, sternly true to itself, looks to thee, and 
finds absolute repose. 

Of the future, I cannot speak; of the present, I have 
spoken; and these are the expressions of one who is 
proudly conscious of perfect fidelity to truth and justice 
in all he has wwitten. 

With true love and devotion, with conscious dignity 
and elevation of soul, I subscribe myself, 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST, j 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

In thy last letter, thou hast given many suggestive 
topics of thought and feeling. Thou hast well said, 
that in entering upon the relation of marriage, we asked 
not of Church or State the sanction which they have no 
power to bestow. The only sanction, in the sight of 
God, is the fact that love, pure and undefiled, has drawn 
us to each other, has made us willing to renounce every 
worldly treasure, to live in accordance with its high de¬ 
mands. Fortune, friends, kindred, country, fail to com¬ 
pare with the mighty influence which has made us one. 

Society could not effect this union; yet we have not 
slighted its demands. We have accorded to it all it has 



WHAT IS MARRIAGE? 


171 


the right to claim. We have announced the fact that 
we are living in the marriage relation. We would not 
be mistaken for the poor and grovelling natures that 
seek, by evading social regulations, a stealthy gratifica¬ 
tion of the senses. We have nothing to be ashamed of, 
nothing to conceal. 


Marriage is holy in the sight of God; and if tho 
j heart’s deepest, purest worship and affection are ele¬ 
ments in the true marriage, then .are we married. Wo 
have recorded that fact in the public register ; we have 
publicly recognized each other as husband and wife; and 
more, the world has no right to claim. Thou hast given 
the deepest depths of thy nature in giving thy ideal of 
marriage. Nothing less is due from me; and when I 
speak for myself, I know that I utter the voice of my 
sex; for, allowing for the difference produced by cir¬ 
cumstances, the wants of the human heart are undoubt¬ 
edly the same in all. Passing over the ideal of the 
dreaming girl, who, without knowledge of herself, knows 
not in what character her own will find its counterpart, 
I give thee what the woman asks for. 

It is a necessity of her naturei;o rest in strength and 
wisdom superior to her own. She may not be weak, but 
she demands strength and reliable energy of will and 
action, as the basis of her confidence. With this, she 
needs a large and loving nature, requiring and granting 
unlimited freedom of expression and action. 

With these general elements, — leaving out the minor 
particulars, wherein individuals may differ, — with these 
wants fully met, and with that powerful mutual attrac¬ 
tion which endears each to the other personally, which 


172 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


we call love, the growth and perfection of each may be 
insured in marriage. When these wants are met, the 
real treasures of the heart burst out in uncontrolled 
affluence. The rock is smitten by the hand of God, and 
the waters of life must flow out. 

* 

But there is no demand , and no surrender; each 
acts out his or her own nature, in its fullest perfection. 
Love identifies each with that which is most beneficial to 
the other, in an unexpressed and inexpressible harmony 
of will and purpose. They live in and for each other, 
neither fearing to accept a freedom which each is willing 
to grant. 

The great mistakes, so often made in what are called 
marriages, result from a thousand causes; but chiefly, 
that persons do not understand their own wants ; and, 
secondly, that they are not true to their own natures, 
when they do understand them. A young woman must 
know her own temper and disposition, she must under¬ 
stand what qualities of mind and character command her 
highest respect, and seek in marriage such, and only 
such, as she can fully and entirely respect; for, without 
that basis, where and what is love ? It is no longer a 
noble tribute of homage to her heart's highest ideal of 
goodness, but a superficial attraction, which must end in 
ennui , if nothing worse. 

I have thought that young people, both men and 
women, often mistake their own wants in marrying their 
friends. As they grow up, they naturally Seek each 
other’s society, and find a sympathy and understanding 
which they cannot find in those of their own sex. This 
goes on, till some circumstance occurs to separate them • 


WHAT IS MARRIAGE? 


173 


and to avoid that apparent calamity, they marry. If 
they would have the courage to go apart, and remain 
wholly separated from the personal presence and influ¬ 
ence of each other, time would reveal what and how 
deep wtis the real attraction between them. So true it 
is, that those who might spend their lives in harmony 
as friends, hate each other when they assume a more 
intimate relation. 

I would, then, ask every young man and woman to 
consider well whether, in choosing a companion for life, 
they find in the object of their present choice, the 
deepest wants of their hearts satisfied. If they do not, 
let them beware of the fatal step, which, according to 
the regulations of society, is irrevocable; for, as truly 
as the heart lives, those deepest wants will assert them¬ 
selves. They will demand satisfaction, under circum¬ 
stances of pain and suffering which will rend the very 
fibres of the soul. It is the will of God, written upon 
the soul, that its laws shall be observed, and a bitter 
and fearful penalty is the price of their violation. 

The lower considerations of worldly wisdom, — such as 
fortune, family, social position, &c., — I cannot mention 
in this connection, for these considerations have no place 
among those who seek only for a true development of 
themselves in marriage^ Of those who can profane the 
sanctuary, I have nothing to say. 

Here, then, I have given some idea of what marriage 
should be. The husband is to the wife the ideal actual¬ 
ized. No other man is like him, or ever can be. He is 
nobler, more tender, more perfectly adapted to the 
wife’s delicate intuitions, than any or all other men. 

15 * 


174 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


She does not question whether she loves him; she loves 
him before she knows it, jand. her answer to his yearning 
heart is, not, “I will be thine,” but, “I am thine, 
already.” To his voice, his step, his touch, his glance, 
her pulse bounds, and, in heart, soul, and sense, she is 
her own no more. With the power of attraction, between 
them, with the noble strength and tenderness of man¬ 
hood, and the no less noble trust in her husband, -which 
her own strength and tenderness enable her to appreciate, 
does not marriage show itself to be ordained of God? 
Does not every heart yearn for it, as its only true satis¬ 
faction ? Does not every single life seem poor and lonely 
compared with it ? 

And if it can bring joy to one manly heart to know 
that to his own chosen one, he embodies all these wants 
of her heart, that to her nature he is the complete ful¬ 
filment, then that satisfaction is due to thee, my noble 
husband. 

From thy loving wife, 

NINA. 


PERPETUITY OF MARRIAGE. 


175 


LETTER IV. 

PERPETUITY OF MARRIAGE. 


Nina : 

We are one. My hope, my heaven, my God, are 
associated with thee. The very essence of our souls 
has entered, each into that of the other, as a life-prin¬ 
ciple, to fill us with the consciousness of perfect repose. 
Into this dwelling-place, distrust and unrest can never 
enter. We are one in love, as God is one. 

How long is this oneness to be continued ? Forever 
is the emphatic response of our hearts; and to raise the 
question of its perpetuity, seems but an insult to our 
love, — a cruel outrage upon the deep and sacred tender¬ 
ness that each feels for the other. But we have under¬ 
taken to discuss the question of marriage between us, 
that, if possible, we may ascertain the fixed, natural 
laws by which this relation should be governed, and by 
these regulate our connubial life. 

It is said there are no fixed laws by which the mani¬ 
festations of love are to be regulated. This may be 
true as to the particular modes and forms of expression ; 
yet there is a general law, fixed and eternal, by which 
all demonstrations of true conjugal love will be gov¬ 
erned, and that is, the good of the beloved. In 
its very nature, Love can never, except in ignorance, 
seek expression at the expense of the health, purity 
and happiness of the loved one. It is a feeling that 
“seeketh not its own;” but, as to time, place, and 


176 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


mode of manifestation, looks solely to the welfare of 
the body and soul of the object. It is a condition or 
law of the soul, existing between the husband and wife, 
which merges each in the other, and makes the happi¬ 
ness of each dependent on that of the other. This law 
was designed to govern all expressions of love, in all 
relations. In its very nature, the feeling is self-for¬ 
getting, seeking, not its own good, but that of the loved 
ones. But I would confine myself to a consideration 
of the laws that were designed to govern all expressions 
of love in the marriage relation. 

I believe that marriage was intended to be an endur¬ 
ing relation between two individuals, from the facts 
daily presented to our notice, even if there were no 
internal evidence on the subject. 

It is true, there are many instances wherein Church 
and State sanction the solemn vow, before God and man, 
which the heart does not ratify, — that two, who claim 
the name of husband, and wife, shall remain true, in 
heart and life, till death shall part them; or, perhaps, 
unconscious of this want of true union, they choose 
each other for a specific external advantage, and learn 
their mistake too late; or, perhaps, a love, which was 
deep and true at first, is crushed by neglect and abuse. 
Domestic life is full of the victims of ignorance, world¬ 
liness, or an insane curiosity and sensuality. 

But is it the law of our nature, that the union of 
one man with one woman should last while both remain 
in this state of existence ? I believe it is. My faith 
rests on the nature of the union itself. As defined 
by us, marriage is the actual blending of two souls, a 


PERPETUITY OF MARRIAGE. 


177 


masculine and feminine, according to natural law, each 
being attracted to the other by a power over which 
neither has control, so long as they remain within the 
sphere of each other’s attractive force. They know not 
how nor why they are thus blended, since it came by no 
will or effort of their own. As they did not will them¬ 
selves into this union, they cannot will themselves out of 
it. Therefore, the relative conditions of their souls, 
under which the union was formed, remaining the same, 
the union itself must remain. 

But may not these relative conditions change, and 
thus the union be destroyed ? Through ignorance or 
carelessness, this may be. These two souls were 
attracted by love to each other, under certain harmoni¬ 
ous relative conditions. The conditions of one are 
changed, for better or worse, without a corresponding 
change on the part of the other, and thus the harmony 
is lost; the oneness ceases; the marriage is null and 
void, as a heart-relation. But this only goes to establish 
the fact, that perpetuity is the law of Nature. These 
are the exceptional cases which we mark, when some 
counteracting influence has interfered to disturb the 
harmony which first made the twain one, and should 
keep them one and inseparable. The law of love, of 
harmony, would preserve each from deterioration, from 
all unkind suspicions, feelings, thoughts, words and 
acts, and carry both together onward and upward; 
for, in true marriage, both souls are involved in one 
destiny. 

j Each desires the union to be 'perpetual. — Of all 
the harmonies the universe can furnish or the mind con- 


1T8 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ceive, none is so perfect, so purifying and Ennobling, as 
that made by the blending of two souls in marriage. Its 
sweetness never cloys; its oft-repeated strains never 
weary, but, the more often repeated, the more the soul of 
each longs for and enjoys them. The human heart can 
never weary of loving and being loved; nor can it weary 
of the presence of the beloved object, for it is to each the 
visible presence of that for which each most earnestly 
longs, — the presence of Love, of God. If either wishes 
separation, there is no longer true marriage in the heart. 
Where there is true marriage, universal experience testi¬ 
fies that it longs for an endless perpetuity; and the very 
existence of this desire demonstrates to me the fact, that 
Nature designed the union to be perpetual. The want 
is natural, and Nature creates no want for which she 
does not create a supply. 

I cannot entertain the thought, that the oneness now 
existing between us can ever be destroyed. Such a 
thought would disturb my soul’s deep repose, and hang 
around my future the canopy of death. The present joy 
of my relation to thee is in the security that it will not 
be disturbed. So long as we wish our marriage union to 
remain, it will remain. But its perpetuity depends upon 
ourselves. If we wish for its continuance, we shall use 
the means to secure that end. What some of these are 
will be stated in due time. 

It will suffice to say here, that a relation so tender t so 
delicate, so intense, so absorbing, may be disturbed. 
The power that attracted each to the other must be per¬ 
petuated and constantly renewed, or the oneness will 
cease. To thee, I embody the ideal of the man whom 


PERPETUITY OF MARRIAGE. 179 

thy I^iou l^st described 

what constitutes that ideal. If I am truly thy husband, 
and wish our union to be perpetuated, I shall never relax 
in my efforts to be all thou hast judged me to be. 

By the power with which thou hast invested me, I 
have drawn thee to myself, to be the life-principle of 
manhood. If I would hold thee in this relation, and call 
out thy deep and tender love towards me, I must con¬ 
tinually exert this attractive force, as the sun pours its 
light on the earth, to develop its hidden powers in sweet¬ 
est flowers and richest fruits. 

Thou canstf not continue to love me, if I become 
unlovable. No matter what promises thou hast made, if 
the man to whom thy love was given ceases to be worthy 
of it, — if thou canst no longer find in me the husband 
thou hast once loved, — if I fail to concentrate the deep 
heart’s love which once enriched and ennobled my life, — 
that moment our marriage is cancelled, and thou hast 
ceased to be my wife. 

Be it mine, then, to incarnate thy ideal of a husband, 
and thus to retain thee within the influence of that love 
which first attracted thee. In thus fulfilling my relation 
to thee, thou wilt likewise fulfil thine to me; and thus 
we shall accomplish the one great desire of our hearts, 
THE PERPETUITY OF OUR PRESENT ONENESS. 

From thy husband, 

ERNEST. 



180 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 



Ernest : 

In thy last letter, upon the perpetuity of the marriage 
bond, thou hast so truly interpreted the sentiments of 
my wedded heart, that I find hardly anything to say in 
answer, but Amen ! Yet, I will try to forget what thou 
hast written, and state my own views upon this subject, 
if for no other purpose than to show how fully they 
coincide with thine own. 

In former letters, we have defined the? wants of the 
soul that crave fulfilment in marriage. In the fact 
that these wants do find, in true marriage, their entire 
satisfaction, lies the answer to the question proposed in 
your last. We strive to attain, through marriage, a 
more perfect development of the elements of our being, 
than we can attain without it. A relation which fails 
to meet this want is either defective or altogether spuri¬ 
ous. 

But when we realize our ideal in marriage, we find, to 
the whole being, a larger activity, higher objects of aspi¬ 
ration, and the infinitely exalting consciousness of losing 
our separate, independent existence in that of another: 
not by the sacrifice of independent thought and action, 
but by a unity of will which turns all conflicting forces 
into one harmonious effort. 

To speak from my own experience, marriage has 
revealed to me the perfect embodiment of those qualities 
constituting my ideal of manhood. What those are is 
known to thee full well. And does not every strong and 


181 


PERPETUITY OF MARRIAGE. 

‘V " V' V-. v?'-V •?-£.-• * .'*? 

tender-hearted woman ask for strength and tenderness 
combined, wherein to find her rest ? A world of mean¬ 
ing is conveyed in that one phrase, u to find her rest” 
She needs an intellect, strong by natural endowment, and 
enriched by knowledge of men and books ; a moral nature 
inflexible and incorruptible; a heart of large philan¬ 
thropy, yet capable of a single, intense affection. In 
such a nature, she will have freedom of thought and life; 
her heart will find its wildest dream of happiness ful¬ 
filled. 

Such has marriage proved to me. How strange, then, 
sound the questions, Dost thou wish this happiness 
prolonged ? — Art thou willing to cast all this aside, 
and set forth again, an adventurer, to find new treas¬ 
ures ? We would laugh at the gold-hunter who should 
leave an unwrought mine of wealth beneath his hand, 
in search of other gain; and shall one expect the pos¬ 
sessor of more than a thousand Californias to neglect 
the unwrought wealth which God has showered on her 
life ? When the flower asks no more for rain and sun, 
then will I tear from my heart the life thou hast in¬ 
fused .therein. It were an unutterable sorrow, if our 
paths in life were separated; but only insupportable 
under the thought that our union of heart is at an 
end. 

We pray that the ties which make us one may never 
be broken, and in this very prayer is the pledge of its 
fulfilment. We pray, and we act in accordance with it. 
Our love for each other is a love for the attributes of 
God, embodied. Ey this love, we are pledged to every 
effort of self-development. Our aim is not for the 
1G 



182 MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 

approbation of each other, but for the abstract right, 
and true, and just, and lovely. While we embody 
these attributes, we do our highest duty to God, to our¬ 
selves, and to each other, and for the happy, glorious 
result, we find our own hearts drawn into even closer 
bonds of love. 

This, to my mind, is all that marriage can effect for 
the individual; and such an influence is one that time 
and place and death can never mar. There is but one 
response from heart and mind, one cry for the endless 
continuance of our marriage bond, as we hope for infinite 
progress in all the attributes of the Divine; and as we 
hope for a happiness for which there is no other name 
but Heaven. 

Thy wife, 

NINA. 


LETTER Y. 

variety in love, or polygamy, 

Nina : 

It is settled between us that our oneness will be 
eternal, if our present desires and wants are truly 
answered; also, that the perpetuity of our oneness de¬ 
pends on our knowledge of and fidelity to the natural 
laws by which marriage is designed to be governed. The 
question arises — Is exclusiveness a fixed law of mar¬ 
riage ? I ask not, Should either marry after the death 




POLYGAMY. 


183 


of the other ? but, Can a woman be the wife of more than 
one man, and can the relation of husband be truly sus¬ 
tained to more than one woman, at the same time ? To 
this, my heart and my head give a negative answer. 
Reason and affection assure me that polygamy is unnatu¬ 
ral, and therefore wrong. 

What says the heart? Is there a husband whose love 
is concentrated on one woman as a wife, who can wil¬ 
lingly allow another man to be to his wife what he is ? 
He loves her — her alone — above all others, and he 
earnestly desires that she should return his affection. 
The very fact that another can claim her interest or win 
her affection, enough to make marriage attractive, strikes 
a death-blow to a true lover’s peace. It is equally true 
of a woman’s heart. Hence the origin of that expres¬ 
sion of feeling commonly designated jealousy. As a 
husband, my nature is complete in thee. My capacity 
for happiness is full; and as that capacity enlarges, thou, 
nurtured by the love I bear thee, wilt grow with its 
growth. If we are true to ourselves and to each other, 
neither can outgrow the other. I can never seek an 
enlargement of soul that cannot be shared by thee. 
The first object of our lives must be to perfect the har¬ 
mony between us. In every step of my course, the wife 
of my soul must stand by my side. I can desire no 
honor, no station, no heaven, apart from thee. If thou 
art delayed, I must be delayed with thee. We are one 
in love, in will, in purpose, in destiny. Re it ours to 
eternize this oneness. We will stand, go back, or go 
forward, together. * 

With this fulness of satisfaction in thee, how can I 


184 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


desire another, as a wife ? There is no room for another 
in my nature; it finds in thee all it can receive from 
any woman in marriage, and it repels the thought of 
any other in this relation. The existence of the desire 
for a second person in the marriage union, while the 
first one lives, proves that the first relation has ceased, 
if it ever existed. It seems to me that marriage-love 
is, in its very essence, exclusive. Men and women have 
a nature that can he shared by every other man and 
woman in the ties of friendship, in perfect accordance 
with the law that binds men and women together, as 
such. But in marriage, this general tendency of each to 
the opposite sex concentrates itself on one, and therefore 
excludes all others from the privileges and endearments 
of that relation. The glory of marriage is its exclusive¬ 
ness^ The soul conscious of refinement, purity and 
dignity, will shrink from sharing the relation with more 
than one. 

Much is said about variety in love. It is said that 
the passional nature of man needs a fuller satisfaction 
than a single object can afford; that some men must 
suffer, unless they live with more than one woman as a 
wife. But the history of polygamy, under whatever 
name, and by whatever or by whomsoever sanctioned, 
demonstrates that it is unnatural, since its consequences 
are evil, and only evil. It renders men imbecile, in 
body and soul, and tends to a disproportion of the sexes. 
"Woman can never attain nor keep her true position in a 
state of polygamy. 

The only marriage that commends itself to the in¬ 
stinct, the reason and the heart, is exclusive; and 


POLYGAMY. 


185 


therefore, this alone will elevate ancl purify man or 
woman. Tell me if thy reason and heart respond to 
these sentiments of 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST, 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

The question of 11 variety in love,” as presented in 
thy last letter, can be settled by referring to the point 
from which the- discussion first started, that is, the defini¬ 
tion of marriage, and its natural and legitimate modes of 
manifestation. We have described the attractions which 
find their fulfilment in marriage. But there is another 
element, the natural result of the former attraction, per¬ 
taining to the physical nature, which claims attention, 
inasmuch as its demands have a powerful, controlling 
influence over the whole marriage relation. 

The Ideal of Love and Marriage, in every young 
heart, is with one — never with more than one. Social 
discord and wrong may introduce other notions, but I 
understand a deep significance in the old story, that for 
Adam there was but one Eve created. The idea of a 
truly married pair seeking for a third party in their 
happiness is absurd. In this view of marriage, I take 
for granted that the spiritual element predominates. In 
every true marriage, this must be the case; and it is 
false to speak otherwise on the subject.. 

True love finds in one beloved object the embodiment 
of its ideal. The whole nature, intellectual, affectional, 
16 * 



186 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and physical, willingly accepts, in this embodiment of 
the ideal, a true marriage. And from this willing, 
mutual self-surrender, flows the confidence which gives 
and takes without reserve. 

Is the marriage tie capable of extension ? If a man 
finds in half a dozen women equally powerful attrac¬ 
tions to marriage; if each exercises an equally deep, 
vitalizing, elevating influence on his life; if the union 
with either one would be enough to bless his life, were all 
the others exterminated, then, it is said, he has a right, 
if all equally desire it, to be the husband of them all! 
But what does experience prove in this matter? The case 
is not even supposable. It is absurd in the statement. 

. The sentiment of love finds satisfaction in one object.^ 
The passional element, which borrows the holy name of 
love, may crave a wider range. When men say they 
11 need variety,” they say, in other words, that in them, 
the passion has the ascendency over the sentiment. 
The man in whom the need of variety exists, should not 
take the high social rank implied by the desire for a true 
marriage, but descend to that level in creation wherein 
animal passion makes no discrimination in its objects, 
and finds equal satisfaction in them all. Men who advo¬ 
cate “ variety,” know that true, pure marriage-love 
cannot be felt to more than one: but they wish to find, 
in their various attractions to woman, a sanction for 
what were otherwise unqualified brutality. 

Oman never entertains the idea of the personal rela¬ 
tions of marriage, except as a secondary experience, if 
I may so speak. Her love must be won through the 
bestowal of her confidence in the character of the man 



POLYGAMY. 


187 


she honors. Her spiritual wants must first be met; 
then follows the growing personal attachment, which, at 
last, places her a willing gift, soul and body, in the 
keeping of the husband. Marriage is, to her, eminently 
a spiritual experience, so profound, so peculiar, so exclu¬ 
sive, that it rarely finds but one realization in life. 
Now, imagine the experience repeated with, perhaps, a 
dozen individuals, and we turn with disgust from the 
picture. How much worse, then, when a man seeks the 
gratification of his passion among various objects, for 
whom he never experiences the love which distinguishes 
man from the animal, in the relation of the sexes ! 
Nothing can save him or them from an overwhelming 
degradation. 

I am told there are women who seek such relations 
themselves. If this be true, and I do not doubt it, I can 
only class them with those other unfortunates, whom 
society has so deeply wronged, and who have so cruelly 
wronged their own souls, that the idea of purity and 
dignity is lost. 

Those who advocate variety in love are not the ones 
most anxious to elevate and develop woman to the highest 
limits of her nature; and when they argue against her 
strongest instinct, that of personal sacredness , they rob 
her of that which is as essential an element in a pure 
nature as is the perfume in the flower. 

In this protest against variety in love, every voice 
of my nature joins. It is a deep injustice to the 
nature of woman, and a profanation of the holy name 
of wife. Ever, thy loving wife, 


NINA 


188 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER VI. 

DIVORCE. 

Nina: 

Intimately connected with the perpetuity and exclu¬ 
siveness of marriage between one man and one woman is 
the subject of Divorce. This has ever been a perplex¬ 
ing question to statesmen and churchmen. So far as it 
is a subject for the action and management of human 
government, it must, like all other matters connected with 
relations based solely on the demands of the inner life, be 
attended with difficulty; but so far as it relates to the 
affections, to conjugal love and its actual manifestations, 
it is a question of easy solution by every pure and 
honest heart. 

Divorce is the result of violated law, as are other 
evils. Men and women come together in marriage 
without a knowledge of each other, or of their needs in 
that direction. Instead of appreciating marriage as a 
necessity of their being, an essential condition of growth 
and happiness, they often regard it as only a civil insti¬ 
tution, a contrivance of human ingenuity for human con¬ 
venience, — a source of gratification to an excited, ungov¬ 
ernable passion. When that passion is satiated, the 
great end of the relation, as they view it, is answered. 
Man, too often, takes no heed of the capabilities and 
qualities, in any other direction, of the woman whom he 
is about to receive as a wife. 

Man pays more heed to the qualities of the ship, the 


DIVORCE. 


189 


house, the shoes, the hat, the coat, the horse, sheep or 
ox, he is about to buy, than to the physical, intellectual 
and spiritual conditions of the woman lie is about to 
take as a wife, and to make the guardian and protector 
of his manhood. Woman, often, is far more solicitous 
about the qualities of the gloves, shawl, bonnet and fan 
she is about to purchase, than she is concerning the 
qualities and conditions of the body and soul of the man 
whom she expects to receive as a husband, and the father 
of her children. Consequently, society is full of inhar¬ 
monious and most fatal alliances between men and 
women, under the name of marriage, — alliances as 
unnatural and monstrous, and as fruitful of evil, as a 
union between liberty and slavery, truth and falsehood, 
purity and impurity, — alliances in which no com¬ 
promises can ever produce harmony or happiness. 

How to jjrevent these misalliances? — This is the 
question. Divorce is the result of, and a supposed 
remedy for, unnatural and inharmonious relations be¬ 
tween men and women, under the name of marriage. 
Divorce, as an experience of the heart, is to the soul 
much what dyspepsia is to the stomach. Man mistakes 
the excitement of passion for conjugal love; woman 
mistakes vanity, ambition, a desire for a home or a 
social position, for the same. They enter into intimate 
personal relations as husband and wife. The counter¬ 
feits of love, which precipitated them into their unnatural 
and inharmonious outward union, soon reveal themselves, 
and both find that they stand in an outward relation to 
each other which their souls have never sanctioned. In 
her ignorance and blindness, woman takes to herself what 


190 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


she hopes may prove the bread of life to her soul, but 
she finds it a deadly poison. 

There is but one way in which these unnatural and 
discordant alliances can be prevented, and divorce be 
forestalled. The intuitions of men and women must 
be more perfectly organized and developed; the sexual 
instinct must be refined and more delicately attuned; 
then would they be able to select a natural and healthful 
supply for that want of the soul which points man to 
woman as a wife, or woman to man as a husband, with 
as much certainty as the instinct for material food directs 
us to select that which is wholesome. 

The instinct which points men to women and women 
to men for a true development, is all dark, bewildered, 
gross; and, in its grossness and want of delicacy of 
perception, it points them to a relation based mainly on 
sensual indulgence. Disappointment, sickness and dis¬ 
gust of heart, ensue; the twain that fondly dreamed of 
oneness become antagonisms; neglect, abuse, outrage, 
follow, and civil government is asked to come in and 
cut the outward bond, and save them from the effects of 
their ignorance and passion. 

Had that deepest, noblest and most potential instinct 
of the soul been truly, delicately and nobly formed and 
directed, had it been so enlightened and refined that it 
would have guided the soul to select for itself the true 
element of conjugal life, it would have elevated to 
heaven, instead of casting down to perdition. In such 
a relation, divorce has no place, no significance. It 
belongs only to unnatural conditions and false relations 
between the sexes. Under the guidance of an enlight- 

o o 


DIVORCE. 


191 


ened, refined sexual instinct, the only power that can 
bring the two elements into true and vitalizing rela¬ 
tions, where marriage is but another name for love, for 
harmony and perfect trust between two souls, it were 
as unmeaning to talk of divorce, as to talk of it in refer¬ 
ence to the relations between the needle and the pole. 

But such is not the condition of society in reference tc 
the relation between the sexes. What is to be done to 
meet the existing necessity ? What can be done ? Men 
and women will come together — they must — it is a 
necessity of their being. They are ignorant, they are 
bewildered. They will come into false relations. Chil¬ 
dren will be born of such unfortunate, alliances. Who or 
what is to manage these matters, correct these abuses, 
and secure individuals and society against all possible 
results from the perversions of a relation on which all 
rational hopes of human progress must be based ? Of all 
agencies, governments have proved themselves most 
incompetent to correct thcsd abuses, and save individuals 
and society from their direful consequences. 

There is but one remedy — Let there be Light ! 
The nature, extent, power and object of the distinction of 
sex must be understood and appreciated; the sexual 
instinct must be refined, ennobled, and brought under an 
enlightened reason and a tender conscience; the true 
object of the presence of the reproductive element in man 
must be better understood; the fixed laws by which God 
designed its expenditure should be regulated must be 
known and obeyed; man’s true li^jssion to woman and 
woman’s to man, be known and more truly estimated; 
and the gospel of a true marriage and parentage be 


192 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


preached to all; — then, and not till then, will the twain 
that leads to oneness reveal its power to bless and to 
save; and till then, divorce, as an experience of tho 
heart, will continue to desolate the inner life, and, as an 
outward ordinance, to bewilder the head of the statesman, 
and grieve the heart of the philanthropist. 

Nina, this is the most painful subject to one who is 
conversant with the domestic relations of men and women. 
Experimenting in marriage is the order of society. 
The results are fearful to those who experiment, and to 
their offspring. While men and women go on to experi¬ 
ment in a relation which is the basis of the perpetuity, 
and must be of the perfection, of the race, they will have, 
and must have, governmental interference to save them 
and society from the consequences that would result to 
men, women and children, by leaving the parties to 
repeat their experiments as often as insatiate passion and 
stupid ignorance might dictate. The evils of divorce, as 
an experience of the inner and outer life, will continue to 
increase, until every true and pure-hearted man and 
woman is satisfied that relief can come, not from human 
legislation, but only from a knowledge of, and obedience 
to, the fixed, unchanging laws of God, designed to govern 
conjugal relations. 

Meanwhile, the truth will stand, that marriage, like 
the pulsations of the heart and the contractions of the 
lungs, is the work of Nature. There is a power that 
brings a man and woman into this relation. When this 
power ceases to act, to make the twain one, marriage 
ceases, as an experience of the soul; and where there is 
no union of soul, there is no marriage, and all outward 


DIVORCE. 


193 


conjugal relations should cease. The mental, moral and 
physical conditions of a man and woman may be harmoni¬ 
ous, when they are drawn into the relation of husband 
and wife. They may be pure and healthful, and the 
uniofi be a happy one. Love may bind them together. 
But perhaps, by some great change of his nature, the 
conditions of the man are changed. His moral nature 
may be wrecked in the conflict of life, or his social ele¬ 
ments may enslave him to low and brutalizing appetites, 
so that his intellect becomes imbecile, and the whole type 
of the man is changed. Can the wife, who loved in him 
the embodiment of all high and holy qualities, which he 
once wms, still love the man, who, in all respects, fails to 
meet the ideal that first won her maiden heart? The 
man she loved is changed; he is no more. Her ideal 
is not changed, but the man to whom she gave herself as 
a wife has ceased to embody that ideal. Reason and 
Nature answer, at once, and say, u She cannot love him 
as she did ! ” But, without this love, is she, before God, 
his wife ? By all that is sacred, she is not! The man 
in whom her soul found embodied its ideal of purity, 
nobleness, and manhood, has become a loathsome sensual¬ 
ist. The man has made himself repulsive to her wifely 
heart; by his sensualism, he has separated himself from 
her soul of conjugal love, as the sinner, by his sins, has 
separated himself from his God. She may pity him, and 
weep over him, but she cannot love him and come to him 
as a wife. Love cannot attract her heart to that which 
is not lovely, and he is so no longer. Now, what shall 
she do ? Is her body to belong to the man who has no 

17 


194 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


power to retain her affection ? Not for one moment ! 
She is not his wife by love, only by law and outward 
form; and the surrender of her person is but legalized 
prostitution, frowned upon by a just and holy God. 
Come what may, when love ceases between those who 
have been pronounced husband and wife, let the out¬ 
ward expression cease. Where a deep, holy, conjugal 
love does not unite the souls of a man and woman, 
however strong the demands of passion, let there be no 
surrender of the person, for the unhallowed purpose of 
mere sensual gratification. Let every w~oman be fixed, 
as God is, never to live with a man, as a wife, whom she 
does not love; let every man be equally true to the 
voices of his nature, and an untold amount of misery 
would be saved to both. 

Human laws come in and dictate the grounds of 
divorce. What have they to do with the question of 
divorce, as a heart experience? Just as much as they 
have to do with marriage, and no more, — only to sanc¬ 
tion what Nature and Nature’s God have already ac¬ 
complished. But they ought never to coerce those to 
keep together, as husband and w T ife, who require such 
bonds to unite them, for these are, by the laws of God, 
no longer one. Love is departed, and with it, manage; 
and no human laws can make them one. There is a 
twain that leads to oneness , by a fixed law of human 
existence, — the law of Harmony, of Marriage. If 
human enactments attempt too much, and license the 
union of two as husband and wife whom God hath put 
asunder, men and women must set them at naught, and 
obey the higher law written on their souls, which forbids 


DIVORCE. 


195 


all personal surrender to sexual indulgence, without 
love. 

Human legislation may forbid them again to assume 
the external relations and to enjoy the outward rights 
and privileges of marriage, each with another; but it 
cannot control the -wants and action of the soul, which 
remain the same as before. The fact that they have 
been once bewildered and mistaken, does not destroy this 
want of their being. The soul of each must ever demand, 
in order to its growth in purity and all goodness, that 
which the soul of one of the corresponding sex can alone 
supply. They will necessarily attract and be attracted, 
until the soul of each comes into a natural, harmonious 
relation. 

The rock on which so many fond hopes are dashed, 
the one fatal error which is so fruitful in direful results 
to many bewildered, but trusting hearts, is, that men 
and women commence living in the outward relations of 
husband and wife, and become parents, in utter igno¬ 
rance of each other, of their owm wants, as male and 
female, and of the only basis of a true conjugal rela¬ 
tion, and regardless of that corresponding attraction 
and union of heart, without which, the outward personal 
surrender is an outrage to body and soul, that must, as a 
general rule, end in disease and wretchedness to all who 
thus live, and to their offspring. Would that parents 
might study to guard their sons and daughters against 
the possibility of mistaking passion, or friendship, or a 
desire for a home, for wealth, social position, or any 
other feeling, for conjugal love ! Let them attend to the 
organization and true development of the sexual instinct. 



196 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and seek to bring it, as they do other instincts, under the 
control of reason and conscience; let them ever impress 
upon their children the certain degradation and ruin that 
must ensue from an external connubial relation, however 
sanctioned by Church and State, which is repudiated by 
the inner life of the soul; — then might we hope that the 
State would not be so often invoked to annul the outward 
bond, where there is no union of heart. 

If human laws enter to regulate the intimate relations 
of the sexes, and presume to say to a woman, “ You 
shall love this man, and you shall not love that man,” 
or, u If you do not love that man, you shall surrender 
your person to him in the passional relation, and con¬ 
tinue to become the mother of his children,” then they 
go beyond their appropriate function, and usurp a power 
against which every pulse of true manhood and woman¬ 
hood revolts. 

But, if there are children, what must the parents do ? 
Live together, as friends, who have in those children, on 
whom they have entailed existence without love, a mutual 
care and responsibility. Be to them parents , in the 
deepest and widest sense possible. Give them every 
attention and advantage which they have a right to claim 
from the authors of their being; and in order to do this, 
keep your own souls free from degradation, by a firm, 
unwavering fidelity to the highest impulses of your 
nature. Cease to be a wife, in external relations, to the 
man thou dost not love, but be a mother to the child for 
whose existence thou art responsible; cease to be a 
husband to the woman thou dost not love, but ever 


DIVORCE. 


19T 


be a father to the child who has derived its being from 
thee. 

It is asked, “Has not Jesus laid down the only true 
ground of external divorce? Has he not pronounced 
adultery the only sufficient cause of separation from ‘ bed 
and board’?” But, I ask, what is adultery, but the 
proof that marriage-love, that true, divine, exclusive ele¬ 
ment of the soul, is gone ? What loving husband ever 
seeks the gratification found in adultery ? Jesus leas laid 
the true foundation of divorce to be the absence of love , 
and adultery was the form in which it manifested itself 
in the case before him. In this, Jesus taught according 
to Nature. Adultery is a sufficient ground of divorce, 
because it proves the absence of love. Whatever demon¬ 
strates the cessation or absence of love between a man 
and woman, proves that the relation of husband and wife 
never existed, or that, if it ever did, it exists no longer. 
There are many other proofs, less censured by human laws 
and customs, on which a true man or woman must rely, 
and by which they must govern their relations. Where 
conjugal love exists between a man and -woman, there is 
marriage. Though external surroundings may prevent 
the public recognition of it, yet, before God, those two 
souls are one, — are husband and wife, ■— as truly as if 
they openly lived in that relation. There is but one true 
cause of divorce from the inner or outward marriage 
relation, and that is, the absence of love. 

But, to a true marriage, whose conditions are faith¬ 
fully sustained, there will come no divorce. To main¬ 
tain, strengthen and eternize our mutual love, we will 
live and die, and so cherish the divine oneness between 
17 * 


198 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


us, that no coldness, no darkness, shall chill the warmth 
or dim the beauty and the brightness of our united 
hearts. 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

In my last letter, I said that marriage between two 
was the law of Nature, and that this marriage must be 
consummated first in the spiritual union, and afterwards 
actualized in the personal^ relation; and that the latter 
relation is only the natural consequence of the former. 

Thou hast said that human law should sanction what 
Nature has accomplished. It consummates marriage 
between any two who stand up before a minister or 
magistrate, with a request to be made man and wife. 
It asks no questions whether love, or policy, or sensual 
passion, or ambition, or avarice, be the ground of the 
union. Clumsily and blindly, it puts the chain around 
the two, rivets the link, and solemnly pronounces them 
ONE. 

How is it about divorce? The law suddenly grows 
critical and particular. When these two come back, 
and ask the same power that bound them to set them 
free, the law says, u If you are guilty of any particular 
sin, so gross, so palpable, that human eye can see it, and 
human testimony can prove it, I will set you free; but 



DIVOKCE. 


199 


not otherwise. No matter how your hearts are changed 
towards each other, no matter what personal wrongs and 
outrages you have committed under the sanction of my 
name, if you have not committed the particular sin I 
specify, I have no redress, no relief for you.” 

There are those whose morals are fashioned by a 
higher model than human laws; and the omnipotence 
of the law of marriage, and the insufficiency of knowl¬ 
edge as to the true grounds of divorce, have produced 
in men’s minds a most distorted idea of their true posi¬ 
tion. It is usually understood that, by marriage, — 
that is, by the performance of a marriage ceremony, — 
a -wife passes over to the care, keeping and protection 
of her husband; that the bestowal of her heart upon any 
other, is a wrong to him to whom human law has assigned 
her. 

Suppose two are married, under this impression, who 
think they love each other. As time rolls on, and each 
matures and develops, they diverge in sympathy; and 
perhaps the husband or the wife may be so constituted 
by nature, that the deepest wants of the heart cannot be 
met by the other. Without abuse or outrage, love yields 
its place to friendship, respect, and kind feeling. If this 
takes place in the wife, her nature will not demand the 
personal endearments of marriage. She will promptly 
say to her husband, that such expressions belong to love, 
not to friendship; that they are disagreeable to her, and 
that only by restraining them can either be saved from 
degradation. He tells her that she is wrong ; that when 
she married, she gave herself to be his lawful, wedded 
wife, and that his nature demands the gratification of all 


200 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


its wants; that he has a right to such gratification, and 
her scruples are only foolish nonsense, which should not 
weigh against his wishes; that they are useless obstacles 
in the way of his enjoyment; and that the world would 
agree with him, that his demand was no more than 
just. 

To such arguments the wife generally yields; not 
willingly, but by compulsion, for where is her refuge? 
She applies to her protector for protection against him¬ 
self, — but in vain. It were well if every husband 
realized that in thus removing “obstacles,” he has 
planted an element ruinous to himself. He has taken 
the first step towards turning respect into contempt, 
friendship into hatred, and liking into loathing. 

If women dared to give their experience on this matter, 
as they one day will, they would agree with this state¬ 
ment. From the hour that a wife realizes that her hus¬ 
band claims her person, when he knows he has not her 
heart, she is a slave, not less degraded than any ever 
bought or sold upon the auction-block ; and she enter¬ 
tains to her master the feelings which such a relation 
must produce. Marriage, to her, becomes the name for 
all that is debasing and disgusting;. 

What, then, is she to do ? Human law lent its sanc¬ 
tions to ratify her marriage. Now, an equally clear and 
unmistakable voice within tells her that that marriage 
is null and void. She appeals to human law to annul 
it; but it is silent as the tomb. ^She has prayed in vain 
for mercy of him who has taken it upon himself to 
cherish and protect her, and what remains to her ? 
Either to bow her soul to a pollution too deep for any 


DIVORCE. 


201 


name, or to disregard the power of human law and a still 
more cruel public opinion, and leave the home where the 
shelter for her head must be purchased at the cost of her 
self-respect.j 

This is her last resort. But, before this, let her try 
every argument, every reason, which manhood can com¬ 
prehend or generosity feel, in behalf of her own rights. 
Let her show, by appeals to nature and reason, that it is 
a mistake to suppose that marriage takes from the w T ife 
the control of her own person. It is a natural, in¬ 
alienable right, that was ordained of God before human 
law was made, and can be annulled by no enactments of 
men. 

If there are children, let her plead to be their true 
and faithful mother. To this end, let her keep herself 
pure and undefiled; let their children be a mutual care, 
and let them have every attention and advantage which 
they have a right to claim from the authors of their 
being. A man must be less than human, not to listen 
to this deep, agonizing petition from the mother of his 
children. 

But if he be less than a man, that wife is bound to 
fidelity to her own soul, at every cost. She will stand 
guilty before God for the neglect of her instincts; and 
if there is no alternative but separation or legalized pros¬ 
titution, then, I say, in the name of God and virtue, let 
her depart ! 

I have stated an extreme case, because there are men, 
or rather, beings who have the name of men, so degraded 
as to demand a gratification of their passion without love, 
because the law has given them possession of the person 


202 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


of the individual who bears the name of wife. But, 
thank God, there are men who deserve the name, —who 
ask not what the law allows, but who govern themselves 
py the one only law of the heart. 

There are numberless other cases, where affection on 
either side is wasted by neglect and indifference on the 
other; but they are all various manifestations of the one 
great cause — the absence of love; and they all 
point to one only remedy — separation ; or, at least, 
suspension of the marriage relation. 

Human laws may forbid those who have been disap¬ 
pointed in one alliance from being attracted to others. 
It is in vain; the pulsations of the heart can never be 
controlled by such enactments. Though governments 
forbid the outward expression of it, they cannot prevent 
the soul from attracting and being attracted. The heart 
may suffer under a false relation, but its power to love 
nobly, purely and truly, is not thereby destroyed; and I 
should utter my protest against all arbitrary restrictions 
put upon a true love relation. Yet I am not so blind as 
to imagine that all the world is ready to act upon the law 
of spiritual attraction; for, to nine-tenths of human 
beings, these w T ords have no significance. But, in these 
letters, we are not laying down laws for the nation, but 
defining our ideal of true marriage) 

, It is a bitter sorrow to find the hope of young love 
blighted ; but that is light, compared to the sting of 
finding our holiest instincts disregarded in marriage, a 
deaf ear turned to the agonizing cry of the soul for 
mercy, and the very core of our hearts wrung by a sense 
of wrong and outrage. 


DIVORCE. 


203 


Ernest, I have written a long letter ; but my soul is 
deeply moved, and I have not said half I might. I 
cannot imagine the sense of self-degradation I have here 
described as ever occurring in our relation, any more 
than that the blue heaven could descend to stain its 
purity with the dust beneath my feet. But I speak from 
my knowledge of woman’s nature, —her instincts, her 
demands; and I have heard deep and heart-rending 
revelations from those the world considers happy. I 
know full well what depths of misery may lie behind a 
smile. 


Thy true wife, 


NINA. 


204 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER VII. 

THE TRANSIENT AND PERMANENT IN MARRIAGE. 
Nina : 

That there is a transient and a permanent in the 
relation of husband and wife, as in all other relations, 
must be evident to the most superficial observer. Wo 
believe our relation is a true one. All true relations are 
as permanent as the wants and necessities on which they 
are based. Natural wants originate natural relations, 
and all natural relations are true. A natural want 
cannot lead us into a false relation. Ignorance in regard 

O O 

to such wants may, and does, lead human beings into 
relations that are false and ruinous. Rut all false and 
unnatural relations are transient, and must pass away ; 
only the true and natural will endure. Of course, all 
hopes of happiness, based on false relations, are doomed 
to disappointment. Only those which are based on true 
ones can be actualized. 

What, then, are the transient elements of our re¬ 
lation, and what the 'permanent ? Among the tran¬ 
sient, one is wealth. As a means to happiness, and 
a connecting link in that chain which binds us together, 
wealth is a nonentity. Our souls, as they were merged 
by love each into the other, ignored the idea. Gold and 
silver we saw not. A power, independent of wealth, 
and all that wealth can procure, drew us together. 
Just so far as wealth is a basis of marriage, so 
far is that relation transient and uncertain; for that, 


THE TRANSIENT AND PERMANENT. 205 


at any hour, may take to itself wings, and leave only dis¬ 
appointed ambition and a bitter dissatisfaction in its 
place. I am far from indifferent to the advantages of 
wealth, both to ourselves and to the children in whose 
lives we hope to live, and in whose bliss we hope to be 
blessed. I rejoice to see thee, my wife, amid the artistic 
beauty and elegance with which wealth can surround 
thee. But such beauty and elegance are only artistic 
and external, and, of course, transient. They cannot 
satisfy the wants of thy deep and earnest soul. They 
would soon lose all power over thee, and thou wouldst 
yield them up as worthless, to be clasped to the bosom 
of thy beloved. Thou wouldst see more beauty and ele¬ 
gance in the eyes of him who thus holds thee in his 
keeping, — more to refine, exalt, and satisfy thy nature, 
— than in them all. Thou wouldst rather behold thine 
image engraven deep in the manly heart of thy husband, 
than to see it reflected from the most dazzling mirror 
that wealth could purchase. There is a depth in our 
souls, which neither wealth, nor anything that wealth 
can procure, can ever reach or fill. In that depth, not 
in bank vaults, nor in mines of gold and silver, are gar¬ 
nered our priceless stores. 

How utterly powerless, then, is wealth, to increase or 
diminish the strength and happiness of the marriage 
relation ! ITow surely and how soon the loving heart 
grows weary of its glitter, and proudly and fondly turns 
to the answering love and sympathy of the loved one ! 
Knowing this, let the desire for wealth never send me 
away from thee ! May the wish to grow in oneness, till 

each shall have no life apart from the other, and thus 

18 


206 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to perfect our marriage relation, be the ruling motive of 
our hearts ! The pursuit of wealth, when it separates 
or alienates a husband and wife, is a complete sacrifice 
of the permanent to the transient, the inner to the ex¬ 
ternal life. Love is all that can insure happiness, and 
satisfy the soul in marriage. That will give us heaven, 
despite our outward surroundings. We will be rich 
in each other’s love; we will glory in this vast pos¬ 
session. This is a wealth for which it is worthy to 
struggle, for it is a possession above the power of time 
and fate. 

Is social position more permanent, as an element of 
happiness, than wealth ? It is no more permanent, and 
equally incapable of giving repose. The struggle for 
social standing is often intense. Health of body, and 
peace of mind, are often sacrificed to attain it; and 
when attained, what is it? Nothing. We seek to be 
admitted to a particular circle in society. We are ad¬ 
mitted, on condition of compliance with the established 
rules of the order. What have they to do with the deep¬ 
est wants and experiences of the heart? Absolutely 
nothing. The impulses of the heart must often be 
crushed and crucified, in order to our acceptance among 
those with whom we seek association. Should men or 
women, whose great aim is social position, dare to be 
true to the deepest and holiest instincts of their nature, 
they would forfeit their standing, for the simple reason, 
that social position does not award its favors to fidelity 
to truth and justice, but to fidelity to its behests. 

Men and women may be bewildered and dazzled by a 
brilliant position in society, and by the homage of 


THE TRANSIENT AND PERMANENT. 207 


admiring associates. Our superficial aspirations may 
be met by this, but there is a depth in every heart which 
this can never reach. If there be no answering voice to 
the deep, enduring, ever-present wants that are there, 
life becomes a living death. Wealth and position, with 
all that glitters in their train, can never answer to those 
living wants. A husband or a wife must seek, above 
all other possessions, the entire heart of the wife or 
husband. When this pursuit is abandoned or endan¬ 
gered, for even the most brilliant social position, the one 
who tries it is the destined victim of an enduring heart- 
desolation. To stand in conscious dignity and purity 
before his wife, will be the highest position to which the 
husband will aspire. So with the wife in regard to the 
husband. 

Be thou my soul’s eternal possession, and may I be 
thine, and this will be all my nature craves. May we 
each embody to the other all of the Divine which the 
nature of each demands, and thus will our souls find 
perfect repose. 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

In thy last letter, thou hast fathomed the depths of 
life, and with a firm and fearless hand brought to light 
the true riches. Thou hast shown the difference between 



208 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


the real and the superficial with so just a discrimination, 
that hardly anything is left for me to say, which can 
add force to thy thought. 

As a true Reformer, thou hast discriminated between 
abstract right and wrong, and then applied thy conclu¬ 
sions to the questions of daily life. Thou hast taken 
the standard of perfect manhood and womanhood, and 
by it measured every passer-by. This thou not only 
hast a right to do, but art bound to do, as a rational, 
independent being. Each one is bound to live up to 
his highest ideal. In society, manifold claims compel 

us to take the attitude of discrimination, in order to 

/ 

ascertain to what extent they are binding, and how far 
they should be resisted. The only rule by which to 
judge them is one’s own ideal of truth and justice. I 
have entire respect and confidence in the result of such 
applications as thou hast made of thy standard to the 
practical questions of life. Social wrongs are every¬ 
where about us, but I am not content with examining 
them and passing sentence upon them as wrong; I 
would know what is the first cause from which these 
wrongs have sprung. Eor instance, in the illustrations 
thou hast adduced of the transient influences of wealth 
and social position on the happiness of marriage, — 
whence comes the undue weight which these considera¬ 
tions have at present in society? Was it a good or 
evil tendency in the* human heart ? Is the present 
bewilderment on these subjects an evidence of total 
depravity, or a perversion of a natural and worthy 
impulse ? 

To take thy last example first : What has made 


THE TRANSIENT AND PERMANENT. 209 


equality in social position so essential to marriage ? 
It seems to me to arise from a very natural want. In 
marriage we wish for a companion whose cultivation, 
tastes and associations are so nearly equal to our own, 
that we shall not feel at loss for society at home , or he 
shocked by associations disagreeable to our tastes. This 
is the broad, general reason for looking among our own 
accustomed associates for companionship. But perhaps 
we may be connected by ties of blood with those every 
way inferior to ourselves. Our own natures, tastes, 
aspirations, fit us for a nobler, more refined circle of 
friends. To this we turn, as to a native element. 
Here, by this very fact, we have a right to be ; and 
here, if we are true to our strongest attractions, will 
our permanent ties be formed. Thus far, there is 
nothing to be blamed; but the moment we imagine that 
mere personal intimacy with this or that set of people, 
reputed to be genteel, is a test of individual merit, or 
can supply the want of it; the moment we seek society 
better than our own, from motives of personal advance¬ 
ment, or from any motive but an inward necessity, that 
moment we lose dignity and self-respect. People ex¬ 
pect to attain an eminence by the aid of a neighbor’s 
skirts, to which they could never reach by their own two 
feet. 

Then, if in marriage this is a secret motive, the. de¬ 
sired end may be gained, but what beside ? If not fitted 
for it by nature and personal merit, it becomes a cold, 
cheerless, mighty mansion for a dwarf to dwell in. Long 
since have we ceased to look for the great men and 
'women of the world among those who call themselves 

18 * 


210 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


the “ aristocracy.” Let every true man and woman, in 
selecting companions for life, be governed by the simple 
and natural wants I first stated in this letter, and forego 
all the eclat which contains neither the promise nor the 
fulfilment of happiness. 

How is it about wealth ? To sober, high-minded 
people, wealth has this substantial value : it enlarges 
the field of benevolent action in a two-fold way—first, 
by direct gifts; and second, by leaving the possessor 
free from the necessity of engrossing occupation. A 
benevolent man, whose time is at his own command, 
has an unbounded sphere of usefulness ; but if the 
claims of wife and children, who are dependent on him 
for their daily bread, compel him to a single occupa¬ 
tion, his action, in other directions, must of course be 
limited, however large the benevolence of his heart 
may be. 

As a secondary consideration, wealth favors self-cul¬ 
ture, by securing those advantages, and such external 
surroundings, as a cultivated taste selects. All this 
may be right, and may be used as a means of impart¬ 
ing happiness and knowledge to others less fortunate. 
These are the objects for which wealth is truly desir¬ 
able. 

The perversions which shallow natures make of these 
means of self-culture and usefulness are too often illus¬ 
trated to need enumeration here. Self-aggrandizement 
becomes the aim of life, and display, and the hollow 
admiration which that wins, supplants the nobler desire 
which buries self in the welfare of others. 

A nature which can be satisfied with the latter pos- 


HARMONY OF DEVELOPMENT. 


211 


sessions, to whom they become essential, so that true 
worth, without them, is unattractive, will often marry 
for wealth; and if an inscrutable Providence sees fit 
to let a life flow on in undisturbed possession of this 
phantom of happiness, the heart will grow poorer and 
smaller upon this insufficient food, till the realities of 
another life shall tear the scales from off those blinded 
eyes, and unfold the wrappings which have converted 
a being, once fresh and full of life, into an embalmed 
relic of antiquity. Thank God, that to us, nothing ex¬ 
ternal or superficial has lent a moment’s fascination ! 
Wert thou poor, friendless, and an outcast, thou wert all 
the same to me; for that which I love in thee is nothing 
that man has given or can take away. 

Thy wife, 

NINA. 




LETTER VIII. 

HARMONY OF DEVELOPMENT. 


Nina : 

The beauty and entireness of our relation, as hus¬ 
band and wife, depend upon ourselves. There arc privi¬ 
leges belonging to this relation, that can be accorded to 
none other, without a profanation of the highest and 
holiest elements of our nature. The attraction of men 



212 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and women to each other, as stick, has its privileges, 
and its fixed, just laws to govern it. The marriage 
attraction is also designed to be regulated by just, immu¬ 
table laws. In marriage, each earnestly seeks to be 
owned by the other. The husband and wife long to be 
claimed, each by the other, body and soul, and to have 
that claim asserted and maintained. The more absolute 
the claim and the possession of each over the other, the 
more entire is the satisfaction. Each ever longs to hear, 
in every possible form of expression, — “I am thine, 
thou art mine.” The entire abandonment of each to the 
other, in body and soul, is the source of the most in¬ 
tense enjoyment of connubial life, and of the most per¬ 
fect happiness of which the soul is capable, in the present 
state. 

But how often, through ignorance or other causes, is 
this confidence abused, especially on the part of the hus¬ 
band ! This very abandonment, on the part of the wife, 
of body and soul to the tender love and care of her hus¬ 
band, which, should make her more sacred in his eyes, 
and secure to her his most tender and loving reverence, 
and thus make her heaven complete, is often made tho 
source of her deepest degradation. Every fibre, organ 
and element of her being should be sacred to him. She 
lias consecrated her entire womanhood to his care and 
protection. This priceless wealth is eagerly and joyfully 
given and received. Shall he take and use it to the in¬ 
tellectual, moral and physical ruin of the loving, trust¬ 
ing giver? It is a lamentable truth, that a husband 
often proves the most fatal influence to the wife’s health 
and happiness, — an influence from which there Js no 




HARMONY OF DEVELOPMENT. 


213 


escape, except in death. Marriage, to both, should be 
the beginning of life and health. Ilow often is it, to 
the wife, the first step to a lingering and painful death ! 
Often, a short time, perhaps a single year, produces 
visible changes in her mental and physical conditions. 
Freshness, strength and vigor have departed, and a care¬ 
worn brow, and languor, and ill-health, betray a great 
violation of some of Nature’s laws. ^Perhaps the hus¬ 
band, perceiving the change, inquires the cause. Sho 
knows it full well, but she shrinks from wounding hi? 
pride, impeaching his knowledge, or chilling and alien 
ating his affections, by telling him the truth. She suf¬ 
fers, in silence, the utter prostitution and ruin of her 
soul and body. He who should have been the Elixir of 
Life to her, has become her Heath-Potion, which is fast 
precipitating her into a premature, but longed-for grave. 

Such is a picture which may be seen in any neighbor¬ 
hood, among all classes. Why is it that woman so often 
dates the beginning of her downward course with mar¬ 
riage ? Her intellect becomes enfeebled and bewildered; 
science and literature become less attractive; her social 
and moral nature becomes inactive, and she disappears 
from the social circle of which she was the life, not to 
give life to the still dearer home-circle, for there, too, 
clouds and darkness hang round about her. Proudly 
and fondly she gave to her husband all the treasures of 
her womanhood, and he has used them to her destruc¬ 
tion. 

But the wife cannot sink alone. The husband, who 
has cast her down, roust fall with her : God hath so 


214 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


decreed. Every abuse of her nature is as great or a 
greater abuse of his own. 

The essential element of the marriage relation i$ one¬ 
ness , harmony, — harmony in the intellectual, affec- 
tional and passional elements of their natures. If, in 
aptitude and opportunity for intellectual development, 
the husband excels the w T ife, and he takes no pains to 
extend his advantages to her, and make her his equal 
and companion, and thus maintain their oneness, he will 
soon find himself associated with one, in the most inti¬ 
mate, and important, and ever-present relations of life, 
who is incompetent to meet his constantly-growing wants 
in that direction. Her intellect he leaves to barrenness, 
while he sedulously and successfully cultivates his own. 
In this, he neglects and abuses his wife, whose right to 
intellectual development is equal to his own. 

So in regard to her social and affectional nature. He 
cannot enlarge, refine and elevate his social nature, while 
he leaves her to a limited and inferior circle, without 
wrong to her and to himself. The husband, if he is 
w r ise, will mingle in no society in which the wife cannot 
stand by his side. He will enter no circle where she 
may not enter; he will seek no social enjoyment in 
which she may not participate. Just so far as he culti¬ 
vates his social nature, and leaves hers to barrenness and 
desolation, he brings ruin on the home of his love and 
happiness. If necessary causes confine her at home, his 
love will keep him by her side. It is certain ruin to bis 
soul's peace to leave her to isolation, anxiety, and an 
ever-present longing for his sympathy and society, while 
he is away, mingling in the exciting scenes of general 


HARMONY OF DEVELOPMENT. 215 

society, however intellectual and refined they may be. 
lie who sacrifices the society of wife and children to 
general society, sacrifices the substance to the shadow, 
the pure diamond to the common pebble. 

So of the passional element. If the husband enjoys 
this at the expense of the wife, all harmony of desire 
is outraged. His passional nature becomes monstrous 
and unnatural, and seeks its gratification at the expense 
of the wife’s health and happiness. But in another let¬ 
ter, I shall show how our harmony in this relation is to 
be preserved. 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

Since thou hast proposed, in thy last letter, to treat 
more fully, in succeeding letters, that part of the sub¬ 
ject which pertains to the physical conditions of mar¬ 
riage, I will limit myself, in this reply, to the ideas sug¬ 
gested in the latter part of your last communication, in 
which you describe the unhappy results of a neglect of 
the social and intellectual wants of woman. 

In a former letter, I have said that Love strikes its 
first roots in the spiritual nature. The maiden finds 
in her hero a wisdom to which her intellect does homage, 
while her heart is won by his attractive goodness. She 
looks forward to marriage as the blessed bond which 
shall insure to her his presence evermore. She will then 
have an ever-present counsellor and friend. His knowl- 



21G 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


edge will supply her ignorance, his intellectual wealth 
will supply all her wants; and her growth and progress 
will be stimulated by his sympathy and encouragement. 
She foresees the time when domestic cares, or physical 
weakness, will limit her to the walls of her own house, 
and when the busy whirl of life would leave her entirely 
in the background, were it n$t for the influx of fresh 
life which Love daily lays before her. Visions of do¬ 
mestic happiness flit before her mind, of busy occupa¬ 
tion for herself in preparing comforts for the beloved, 
while he will cheer her labors with social conversation or 
a book. To young or old, there is a charm in such a 
picture of home life. Lull in the expectation of such 
happiness, the bride leaves the home of her youth, her 
early friends, the position in life where leisure, books 
and every means of culture were at her command, and 
joyfully lays them all upon the altar of her love; re¬ 
joicing that she has, within herself, resources wherewith 
to render home attractive to him, whose happiness is now 
her greatest object in life. As time wears on, her cares 
increase, and less time is left for self-culture. She tries 
to inform herself by conversation with her husband; but 
he finds her ill-informed, her reasoning unsound, in con¬ 
sequence of defective information and limited observation, 
and he therefore prefers other society, from whom he 
can gain something for himself) He talks with her 
about minor matters, of private and personal interest, 
but leaves for persons of greater knowledge the discus¬ 
sion of the deep questions of life. Club-rooms become 
the scenes of bis greatest intellectual activity and enjoy¬ 
ment, and he looks upon his home as a place of refresh- 


HARMONY OF DEVELOPMENT. 


217 


ment for his body, of relaxation from mental activity; a 
place in which he has much to receive, and little to 
impart. 

Thus, by slow degrees, the bonds of true companion¬ 
ship are severed, and life presents to them no longer 
one aim, one destiny, and one hope, but separate paths, 
objects, and satisfactions. According to the tendencies 
of her nature, the wife becomes a devotee of fashion, 
frivolous, worldly, and neglectful of the serious duties 
of life, seeking abroad what she fails to find at home; 
or perhaps the native energies of her soul assert them¬ 
selves superior to such commonplace attractions, and 
she leads her independent life of thought and action 
under that name which has formerly been a by-word of 
reproach, a 11 blue-stocking,” and in later days implied in 
the epithet of a “ strong-minded woman.” Perhaps the 
Church, and active works of benevolence, bear evidence 
of the disappointed hopes which seek an unselfish satis¬ 
faction; or, perhaps, from want of inward force, she 
loses all hope, all aspiration, and all effort, and sinks into 
the mere household drudge and nursery-maid. 

Who is to be held accountable for this wasted life ? 
Not she who has brought heart, mind, youth, strength, 
high hopes and noble aspirations to the home of her 
beloved; but he by whose neglect she has failed to 
become what her natural endowments and previous cul¬ 
ture fitted her to be. In associating her life with that 
of her husband, she has yielded to such claaims as must 
engross her time, occupy her thoughts, and enfeeble her 
physical powers. But shall such a free gift of herself 

be the wreck of all her deepest aspirations, dependent as 
10 


218 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


she is, for their fulfilment in her new relation, on the 
ties of social companionship ? 

Her duties in domestic life are well defined, and neg¬ 
lect of them meets uumerciful censure from the world’s 
people. Has the husband, then, no domestic duties, 
involving the happiness and development of his wife ? 
Did he marry for a housekeeper and a mother to his 
children, or did he seek companionship for life ? In 
some, a thoughtless neglect, in others, a low estimate 
of the capabilities of a woman’s nature, leads to an 
entire separation of life and interest between man and 
wife. 

He who loves wisely, as well as deeply, will as gen¬ 
erously share with his wife the food of intellectual life, as 
the daily bread. When he gives her his right hand in 
marriage, it should be a symbol of the fact that, to her 
whole nature, he will be a guide, a comfort and a 
strength, which shall never fail. 

But again, I must recur to my home in thee, to renew 
the assurance that I am speaking from experience, in 
giving this ideal of what the true husband should be. I 
am a wife, in all the dignity, power and purity which 
that name implies. Yet, withal, I have such a sense of 
rest in thy strength, such respect for thy judgment, and 
such faith in the love which makes my advancement thy 
first care, that I almost fancy myself a little child, 
whose education thou hast undertaken, and for whom 
thou dost feel a father’s solicitude. I am, indeed, 

Thy “ CHILD-WIFE,” 


NINA. 


LOVE AND PASSION. 


219 


LETTER IX. 


LOVE AND PASSION 


Nina : 


In my last letter, I spoke of the abuses practised by 
the husband, by disregarding the social and intellectual 
development of the wife, while he pays every attention 
to his own. I come now’ to speak of the passional , 
or purely sexual element of our nature, and of the 
necessity of perfect harmony in its action, in order to 
the perfection of marriage. ^If either demands that 
which the other has not the poAver joyfully to bestoAV, 
discord must ensue^ For, if the husband demands the 
gratification of an unreciprocated AA’ant, it must tend to 
draw around a relation, intended to be bright and living, 
the shadoAV of death. 

No human relation is under more fixed and certain 
laA\ r s and conditions of life and health, than that of 
marriage. Unswerving fidelity to these laws is the 
only condition of happiness in this relation. The pas¬ 
sional nature, as an element of marriage, comes under 
equally just and fixed laws, whose violation converts this 
source of buoyant life and health into a source of the 
keenest suffering. 

But, before proceeding to define these Uavs, I wish to 
say one Avord more touching the distinction betAveen 



ove and Passion J 

That there is, in fact, such a distinction, is obvious. 



220 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Marriage-love is the. deepest, tenderest, most absorbing 
element of the human soul. The highest and holiest 
effort of the love-nature is seen in the blending of two 
souls in marriage. To this deep, tender, abiding ele¬ 
ment of the soul, the passional nature will be ever in 
abeyance. 

Where marriage-love exists between two healthfully 
organized and developed beings, the desire for the expres¬ 
sion of love through the passional nature, and the desire 
for offspring, are natural results. It seems to me there 
must be a defective organization, where this is not the 
case. But, while connubial love may not exist without 
this desire, mere sexual passion may exist, in the most 
ungovernable degree, without love. In man, this desire 
or passion is designed to be under the control of wisdom 
or reason. In a perfectly organized man or woman, the 
desire for sexual gratification would exist only as the 
effect of pure love; and parentage would result only 
from marriage. But men are fearfully diseased in this 
respect. They seek this enjoyment without love; they 
stimulate, in every possible way, this element of their 
nature, and thus enlarge the power and desire of gratifi¬ 
cation. Reason, Conscience, Love, Justice, God, are all 
sacrified to this sensual element. 

The only limit to their indulgence is the capacity for 
enjoyment. Wife, children, health and life are all sac¬ 
rificed to sensual desire. - How large a portion of the 
children, born among the most religious and civilized 
races, are the offspring of mere animal passion ! They 
are neither conceived nor developed in lovc.J 


LOVE AND PASSION. 


221 


The passional nature should always be in entire sub¬ 
jection to true love, which is always in harmony with 
wisdom. Instead of this, the love is generally in sub¬ 
jection to the animal passion. In this case, the natural 
and inevitable consequence will be intellectual, physical 
and spiritual degradation to both; and an outrage to all 
who are born of it. (jGrreat and most hurtful mistakes 
are made, in the discussion of this question, by calling 
animal passion by the name of love. The animal desire 
is often accepted as marriage-love^; and if the union of 
two, for this purpose, is sanctioned by the Church, the 
demands are considered to be those of love. 

This is* the sort of love that demands “variety” for 
its satisfaction. Uncontrolled by wisdom, justice, purity, 
love, and therefore essentially gross, impure, and brutal¬ 
izing, this passion seeks its gratification with any and 
every one, to the fullest extent of its capacity. 

But, that I may preserve sound and pure the health 
of mind and body so freely and generously confided to 
my care, I shall give thee more clearly my idea of the 
true and imperative dominion which my love for thee 
asserts over the inferior elements of my nature. 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


19* 



MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ooo 

dad tad 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

Tiiou hast shown the action of selfishness in the 
pursuit of the opportunities of improvement, and hast 
made it seem, as it really is, the most direct foe of con¬ 
nubial union. The same spirit, wherever it is dis¬ 
played, is equally fatal to the peace of her who becomes 
the victim. But sometimes the sacrifice is active, some¬ 
times passive. The wife may be called upon to renounce 
a cherished hope with less conflict than to obey a posi¬ 
tive command. This is true in the personal relations of 
marriage. There are many ways in which “ marriage 
is a lottery,” according to the old saying. An affec¬ 
tionate husband may make so great demands upon his 
W'ifc as to undermine her health and destroy her capa¬ 
bilities of enjoyment or usefulness; or he wdio promises 
to love, cherish and protect her, may have so low an 
idea of the nature and offices of love, as to understand 
no finer mode of expression than through the passional 
nature; or, after a little wdiile, it may appear that there 
was no love at all, but only a fierce, imperative sense 
of personal possession, which acknowledges no law or 
limit superior to itself. Under all these forms of mar¬ 
riage, woman is a hopeless victim, and helpless, also, 
except from her own resources. She may truly love her 
husband, yet the capacities of her nature for passional 
enjoyment may not allow her to respond to all his wants. 
It is the testimony of many wives, that their husbands, 
under these circumstances, will not accept such reasons; 


LOVE AND PASSION. 


223 


and if the wives persist in obedience to the instincts 
of their nature, they show coldness and neglect, and 
sometimes threaten to leave their homes, and seek amonor 

' O 


strangers the sensual pleasure denied them by their 
wives. . When once such words cross a husband’s lips, 
his claim to the respect, love and confidence of his wife 


is forfeited. 


__ ? 

We have before classified, in its proper level, the ani¬ 
mal passion which seeks indiscriminate gratification. In 
reply to such a threat, no woman who respects herself 
would hesitate a moment to assent to his proposition. 
But it should not end there. If he cannot govern him¬ 
self according to the laws of reason, justice, self-respect, 
and the tender considerations which belong to the office 


of a husband, let him cease to be a husband. Never 
again should a ioife receive him who can endeavor to 
frighten and manage her into subjection to his passions. 
Men say they cannot control these wants; that they are 
implanted by Nature, and it is intended that they should 
be gratified. In healthy organizations, when the nat¬ 
ural laws are obeyed, they can control them, and all 
sound men know it) Women are taught that a part of 
their duty consists in sacrificing health and happiness 
to this sensual enjoyment in the husband. It is no 
more a duty, than it is to supply intoxicating drinks to 
the sot. In either case, her whole power and influence 
should be used to aid him in gaining ascendency over 
these lower elements of his nature. She should be 
gentle and affectionate, but firm and persevering in her 
course. If there is a spark of true manhood left, or 




224 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


even the memory of true love, it will thus be rekindled, 
not quenched. 



If there were less reserve between those who intend 
marriage, there would be less difficulty afterwards. 
Young men and women should read and think, and 
have a standard of right and wrong upon this matter as 
fixed as upon any other moral question: for, surely, 
there is no one whose influence on themselves, and on 
future generations, is more direct or abiding. Those 
who are anxious to develop themselves rightly, will find 
no difficulty in presenting subjects pertaining to the most 
intimate relations with true delicacy and propriety. Now, 
men and women marry in utter ignorance of each other’s 
views and expectations as to the very relation which will 
most speedily wreck their happiness, if it is abused. So 
long as they do this, the history of martyrs will continue 
to be written. 

It is vitally essential that a young man should under¬ 
stand the action and reaction of his passional nature. 
If he be a true, high-minded, loving husband, he will 
wish to preserve, to the end of life, that perfect trust 
and confidence which will lead the wife to feel that she 
has no need of protection against her husband; that 
respect which often dies in the most intimate hours, 
while it remains undiminished in all external relations ; 
that tender self-abandonment of first love, which bears 
in itself the germ of immortality, and can only be de¬ 
stroyed by neglect and outrage. The wife should never 
dread the coming of her husband, or be wearied with his 
presence. She should feel that the gentle assiduity with 
which the lover studied to anticipate and meet her 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


225 


wishes, is only exchanged for a nearer and dearer rela¬ 
tionship, by which that tenderness can be expressed with 
ten-fold significance. In marriage, under such influ¬ 
ences, there is dignity, self-respect, and an elevating 
power to the husband; and freedom, joy and heavenly 
rest to the wife. Are not its attractions enough to ren¬ 
der those laws by which it can be secured sacred to every 
pure and noble heart ? 

Thy wife, 

NINA. 


LETTER X. 

TIIE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 

ITS EXPENDITURE CONTROLLED BY FIXED LAWS. 


Nina : 

Our happiness, as husband and wife, must depend 
upon ourselves. Whether our marriage shall be a 
source of intellectual and spiritual growth, and a means 
of assimilating us more and more to the Divine, or of 
degradation to ourselves and our children, is for us to 
determine. That it may be only for good, we must 
know and obey the natural law's by which our relation 
is intended to be governed; especially as to the expendi¬ 
ture of that element which prompted us to enter into this 
relation. What is that element ? To ask this is to ask, 
in another form, what constitutes me a man and thee a 


woman. 



226 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


The distinctive difference of sex lies in the power of 
man to prepare the germ of a new existence; and in 
woman to receive, mature and give life to that germ. 
Either sex, in which the power is wanting to fulfil the 
offices appropriately belonging to each, is defective in 
the essential elements of manhood or womanhood. It is 
certain, that Nature designed the race to be perpetuated 
and perfected here. In the economy of our physical and 
social nature, arrangements that aim at this end consti¬ 
tute a marked feature of humanity. The distinction of 
sex, and all the endearing relations that grow out of it, 
look to this end. Indeed, it seems the sole object of 
this distinction. The power of reproduction is indeed 
shared by man with all other animals, and even vege¬ 
table existences; yet, it is none the less an essential and 
important element of our nature. 

It is too evident to need proof, that the parental rela¬ 
tion was provided for in our social and physical organ¬ 
ization. Those who do not enter into the relations of 
marriage and parentage, cannot be said fully to answer 
the great end of their being. We may know that the 
power to reproduce constitutes an essential ingredient 
in Human Nature, and that those who lack this power 
are wanting in an essential element of manhood or 
womanhood, from the condition and character of those 
in whom, by violence and abuse, the power to elaborate 
and secrete, or to receive and nourish into life, the 
germs of Humanity, is destroyed or paralyzed. This 
power in man to prepare and impart, and in woman to 
receive, cherish and develop, the germ of a new being, 
and thus to add new members to the great human broth- 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 227 

erhood, makes each an object of sacred and abiding 
interest to the other. Each has a want, ever-present 
and ever-controlling, which can be met only by that 
which the other can impart. The husband would be 
represented in the race : he would hold to his heart one 
to call him father. In every truly organized and well- 
developed man, this is a deep and holy want; an earnest 
call, which can be answered only by a living child, tho 
result of a union, in the person of the wife, between 
that element which makes him a man and that which 
makes her a woman. It is from this want, and the 
effort to fulfil it, that the attraction between the sexes 
has its origin. It gives magnetic power to each over the 
other. 

No truly developed and well-organized man will seek 
a w r oman as a wife, whatever be her personal charms or 
her intellectual endowments, if he knows her to be abso¬ 
lutely incapable of crowning him with the dignity of a 
father. He will seek such as a friend; but as she can¬ 
not fulfil this deep and holy want of his nature, she will 
not attract him into the relation of marriage; for the 
reproductive power is the only one that can bring us into 
the parental relation, which — marriage excepted — is 
the most important and exalted of which we are capable. 
On this rests our only hope of deliverance from the mul¬ 
tiplied forms of disease and deformity, of body and soul, 
to which the race is now a victim. The power of repro¬ 
duction is the basis of the purest, most intense, and most 
permanent happiness of life. 

This power to reproduce is a primary, essential attri¬ 
bute of the soul. The body, so far as it is adapted to 


228 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


this end, is but the physical symbol through which the 
soul manifests its creative power. This power is the 
basis of true manhood. Without its presence in the 
physical system, the soul is necessarily imbecile and 
deformed, in all its manifestations. The expressions of 
intellect are feeble, dull, obscure, timid, and without 
energy; the outward demonstrations of affection are 
indelicate, repulsive, cold, and without life; the whole 
soul, in man and woman, is crushed and powerless, in 
all its intellectual, social and moral expressions. Take 
from a man the power to elaborate, secrete and impart 
the germs of new beings in human form, with all the 
attributes of perfect souls and bodies, and take from a 
woman the poAver to receive, nourish and develop those 
germs, and who would look to them for physical, intel¬ 
lectual, social or spiritual beauty, strength, nobleness 
and efficiency ? Their wills, their intellects, their judg¬ 
ments, their reasons, their consciences, their affections, 
their entire being, is stunted. The vitalizing element 
of their manhood or Avomanhood is taken from them. 
Their souls, as well as their bodies, are mutilated by 
violence, or by an abuse of the sexual nature in mere 
sensual indulgence. 

No man or Avoman can be truly great, intellectually, 
socially or morally, in whose physical organism this 
reproductive power has been wanting during childhood 
and youth. That soul must, in all respects, necessarily 
be deficient in all the noble, generous and highest qual¬ 
ities of manhood or womanhood, in Avhose de\ T elopment 
this power, in the bodily system, had no part. The 
man who respects not the health and comfort of the 


THE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM. 


229 


symbols of womanhood in his wife, but sacrifices them on 
the altar of his sensuality, is sure, sooner or later, to 
receive his reward, in a cheerless, sickly, lifeless home, 
and in the diseases and deformities of his children. Men 
and women will not always trifle, as they now do, with 
an element so essential to the healthful and noble devel¬ 
opment of the entire man or woman. 

How sacredly, then, should such an element be re¬ 
garded by all, especially by husbands and wives,- fathers 
and mothers ! With what solicitude should we seek to 
know the fixed laws of our being, by which it should be 
regulated! What scrupulous and unswerving fidelity 
should mark our obedience to them ! 

Nina ! we must come to a true knowledge of our¬ 
selves, and maintain perfect loyalty to our natures, in 
this respect, and then w’e need have no apprehension as 
to the harmony and perpetuity of our life-giving rela¬ 
tion. Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 


Ernest : 


The thoughts expressed in thy last letter suggest to 
me the propriety of adding what is rarely acknowledged, 
even between those who are truly married. If I had 
heard expressions like thine on the difference of sex, 
years ago, I should have been shocked and pained. I 
think women generally would now be equally so, should 
these letters of ours ever fall under the public eye; 


20 





230 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


because we are taught to banish every thought or word 
which may remind us of this distinction. The idea 
is general among women, that they are attractive to 
men only for social qualities, which fit them to shine 
in general society or to adorn domestic life. Woman 
feels degraded by the thought, that her physical organ¬ 
ization, as a woman, can add to or diminish the power 
of her attractions. I always felt this, and I know most 
women do. I believed that only the sensual eye con¬ 
sidered those things, and only the meanest form of love 
took them into account. But, Ernest ! thanks to thy 
true and manly heart, thou hast taught me a higher 
truth than that. By the power of a pure and manly 
love, thou hast shown me that, to the lover’s heart, 
every function, every organ, every capability of my 
nature, intellectual, moral, social and physical, combine 
to make me what I am, — the fulfilment of thy deepest 
wants, the satisfaction of thy wildest dreams of happi¬ 
ness. With the love I bear to thee, with the respect 
which no other man has inspired in me, with a trust 
which knows no limits, with the earnest striving to be 
to thee, in all respects, the wife of thy soul, can I for 
one moment resent the thought, that one great cause of 
this deep and holy relation between us, is the fact that I 
am physically, as well as intellectually and spiritually, 
organized so as to meet the yearnings of thy heart for a 
full and perfect manifestation ? 

The ultimate design for which woman is constituted, 
mentally and physically, as she is, can be no other than 
to fulfil the relations of a wife and mother. If sho 
were meant for an isolated, self-dependent existence, 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


231 


Bhe would have been differently organized, in all 
respects. Therefore, as the consummation of every 
created being is to fulfil the ends of its creation, every 
woman falls just so far short of the fulfilment of her 
destiny, as she fails in fitness for the relations of wife 
and mother. 

The affections of a woman, her attractive forces, her 
susceptibility to the attractions of others, are all indica¬ 
tive of the same fact; and when, at last, the true hus¬ 
band is revealed to her, she has no choice but to own her 
sovereign. He, too, influenced by her love, walks with 
manly strength and dignity, for on his soul has dawned 
a vision of beauty and power. His heart pays homage 
to the loved one, as he claims her as the rightful owner 
of all he has to give and share. 

Then comes the blending of their souls and bodies in 
the existence of a new being, which must, in that 
case, bear the impress of the authors of its existence. 
No wedded life can be perfect without this consumma¬ 
tion ; no life is complete, no future is full of promise, 
without this object for which to toil and expend the vital 
forces. 

Hut no child of love will be dear for its own sake, 
merely. Because it is, to the mother, the child of a 
beloved husband, and to the father, the image of a be¬ 
loved wife, — this makes the consecrating holiness of 
parentage. In fact, this is all that constitutes human 
parentage superior to the instinct of an animal that 
protects her young. It is the glory of our humanity 
that all the relations in which we stand to each other 
are stamped by the soul. The animal, as such, belongs 


232 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to the brutes. Human beings are designed to repro¬ 
duce human beings, with all the attributes of soul that 
belong to them as such. In the reproduction of human 
beings, all the rational, affectional and moral powers 
that belong to them must take part, or the offspring is 
not, in the truest sense, human. If only the animal in¬ 
stinct is concerned in it, mere animals, not human beings, 
must be the result. 

I think, as you know, that no woman has a right to 
marry, knowing her incapacity to be a mother, without 
a full acknowledgment, at least, of the fact. Then, if 
her beloved chooses to sacrifice that part of his being 
to her, he can do so; but she has no right to compel 
him to such a sacrifice by concealment. It is a false¬ 
hood ; and few women are courageous enough to tell the 
truth in this matter. So of a husband; though I 
think there are many women who w'ould not be in any 
wise influenced by the knowledge of that defect in a 
husband. 

It seems to me that the element in a woman’s nature 
which seeks to embody itself in a child is not generally 
in a state of such strong and active development as it 
is in man. It lies dormant in every perfect nature, to 
be sure; but, as I have known woman, the desire to be 
a mother does not take a distinct form among the clam¬ 
orous w r ants of her nature. I think a woman’s love is 
always, at first, a pure element of the soul, and has no 
care nor thought for the body; and, oftentimes, the 
'personal surrender costs an effort, even where the love 
is true and deep. This has been the testimony of all 
the women whose interior lives I have known. Well 


TIIE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


233 


would it be for their happiness, if husbands, when they 
first receive to their bosoms the loved ones their hearts 
would sacredly cherish, would remember this fact, and 
not demand this personal surrender, until, by other en¬ 
dearing expressions such as love prompts to give, it shall 
be a cheerful, willing offering to their love, and this most 
intense, concentrated expression of it shall be desired by 
their wives. 

For myself, I cannot assume the same peculiarities. 
To me, the love which is deep, pure and strong enough 
to attract me into the relation of a wife, obliterates all 
thought of person. Why stop to look at the setting 
which surrounds the je-wel? When I yielded up my 
soul to thee, my husband, — when I said, into thy 
keeping I commend my spirit , — the physical person, 
which is but the outward symbol of that soul, went 
with it. When love for thee cast out all fear for the 
safety of my deep spiritual life and health, when placed 
in thy hands, it also cast out all fear for the safety of 
my physical life and health. My entire physical, as 
well as spiritual nature, was intrusted to thy care. 
Nobly hast thou responded to my trust in thee! A 
faith , on my part , that has known no bounds , has 
been met , on thy part , by a power of self-control that 
is perfect. I have never felt the sacredness of my own 
nature, as a woman, in all its functions, till since I have 
realized that herein lay the very nucleus of my power 
over him whom I would call my own through all the 
ages of our future being. 

I would that every woman might be comforted by this 
assurance, that Love consecrates the entire being of its 
20 * 


234 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


object. Passion does not, of itself; but the mother 
cares not for the personal comfort of her infant with a 
purer eye and heart, than docs the husband regard the 
wife who inspires in him a sentiment of absorbing, puri¬ 
fying affection. I rejoice that I am capable, by natural 
organization of soul and body, to meet all the wants of 
thy being; and that thus the yearning of my heart for 
thee, as a husband, may be fulfilled by my fitness to be¬ 
come thy wife, and the mother of thy child. 

Thy wife, 

NINA. 


LETTER XI. 

THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 

ITS EXPENDITURE TO BE GOVERNED BY MUTUAL LOVE. 

Nina : 

I cannot apologize to thee for particularizing and 
laying down rules that seem to me just and natural, 
for the regulation of my passional nature : for what 
wife would not bless her husband for fixing such limits, 
that she may be assured that she will not be victimized 
to his sensual indulgence ? It can but add strength 
and brightness to her hope of the complete fulfilment of 
her happiness in marriage, to know that she has com¬ 
mitted herself to the care of one who has determined 
to hold his passional nature in abeyance to his love, 



/ 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 235 

and his selfish gratification in absolute subjection to her 
health and happiness. 



expenditure of the reproductive element in man is 
Marriage-Love — a love which must not be mis¬ 
taken for friendship, and which demands other modes 
of manifestation than friendship suggests ; a love which 
can only find its full and perfect development in mar¬ 
riage. Church and State may sanction a union, and 
render its fruits legitimate, according to human law; 
but, before God, every child not born of’ Marriage- 
Love is illegitimate, whether human laws pronounce it 
so or not. 

An expenditure of this element cannot be made, in 
any inferior relation, without serious and permanent 
injury; for then, it is purely sensual — a mere waste 
of physical life and nervous energy, since the higher 
elements of the soul take no part in it. It is a mere 
excitement of the physical organs, and a drain upon 
animal life, which reason, conscience, and the moral 
nature, repudiate, as a waste of the most costly physi¬ 
cal element of manhood, unsanctioned by love, and 
destructive of harmony between the soul and body. The 
physical man seeks a gratification which the spiritual man 
condemns. 

There is no form of disease so painful and so loath¬ 
some, and ruinous to the vital energies of body and 
soul, as that resulting from the gratification of the sex¬ 
ual passion, unsanctioned by love; while the passion, 
instigated and controlled by love, is productive of no 
evil. Intemperance, war, slavery, unsuitable food, dress 


236 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


and habitations, exposure to heat, cold, and excessive toil, 
have doubtless caused many diseases, and much suffer¬ 
ing ; but the world has yet to learn the full extent of 
the injury done to body and soul by sexual intercourse, 
uncalled-for and unwarranted by marriage-love. 

It is idle to plead the sanction of Church or State, or 
any custom, book, or creed. Human Nature, penetrated 
and sustained by the great Life-Principle of the uni¬ 
verse, holds steadily on her course, sternly executing her 
laws, and punishing every infraction of them. And no 
law seems more obvious and just, than that the passional 
relation should be under the absolute dominion of mar¬ 
riage-love; that every expenditure of creative energy, 
not prompted and justified by harmony between man 
and wife, must, if persisted in, bring disease to the body, 
idiocy to the intellectual, and destruction to the moral 
nature. 

But conception, and the existence of a new being, 
may result from passional intercourse, in which the 
woman is passive, or positively averse to it, and the 
man excited solely by sensual desire. IIow large a por¬ 
tion of human beings, even in the most civilized and 
refined nations, are the offspring of sexual intercourse, 
without love ! Ask that man or woman, u Are you the 
child of Love or Passion? — Hid you inherit a full 
measure of the love-nature from your parents, or only 
the sensual?” A true answer is given in the life of 
each individual; and we are forced to the conclusion, 
from the history of the race, that the act in which the 
human being originates is seldom sanctified by pure love 
and harmony. 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


237 


Is it to be wondered at, that there is so little of the 
deep, true love-nature among men? Can we wonder 
that the passional element is so strong and all-pervading 
in human nature, and the desire for its gratification 
so ungovernable ? Deep, pure love, that seeketh not 
her own, does not prompt to the intercourse from which 
the new existence sprung, but passion, — mere sensual, 
selfish, loveless passion. With such a type of manhood 
and womanhood — a type so imbecile to love, yet so 
strong to propagate as mere animals — we need not won¬ 
der that the earth is filled with pollution and crime. 
( Passionalli /, men are giants; aJJ'ectionallij , they are 
dwarfs.) They may be strong in intellect, but they arc 
idiotic in love. ^Earth never can be blessed with any 
higher type of Humanity, till the passional intercourse 
is brought into subjection to marriage-love — a love that 
ever acts in harmony with wisdom. What greater crime 
can a man commit, than to give existence to a child by 
an act in which love, on either side, has no part, and in 
which both are governed by mere passion ? Such a 
child is from the beginning a victim to the sensuality of 
its parents. They withheld the bright inheritance of 
love, which, by right, was his, and in its stead, entailed 
on him the fearful legacy of fierce, insane, ungoverned 
sensuality. The child had a claim to be formed in the 
image of God; they gave him the likeness of a brute. 

“ God IS love ; 55 and man should be love, and would 
be, if, from generation to generation, this were the con¬ 
trolling power that called him into being. To be born of 
love, is to be born of God: and the love-child is the only 
God-child.' Those only who truly love, can give exist- 



238 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ence to the children of God. There is another and 
deeper meaning to the phrase I use. The pure affec- 
tional and spiritual relation, between man and the Father, 
can exist in none with such power, depth, and_beauty, 
as in him, who, by the holy birthright of a strong love- 
nature, is fitted to perceive and fulfil all the relations 
arising from his near alliance with the Infinite. In him, 
love to God will be no abstract principle, but a warm, 
life-giving, blessing power of generous action for his 
fellow-men. 

God will be manifested to us in the living relations of 
life, especially in those of Marriage and Parentage. 
The husband and the wfife will be, each in the other, 
the most vitalizing, most endearing, and most potential 
and useful manifestation of the Infinite. Each will be 
an ever-present, ever-speaking Revelation of God to the 
other. The child will come as a Divine Revelation to 
both; - TIIE TRUE FAMILY ElBLE. 

What a life had ours been, if we all had begun it 
with a deep, rich love-nature ! To commence an eternal 
existence, with souls all penetrated and guided by this 
element, were a parental inheritance in which any one 
might rejoice with joy unspeakable. Such a legacy 
would be the guaranty of a happy destiny — a birthright 
passport to the kingdom of heaven. 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


239 


ANSWER. 


Ernest : 

One needs no better proof of the long distance •which the 
race has wandered from the straight-forward line of truth 
and purity, than to realize that such a statement as that 
in thy last letter could or need be made, in vindication 
of true love. It is lamentable, but true, that it has 
assumed, or rather, humanity has put upon it, number¬ 
less masks and disguises; that this ministering angel has 
been driven from our door, wounded, grieved, and bleed¬ 
ing, and what w T as sent to be our high-born guest, has 
been compelled to the degrading, menial service of the 
brute. 

True love is the same, in all ages and all climes. Its 
works are ever recognized under the greatest inequali¬ 
ties of outward position. Its wants, its hopes, its aims, 
its satisfactions, are the sanfe. It claims the possession 
of its chosen object; it asks no higher blessing, it 
acknowledges no worthier aim, it can have no deeper 
happiness. To such love, the mutual health, happiness 
and development of each is the chief end of marriage. 
Must we not see the discord that enters at once into a 
relation where such love inspires but one ? Is it not 
insane to enter upon such a relation, when no all-con¬ 
quering power impels both alike to merge their being 
into one ? 

I should say, whatever be the solicitations of family or 
friends, or whatever the worldly considerations that urge 
to such an ill-matched union, a woman will be guilty of 


240 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


less sin to commit suicide than to submit; for, wrong 
as this may be, she deals only with her own life. In 
marriage, without love, she exposes herself to become a 
mother to children whose birth will awaken no deeper 
thrill in her heart than gratitude for safety from her 
peril, and the maternal instinct which she shares with 
all the animal creation. Unless she can look her child 
in the face, and, before God and her own heart, say 
that it is most dear to her because it is the child of him 
who made her a mother, she has not the marriage-love 
which should have blessed her in its conception. The 
relation of a mother is holy and beautiful beyond the 
power of words to describe ; but it is a relation into 
which a woman has no right to enter, except by the 
royal highway of love. It will be observed, in mar¬ 
riage, that those who become mothers under the only 
holy sanction of maternity, love their children as new 
representatives of their husbands; while those who give 
birth to children without love, become selfish and nar¬ 
row in their love for them as their own offspring. The 
husband becomes the father of the child , and he is the 
husband less than ever. 

I can hardly imagine the emotions of a -woman who 
finds herself about to become a mother, under the con¬ 
sciousness that no deep love in the heart of her husband 
has prompted to this holiest of all relations ; or if she 
finds the tax upon her physical powers too great to make 
her willing to undertake it. Against all the instincts 
of her soul, depressed, heart-sick and disconsolate, she 
gives, for the first supplies of the new being, silent 
tears. Nature, ever faithful to her trust, seizes from 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 241 

the passive tide of life the nutriment necessary to develop 
the young frame; but, through the minute nervous chan¬ 
nels, flows an ever-strengthening tide of sadness, perhaps, 
at best, of resignation to her fate, which will infuse itself 
and interpenetrate the very nerve-fibre of the young ex¬ 
istence, preparing it, by a bad organization, for a fretful, 
joyless childhood, a nervous and uncomfortable maturity, 
and a stern and heartless old age. Have you never seen 
a young infant’s eyes that looked as old and sad as if 
they had been often closed by grief ? — faces that haunt 
you with their prematurely sad and earnest gaze ! To 
me, these eyes tell of hours of solitary anguish on the part 
of the mother, when Nature must give way, and yet 
there was no help, but still to bear on in silence. 

Ernest ! it is to the thoughtless sensualist ajid heart¬ 
less father that those pleading eyes will turn, when, in 
the future, the long catalogue of sin committed against 
the mother shall stand unrolled. For all the tendencies, 
born of these violations of the mother’s instinct, neither 
she nor her child is responsible. 

If this be so, there is but one way for those in whom 
true love gives no sanction for the marriage relation. 
They may live together as friends, but never pass over 
the limits assigned to friendship, as they value their own 
souls, and as they hope to stand acquitted before the 
highest tribunals, in this life or the next. 

Thy wife, 


21 


NINA. 


242 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER XII. 

THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 

ITS EXPENDITURE TO BE GOVERNED BY THE CONDITIONS OP THE WIFE. 

Nina : 

My advent to thee, as a husband, involved the entire 
and unconditional surrender of myself to thee, as thy 
exclusive possession. My manhood is now thine, joy¬ 
fully bestowed, and as joyfully received. As a necessity 
of my being, I have put at thy disposal all the elements 
of my nature as a man; thou hast received them, and 
assumed the responsibility of disposing of them, to the 
best interests of our relation, to the perfection of our own 
natures, and the development and happiness of our chil¬ 
dren. 

The moment that witnessed this surrender of myself 
to thee, as a husband, beheld also, in my heart, the feel¬ 
ing that I might not dispose of any element of my nature, 
except to develop and perfect thine, in thy relation to me 
as a wife, and the mother of my children. This feeling 
hue grown and strengthened in me, till I can truly say, 
with all the deep earnestness of my nature, that I am no 
more my own; I belong to my wife, in all the elements 
necessary to constitute me a man and a husband; and 
the more constantly she consecrates all I am and have 
to perfect and perpetuate the oneness of our hearts, our 
hopes and our destiny, the more shall I be brought into 
harmony with the just and the good. 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


243 


I cannot think of my union with thee in reference to 
my own sensual gratification. An essential ingredient 
of my happiness is, that it is all shared fully by thee. 
The first, great aim of our marriage, so far as I am con¬ 
cerned, is, to perfect the development and happiness of 
my wife; and only as that end is promoted, can it bring 
happiness to my heart. I love thee, Nina, with a love 
that can bring no satisfaction to me, except as it brings 
purity, self-respect, and a higher life to thee, and as it 
imparts health and happiness to thy whole being. Mere 
sensual gratification forms no ingredient in a true mar¬ 
riage relation. True love merges self in the perfection 
and happiness of the loved one. Progress, not pleasure, 
is our aim. 

Is this condition of the soul an essential element of 
marriage? Is this the feeling thou wouldst cherish and 
strengthen in the bosom of thy husband ? “ This, and 

none other,” is thy answer. What, then, is one of the 
laws by which the passional expression should be gov¬ 
erned ? If what I have said with regard to the surrender 
of the husband to the wife be true, then the answer is 
obvious : — ffie wife must decide how often , arid 
under what circumstances , the husband may enjoy 
this passional expression of his lovye. This, it seems 
to me, is a natural law by which he should sacredly 
govern this demonstration of love. Only as she calls for 
it may he rightfully respond. If her call is less fre¬ 
quent than he desires, then he should hold his sexual 
element in subjection to her wants and happiness, and 
seek the fulfilment of his love in the thousand other ex¬ 
pressions, which, as a husband, his nature prompts him 



244 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to give. I repeat, the call for this deepest expression of 
love should ever come from the wife. The right of 
response belongs to the husband. / A woman may love 
her husband deeply and tenderly, and yet be unable, at 
all times, to respond to his passion.: For a husband, 
under such circumstances, to insist, is to prostitute him¬ 
self, and sacrifice her health and happiness^ 

Nor will a man, who truly respects himself, and who 
pays due homage to the nature and womanly feelings of 
his wife, ever urge upon her this expression of his love, 
when he knows that her only enjoyment is the conscious¬ 
ness that she is administering to his happiness. Is it 
just to herself and to her husband for a wife to wish to 
administer thus to his wants? Ought she to consent to 
yield her person to gratify a passion, which, for the time 
being, can have no claim upon her, because it is un¬ 
answered in her own nature, and which, if allowed, will 
tend to strengthen in him the feeling, that a wife is 
bound to submit, under all circumstances, to his sensual 
demands ? He should not, and he would not, if he were 
manly, and truly respected his wife, ever receive such 
enjoyment, knowing that her affection for him, and her 
desire to make him happy, in his own way, are the only 
motives for her self-surrender. He outrages her nature, 
and, if the outrage be often repeated, she must sink under 
it. How many wives have ruined their own health, and 
brought desolation upon homes that otherwise had been 
full of life and beauty, by yielding to the solicitations of 
their husbands, without a similar answering call from 
their own natures ! 

»Jt is a common and fatal mistake to suppose that, by 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


245 


such compliance with a husband’s wishes, bis love will 
be retained and strengthened Ilis passion may be cul- 
tivated and enlarged, but his love will find no food in the 
gratification of any such demand. A man of justice and 
honor, who is worthy to be the husband of a pure, trust¬ 
ing, noble-hearted woman, could never thus abuse the 
love and confidence of a wife. 

What is the difference between this expenditure of the 
sexual element, and that caused by solitary indulgence ? 
Is this solely for sensual gratification ? So is that. Is 
this in its nature purely sensual ? So is that. Is the 
one a solitary indulgence ? So is the other; for the 
wife is passive, and has no more passional enjoyment 
than if she were a corpse. All who have attempted to 
establish a distinction between the two have failed. He 
who expends the life-principle of his manhood in solitude, 
does no greater violence to his nature, than he who 
solicits and takes the same indulgence with his wife, 
when she has no pleasure in it. In both cases, he sinks 
himself below the brutes, which never practise the 
former, and never the latter, except in answer to the call 
of the female. Among animals, the female instinct is the 
controlling power. Is it granted to man alone, the most 
exalted type of animated existence, who boasts of reason 
and immortality, of being an intimate partaker of the 
Divine, and in whom love is designed to act in harmony 
with wisdom, to ignore the wants and wishes of the 
female ? I do not believe it. In the human species, the 
male should be at least as observant of the wishes and 
conditions of the female, as he is in the lower orders of 
animals. But, unfortunately, it is not so; and the 

21 * 



246 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


unhappy consequences are visited upon the sinners and 
their offspring. If a man is to be considered pure, 
honest, noble, manly, who thus demands sensual grati¬ 
fication, against the wishes of his wife, then is he to be 
so considered who commits the crime of rape. If the 
one deserves the gallows or the dungeon, so does the 
other, also; for the latter violates every sacred obliga¬ 
tion binding on man, as a husband, a father, protector 
and friend. Unreciprocated, passional excitement is a 
solitary indulgence, and, as God is just and true, it will 
be visited and punished as such, (passional indulgence, 
demanded as a right , is a rape upon the person whom 
the husband has promised, before God and man, to 
cherish, honor and protect. > This is committed under the 
sanction of legal marriage; but justice, though it waits, 
is sure to come at last. Ruined health, a cheerless home, 
and love turned to loathing, will be the reward for such 
violations of Nature’s laws. 

Woman’s Rights! True and earnest spirits are 
intent on discussing this subject. When it shall come to 
be fully understood what is involved in it, many, both 
men and women, who are now so anxious to bring it 
fully before the world, will shrink away. They will not 
have the knowledge, strength, nor courage, to meet the 
great and final issue of this question. So long as it is 
confined to woman’s political, pecuniary and social rights, 
it will not conflict, materially, with the selfish passions 
and interests of the opposite sex. 

But the discussion cannot stop here. It must enter 
the sanctuary of home, where man and woman dwell 
together as husband and wife. To perpetuate and per- 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


24T 


feet the race, combined with individual development and 
happiness, is the great object for which marriage was 
designed. In reproduction, the function of the husband 
is to prepare and impart the germs of new beings ; that 
of the wife, to receive, nourish and develop them. But 
who shall determine for the wife, when, how often, and 
under what circumstances, she shall take charge of the 
germ of a new existence, and assume the office of a 
mother ? Human law and custom give to the husband 
the power to settle this question. Was a case ever 
known in which a wife appealed successfully to the law 
for protection against the husband’s passion? Society 
and government accord to the wife no voice in the matter. 
Both say to her, u In this, we consign your person to 
him whom we have empowered to control you as a hus¬ 
band. When he desires a child, or wishes for sexual 
intercourse with you, you must yield. We shall never 
protect you against the demands of his passion.” It is 
to such a fearful power that woman surrenders her per¬ 
son, in legal marriage ! From the hour that she does so, 
how often is her course downward, with a crushed and 
bleeding heart, to an early grave ! 

There is no tyranny on earth so crushing to soul and 
body, and so fearfully disastrous in its results to the 
physical, mental and spiritual improvement of the race, 
as that often exercised by man over woman, in legal 
marriage. In a true Love-Marriage, where love acts 
in harmony with wisdom, there can be no oppression. 
In regard to passional intercourse, and to reproduction, 
the husband will say to the wife — “ Tiiy will, not 
mine, be done.” Passion will ever be in abeyance to 


248 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


all-controlling love ; that will consecrate her person, and 
make her health, her happiness and life, dearer to him 
than they can be to her. He can never urge on her 
maternity, till she calls for it. If he love her with a 
pure, self-forgetting, noble love, he can never, inten¬ 
tionally or unintentionally, impart to her the germ of a 
new existence, till she demands it, and is ready cheer¬ 
fully and joyfully to receive, nourish and develop it, and 
return it to his grateful, manly bosom, a living, healthy, 
perfect child. But, in what is now recognized by law, 
religion and social custom, as marriage, the wife, as to 
rights , is too often considered a nonentity, in the func¬ 
tion of reproduction. 

Just so far as man is ready to accord to woman the 
absolute right to control her person, as a wife, in regard 
to maternity, will he cheerfully acknowledge her rights 
in all other directions. Till woman has her rights here, 
it will be of small account, so far as her true growth and 
happiness are concerned, to secure her rights in minor 
matters of life; for all other rights are of little conse¬ 
quence, so long as this one central right of womanhood 
is denied. 

Nina ! reveal all the depths of thy soul to me, in re¬ 
lation to this question. Thou hast done it often, even 
before our union was consummated. But put thy 
thoughts on paper, that they may descend as a legacy to 
our children, and that other men and women may be 
induced, in entering the marriage relation, to have a 
perfect understanding, that THE CONDITIONS OE THE 
WIFE ARE EVER TO CONTROL THE PASSIONAL RELA¬ 
TION. 


TIIE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


249 


But I must close this letter, already too long. Let 
me, then, renew the assurance, made long before our 
union, that, as thou must bear in thine organism its 
results, thou hast a right to control our sexual inter¬ 
course. As God is my witness, I will be true to this 
promise, believing, as I do, that to violate it would 
be to disregard one of the fixed, unchanging laws of 
marriage intercourse, and to trifle with the holiest 
rights of a wife. Thou wilt help me to consecrate the 
energies of my manhood to all tender and healthful 
expressions of love — love, such as thy nature, as a wife, 
ever longs to receive, and mine, as a husband, ever longs 
to give. 

Would it not be well for every woman, before she 
marries, to learn whether views like these will regulate 
her husband’s relation to her ? and, if not, what advice 
dost thou give ? 

Thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

In answer to thy questions, these thoughts suggest 
themselves : God, in making human beings, has given to 
each a power of self-government, which needs, which 
admits of, no other rule — a conscience, to govern the 
movements of both soul and body. The body which 



250 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


enshrines each soul, is a direct gift from God, for which 
the possessor is accountable only to God. lie says, u I 
give a fair, unsullied temple, wherein I place a spotless 
soul. Use and train the one and the other to the utmost 
of their high capacity. But thou, and thou, alone , art 
responsible for the use or the abuse of it. Confide to 
others, if thou wilt, the keeping of thy treasures ; but it 
is to thee alone I look for an account of thy stewardship/’ 
With this understanding of herself, a woman comes to 
the experience of life we call LOVE. She finds her ideal, 
at last, embodied. She says, “Here, accept all I have 
to give; take me to thyself, soul and body, for time 
and eternity. Thou art wiser, holier than I; do, then, 
for me, what I cannot do for myself. Be my husband , 
my guide ; and in this relation, endow me with a power 
and glory I can never know but in being thy wife. 
Make my virgin soul into the wife; make the wife a 
mother.” 

lie accepts the gift. The higher and the lower ele¬ 
ments of his nature receive a new impulse. Intoxi¬ 
cated by the possession of this treasure, he pours out 
the fulness of his love in its intensest modes of expres¬ 
sion. \She finds less passion in her love than in his, 
and positive enjoyment ends in endurance, and fast 
approaches to repulsion., What must she do ? She 
must gently and firmly confess the truth, and place the 
choice before him, of self-restraint on his part, or of 
disgust on hers. Love will w T aste no time in its de¬ 
cision. 

Woman alone knows the limits of her nature in this 
respect; she alone is responsible for its voluntary func- 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 251 

tions. No. man, though in the relation of husband, 
may exact that of her system which she is unwilling 
to accord. Man, in assuming power over his wife’s 
body, not freely and cheerfully granted, assumes what 
God never gave to him; and in the wreck of health and 
happiness which will have to be atoned for in future 
time, his guilt will be heavier, in the sight of God, than 
that of any usurper of the power of nations. A love¬ 
less, cheerless home is this. The love of no woman, 
however pure, concentrated and intense it may be, can 
possibly continue to adorn and beautify the life of that 
man, who can command of her an unwilling surrender 
of her person to his sensual gratification. Her respect 
for such a man must cease; and when that is gone, love 
goes with it. What then is left to the home of the mis¬ 
erable sensualist ? 

It is a woman’s right , not her privilege, to control 
the surrender of her person. Thou hast truly said, that, 
of all woman’s rights, this is the most sacred and ina¬ 
lienable. No language can truly express the injustice 
and cruelty of that man, whose selfishness could allow 
him to inflict on a woman a maternity for which her 
own soul did not yearn. Such an enforced maternity, 
no matter by whom or by what sanctioned, is the deep¬ 
est wrong a man can possibly inflict on v'oman. Her 
first and most sacred right is to decide under what con¬ 
ditions, and how often, she will accept the passional 
expression of her husband’s love, and receive into her¬ 
self the elements of a new existence. Love will lead 
every husband in whose heart it exists to recognize this 
right, and, at all times, scrupulously to regard it. And 



252 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


the wife, when once convinced of this fact on the part of 
her husband, will ever find her heaven in yielding up 
her person to his keeping ; and, with a faith and love 
that know no fear, will ever breathe into him that per¬ 
fection of her self-surrender. The deep, earnest expres¬ 
sion of each to the other will be, u Thy will, not mine , 
be done.” 

A man has no right to compel his wife to lie or mur¬ 
der. He has no more right to compel her to yield to 
his passion, and thus to lie against the instincts of her 
nature, and kill the yearnings of her soul for true com¬ 
panionship, by urging upon her a passion which swal¬ 
lows up all other forces of her nature. No matter 
whether the violence that enables the man, under the 
name of husband, to enforce upon her the conditions of 
maternity, be in his own superior muscular energy, or 
in the shape of civil law or social and ecclesiastical sanc¬ 
tion, the outrage upon her person is the same. 

With these principles granted, she is accountable to 
God, in her own soul, for her fidelity to her nature in 
this respect. The man who respects not this fidelity is 
worse than a thief or a robber, for he tyrannizes over 
the loving, trusting being, whose confidence he won but 
to betray. She shall say who shall be, to her, the 
guardian of life and honor. She shall be the interpreter 
of the demands of her own nature. Man can perpetrate 
no deeper wrong to himself, to his wife and child, 
and to his domestic peace, than to urge upon his wife 
maternity, when he knows her nature rebels against 
it. Nor can w'oman commit a greater crime against 
herself and her child, than to consent to become 3 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


253 


mother, when her nature not only does not call for it, 
but actively repels it. 

Let the wife say to the husband, u Show me thy love 
in some gentler way; let my head repose upon thee as 
upon a rock of trust; let me feel thine arms around me, 
to defend me from all harm, not to bring it to me.” 
Then again, when her nature prompts, she will say, u I 
am ready to be the true, healthy mother of thy child. 
I am now willing to take into myself the elements of a 
new being.” And when again he makes the same 
request, and she cannot answer to it, let her say, “ Wait 
till I have force enough regained to embody a new soul 
as it ought to be embodied.” Who but a ruffian would 
i disregard such a request ? Who but a being less than 

man would say, 11 No matter how you feel, / wish to be 

* 

gratified.” The wife should be the regulator of this 
marriage relation, for only in obedience to the laws of 
her nature can she hope to continue to be the loving, 
healthful, happy wife. 

What elasticity would come to many a wife’s heart, 
could she be assured that he, who now denies to her all 
right of choice in this matter, would never again claim 
what she could not freely grant! Claim ! What a 
word! Do we demand of God the perfume of the 
flower? Can we snatch, by violence, the sunshine over 
our heads ? No more should a man claim of woman 
what love alone can rightfully bestow. 

Freely to give , freely to receive , is what love re¬ 
quires; else, with rash and sacrilegious hand, the flowers 
are plucked from the altar of God’s inner temple. 
The sanctum of a wife’s person is one of which she 
22 


254 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


alone stands High Priestess. No hand but hers should 
ever raise the veil. If it is thrust aside by violence, 
no matter by whom or by what the deed is sanctioned, 
the accursed intruder were better dead at the portal! 

\J_ advise any woman, who knows before marriage that 
the man of her choice accepts no law for the govern¬ 
ment of his passions except his own will and pleasure, 
to trample her love under her feet, and bury the re¬ 
membrance of it in deepest oblivion, rather than bear 
the touch of unhallowed, sensual desire/ Those noble 
words of Consuelo, when she discovers and is convinced 
of Anzoletto’s infidelity, are the words of every true 
woman. She flies from his embrace, and says, in the 
paroxysm of wounded feeling and conscious dignity, 
u Out of my sight, out of my house, out of my heart, 
forever! ” 

Ernest! thou hast said all that can be said in de¬ 
fence of the noble and pure instincts of woman. I have 
little to add to what I have already said. I have, in a 
former letter, appealed to the highest elements in man¬ 
hood to preserve and cherish the freshness and beauty of 
young love. Manly passion is not in itself repulsive or 
unwelcome to the purest heart of woman, when it is the 
voice, as it ever should be, of a love unspeakable. 
When it is this, there will be no question as to who 
shall rule triumphant in the passional relation. In this, 
as in other expressions, a quiet, delicate, unfailing intui¬ 
tion will be a constant and unerring guide, which if 
caerfully obeyed, will never lead us into clumsy errors. 
In a union made of coarser elements, there is no hope 
of better things. Sorrow and suffering must ensue, 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


255 


and ever and ever must the turbid stream of life flow on, 
chafing its troubled waters against obstacles which are 
self-imposed. 

/ There is a higher life for us here, even in the bonds 
of flesh. God meant us to be happy, beautiful, and 
• good, and it must be a faint heart, and a spirit of most 
earthly mould, that will not seek to know and obey the 
simplest, as well as the most secret, of Nature’s laws. 

You have truly said, that woman must regulate those 
relations in which her whole nature is put under such 
severe requisition. The pleasure of a moment may take 
a year out of her life ; and shall she have no voice, and 
never be consulted, as to the functions of her body, the 
emotions of her soul, and the changes which may, by the 
birth of children, be made in her eternal destiny ? The 
lover, when his too ardent gaze is met by a look of pain 
or embarrassment, turns away, and drops the clasped 
hand, to reassure the maiden whom his impetuosity has 
repulsed. Let the husband, under all circumstances, be 
thus observant and thus tenderly considerate, and old 
age will find a love still young. Love will then be the 
memory of the present life, as it will be the joyful antici¬ 
pation of the future. 

Thy wife, 

NINA. 


256 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


LETTER XIII. 

THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 

IS OFFSPRING THE ONLY JUSTIFIABLE END OF ITS EXPENDITURE? 

Nina : 

I have noticed two laws, which seem to me fixed, for 
the government of the passional nature: — Mutual 
Love, and The Conditions of the Wife. Of these, 
I cannot speak doubtingly. They seem as obvious as 
those which require air, food and light for the life and 
health of the body. I have shown that all that is noble 
in manhood points to the subjection of the passion to 
the sentiment of love. I would now call thy attention 
to another law, which, perhaps, would be equally plain, 
if w T e w T ere prepared, by a healthy organization and 
development, to see and appreciate it; but of which, 
bewildered as we now are in regard to the nature and 
objects of the sexual instinct, it is not easy to form a 
true estimate. In the future of this world, it may be 
that human beings will find as little difficulty in deciding 
this question, as they will in deciding by what laws any 
other human relation was designed to be governed. 
Their more refined and clearer intuitions may guide 
them, without the process of reasoning. 

Is reproduction the only object for which the sexual 
element may be rightf ully expended? — The question 
is important; none can be more so. If the affirmative 
be true, most men must be brought under condemnation, 
as guilty of a crime against Nature. /But this should 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


257 


not deter us from impartial investigation. Let truth be 
known j let the facts of Nature be brought to light, and 
let us look them steadily in the face, however they may 
conflict with educational ideas or hereditary propensities. 

Let God be true, though all men be proved to be 
false .) Immutable principles of justice and equity can 
never be made to conform to us; we must conform to 
them, or suffer. To know the laws of life and health, 
with regard to the passional nature, is essential to human 
■welfare; and inasmuch as on no other relation does the 
existence and improvement of the race so essentially 
depend, it must be of more importance to know and 
obey these laws than any other. It is certain that, thus 
far in the history of the race, more suffering and anguish 
can be traced to violations of this relation, than to any 
other source. The question, then, Is it right to expend 
the most costly element in the system, except for repro¬ 
duction ? is one of paramount importance, and will ere 
long be so regarded and spoken of, by all who respect 
the nature they bear, or who desire the progress of 
human kind. 

The perpetuation and perfection of the race are 
the two great objects of sexual intercourse. The purest 
enjoyment is indeed designed to be experienced in this 
intercourse, when prompted solely by love and a desire 
for offspring. But, unless such pleasure is mutual, tho 
offspring of such a union must be imperfect and dis¬ 
torted in its constitutional tendencies. Mere sensual 
gratification is generally the sole object. No desire for 
offspring, no thought of such a result, no anxiety for the 
welfare of the child that may ensue, enters the mind of 
22 * 


258 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


either party. Of all the connections between even 
those who live in the legal relations of marriage, and 
who are regarded as pure-minded, truthful men and 
women, and examples of fidelity to their passional 
nature, three-fourths are, probably, had for mere sensu¬ 
ous enjoyment. They would be disappointed, should off¬ 
spring ensue ; and, sometimes, would willingly destroy 
it, if it could be done without injury to the wife and 
mother. The following considerations I submit to thee, 
that we may come to a more perfect knowledge as to the 
true object of the sexual relation. My enjoyment shall 
be laid on the altar of thy conscience. I can, rightfully, 
and without injury to myself, control or forego this indul¬ 
gence ; and, in this matter, I prefer to be governed by 
thy more refined intuitions and truer sense of right. As 
God is my witness, thou shalt never be victimized to thy 
husband’s pleasure. 

Offspring and preparation for offspring are, undoubt¬ 
edly, the great objects of the reproductive element. 
Whatever other objects may be connected with it, they 
are but incidental. Its presence in the system is essen¬ 
tial to a perfect development of soul and body. The 
more perfect and healthful is this element, and its action 
when retained in the system, the more perfect and health¬ 
ful will be the development of all the powers of body 
and mind. This influences men and women to enter 
into true and intimate relations. It divides the race 
into male and female. It gives to each a magnetic power 
over the other, the possession of which is a never-failing 
source of happiness, and to which each is equally happy 
to feel in subjection. In the highest relation into which 



THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


259 


they are impelled by this instinct — that of marriage — 
its operation is unlike all other elements of our nature ; 
for the more absolute and unlimited this magnetic power 
of the wife over the husband, the more complete is his 
happiness. So of the power of the husband over the 
wife. But, to answer these ends, and to invest each with 
this enchantment in the eyes of the other, the element 
on which the sexual instinct is based must be retained in 
the system, or, if expended, must be replaced. The 
soul recognizes the sexual distinction only through this 
element; This is the distinctive symbol of the soul’s 
manhood. Take it away, and the soul of a man feels 
no more interest in the soul of a woman, than in one 
of his own sex. As the element, then, is useless when 
expended , except for the continuance and elevation of 
the race, and is of essential use in the economy of life, 
when retained in the system, does it not seem that its 
expenditure for any other purpose must be unnatural, 
and therefore wrong ? 

Then , the cost to the vital forces of replacing it , 
when wasted for mere pleasure , must be taken into 
account. — This secretion is composed of the most re¬ 
fined ingredients of our physical nature, the brain and 
the nerves not excepted. To form it is the highest func¬ 
tion of the vital energies. At the period of puberty, 
it is elaborated and secreted in its natural organs, and 
the human being is prepared for reproduction. There 
it should be reserved, to impart life, energy and beauty 
to the entire man, till he is drawn into a relation in 
which it may be expended for just and natural purposes. 
But if a - man begins to expend it for sensual gratifica- 


260 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE 


tion, before the brain, the muscles, the nerves, and other 
parts of the system, are matured, a heavy tax is laid 
upon the vital forces. The energies of the nervous 
system are called into requisition to supply the waste. 
The labor imposed on the passional nature is excessive 
and unnatural. Consequently, those parts of the sys¬ 
tem which are called into activity to sustain the life and 
health of body and soul, are left to droop, and soon 
become too imbecile to perform their office health¬ 
fully ; and thus the entire man is sacrificed, to repair 
the injuries caused by sensual gratification. The brain 
becomes exhausted. It is the organ through which the 
soul acts in every direction. If the mind is intent on 
sexual indulgence, the brain is ever active to exhaust 
its forces in that direction. It becomes dwarfed and 
imbecile, as an instrument of thought and affection, in 
any other direction. The results are, loss of memory, 
indecision, imbecility of reason and judgment, cowardli¬ 
ness, inactivity, idiocy and insanity. When men will 
candidly observe the consequences of an abuse of the 
sexual element, they will be astounded to find how much 
idiocy and insanity result from it. 

It is said, ££ If polygamy be wrong, and the expendi¬ 
ture must occur only in marriage, and then only for 
parentage, and a healthful preparation for this relation, 
what is a man to do ? He could have this enjoyment 
but a few times in his whole life.” True ; he can rarely 
have the expenditure , but the preservation of this 
element in the system is an ever-present enjoyment, by 
the glow of life and healthful energy which it inspires. 
In all ages, men who have sought to perfect themselves 


TIIE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


261 


in physical beauty, strength and activity, have been 
abstemious in this respect. Witness the athletae of 
Greece, the gladiators of Home, the wrestlers, boxers, 
and runners, of all ages. They knew full well, that the 
life-energies required to supply the means of indulgence 
should be restrained, for the perfect development of the 
body in beauty, activity and power. 

In the animal kingdom, in all the orders below man, 
the instinct of reproduction leads to the expenditure of 
this element; and wdiy should man, endowed with rea¬ 
son and conscience, as well as instinct, reverse the 
order, and unfit himself for reproduction, and bring 
disease and death to body and soul, by the frequency of 
his sensual indulgence? In man, the reason has be¬ 
come perverted, and instinct blinded, or such ruinous 
results as society now presents would never have oc¬ 
curred. 

In domestic life, why is the wife pining for expres¬ 
sions of love she cannot get? As a wife, her nature 
ever calls for the presence, the caresses, the approving 
smiles and gentle tones of her husband. She has given 
herself to him, and she would have him assert and main¬ 
tain his right of possession by ever folding her in his 
mantle of love and tenderness. She pines for this fulfil¬ 
ment of her nature, oftentimes in silence and desolation. 
Her husband did love her, tenderly and truly — per¬ 
haps he does. Why does he not express it, in all the 
ways natural to love ? 

Time was, when absence from his wife was a source of 
constant uneasiness to him, and nothing but absolute 
necessity could keep him aivay. Now, tile most trivial 




262 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


reasons can prolong his absence. Time was, when, 
after a short absence, he met her with eagerness, and 
folded her to his heart with rapture. Now, he can be 
away days and weeks, and yet return to her with meas¬ 
ured steps and greet her with formality. She would 
fly to his bosom, to be folded and sheltered there; but 
in his altered manner, she meets no response to her 
outgushing heart. Once, when around the domestic 
circle, the husband’s manner, air and conversation, were 
unconstrained, natural, joyous, and inviting to the utmost 
freedom. Once, his wife was his home, and in her 
presence, he had all his nature called for. Now, he is 
better satisfied when strangers are there. He is cheerful 
with them, but silent and moody with her alone. For¬ 
merly, he delighted to share her domestic cares, and sur¬ 
round her with all the comforts he could command. 
Now, his interest in domestic matters is diminished or 
dead. Formerly, he sought no society where she could 
not join him. Now, he can go forth and leave her to 
w T ait and watch for his return, in loneliness and anxiety. 
Why this cloud on the once bright heart of the wife ? 
Ask that husband how he has treated her, in reference 
to passional intercourse, and all is explained. The very 
life of his manhood, that which made him a tender, re¬ 
spectful lover, and, at first, a devoted husband, and which 
w r ould have continued him so, had he lived truly with 
his wife, has been expended in mere sensual indulgence, 
till, as a husband, he is imbecile, — as a lover, well-nigh 
an idiot. 

Once, as a father, he was tender and fond, and never 
felt himself more truly noble, and more worthy • the 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 263 

esteem of his fellow-men, than when folding in his 
arms the child of his love. Once, in presence of his 
child and its mother, no frown could darken his brow, 
no danger blanch his cheek, no personal sacrifice or 
suffering appall his heart. That mother and that child 
were to him, heaven. All is changed. The smile and 
prattle of his child thrill his heart no longer. Ho 
seldom takes it in his arms, and reluctantly, if he does. 
• He can see it in the bosom of its mother with indiffer¬ 
ence. The child no longer watches at the window for 
his return. Ask for the secret record of that connubial 
life, and you will find that the life-element of his father¬ 
hood has been expended in selfish indulgence. His pa¬ 
ternal, as well as connubial instinct, has been sacrificed 
to sensual pleasure. 

Once, that man was active, prompt, accurate and 
successful in business. His promise was sacred; he 
was trusted and trustworthy. His wife and child were 
omnipotent in his heart, to prompt to all noble, manly 
deeds. Now, his blunted faculties do not deserve the 
confidence which his former activity and accuracy had 
won. The world wonders and speculates upon the grad¬ 
ual but thorough change which time has wrought; but 
none, save the stricken wife, has power to reveal the true 
and secret cause. 

Thus, by an abuse of the sexual passion, man is dis¬ 
qualified to meet his responsibilities, to perform his 
duties, and wisely to share in the enjoyments of life. 
He must consecrate this clement of his being to the one 
great natural object of reproduction, and true refine¬ 
ment and elevation; and when not needed for that, it 


2G4 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


should be sacredly preserved, as an ever-present incite¬ 
ment to all true, gentle and heroic thoughts, words and 
deeds, that he may fulfil and honor the relation of a 
husband and father. 

There are many phenomena in the life of man which 
excite a momentary astonishment, and for which none 
can account, but which Religion and Public Opinion 
are content to refer to w r hat is called a u wise and mys¬ 
terious Providence.” Failures in business, without any. 
apparent cause; imbecility and folly in plans and pur¬ 
poses, and indecision in execution, where strength, wis¬ 



dom and promptitude were 


matism, gout, apoplexy, paralysis, consumption, and 
disease in various other forms, and a premature and 
agonizing death, where a healthy, vigorous youth gave 
promise of a long life, free from suffering; a morose and 
selfish temper, where, in youth, a loving and manly 
spirit reigned; domestic circles converted into scenes of 
discontent, strife, cruelty and blood, where was once the 
promise of enduring peace and progress in all goodness; 
women, whoso girlhoods were seasons of health, beauty, 
and joyous life and activity, become prematurely nervous, 
fretful, sickly, helpless and deformed; half of all the 
children that are bom alive, dead under five years of 
age, and half of the remainder dead under fifteen; the 
many premature births; the sufferings and deaths in 
child-birth; the inconceivable amount and variety of 
disease and suffering peculiar to the female organism; 
idiots, born of intellectual parents; insane, born of the 
sane; diseased and deformed, bom of the healthy and 
beautiful; hating, revengeful and bloody spirits, born of 


IIIE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


2G5 


the fbving, the forgiving, and the gentle; — these, and 
many other facts connected with human life, are ever be¬ 
fore us, and ever marvellous. No visible, natural cause 
for them being known, they are attributed, generally, to 
a special Providence. 

But there is a natural, though, as yet, hidden cause 
for this ever-deepening, ever-widening, ever-rolling river 
of human disease, suffering and pollution; a cause that 
will ere long be known to all, and which it will engage 
the attention of all the true and the just to remove. 
That cause will very frequently be found in the unnat¬ 
ural AND MONSTROUS EXPENDITURE OE THE SEXUAL 
ELEMENT, FOR MERE SENSUAL GRATIFICATION. It will 
be seen that its retention in the system, except for off¬ 
spring, and a healthful preparation for parentage, is what 
adds health, energy, activity and beauty to the body, and 
gentleness, power, generosity, courage, nobleness, to the 
soul; that it is this which makes human beings deep, 
earnest and constant to love, calm, self-possessed and 
strong to endure, wise and sagacious to plan, bold, 
prompt and indomitable to execute ; while its expenditure, 
for mere sensual pleasure, renders them imbecile and 
powerless in feeling, in thought, and in action. 

The Sexual Element — the object of its pres¬ 
ence in man — its action on the whole being, in per¬ 
fecting its development — its retention in the system, 
and the effect of such retention on the body and soul, 
in all their functions — its expenditure for offspring, and 
its effects when thus expended — its expenditure for 
mere sensual indulgence, and the effects of such an 
abuse of it, on men, women and children, and on all 
23 


266 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


human relations —-a true, scientific investigation of these 
subjects, will, one day, command the attention of the 
good and the great of mankind .) 

Nina ! since we first felt attracted to each other as 
husband and wife, on no subjects have we interchanged 
our thoughts and feelings so often, so freely, so fully 
and so pleasantly, as on the nature, the object and the 
power of this element of our being. We have sought 
to know the fixed, natural laws by which our sexual 
intercourse was designed to be governed. The effects, 
on body and soul — on the beauty, the comfort, the 
power, the sweet repose and satisfaction of our rela¬ 
tion — of its retention in my organism, except for off¬ 
spring, have been deep, vitalizing, ennobling, and in¬ 
tensely joyous and elevating. Deeply and tenderly as 
we have loved each other, its expenditure for sensual 
pleasure would have changed entirely the tone of our 
connubial life. | 

Oft hast thou said to me — u Ernest! there is no 
lottery in marriage to me. I am sure, as of my own 
existence , of every manifestation of love, respect and 
tenderness .” Oft have I asked thee to describe to me 
the effect, on thy soul, of thy husband’s treatment of 
thy person. Thy answer, most grateful to my heart, 
has ever been— u It is the deep, abiding, inexpressi¬ 
ble sense of the majesty , the purity , the nobleness, 
the dignity and manliness of thy love to me. In 
the government of the sexual element of thy nature, 
I constantly recognize that it is not thy will , but 
mine, that is accomplished; or, what is more true, 
that Love has made our two ivills into one ,) and 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


267 


naught but a deep , tender , respectful, gratef ul feeling 
pei'vades my heart when I think of ■ it .” This deep 
repose, trust and respect, this willing and joyful surren¬ 
der of soul and body to the love and care of thy husband, 
could never have made thy home thy heaven, had sen¬ 
sual gratification been his object in the expenditure of 
the vital force of his manhood. Thou hast said, “ Mar¬ 
riage, to me, is no romance, hut an ennobling fact. 1 
have known its purest and most perfect joys ; I have 
experienced its deepest satisfactions” Why? Solely 
because thy husband has made his sensuous, momentary 
pleasure, entirely subservient to thy health, thy wishes, 
and to thy true and perfect development of body and 
soul, and sacredly consecrated the most vital element of 
his nature to its true and natural use. Thus, and only 
thus, can the husband make his home an Eden of Love 
to his wife, and to himself and his children, into which 
no subtle foe can ever enter. 

But, is it an abuse of the sexual element to expend it 
merely for sensual enjoyment ? This is a question which 
human beings should be deeply concerned to settleJ A 
wise observer of human nature has said that it is a well- 
known fact, that “the highest development of the indi¬ 
vidual, or the highest degree of bodily vigor, is incon¬ 
sistent with more than a very moderate indulgence in 
sexual intercourse; while nothing is more certain to 
reduce the powers of body and mind, than excess in this 
respect. These principles, which are of great import- * 
ance in the regulation of health, are but results of the 
general law which prevails equally in the animal and 
vegetable kingdom, namely, that the development of the 


2G8 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


individual, arid the reproduction of the species, stand 
in an inverse ratio to each otherP 

Is this the fact ? Does this expenditure, even for off¬ 
spring, tend to hinder the most perfect development of 
the individual. If so, then the question is settled; it 
is an abuse of the sexual nature to expend its vital ener¬ 
gies for any purpose but that of reproduction; for sexual 
intercourse, for mere sensual indulgence, is then an 
excess, which surely tends to undermine the soundness 
of both mind and body. * If the above be true, such an 
expenditure, for mere gratification, is an excess, as much 
as the unnatural appetite which leads a man to overload 
his stomach, for the prolonged pleasure of his palate. A 
diseased and inactive stomach will soon betray the wrong 
committed. 

Nina ! since I was first conscious of marriage attrac¬ 
tion to thee, on no subject have I pondered so deeply as 
on this. What is true of ourselves is true of many 
others, at the commencement of their married life. 
Both have great life and vigor, both are sound in health, 
both have strong natures, with the elements of long life 
and enduring happiness. Both have, in the conditions 
of soul and body, an inheritance worth more than all the 
wealth of earth beside. A deep responsibility rests upon 
both, to their children and to each other. The true hus¬ 
band is called upon, for his own sake, and for that of his 
wife and children, to renounce or resist all preconceived 
opinions and propensities, if, by acting upon them, ho 
risks their health and happiness. The happiness of 
home must be in proportion to the development of the 
individual. Whatever injuriously affects this, must mar 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 209 

the beauty of our home. I can neither affirm nor deny 
the proposition, that the development of the individual 
and the reproduction of the species stand in an inverse 
ratio, though this seems to be the conclusion to which 
the facts of life, so far as known, must lead. But a 
child is the want of our nature, and an essential element 
in the happiness of our home. This, Nature allows. 
We are authorized, if we choose, to sacrifice (if sacrifice 
it be, -which I cannot affirm nor deny) so much of our 
own development as is necessary for reproduction; for 
the loss is more than made up by the presence of the 
child. We stake, it maybe, a trifle of individual growth, 
but we gain a crown of parental glory. 

Can we, then, in justice to our individual develop¬ 
ment, -waste, in mere sensual indulgence, the element on 
which our connubial and parental relations depend, when 
our only compensation is the momentary pleasure ? In 
married life, there is a fulness of joy in the exercise of 
passion incited by the love of offspring. There is much 
harm, and less happiness, in sexual indulgence for mere 
gratification. If, then, entire abstinence, as a sensual 
enjoyment, can do no injury, and may do much good, 
while, when reserved solely for offspring and higher 
growth, it confers infinite benefits, is it not the plain 
duty of husbands and wives to abstain from this expend¬ 
iture of the vital force of their manhood and woman¬ 
hood for mere sensual indulgence, and consecrate it to its 
true, eunobling purposes ? 

Nina! help me to solve this question, and let us 
record our reasonings upon this subject, that our offspring 
may know that their organization and happiness were 

23 * 


270 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


objects of our deepest solicitude, and that we esteemed it 
the chief glory of our wedded life, to be the healthy 

PARENTS OF HEALTHY CHILDREN. 

From the heart of thy husband, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

The point thou hast left for me to decide in our 
relations, is one that concerns equally every husband and 
every wife. There is no one question on which so much 
depends, as upon the rule of life which shall be adopted 
in respect to the personal relation. For thee, I cannot 
judge. Thou knowest the consequences to thine own 
body and soul of the exercise of animal passion. It is 
for the true man to abide by the results of his experience, 
and to use them in forming his ideas of right and wrong. 
According to thy statement of the consequences of undue 
excitement, the case is clear beyond a question. We all 
know that unbridled passion makes a total wreck of soul 
and body. This is not an attribute of man, as he was 
designed to be, nor yet of animals. (It places him below 
the level of the brute, for there we never find it.j The 
question becomes simply this: In man and woman, God 
has placed an instinct which has no natural activity till, 
through the action of the highest powers of the mind and 
heart, the two are led into the relation of marriage. 



THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


271 


Sympathy, respect, personal affection, and desire for per¬ 
petual companionship, are the true basis of this relation. 
The sexual magnetism slumbers, long after the heart and 
soul are thrilled with the rapture of mutual love. Pas¬ 
sion is but the echo rendered by the flesh to the true 
marriage of the soul. The joy of personal intercourse is 
added, to fill up the measure of perfect oneness; yet it 
is but the effervescence, compared with the true nectar 
of love. Hence, its enjoyment will never be made the 
basis of the true relation, j It belongs only to the hour 
of highest spiritual communion, when heart and soul are 
merged in the consciousness of but one existence, one 
life, one eternity. Then, the whole being may and must 
thrill in unison with such harmony. Passional inter¬ 
course is meant to be an ecstatic expression of the soul. 
Take from it that significance, and you rob it of every 
attraction. Such is the case when men degrade it from 
its high purpose, and subject the spirit to the flesh. 

They tell of idol worship. Where will you find a 
more distorted perversion, than in the worship of the 
senses which society about us presents ? The idol relics 
of olden time give us gigantic heads, and all the other 
members dwarfed. A symbol of the present day would 
give reversed proportions. It is for man to keep himself 
in the image in which he was made, with a power to 
grasp and control, for the welfare of the race, every ele¬ 
ment of his own nature and of the external world. 
Every husband, then, must decide whether he needs to 
restrain his natural propensities, in order to perfect his 
own spiritual and physical nature. If he finds in him¬ 
self inordinate desires, yet he must consider, that what 


272 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


may contribute to his gratification may be unnatural to 
his wife. \Her nature must not be outraged, any more 
than his y I have said, in a former letter, what I cannot 
too often repeat, that there are other endearments in mar¬ 
ried life, as potent to express love, more powerful to win 
and keep affection, than passional intercourse. The 
steady sweetness of temper in a husband, which leads the 
wife to fear no frowns nor fretful repulse, the eye which 
always rests upon her with joy and satisfaction, the 
assurance that, if she is but true to her womanly nature, 
she will be dear and lovely to her husband, the confi¬ 
dence and freedom from restraint which such assurance 
gives, are what the happiness of home is made of. Add 
to this, the certainty that no voice of passion or assumed 
authority will ever drown her gentlest intimations, that 
she is secure in the possession of him who loves her above 
all other created beings, and has consecrated himself to 
the full development of her being, in all its functions, — 
this is what will make a happy wife. Then, when, in the 
fulness of time, she meets the angel who shall whisper in 
her ear, “ Blessed art thou among women. 5 ’ what a flood 
of joy rushes through her heart, to find that soul and 
body have harmoniously combined to give assurance of 
her love, which God alone could understand, and only he 
could fitly represent! 

Is it certain that the office of reproduction in the 
mother does interfere with the development of the physi¬ 
cal system ? If it is true of the father, it is even more 
true of the mother. As now constituted, she must give 
up months to physical suffering and disability, and at 
last come back to life through the gates of death. _ If she 


THE REPRODUCTIVE ELEMENT. 


273 


is prostrated at the commencement, by a previous outrage 
of her nature, how can she hopefully enter upon this new 
responsibility ? She must inflict upon her unborn child 
the consequences of previous wrong. 

For woman, I can say, that married life would be a 
heaven, compared to what it is, if all passional expression 
were regulated according to the rules thou hast pre¬ 
scribed. Those are the only rules, an obedience to 
which, on the part of the husband, can elevate woman to 
the true equality with man which God intended. Here 
is the point wherein the movement for the rights of 
woman truly begins. Elevate her in this respect, save 
her from being victimized to sensuality in marriage, and 
her w r ay is clear. 

Ernest ! thou hast appealed to my sense of right, to 
decide a most important question; and, so far as I am 
able to discern the truth, with all the energy of purpose 
with which I seek to follow the highest principles of 
action, by all the regard I feel for thy most perfect de¬ 
velopment in manhood, I w ill aid thee to fidelity to the 
convictions of thine own conscience. The love which has 
made us one for life and death, cannot be measured by 
common rules; nor shall its manifestations be copied 
from a common standard. If we stand alone in all the 
w r orld, we will show what marriage, under its legitimate 
restrictions, may and should be, as a means of perfection 
to ourselves, and a great and glorious inheritance to 
those wdio are born under its happy auspices. The fond 
affections, the high resolves, the religious consecration of 
the elements of our whole being to one holy purpose, 
shall reappear, to bless the earth with a new existence, 


274 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


whose heart and hand shall be strong to stem the tide of 
sin and suffering. Living to this end, we shall satisfy 
the utmost capacity of our natures for enjoyment here ; 
and when at last we shall lie down to rest, no marble 
shall record the story of our life, for it shall be kept fresh 
in the loving hearts which will u rise up to call us 
blessed.” 


Thy loving wife, 


NIKA 



GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


275 


LETTER XIV. 

« 

GESTATION AND LACTATION. 

TREATMENT OF TIIE WIFE BY TIIE HUSBAND DURING THESE PERIODS. 

( Nina : 

My heart has never been thrilled by thy presence and 
thy love, as it has been during the past few months; not 
even when the consciousness of being loved by thee first 
dawned upon my being. I am a father, and thou, the 
mother of my child. In my bosom, at this moment, 
sweetly smiles and prattles the priceless treasure thy 
love hath bestowed upon me. Thou art no longer to me 
only a wife, but the mother of my child. Thou hast ex¬ 
alted me to the pride and glory, not only of being thy 
husband, but also of being the father of thy child. In 
the new relation in which thy love has placed me, the 
purest fragrance of heaven surrounds thee, all-concen¬ 
trating influences enshrine thee. Mother of my child ! 
How can I but respect the function of thy nature that 
has placed this beauteous, innocent child of our love in 
my bosom, to call me father and thee mother ! How 
does the memory of the act, in which this new immortal 
originated, now impress thee ? How does the memory 
of thy husband, during the various periods through 
which thou hast passed in giving existence and nourish¬ 
ment to our child, now affect thee ? If, in any respect, 
he has failed to embody the ideal of a husband and a 
father, wilt thou frankly tell him ? For, in this relation, 


276 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


no husband can, with safety to the happiness of his home, 
live for himself; for his wife and children he must live. 
His life, his honor, his heaven, will be in their true and 
perfect development and happiness. 

To the true husband and father, where his wife and 
children are, there is his heaven. They are the true 
magnets to his heart. Other forces may turn his 
thoughts from them for a moment; but, as the needle 
turns by a natural attraction to the pole, so will his soul, 
when other forces are spent, as they must be, turn to 
these, its true treasures, and there find repose. Other 
attractions are transient and powerless, compared to the 
deep and permanent force that binds him to them. 

Marriage (including the relations that grow out of it) 
is the central, vital relation of our being. From this 
result our deepest responsibilities, our most sacred duties, 
the holiest endearments and experiences of life, and the 
influences that are most potent in shaping our destiny. 
This should never be regarded as incidental to any other 
relation, political, religious, social, commercial, or lite¬ 
rary ; but all others should be measured and valued by 
their adaptation and their power to fit men and women 
for true marriage and parental relations, and to aid them 
to enter into, and to perform rightly and nobly, all the 
obligations and duties inherent in them; and thus to 
establish homes where nobler types of humanity may be 
prepared and developed. In their* power over the organ¬ 
ization, character and destiny of hnman beings, the 
Church is nothing, the State is nothing; religion, gov¬ 
ernment, priests and politicians, are nothing, compared 
to marriage and parentage, to the husband and wife, the 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


277 


father and mother. Those who make marriage an append¬ 
age to commerce, the government or religion, to pecu¬ 
niary or educational institutions, sacrifice the substance 
of life to the shadow. 

Let this be one great end of government and religion, 
— to secure to each husband or wife the presence, care 
and sympathy of the loved one. Let all public and 
general institutions and arrangements of society have 
reference to this one end, to insure to the wife the love, 
the tenderness and protection of the husband; and to 
the husband, the presence, the sympathy and counsel of 
the w r ife; and to parents, the affection and respect of 
their children ; and to children, the tenderness, the care 
and companionship of their parents. Then would these 
arrangements and institutions be cherished for the good 
they do, rather than be feared for the evil they sanction. 
Then would they do much to perfect the organization, 
character and destiny of the race, and promote its prog¬ 
ress. 

In our correspondence, I have said much of the repro¬ 
ductive element, and the laws by which its expenditure 
should be governed. I have specified three, which seem 
to me to be natural and just, namely, Mutual Love — 
Tiie Conditions of the Wife — and Offspring. If 
reproduction were the sole object in the expenditure of 
this element, and its retention in the system sacredly 
cherished, except for this, it would greatly conduce to 
the health, beauty, strength and activity of the body, to 
the true development, nobleness and energy of the soul, 
to the freshness, life and refinement of social enjoyment, 

24 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to the peace and elevating influence of home, and to the 
progress of the race in all that is true .and noble. 

Were the question asked — How can this element be 
rendered most conducive to enjoyment to body and soul, 
supposing a man is in pursuit of pleasure and wishes to 
make this power of his nature most perfectly to answer 
this end —will the object be gained by expending it or 
retaining it? — I believe Nature, and the history of 
mankind, would render this answer— Retain it for 

PLEASURE ; EXPEND IT ONLY FOR OFFSPRING, AND 

true development. What would be said of him who 
was ever toiling for wealth, but who could derive no enjoy¬ 
ment from it, except by throwing it, fast as he earned it, 
into the fire or the sea ? All would call him insane. 
Having, by severe toil, created wealth, his only pleasure 
in it consists in destroying it! But what would he 
differ from him, who, by the costly action of the vital 
forces, has elaborated and secreted this essential element 
of manhood, but who can derive no conscious, certain 
enjoyment from it, except in expending it ? He that 
expends this life-principle of his manhood, for mere 
pleasure, whether in solitude or otherwise, will be sure 
to learn his mistake, when it will be too late to repair the 
injury. His pleasure will be like the spasmodic laugh 
of a maniac. 

In addition to all I have said as to the conditions of 
the wife which should regulate the passional expression 
of her husband’s love, I must add one thing more. 
There is a period in which she should resolutely resist 
all solicitations, come what may. • I mean the period of 
gestation. She has received into herself the elements 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


279 


of a new existence. From the moment of conception, 
the energies of her body and soul are put in requisition 
to develop and perfect the embryo. The one object of 
her life will be, if she understands her relation to her 
child, to give it a perfect organization. She should 
guard that tender being from harm, as she would her 
* own soul. It is ever pleading, through her maternal 
instincts, for love and protection. She feels the call in 
every fibre of her being. Not for a moment should she 
yield to anything that may injure herself, or the being 
she bears under her heart. God and all good spirits 
surround her, to shield her and her babe from harm. 
Who shall dare approach to outrage them ? 

Unaccountable as it may seem, the fact is undeniable, 
that the husband and the father is the first to demand 
that which she cannot grant without injustice to herself 
and the being that looks to her for life and happiness. 
Regardless of the health and feelings of his wife and 
child, he often insists on the gratification of his passion, 
and if the wife resists, he visits upon her and her child 
his indignation, to vex her soul and make her condition 
as uncomfortable as he can.*' Against such a disgrace to 
manhood, the condemnation of every decent man and 
woman should be directed. The only apology that can 
be offered for such abuses of marriage and parentage is 
ignorance. a They know not what they do ;therefore, 
let them be forgiven. 

It is in vain to plead, for an excuse, that the wife, 
during this period, demands such expressions of his love. 
She is in a diseased condition if she does. Could her 
nature, if in a true and healthy state, call for this indul- 




280 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


gence ? Would not the desire naturally cease, from the 
time when her nature is directed to the purpose of per¬ 
fecting her child ? If she does demand it, no man will 
answer such a call, if he truly loves and respects his 
wife or child. Nature cries out against such a violation 
of all that is true, loving and wise. No man will excite 
his wife to desire such a manifestation of his love, if he 
be worthy of the name of husband or father. He will 
do all in his power to surround her with an influence so 
calm, so deep, so soothing, and so full of repose, that the 
entire energies of her body and soul may be left free to 
concentrate themselves upon his child, to beautify and 
perfect its organization. 

How many might trace their diseased bodies and souls, 
their imbecility, idiocy and insanity, directly to the hus¬ 
band’s treatment of his wife during the period of preg¬ 
nancy ! Against the ignorant or selfish demand of the 
husband, the wife pleads the injury to her nervous sys¬ 
tem, and thereby to the health of their child. He 
answers, that he cannot control himself so long, and 
tries to stimulate her passion. He succeeds, and thus 
her energies are diverted from their natural functions, 
to minister to the sensual gratification of the husband. 
The unnatural excitement deranges the action of the 
whole generative system, the pains and perils of child¬ 
birth are greatly aggravated, and the life of child and 
mother is oftentimes endangered. The action of sexual 
excitement on the nerves of the mother and the child is 
direct, powerful and destructive. When these conse¬ 
quences are fully understood, husbands will be appalled 
to behold the diseases of soul and body, the deep, endur- 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


28 L 


ing suffering, they have caused. That so many children 
die in infancy, may be traced directly, in good part, to 
the sexual abuse of the wife by the husband, during 
gestation. 

As we would glorify and elevate the nature we bear ; 
as we would secure to future generations a more perfect 
physical, intellectual and spiritual organization ; as we 
would make home the source of our deepest, most 
intense, refined and enduring happiness, we should do 
what we can to call attention to this subject, and to 
urge on men the duty of controlling their passional 
nature, and of treating their wives naturally and nobly, 
during this most important and influential period in the 
life of w r oman. 

What I have said of the period of Gestation, I should 
also say of Lactation. While the child receives its sup¬ 
port from the mother, the food is injuriously affected by 
every great excitement, and especially by that of the 
sexual passion. This should be the law for the govern¬ 
ment of every husband, never to have passio?ial inter¬ 
course with his wife during Gestation or Lactation. 
Nina! thou canst feel and speak on this subject as no 
man can. Must not every such indulgence be at the 
expense of both the mother and the child ? 

It is said that a man of strong nature and great vital 
energy cannot and will not control his passion for so 
long a time as Nature may require the mother’s energies 
to perfect her child, during the periods of pregnancy 
and lactation, while he is living with her in daily inti¬ 
macy ; and that if he cannot find gratification with her, 
lie will seek it among strangers. The apology is a libel 

24 * 


232 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


upon manhood; and any true lover or husband will scorn 
to accept it for himself .j _Shame would forbid him to 
justify indulgence on such a ground. He knows that 
his passional nature can be subjected to his love; that 
the animal can be controlled by the spiritual, so long as 
the health, happiness and future destiny of his wife and 
child may require. There is ample scope for the action 
of the sexual element, without expending it in sensual 
indulgence. What does the wife demand of her husband 
at such times ? Does she not call, in every fibre of her 
womanhood, for the expression of a love which may be 
accorded and received, not in wild, intense excitement, 
but as a soothing, sustaining, ever-present influence, 
which she may not be able to define, but which she feels 
as a life-giving presence ? Is not the deep, longing 
desire of her soul to her husband and to the father of 
her child, for his encouraging smile, his sustaining sym¬ 
pathy, his gentle caress ? — to be folded in his arms and 
sheltered in his bosom? — to receive from him every 
endearing expression, short of passional indulgence, 
while she is preparing to encircle his brow with a crown 
of glory, as the father of a living child ? Is not this all 
she needs, or can healthfully receive ? Is it not all the 
true husband should wish to impart? Here is room 
enough for the constant and healthy action of all the 
elements of man’s nature, as a husband. To cherish 
and sustain thee, and aid thee in perfecting the organiza¬ 
tion and development of our child, for whose existence 
and destiny we must account to ourselves and our child, 
has afforded scope enough for all the strongest elements 
of my manhood. ♦' 


} 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


283 


As the omnipotent energies of God are under the 
control of his infinite love, so the energies of the hus¬ 
band, however deep and strong, may and should be gov¬ 
erned by a love deeper and stronger still. 

With emotions that cannot now find utterance, I sub¬ 
scribe myself, 

Thy husband, and the happy father of thy child, 

ERNEST. 


ANSWER. 

Ernest : 

As thou hast said to me, so I say to thee : my heart 
speaks to thee, as it never did before. I am a mother, 
and thou art the father of my child. How deep, how 
tender, how intense and sublime the relation of a mother, 
not only to a child, but also to him who has crowned her 
being with this happiness ! Thou hast enshrined my 
brow with a diadem of beauty. I look back on my 
experience, from the time I received into myself the 
germ of this new life to the present hour, and an inex¬ 
pressible tenderness, a concentrated, loving respect, and 
a deep, grateful yearning for the presence, protecting 
care, and manly love of my husband and the father 
of my babe, have, filled my heart, and presided over 
my child’s development, in every stage of its progress, 
before and since its birth. From its conception to the 
present time, the function of my nature which has 



284 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


given to us this pledge of our love and our happiness, 
has been a means of refinement and exaltation to my 
entire being. 

It is the true office of love, to refine and exalt pas¬ 
sion ; and of passion, to intensify and ennoble the expres¬ 
sions of love. The memory of the act in which this 
new life originated is sacredly cherished. It was ren¬ 
dered delicate, and most acceptable, by the assurance 
that it was but the expression of your soul’s deepest 
love. In our passional relations , there is not a 
single memory or association which is not refined 
and hohle. I cannot conceive of the aversion some 
wives express in speaking of the animal passion of their 
husbands; it can never be associated in my mind with 
thee. I owe thee a deep debt of gratitude for this 
experience. 

It is no slight responsibility which rests upon the 
man who first officiates as a husband at the Holy of 
Holies of woman’s personal surrender of herself to the 
functions of maternity. He stands as the embodiment 
of an attribute of manhood, which, according as it is 
revealed in connection with love or without it, is for¬ 
ever afterwards associated, in a wife’s mind, with all 
that is true and noble, or mean, selfish and brutal. 
Thou, as my husband, in exalting me to the relation 
and dignity of a mother, hast been High Priest of this 
offering of my womanhood at the shrine of Love. Robed 
in garments of consecration, thou hast performed thy 
rites with a pure heart. Thou hast left n6 stain upon 
the altar of our love. Thou hast sought to bestow on 
our child the priceless legacy of a deep, rich love-nature. 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


285 


Forevermore will thy wife feel that it is for thee to rule 
over her in the passional relation. She asks no protec¬ 
tion but thy manly love, for she knows that an ever- 
watchful eye is open for her safety.) 

The Church may ordain bishops, the Pope may be 
acknowledged its head, but not even he has so holy, 
important and delicate a mission as the husband, who, 
for the first time, reveals the power of his manhood to 
his wife in this relation. All men will, ever after, be 
regarded by the wife in the light of this experience. I 
have heard women say, that, after this first experience 
with their husbands, they could not see a man, a 
stranger, passing in the street, without disgust at the 
thought of the animal passion accompanying his mascu¬ 
line nature. That was a revelation which I did not, at 
the time, comprehend; I can, now, deeply and fully, by 
Contrast. When a husband, for the first time, thus 
urges upon his wife this expression of his love, for which 
her nature not only does not call, but which it positively 
and shrinkmgly repels, her disgust can never be forgotten 
nor overcome. It is death to the sentiment of love 



her heart, and to all the outgushings of her wifely 
affection. 

The young wife comes to the husband with a heart 
full of confiding love. His animal passion is impetu¬ 
ous ; he knows nothing of woman’s nature; he is equally 
ignorant of the laws designed to govern his own sexual 
instinct, and he at once demands and takes from her 
what her nature shrinks from giving. From that hour, 
she dreads his passion. The doom of that home is 
sealed. 



286 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


Ernest ! be this my highest tribute to thy manhood: 
Thy wife fears not thy jiassion, for she has faith 
and knowledge , that love rides in your soul and body 
with an absolute control. / Man can exalt his sexual 
nature to no higher point, than to secure for it the 
grateful respect and perfect confidence of his wife. 
When it stands associated in her mind only with the 
holiest moments of her heart’s desire for true manifest¬ 
ation, then the animal nature answers the highest ob¬ 
ject for which it was created. It serves not its own 
selfish ends; it waits on a Divinity whose service puri¬ 
fies and ennobles its own nature. It becomes a servant 
of the Most High. 

Such ideas, such convictions and assurances, have 
been brought home to me, in my relation to thee as a 
wife. Thou hast, by thy self-control and considerate 
regard for the wishes and conditions of thy wife, in¬ 
spired me with a deep and loving respect for thy pas¬ 
sional nature, for the symbols of thy manhood, and for 
the deep, stern, but gentle heart, which, through them, 
has revealed its wealth. 

Can a husband help feeling proud and happy to 
receive such assurances from the heart of his wife? 
They are due to thee, for they are true as eternal life. 
In thy person, manhood stands in its true dignity and 
nobleness before thy wife, and what higher office canst 
thou fulfil to her heart than this ? 

Could I but do justice to the emotions of my soul, in 
reading thy last letter, thou woulclst feel that through 
me thou hast reached the deepest chord of woman’s 
heart. That letter has vividly recalled the experiences 


GESTATION AND LACTATION. 


of the year when first the concentrated joy of a mother’s 
heart came over me. My husband ! thou hast lived out 
thy ideal in this relation. When I told thee that I 
could no longer assert exclusive right to thy affection, it 
was at that moment thy love assumed a more sustaining 
mode of expression. A more than mother’s solicitude 
foresaw my wants, and gave to my physical "weakness 
a manly support. No words can tell the suscepti¬ 
bility of a woman’s nature, at these times, to exter¬ 
nal impressions of pleasure or pain, ,, A worfe^a look, 
that at other times would pass unheeded, will bring the 
tears to her eyes. Mentally and bodily, she is most 
delicately attuned, and a passing breath will waken 
sweet or discordant music in her soul. If ever she 
needs a soothing love, it is while she bears a child under 
her heart. The nature of the child seems to shine 
through her, and claim the same tenderness which she 
will bestow after its birth. She cannot be trifled with, 
except at the risk of her own safety and that of her 
child. She does not ask for the passional element in her 
husband’s love; she craves all other expressions of it, 
fully to perfect the new being; and just in proportion 
as she receives them, will a loving soul be infused into 
the strong and healthy frame of her child. A wife 
feels, from the moment she takes charge of the germ of 
a new being, in order to become a mother, that God is 
with her. She is set apart to fulfil the highest office of 
her being, and she can never willingly betray her trust. 
And when hope becomes reality, and the new being 
actually reposes by her side, or in her arms, and she 
offers it to him who has, with her, lent the highest ener- 


288 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


gies of his soul and body to this personification of their 
love, she must, in her soul, say to every thought or 
word of passion, interfering with this new life, “Stand 
off, for this is holy ground l ” 

Ernest ! I have been true to my own soul, in the 
pictures I have drawn of the holy influence of married 
life. Thou hast a right to lay down rules for the benefit 
of the race, for thou hast tested their power by thine 
own experience; and I will add, that they have secured 
the happiness and growth of her whose progress thou 
hast made the chief object of thy care. It is from thy 
obedience to such rules of life, that I feel myself blessed 
in being thy wife, and twice blessed as the mother of 
thy child. 


Thy wife, 


NINA. 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


289 


LETTER XV. 

•HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


Nina : 

Thou hast accomplished a mission to thy husband, 
for which he can never repay thee. Thou hast lifted 
the veil that hid from his spiritual eye the power and 
glory of his own manhood, and placed it in its true light 
before his mind. He was alone, — a bewildered wan¬ 
derer by life’s wayside, — a mystery to himself, with an 
ever-present call for a love and companionship not 
actualized; voiceless, but earnest, and often agonizing. 
From amid the throng that hurried past, came a voice, 
saying, “What wilt thou?” My heart answered, “I 
would see myself and thee.” That voice replied, “Be¬ 
hold thyself and me ! ” I saw myself, a proud, stern, 
imperious, yet gentle, loving man ; and by me one who 
said, “ I am thy wife.” It was the voice of God, say¬ 
ing to my bewildered heart, “Let there be light! ” 
A new heaven and a new earth arose around me. From 
the hour in which our souls were made one by love, life 
has been a richer, nobler boon. Come what may to me 
or to thee, I must evermore feel a conscious pride that 
I am a man, and all thine own. I bless thee for the 
wreath thou hast twined around my brow. It is a gar¬ 
land of love, placed by the soul of deathless womanhood 
upon the brow of deathless manhood. My body and 
soul are dear to me, because they are dear to thee. 
Thou hast made them thine, and consecrated them to the 
25 


290 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


perfection of thy nature and the fulfilment of thy des¬ 
tiny. For years, and without one moment’s interrup¬ 
tion, we have actualized the truth, that I am thine and 
thou art mine. m 

Beautiful has been the home of our love, the soul of 
each calmly and perfectly at rest in the bosom of the 
other. A power has been over us, to which submission 
has been our heaven. The feminine element of Nature, 
as incarnate in thee, has, during every hour of our 
united existence, been silently, but surely, moulding my 
character and shaping my destiny. The soul of the 
woman and the wife, speaking to me through the sym¬ 
bols and functions of thy physical organism, has daily 
breathed into me a more earnest longing for a truer and 
more manly life. I can never express to thee my grati¬ 
tude for the ennobling influence thou hast exercised over 
me. That voiceless but ever-controlling agency has 
been to me what the sun and dew of heaven are to the 
earth; it has caused the "wilderness of my life to bud and 
blossom like the rose. 

Home and its influence ! With thanksgiving and 
the voice of melody forever shall I have cause to sing of 
my home on earth, and its agency in my development 
and happiness. Compared with this, the school, the 
college, the church, the government, and general society, 
sink into insignificance, as means of spiritual life and 
growth. Indeed, they are of little use, except as they 
help to qualify men and women to make for themselves 
happy homes. They work evil, and only evil, when 
they serve but to entomb the natural and holy longing 
of the heart for such a home in the gloomy sepulchres 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


291 


of Ambition, Avarice, or Sensuality. In commercial, 
social, political or religious life, conscience becomes 
seared, reason obtuse, affection chilled, and the soul 
altogether bewildered by unnatural excitement in pursuit 
of that which, if obtained, can give no rest. Only in a 
true home can the soul attain its full development in all 
directions. Here, alone, can reason be made clear and 
vigorous, the conscience become a universe of light to 
guide the soul onward and upward, and affection be 
trained to delicacy, tenderness and fidelity. The pure , 
in heart, who alone are so blessed as to see God, must 
be created and developed, not in the market, nor the 
school, nor the church, nor in halls of legislation, but in 
the true home of freedom and of rest, where all the ele¬ 
ments and functions o 
healthful activity. 

But what and wher 

where children may be created in physical, intellectual 
and spiritual health and beauty, and developed into noblo 
men and women, prepared by birth and education to 
enter into all natural relations, and to assume the respons¬ 
ibilities, and wisely to discharge the duties, growing out 
of such relations ? Society must see and actually enjoy 
a nobler type of home, before it can hope to be blessed 
by the presence of nobler types of men and women. An 
ideal earthly home is ever present to the heart. Each 
man and woman has that ideal cherished deep in the soul, 
as the consummation of their present existence. How 
sad, that through bewildering ignorance, or impetuous 
passion, they should, by unnatural social, political and 


f soul and body can be called into 



292 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


religious surroundings, render the actualization of their 
beautiful ideal impossible! 

In all attempts to present an improved type of home, 
that home must first exist in the ideal, be examined and 
discussed in the ideal, before it can be made an actuality. 
The past is made illustrious by the names of those who 
have presented to the world model means to promote the 
refinement and elevation of man. Better had it been for 
the human family, had a larger portion of the talent, 
money and enterprise, which have been expended to fur¬ 
nish and administer model schools, churches and govern¬ 
ments, been bestowed in giving to men and women the 
ideal of a true home on earth, and in helping them to 
actualize it. Those who help their fellow-beings to a 


nobler ideal of home, and show them how they can make 
m it^iJivi^Y^eiJ^^vare |£eatei^ itcncfactors, and deserving 
of greater honor, than the founders of literary, ecclesias¬ 
tical or governmental institutions. 

It is unnatural, and therefore injurious, for man or 
woman, for any cause, to live in isolation from the other 
sex, thereby becoming unorganized fragments of human¬ 
ity. Both, in so doing, violate the holiest instinct and 
highest law of their being. ^ Man can always find wiser 
counsel, truer sympathy, in woman, than in man. No 
matter for what purpose he launches his bark on the 
ocean of life, without the loving presence and heroic de¬ 
votion of woman, whether it be in the pursuit of wealtli, 
conquest, fame, philanthropy, or religion, he does it a« 
the peril of his dearest interests. For the senseless 
titles, dignities and canonizations of the Church, the 
equally senseless and clamorous plaudits of political 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


293 


parties, the eager aspirations after titles, station and 
wealth, and the roar and excitement of murderous bat¬ 
tles, cannot give true rest and conscious self-respect. 
The time comes to all, when these would be gladly ex¬ 
changed for the pure love and vitalizing sympathy of a 
wife at home. He who sacrifices the endearments and 
ennobling influences of home, for any cause, wrongs 
his own soul, and so far disqualifies himself to serve his 
fellow-beings, as he hinders, by so doing, his own true 
individual development. He most perfectly accomplishes 
his mission on earth, who presents to the world a speci¬ 
men, in himself, of a most perfectly developed man. He 
is the most perfect man, who enters most truly into all 
natural relations, and performs most faithfully the duties 
that grow out of them. 

He who is without a true home is without the means 
of the highest development. No matter for what he 
sacrifices home, he must suffer loss, for he has outraged 
the tenderest and most earnest instinct of his manhood, 
— that which ever calls for a place of rest for body and 
soul. u Foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have 
nests;” but how many sons and daughters of men are 
without a home on earth ! They wander about from 
place to place with unappropriated hearts, that yearn to 
give out the wealth of their love to bless and to be 
blessed. Some of them having, for a brief time, ex¬ 
perienced the blessings of a true home, live on “ sweet 
memories ” of the past. The loved ones who made their 
homes ever encircle them. One sentiment ever fills and 
thrills their souls; a sentiment which can find expression 
only in such terms of endearment as rise spontaneously 

25 * 


294 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to the lips of conjugal and parental affection, and which 
are so welcome and significant in the sacred privacy of 
home. 

The past has given to the present many records, de¬ 
lineating embodiments of truth and nobleness in domestic 
relations. Some of these are preserved in manuscript, 
never having been designed for the public eye and heart, 
and from this fact, being all the more truthful and reli¬ 
able ; for the husband and wife can speak to each other 
as they can to none others. One of these private his¬ 
tories is now before me, written by a husband for the 
eye and heart of his absent wife. It is entitled, “ Sweet 
Memories.” What had been his material home, amid 
mountain scenery of unsurpassed wildness and beauty, 
is about to be exchanged for one in a distant land, to 
which his wife had gone. The husband had been left 
some days amid the scenes of their wedded bliss, and had 
kept a record of his interior and exterior life, as a me¬ 
mento of the home of their love, when they should be 
fiir away. He thus concludes : — 

“ I have entered the parlor to w r rite my last word by 
the table and in the room of our home, where our 
hearts and our lives have so perfectly blended. What 
.shall that last word be? Precious memories rush upon 
me. All the pet names, in which our united hearts 
have found expression, and which are so welcome and 
so appropriate, when every look, tone and act assures 
the loved one that they come from a heart all her own, 
crowd upon me, struggling for utterance. One senti¬ 
ment is ever present in my heart, which can now find 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


295 


expression only in these words — 1 My Love ! My 
Darling ! ’ 

“This, as it seems to me, must ever be the one con¬ 
secrating sentiment of the husband's life. This fathoms 
the depths of his being, and swallows up all other ex¬ 
periences. It consecrates all the elements and emblems 
of his manhood. It scatters the clouds of ignorance, 
drives away all mystery and bewilderment, makes the 
rough places plain, the crooked straight; levels the 
mountains and fills up the valleys of life, and casts up a 
highway of the Lord for his feet, and opens to him the 
kingdom of heaven. 

“ The sentiment these words alone can express is om¬ 
nipotent for good and against evil. Amid the sacred 
associations and tender cares and joys of home, the hus¬ 
band’s heart will ever be open to its redeeming influence. 
It consecrates and ennobles all the elements and func¬ 
tions of the wife’s nature, surrounding them with hal¬ 
lowed beauty and delicacy. Whatever makes her a 
woman, and qualifies her to be his wife and the mother 
of his children, is sacred and lovely to him, as the 
emblem of truth and purity. 

“As he looks over his wedded life, everything he has 
done for the wife of his bosom, in the kitchen, the 
nursery, and parlor, will seem to him as acts of true 
worship. Nothing will seem like drudgery, nothing 
menial, or unbecoming the man or the husband. Noth¬ 
ing can seem unworthy his thoughts or hands, which 
can contribute to her health and happiness. The one 
abiding sentiment of his heart renders all he can do for 


296 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


her delicate and acceptable. However minute the ser¬ 
vice for one so loved, it seems refined and manly. 

“ The details of domestic economy can never be repul¬ 
sive to the true husband. On the contrary, to relieve 
the wants and cares of the wife, in any way, and help 
her to bear the burdens of household labor, is not to 
serve as a menial, but to cherish her and sustain her as a 
husband; and there is no act by which he can secure her 
perfect trust and repose in his manhood, that is not made 
delicate and heroic by the consciousness that it is done 
for a loving, confiding wife. 

“An expression of love can never ^ seem coarse or 
menial to the loved one whose heart reciprocates the 
sentiment. In the Eden of their love, the tender 
respect with which each regards the physical elements 
and functions of the other will insure the performance 
of all the nameless and constantly recurring services 
essential to the existence of a true and happy home, with 
conscious pride and satisfaction. Each rests without a 
fear in the bosom of the other. Man longs to be lovingly 
and tenderly cherished and caressed. He needs it to 
save him from a hard spirit, and from low, debasing in¬ 
fluences. Man cannot caress himself; nor can man 
perform this delicate and beautiful mission to man. 
Woman alone can accomplish this most needful and 
endearing office of refinement for him; and that, too, 
most perfectly in the relation of a wife, in the vitalizing 
interchange of affection and helpful service in the con¬ 
secrated privacy of home. Erom no other hand could a 
pure and noble man receive such a sacrament. Man 
needs these gentle, delicate offices, to develop and perfect 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


297 


his manhood. He will receive them only from a love 
that is undefiled. 

“ The action of love is always heroic. It en¬ 
nobles and refines all its manifestations to the beloved. 
A truer and nobler sentiment was never uttered than the 
following, by a wife and a mother (Lady Mary Wortley 
Montague) : — 1 The minutest details of domestic 
economy become elegant and refined , when they are 
ennobled by sentiment .’ Be this the ever-present, 
ever-controlling maxim of the kitchen, the bed-room 
and nursery, of every home — Love refines every 
ACT TO WHICH IT prompts. Drudgery, vulgarity, 
meanness, never characterize the labors of love in the 
true home. There, 1 individual sovereignty ’ will be an 
unmeaning phrase; for the twain lias led to oneness, 
each aspiring to no higher destiny, in their united life, 
than to be possessed and cared for by the other. To 
have ruled wisely, by love, over the soul of the other, 
in the enchanted circle of home, will be to each a more 
heroic and satisfactory achievement than the heads of 
earthly kingdoms ever accomplished. 

“ These musings are suggested by the memory of 
our blended hearts and lives in this dear home. The 
wife of my bosom, as the life-principle of my manhood, 
has consecrated all that surrounds me. This pleasant 
parlor, with its contents remaining as left by thee; the 
cottage, with the garlands of sweet flowers and ever¬ 
greens with which Nature, aided by thy skill and care, 
has adorned it; these mountains, to which we have given 
names significant of our emotions as we have stood to¬ 
gether on their tops; the amphitheatre of evergreens, 


298 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


where we have listened to the birds, the squirrels, the 
wind breathing through the branches, and to the silence , 
most eloquent and subduing of all, and whose retreats 
we have so fondly christened; — what so consecrates 
them? That one deep sentiment, that can find expres¬ 
sion only in pet words and in corresponding deeds, has 
sanctified thee, and all connected with thee. 

u What shall I say? Silence were, perhaps, the 
most expressive; but my heart throbs for utterance, 
and written words are now the only medium of communi¬ 
cation. The day is bright, the air is filled with sweet 
odors, the mountains are defined in power and grandeur 
against the blue sky. Heaven above and earth beneath 
look bright and beautiful as the face of God; yet they 
utter but one sentiment, — a sentiment that ennobles our 
united past, and opens to our view a future of bright¬ 
ness and beauty. 

“ These mute witnesses of our love and joy speak 
now as they never did before. Though I leave them to 
go to thee, my heart is heavy, for it assures me I shall 
see them no more with thee. Come to me, then, in 
spirit; let us mingle our hearts once more amid these 
consecrated scenes. Then we will go forth, heart in 
heart and hand in hand, amid strange surroundings in 
other lands, to intertwine our ‘ sweet memories ’ of the 
past with our anticipations of a happy future.” 

Man may be surrounded with material beauty and 
elegance, and with kind and loving relatives and friends; 
but if the wife be not there, home will seem desolate ; 
the power is wanting which alone can meet the deepest 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 299 

want of his manly soul. Man can have no true home 
without a wife, nor can woman without a husband. 

The child , also, is an essential element of a true 
home. Parentage is no less a law of our being than 
marriage. First, the wife and husband, then the child; 
and these, so far as the presence of human beings is 
concerned, are all that are essential to make a home. 
Though the occasional presence of those holding other 
and less intimate relations to us adds greatly to the 
pleasures and healthful influences of home, yet the hus¬ 
band, the wife and child, are all whose constant presence 
is essential; and the more intensely these concentrate 
their affection on one another, the more ennobling will 
be their united life. Only in the home that is created 
and consecrated by those intimate and endearing rela¬ 
tions can marriage and parentage perform their perfect 
work in the regeneration and redemption of the race. 
In that hallowed retreat, and nowhere else, can men and 
women truly reveal the beauty and glory of their nature. 
In the wife, the husband sees the embodiment of a love 
for him, whose power and purity can never be estimated, 
in whose light he is proud to have his soul’s most cher¬ 
ished secrets revealed, and whose highest aim is to call 
into activity whatever is manly and noble in her beloved. 
What soul does not yearn for a home in the bosom of a 
love which exists only to ennoble and to bless the loved 
one ! -— to live ever in the presence of one whose affec¬ 
tion consecrates the entire being, and encircles it with 
the light and fragrance of heaven ! Only such a love, 
in the sacred privacy of home, can truly interpret and 
meet the purest wants of our nature. Men and women 


800 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


can never truly comprehend and appreciate their man¬ 
hood and womanhood, till they see themselves reflected 
in the mirror of a pure conjugal love. 

The isolated home is the true home; and this neces¬ 
sarily results from the nature of marriage love, for such 
love is exclusive. The husband’s soul naturally concen¬ 
trates itself on the wife. Each seeks a peculiar personal 
manifestation of love from the other. There can be no 
community, no partnerships, in conjugal affection, except 
between the two. The child, the result and the embodi¬ 
ment of the love that made the twain one, may be added, 
and the harmony be maintained; for that comes but to call 
into activity a new element of life in that wedded pair, 
i. e., parental love, and not to share in that which made 
them one. But let a third party be admitted to share 
the treasures to which wedded love makes an exclusive 
claim, and such love will instantly repel the intruder, or 
die in the conflict. Conjugal love instinctively seeks re¬ 
tirement for its purest and most ennobling manifestations. 
To this end, it demands and it creates an isolated, exclu¬ 
sive home. In that holy of holies of human life, such 
love reveals the secret of its power, and introduces the 
blended pair, by its influence, into the kingdom of 
heaven. 

It is said that exclusive love and an isolated home 
necessarily engender selfishness in the hearts of all its 
inmates. This is true, when ambition, avarice, vanity, 
or desire for sensual indulgence, creates and maintains 
that home. It is founded in selfishness, and can engen¬ 
der only that. But, in a home created by conjugal 
love, the single object of each is the happiness of the 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


301 


other, and every pulsation of such love, and every man¬ 
ifestation of it, expands the heart, and fills it with a 
more active sympathy with all of human kind. Through 
the medium of such exclusive love, and of the isolated 
home which it creates and in which it seeks a perfect 
manifestation and embodiment, the twain, made one, see 
human nature as they never did before. It appears more 
lovely, and capable of a higher growth and a more ex¬ 
alted destiny, and they are prepared to labor more wisely 
and efficiently to win men and women to a higher life. 
That such results are so seldom seen is not attributable 
to the fact that the home is isolated, or that the love 
that creates it is exclusive ; but to the fact that it is the 
creation of sensual passion. 

The man who regards the presence of the reproduc¬ 
tive clement in himself as a means of sensuous gratifi¬ 
cation, and marriage as a licensed mode of expending 
that element and of obtaining that gratification, can 
never hope to make for himself a pure and happy home, 
lie regards the woman who has come to him as a wife, 
simply as a means to his passional indulgence. This is 
his highest ideal of a wife, and he thinks of his home 
mainly as a place where she can be made to minister to 
his sensuality, without public censure. lie demands 
the surrender of her person to his passion, without re¬ 
gard to her wishes or her conditions of body or mind. 
He sacrifices her body and soul, and those of his chil¬ 
dren, on the altar of his sensuality. What motive has 
a woman to toil to make a happy home for a man who 
thus crushes her? She feels that she is dear to him 
only as a means of administering to his passion, and that 
26 




302 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


he cares for his home, and comes to it, but for his sensual 
gratification. Then, by a constant expenditure of the 
vital element of his manhood, he enfeebles his reason, his 
conscience, his affection, and his power to love and appre¬ 
ciate his wife and child. He becomes repulsive, and 
incapable of forming true family relations.,^On our 
knowledge of the natural laws which should govern the 
expenditure of the reproductive element, and on our 
obedience to them, depend the question of a happy home, j 
If man errs here, the element on which he must depend 
for the accomplishment of his desire will be a blight to 
his manhood; but if he seek a home for the health, com¬ 
fort, purity and perfection of his wife and child, and finds 
his life in tlieir true development and happiness, that ele¬ 
ment will be to him and to them a living fountain of joy 
and peace; it will make a heaven of his earthly home. 

Man needs a home for the body, as well as for the soul. 
It is natural and right that a man and woman, living in 
the conjugal relation, should seek to surround themselves 
with material beauty and elegance, as well as comfort; 
for their own and for their children’s sake, they should 
do this. I have no sympathy with that feeling which 
forbids men and w T omen to seek and enjoy such elegan¬ 
ces, while others are destitute of the necessaries of life. 
I would help every husband and wife to a beautiful, ele¬ 
gant, healthful, material home. The best way to do 
this is to show them, by example, that such a home is 
possible, even to the poor, and how it can be attained. 
There are those who have great power to create material 
wealth, but none to make it conduce to their comfort and 
refinement. Others have no power to create it, but 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


303 


great skill to make what little they get contribute to 
their elevation and happiness. To know how to create 
it honestly, and to use it wisely, is a talent that should 
be and will be better cultivated and more highly appre¬ 
ciated, when men and women come more fully to under¬ 
stand the bearing of their material surroundings on the 
refining and ennobling influences of home. 

Isolated from woman, man becomes stern, cold, hard 
and suspicious, low and coarse in his language, rough 
and repulsive in his habits. Purity and delicacy of 
speech and personal habits are essential to a true home 
of love. Love for a wife naturally tends to refine and 
elevate the husband, and prompts him to seek to make 
his inner and outer life pure and pleasing to her. To 
illustrate this power of the wife, I will again quote 
from t£ Sweet Memories,” a passage in which the 
husband records the influence of the wife in this par¬ 
ticular : — 

“ The power of the wife over the husband ! Yes, I 
know what it is. As I call to mind the gentle ways in 
which thou hast sought to perfect thy husband in his 
inner and outer life, my heart proudly acknowledges its 
indebtedness to thee. How instinctively man seeks to 
commend himself to the woman he loves ! How joyfully 
he aims to be attractive in his personal habits and modes 
of manifestation, when he feels that, for this, he will be 
held more proudly to the heart of his beloved! 

“Man needs some one to live for besides himself, and 
no one can so powerfully incite him to purity of heart 
and life as woman. Ilis home, without a wife, would 


304 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


more resemble the lair of wild animals, than the home 
of human beings. 

<£ Say what we may of self-respect and of the dignity 
and glory of human nature, — and too much cannot be 
said, if truly said, about it, — yet few have so deep and 
living a reverence for the nature they bear, and such an 
exalted view of their destiny, as to induce them, simply 
for the sake of that nature and that destiny, to study 
all ennobling habits in the regulation of their natural 
appetites, and the supply of their physical necessities. 
Only the living presence of the object of their love 
can stimulate them to persevere in a course of interior 
and exterior refinement, without which home becomes 
but another name for physical and spiritual debase¬ 
ment. 

“I know that some men, without regard to external 
appliances, and from an innate sense of the dignity of 
their own nature, seek to form and maintain all pure and 
attractive habits. This is what all should do ; but few 
do it. Men degenerate without an external influence. 
Man can never supply this to Man. God will not supply 
it, except as he is present, embodied in the form of a 
loved one. 

“ What would men do to cultivate the beautiful, the 
graceful and orderly, if left alone? Some would do 
much; but, generally, they would do nothing. Woman, 
as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, or friend, can 
alone supply to man the necessary power to enable him 
to resist all deteriorating tendencies. It is in the relation 
of wife that her power is most effective to refine and ele¬ 
vate. I know it is so. One year in thy presence, as 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


305 


tliy husband, would do more to strengthen my aspirations 
after the pure and the beautiful, in the inner and outer 
life, than a lifetime in the presence of men in isolation 
from women.” 

Nina ! a man without a home is without a centre to 
his life. He may, like the earth, revolve upon his own 
axis; but his thoughts, affections, hopes, aims and asji- 
rations, gather fondly and permanently around no fixed 
centre. They are all afloat, 'wandering and tempest- 
tossed, aimless and bewildered. With no wife, no child, 
no home, no rest, on earth, he looks to the spirit-land, 
and longs to be there, if, perchance, the desire of his 
soul for a pure home in the bosom of love may be ful¬ 
filled. To such a homeless wanderer, earth is robbed of 
its sweetest fragrance, its most attractive beauty, its 
highest glory, and its most refining and ennobling influ¬ 
ence. To the true man, no flowers are so beautiful and 
so fragrant as those that bloom in the homo of his love; 
no jewels so brilliant as the loved ones around whom his 
heart twines in his home; no crown of glory seems so 
resplendent as that which encircles the brow of his wife 
and his child; no smile is so eloquent, no voice so melo¬ 
dious, as those that meet and welcome him on the thresh¬ 
old of his home. There love finds free expression in all 
pet names and phrases, which it is bliss to give and 
receive; and in looks and acts still more expressive than 
words. 

The following recollections of the husband of the 
most sacred penetralia of his conjugal life, will easily 
be appreciated by those who have lived in a true, liar- 


30G 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


monious relation. It is taken from u Sweet Memo¬ 
ries : — 

“ The Bridal Chamber ! What apartment of home 
so dear as this! Here we have communed most inti¬ 
mately with each other and with the Highest. Here we 
have bowed our souls and worshipped the power that 
made us one. How holy and how dear is this place! 

u But how often it proves the place of secret assas¬ 
sination, where no mercy is shown to the helpless victim, 
appealing to the honor and pity of him who is bound to 
love and cherish her, and save her from all harm ! 
These wails of woe that go up to the great Father will 
one day be heard and heeded. 

“ Could the most secret recesses of the homes of 
nations professedly civilized and Christian reveal their 
hidden depths, the story would appall the world ! What 
crushed hearts, what trust betrayed, what indignation, 
what disgust! What a revelation of man to woman ! 
Let the mysteries of prisons, camps, slave plantations, 
slave and pirate ships, and all places where unlicensed 
crime hides its shame, be revealed, and they would not 
surpass the corruption and ruin wrought under the sanc¬ 
tion of what is called marriage. 0 for some moral 
Hercules to cleanse the fountains of human life and 
destiny, —to purify them of their appalling corruptions, 
— to fill them with perfect trust on the part of wives, 
of perfect self-control on the part of husbands, v -— to make 
them what they should and might be, the holy of holies 
of the great temple of Humanity ! 

11 In these recesses of domestic life, where ignorance 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


807 


m 


ind passion so often work out their most fearful results, 
originate those who are to appear on earth in human 
form. Thence must issue the Adams and Eves who, in 
the future, are to possess and cultivate this Eden of God. 
Let that life be sacred to love, to wisdom, to purity, then 
would children of Love, sons and daughters of God, be 1 , 
born there.? 

But I forbear. I leave to thee the grateful task of 
giving, in detail, the spiritual elements of a true home. 
Thou art more competent to do justice to the subject 
than I am. Thou art the presiding genius of our home. 
I gratefully accept a home such as thy taste, thy firm¬ 
ness, thy judgment and thy love will make it. Breathe 
thy pure, heroic spirit into thy husband, to refine and 
ennoble his soul, and to make its external manifestations 
such as shall call out towards him thy deepest and 
tenderest love, and contribute to thy perfection, and to 
that of our child. Daily and hourly shall my manhood 
be consecrated to beautify and perfect our home. Thus 
will we live, each in and for the other; each, in all ex¬ 
pressions of affection in the most secret and sacred 
intimacies of our domestic life, making the perfect de¬ 
velopment and happiness of the other the one great end 
of our existence, as husband and wife, until our united 
aspirations, in regard to each other, shall be actualized, 
and our fondest hopes are lost in fruition. 


Thy happy husband, 



ERNEST 


308 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


* 


ANSWER. 


Ernest : 

A vision of beauty opens before us, in the future of 
our united life, and I gladly record my ideas of what our 
home must be, in order to realize our hopes. 

A home, in the true sense, is the work of Nature. 
When two congenial hearts are united by love—that 
mighty experience of the soul, in which no gross element 
of worldly policy or personal ambition can mingle — 
marriage is the natural result. No sooner is marriage 

O O 

consummated in the heart, than its first demand is for a 
home; a spot consecrated to the most sacred emotions of 
the soul; a sanctum wherein the world has no right to 
intrude; where the heart may freely expand in every 
possible manifestation to which Nature prompts. Around 
that centre, every tender yearning clings; to secure it, 
the will bends its most persevering energies; and every 
personal sacrifice is willingly made for this great satis¬ 
faction of the heart. The ideal of home is always beau¬ 
tiful to those who love. If they fail to actualize their 
expectations, it is because, by ignorance or heedlessness, 
they do not develop into full and perfect fruit the ex¬ 
quisite bud of beauty which young love has opened in 
their hearts. 

Among the many causes of disappointed hopes, self¬ 
ishness seems more fruitful than any other of sad 
results. Where that is found, true love cannot exist; 
for the essence of love is self-forgetfulness. I cannot say 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


309 


self-sacrifice , for that implies a kind of martyrdom 
which true love never feels in consulting the happiness 
of the beloved. I mean that state of heart and mind, 
between those who love, which leads each to discover 
and prefer what is most suitable, comfortable and agree¬ 
able to the other; then it is no sacrifice to yield a par¬ 
ticular point; then will spring up a generous rivalry as 
to which shall do most for the happiness of the other; 
and then, for once and forever, the long-vexed question 
is settled as to who shall rule. The reign *of Love 
removes the elements of conflict, and the voice of the 
heart, and the law of life, will be, u Tiiy will, not 
mine, be done.” Love must, Orpheus-like, subdue the 
Cerberus of selfishness, if it would gain entire possession 
of its beloved. 

A generous self-forgetfulness in those who love will 
secure freedom of opinion, conscience and action, equal 
opportunities of improvement, and will promote that 
“ life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness,” which are 
as essential elements in a happy home as in a secure gov¬ 
ernment. That sort of powbr or influence is never use¬ 
ful which seeks to manage husband or wife. The soul 
instinctively rebels against it, however wise and judicious 
the influence may be. Freedom is the only atmosphere in 
which love can long exist. Even the poetic “ silken cord ” 
becomes a galling chain, when it demands the surrender 
of personal freedom; while generous love will soften 
even the severest experiences of life. 

I3ut the influence of unselfish love will not end here. 
It will regulate the social claims, assigning to all their 
due place and importance. Home will not be sacrificed 


810 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


to ambitious advancement, or ever be made to subserve 
such ends. The hospitality of the heart will be extended 
to all whose claims render them attractive, whatever be 
their rank; and as time w T ears on, that home will be 
the centre of such friends as fashion and conventional 
society can never command. If the inmates possess high 
mental and moral culture, they will attract their equals, 
and thus win, by their own merits, what pretension seeks 
in vain. A blessing forever hovers over the home of 
Love, for its genial light shines out upon the coldness of 
this world like the cheer of an evening fire upon mid¬ 
night darkness ; and the traveller will bless the home 
wherein he has been welcomed, whether he be the ele¬ 
gant favorite of fortune, who finds in its unostentatious 
sincerity a charm he seeks elsewhere in vain, or the 
hunted wanderer, who receives comfort and protection 
for his houseless head. Wherever true love has made a 
home, it writes its story on the faces of all who dwell 
therein; it engraves words of peace and welcome on 
every door-post and threshold; it is fitly symbolized in 
the odors of sweet flowers, in the dancing shadows of the 
waving trees, and all day long the little birds sing of it 
in the boughs. Its foundations are broad and firm ; no 
winds or storms can prevail against it, for it is based 
upon a rock; there is no need of sun by day or moon by 
night to give it light, for the brightness of heaven shines 
round about it. In such a noble, pure and lovely 
atmosphere does true love exist. The heart is right 
toward God and man, ever open in sympathy with dis¬ 
tress, holding no fellowship with the mean and selfish, find¬ 
ing no charm in their society, but steadily fixed on those 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


811 


high and noble aims worthy of the nature of true man¬ 
hood and womanhood. 

To secure this home, love alone is requisite. Poverty 
and toil may be the daily portion of its members, yet the 
noble influences of home need not be sacrificed to gain. 
A comfortable supply for simple wants can be secured 
with moderate effort, still affording time for rest and cul¬ 
tivation of the mind, leaving the heart open to all genial 
influence, and thoughtful of the thousand daily atten¬ 
tions, which, springing from tender affection, render the 
simplest life elegant and full of happiness. 

It is often questioned whether the husband or the wife 
gives the most decided character to the home. Undoubt¬ 
edly, there are certain elements of domestic comfort, on 
which the happiness of home depends, for which we must 
look to the wife alone, such as neatness, order, regularity, 
without which a perfect home is impossible; yet, some¬ 
times, the very precision of domestic- arrangements 
becomes a tyranny which banishes all comfort. A wife 
needs strong, practical common sense, a thorough knowl¬ 
edge of the details of household labors, a clear judgment, 
and a well-governed temper, in order to regulate the do¬ 
mestic machinery, so that it may run smoothly, and 
without noise. But yet, these qualities should not so far 
predominate as to bury the spiritual element, and thus 
render her indifferent to the claims of the soul, which 
can alone save her from descending into the mere house¬ 
hold drudge. Domestic care should not engross her 
whole time or thoughts. 

When we consider that the true object of all this 
labor for external life is to clothe, feed, warm and pro- 


312 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


tect the body, not for its own sake, but thereby to per¬ 
fect and develop the immortal soul, and then observe 
how completely society substitutes the means for the 
end, or even overlooks the end entirely, how fatal seems 
the mistake, how monstrous the perversion ! It is time 
for the women who cultivate a conscience to take a strong 
stand in this matter, to resist the senseless longing after 
fashionable display and the gratification of personal ambi¬ 
tion, which make the influences of home a secondary 
or neglected consideration. Whatever be the whirl of 
fashion and folly in which a wise and loving wife and 
mother finds herself, she will be firm and independent in 
consulting the welfare of her family, at every cost. Her 
husband will not be goaded on to harassing perplexities 
in business, in order to gratify her desire for personal 
display; and only $uch society will be sought as makes 
no demands hostile to the true welfare of the loved ones 
at home. 

The wife may do all this to diffuse a pure, high-toned, 
refined influence in her home. She may be mistress of 
all domestic accomplishments, with ready tact, a quick 
eye, and practised hand to smooth the rough places; 
and yet the husband may, by positive or negative defects, 
steal the very life and joy out of that home. His dis¬ 
position may be fretful; he may scowl or take to sulky 
silence, or he may, even in attempting to contribute to 
domestic happiness, intermingle so much of himself as to 
spoil it all. Against such an influence, what avails all 
that the wife can do ? It is impossible to decide which has 
the ruling influence in home. Either the husband or the 
wife can make of it a heaven or hell. Abiding happi- 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


813 


ness results only from the constant presence and omnipo¬ 
tent sway of a love that sceketh not its own, deeply rooted 
and sacredly cherished in the hearts of both. 

In the true home, as I have thus endeavored to 
describe it, can childhood be reared with some prospect 
of a perfect development; for the same tender regard 
for the wife, which regulates the husband in every other 
manifestation, will consult her wishes as to the office of 
maternity. No rude indifference or fierce passion will 
cast the shadow of a painful association over her head, 
but the memory of her husband when absent, and the 
consciousness of his love and devotion to her health and 
perfection when present, will fill her soul with peace, and 
encircle her with light. No child will ever come except 
to bless that home, for, under the guidance of love, con¬ 
science and reason, none will ever come except in answer 
to the deep call of the heart of the wife. The follow¬ 
ing extract truly and beautifully expresses the feelings 
of a true wife, whose husband is worthy the trust reposed 
in him: — 

u She knows that the love that encircles her is a 
mighty power, but no anxiety mingles with this assur¬ 
ance. Her wish will be a law. The strong arm on 
which she leans is a true emblem of the immovable trust, 
the childlike repose of heart, in which she confides soul 
and body to the keeping of her husband. He loves her 
with an impassioned, holy love ; and though his physical 
nature vibrates with the powerful emotions of his soul, 
yet no fluttering of the heart, no dread of consequences, 
restrains her tenderness, for she knows that her happi- 

27 


314 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


ness is dearer to him than his life. She is as calm in her 
security, as sure of his fidelity, as if God himself were 
pledged to keep her safe. And the husband dares to 
hold her thus, for he has proved the power of Love to 
conquer Passion, and compel it into subjection to the 
mighty ruler of his soul. Well do I say, that in such 
love as this, no sensuality is mingled, — for that ac¬ 
knowledges no sovereign; but Love ever controls its 
outward symbols. How all-powerful are they to express 
the emotions of the heart! When the interchange of 
thought and feeling becomes entire, when there remains 
but one heart, one will, one yearning desire for perfect 
union, when words fail to fathom the depths of the heart, 
then Nature takes up the web of Love, and interweaves 
it with tissues finer and more beautiful than thought can 
devise, uttering what could never be otherwise expressed, 
and leaving a ‘sweet memory,’ a holy consecration, that 
is of itself a sufficient credential of its heavenly origin. 
To seek a similar significance from passional expressions 
unprompted by pure love, were as vain as to listen for 



iEolian melodies without the breath of heaven.” * 


When the wife finds herself ready and willing to 
become a mother, then, if God will, a child will come, 
a messenger of joy and love, of which such parents will 
be worthy. The cares and responsibilities of watching 
over the frail being will be mutual; there will be no cold 
indifference, no impatience at the numerous demands of 
children, whose existence is an unwelcome burden; but 


* “ The Mountain Home.” 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


315 


each child will be royally received and entertained, as a 
messenger from the Most High. Childhood can meet no 
other appropriate welcome from earthly parents. The 
common mode of generating and receiving them is a per¬ 
fect crucifixion of the true spirit of love. It is little 
enough that the most wise and tender parents can do for 
their child, but what can we hope for the young being 
that is created by passion, developed in aversion, and 
ushered into life by unloving hearts, to struggle through 
indifference and neglect ? 

There is a common idea among men, that the cares 
of infancy are the mother’s business; that it is unnat¬ 
ural and effeminate to share these labors; and the hus¬ 
band who actually relieves the mother of this heavy 
responsibility is remarked among men as being 11 pecu¬ 
liar,” and pointed out among women as a rare specimen 
of a husband. Why is this so ? Is it not his own child 
that he holds in his arms, — as near to him as to the 
mother ? And if, in the process of its development, her 
physical powers have been taxed to the utmost, so that 
long months, and sometimes years, are necessary to 
restore her vigor, is it natural or right, that, by day 
and night, in health or sickness, she should find no help 
in him whose powers are unexhausted, and whose rela¬ 
tion to this little dependent one is as near and dear as 
hers ? (The husband who truly loves wife and child will 
never stop to question what his duty is ; he will see what 
the mother’s health and comfort require, and he will feel 
truly manly and dignified in doing whatever will promote 
them. ) 

In the true home, childhood will thus spring from the 



316 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


heart of Love, and be ushered into an atmosphere of 
love in its earthly abode. The first action of the young 
heart is always the love of mother and father. By 
degrees, the opening mind will learn to respect what it 
loves, regarding those commands as law which are based 
upon a wise regard for the child’s own welfare, and 
which are uniformly enforced with a patient firmness 
which leaves no alternative but obedience. From the 
foundation of a well-grounded love and respect for 
earthly parents, it is easy to carry the young thought 
to the highest conception of Love and Power. God will 
be to the child no abstract idea, afar oil' in the clouds, 
awfully great and severe; but a being of winning attrac¬ 
tions, because he wears the aspect of a loving father — 
one of the dearest names on earth. 

Parents must first be what they wish their children 
to become; for the power of imitation is stronger than 
any other in youth. Gentle, unselfish, noble-minded 
parents, will fashion children after their own model, 
unless, by disregarding some law of Nature, they pre¬ 
vent her from executing her perfect work; as when a 
mother is overburdened by too rapid reproduction, and 
is obliged to confide to the ignorance of the nursery¬ 
maid, the care of those early days, in which the child 
receives an ineffaceable impression. She should never 
be compelled to that resort. Her body and mind require 
at least three years of rest after each birth.J In that 
time, she can devote herself to the formation of those 
habits that will save her years of conflict in after life. 

The difference between the best and worst domestic 
influences for childhood, consists in the aims which are 



HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


31T 


presented to the young mind. Emulation, personal 
ambition, self, in some form or other, is, in most cases, 
the stimulus under which the best years of youth are 
wasted, and time and money lost. Instead of this, a 
constant reference to what is right, without regard to 
consequences, a reverential obedience to the voice of con¬ 
science in the smallest as in the greatest affairs of life, 
a generous acknowledgment of those who deserve distinc¬ 
tion, a delicate regard for the welfare of others, —these 
are the qualities which will build up a character of moral 
greatness and of social attractiveness which the world 
needs, but too seldom shows. 

Such training will give us young men firm and yet 
tender-hearted, whose taste instinctively shuns what is 
low and vulgar, and hence saves them from the tempta¬ 
tions which might otherwise prove fatal; inflexible in 
integrity, heroic to oppose the wrong, and in whose 
inmost heart the dear affections of home will constitute 
the noblest, loveliest, most saving influences of this life. 
Or, if a daughter has been blessed with such domestic 
training, she will become the modest maiden, whose heart 
is full of womanly affection, whose intellect is trained 
to discern the realities from the shows of life, strong in 
her own self-respect, and holding a high-toned com¬ 
panionship with her brothers and their mates. If she 
be highly accomplished, as she may be with all this, by 
intercourse with books and the finest living minds of her 
time, and the refinements of music and art, her being 
will still be pervaded with a power, residing in her own 
uncorrupted nature, which will leave no room for the 
follies of self-conceit, and will assert itself in a native 
27 * 


318 


MARRIAGE AND PARENTAGE. 


dignity, a wise sincerity, which will win the favor she 
neither seeks nor shuns. 

Thus, with a rapid touch, I have defined the outlines 
of what I would have our home to be. I have written 
from a full heart, feeling that I have not penned a word 
which is beyond the possibility of being realized by us; 
for we already possess the all-important basis — a pure, 
imperishable love. 

“ Home’s not merely four square walls, 

Though with pictures hung and gilded ; 

Home is where affection calls. 

Filled with shrines the heart hath builded ! 

Home ! — go watch the faithful dove, 

Sailing in the heaven above us ! 

Home is where there’s one to love ! 

Home is where there’s one to love us ! 


“ Home’s not merely roof and room, 

It needs something to endear it; 

Home is where the heart can bloom, 

Where there’s some kind lip to cheer it! 

What is home with none to meet, 

None to welcome, none to greet us ? 

Home is sweet, and only sweet, 

Where there’s one we love to meet us! ” 

Thus far, love lias rendered our united life all we can 
ask or hope of happiness on earth. We have taken a 
deep draught of the living water, of which none who 
ever drinks can thirst again. Even if we meet uncon¬ 
genial elements in life, we shall be fortified against them 
by these blessed realities; we will carry the sweet har- 


HOME AND ITS INFLUENCE. 


319 


mony of our own hearts into the harsh jargon of life’s 
discord and sin. 

0, blessed Love ! — thrice blessed home ! If either 
of us be left to walk alone in the last dreary hours of 
life, your “ sweet memories ” will be our dearest earthly 
treasure, and the surest pledge of an eternal reunion, 
where death cannot come. If a kinder fate shall permit 
us to enter hand in hand upon the great realities of the 
future, we know that eternity can but consecrate and 
perfect the union now begun; and we will pray that 
the rich legacy of love which we leave to our child 
may be as sacredly preserved as it has been tenderly 
bestowed. 

From the heart of love, thy 

NINA. 

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APPENDIX 


THE SEXUAL ELEMENT. 

ITS NATURAL USE — ITS ABUSE. 

The following is an abstract of remarks, by L. Deslandes, 
M. D., Member of the Royal Academy of Medicine, at Paris, 
on Manhood. Speaking of the abuses of the sexual element, 
and of diseases and sufferings resulting from them, he says, 
in substance: 

“ The bad effects of such abuses can be truly estimated only by a 
careful study of the reproductive system, in its relations with other 
organs, and considering the influence it exercises upon them. In this 
way, alone, can we arrive at a correct knowledge of the maladies and 
dangers of all kinds which attend the abuses of this element. What 
relation does it hold to the brain, the stomach, the liver, the lungs, &c. ? 
Can its natural expenditure do much injury to the general system? 

“ The injury which results from the abuse of this element to the rest 
of the body, must be in an exact ratio with its influence, when not 
abused. This element may be considered in two aspects: as it is re¬ 
tained, in the system, and as it is expended. 

“ Ils influence when retained in the system. This can be truly deter¬ 
mined only by considering the conditions of those who, by any means, 
have been deprived of the power of secreting it. Men seldom under¬ 
stand how much of their power to enjoy life depends on the presence 
of this element in their physical organism. If they did, they could 
never expend it as they do. The}' would know that, as a mere source 
of permanent happiness, the retention of it in the system is of infinitely 
more importance than its expenditure. 

“ Consider the man who is born imbecile in this particular. His 
body and soul have been developed without the presence of the sexual 
element. Compare him with other men, and see in what he is defi¬ 
cient. Ilis physical, intellectual, and moral relations will all be 
deficient, so far as they depend on this element. By such a compari- 

( 321 ) 



322 


APPENDIX. 


Bon, we may learn its powers, and the great difference between a man 
in whose development it has assisted, and one in whose growth it has 
taken no part. In the latter, the physical man is deficient in stature, 
in symmetry, in strength and activity. All the tissues are less devel¬ 
oped, and some, not at all. This element, then, has a powerful effect 
on nutrition; for, when it is wanting, the growth is always defective. 
The organism of the man who is deficient in the sexual element is 
necessarily imperfect. That which should have appeared at the period 
of puberty not being seen, other parts of the system acquire but a 
partial growth. The study of these facts demonstrates the extent of 
the derangement that may result from sexual abuse ; for that element 
which is abused by the libertine takes a most active part in the in¬ 
ternal economy of all our tissues, and stamps them with the seal of 
vitality, of which those who are deprived of 1 it ever remain destitute. 

“ Consider, also, the two in the various relations of life. Who 
would look to the man, destitute of the reproductive power, for 
thought, activity, and sensibility ? He is inactive, indifferent, apa¬ 
thetic, and liable to be excited to fear or anger by the least cause. lie 
is pusillanimous ; he cannot be gay, but is morose and burdensome, to 
himself and others. lie is destitute of the feelings which attach man 
to man in unselfish friendships, and is incapable of love and devotion. 
He vegetates for himself; is an egotist; and, if he has sentiments, they 
are generally those of envy, hatred, and revenge, or, in some way, re¬ 
pulsive. He repels everybody, and is repelled by all. The soul of 
him, who is destitute of this element, remains or becomes a dreary 
waste, incapable of vigorous and manly thoughts, and of generous, 
warm, and noble sentiments. He cannot conceive nor execute any¬ 
thing great. 

“ Such is the man destitute of the sexual element. His intellect, his 
heart, his whole soul, as well as his body, are mutilated. It is certain, 
then, that the development of the body and soul is essentially con¬ 
nected with this. Deprive a child of an arm or leg, and he will con¬ 
tinue to develop in all other directions as if no injury had been done 
him; but take away this element, and his entire nature must ever bear 
the marks of the injury. It is with this power that the sensualist, 
whether in legal marriage or out of it, by solitary indulgence or other¬ 
wise, trifles without hesitation or moderation. Can it be necessary to 
pursue this, to show that the abuse of this element is most dangerous 
to the entire man ? 


APPENDIX. 


323 


“ To the influence of this element on the other parts of the system, 
the sexes owe their peculiar differences. Their organization, influ¬ 
enced by the difference in the sexual element, presents a different 
mode of existence, action, and sensation. The sexual characteristics, 
but slightly marked at birth, become distinct as the sexual organs 
develop themselves. To mutilate the sexual nature of the male or 
female, prevents the regular development, and alters the special dis¬ 
tinction of sex. We have seen that such an abuse renders man 
effeminate ; we will add, that it renders the female more masculine, 
and gives her characteristics which naturally belong to the male. 

“ But it is especially before and during puberty that the sexual 
nature deserves most serious attention ; for it is then it has most 
power over the general economy of life. This influence commences 
with the existence of this element, and increases as it does. Thus, the 
tastes, characters, inclinations, and generally, all which distinguishes 
the sexes, in a moral and physical point of view r , are marked from in¬ 
fancy. The influence of this element commences with life, but does not 
attain its fulness until puberty. At this period, which, in our climate, 
commences from twelve to fourteen in females, and from fourteen to six¬ 
teen in males, this element has the most power over the general system. 
At this period its development is more sudden, and its power more 
perceptible. At no period does the body grow so rapidly as during 
puberty. The body responds, in all its functions, like an echo, to all 
that takes place in the reproductive system. 

“ But the moral susceptiblity is still more affected than that of the 
physical. The mind, directed and controlled by the most vivid, most 
varied, and most transient impressions, takes up and lays aside the 
most opposite opinions, and adopts the wildest and most hazardous 
enterprises. This disposition has existed to so great a degree as even 
to constitute a kind of monomania. But the mental state, resulting 
from puberty, is characterized particularly by the readiness with which 
one shares the affections of others, partakes of their sympathies, and 
sympathizes with them. This is the moment of generous ideas ; it is 
the period of illusions. How much experience ought not the mind to 
gain, when passing through this passional tempest ? It is not surpris¬ 
ing to find cold hearts and weak minds among those in whom the sex¬ 
ual nature is abused. Being deprived of that element, which, at 
puberty, gave so marked an impulse to the body and soul, they do not 
feel its power ; the most active and powerful of all moral excitants is 


324 


APPENDIX. 


wanting. Judge from this of its power ; and yet it is this stimulant 
which the licensed, as well as the unlicensed sensualist, so abuses. 

“ We state, then, as a positive truth, that the reproductive element 
modifies extremely the action and sensation of the entire system, and 
modifies it in proportion as it is itself excited. This fact admitted, the 
question whether sexual abuse can or cannot do injury, is resolved. 
Life is so mysterious, and coition is so transient, that what takes place 
in the tissues during the excitement is concealed from view ; but we 
may be certain that something takes place in them; that some disturb¬ 
ance occurs, and that the disturbance is greater during the act, than in 
the preceding states. This act exerts more influence than it appears to 
exert, as it deeply affects all parts of the organization. The retention 
of this element in the system, in a state of perfect repose, produces a 
powerful influence on the whole man. When excited and not expended, 
the effect is great, though not so injurious. The whole body feels the in¬ 
fluence, and experiences a kind of febrile agitation. All the secretions 
undergo great modifications. The function of nutrition is strikingly 
modified. 

“But the most striking fact connected with this state of excitement 
is the development of a special, sexual sense. We shall not attempt 
to describe it. We may ask what it requires. As hunger impels to 
eat, and thirst to drink, so this sense impels to sexual intercourse. It 
is the bond which brings the two sexes towards each other, which 
unites them, and which makes a perfect individual of the male and 
female. This sense may be only feebly excited, and then it has but a 
moderate power. But when it is excited, the chain with which it 
binds the will is of great power. The male dreams of the female, the 
latter of the male. One of the opposite sex is ever pi’esent to the 
imagination. Individuals and forms, which, at other times, appear by 
no means remarkable, now excite admiration. Riches and honor aro 
no longer esteemed, and even life itself is considered not worth pos¬ 
sessing, without the presence and companionship of one of the opposito 
sex. All necessities disappear before this one. Hunger and thirst are 
no longer felt. It is, in fact, a state of wild delirium. All the senses 
are concentrated in one ; it commands them, and receives from them 
all the illusions which they present to it. Such is the power of this 
element, when retained in the system. What, then, must result from 
its abuse, whether the unnatural expenditure be with one or more in 
legal marriage, or out of it, or whether it be in solitude? ” 





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